by Milly Taiden
“Thanks.”
Cold air blasts my face as I walk toward my car. Winter is here, and the sky is clouding up with a storm on the way. The beep of my car alarm makes me smile. I love my Land Rover, and I enjoy the way I sit high on the road now.
The engine purrs when I turn the key, and gravel crunches as I back out of the driveway. The heat flows over me, and by the time I get to town I’m comfortably warm.
I locate a metered spot by the cafe and parallel park in it with ease. Change clinks into the machine just as Derrick pulls up behind me. The smile on his face radiates through the windshield, and I guess he’s laughing at my new car.
I stand with my hands on my hips, prepared for his teasing.
“Nice car.” His voice caresses my ears gently and they wait for more.
“Thanks. My brother picked it out for me, and well—” I shrug. “It drives like a dream.”
“That it does.” He doesn’t say it with a sexual tone, but my mind goes there just the same. “I like knowing you’ll be safe on the road now.”
Derrick feeds his meter, and I take a moment to peruse his body. Damn if he isn’t just as delicious as I remember. His jeans are low, and he’s wearing an open, waist-length parka. His shirt is just tight enough across his chest that a bit of definition shows, and my fingers ache to trace it.
He says, “Shall we?” The cold bites into me as we walk up the concrete path, and I dig my hands into my pockets to keep them warm. The murmur of voices floats our way when a guy opens the door to leave the Baked Bean. He holds it for us, and we enter into the aroma of coffee and baking bread.
There isn’t a line, and we walk right up to the counter. Thinking about this for days, I know just what I want. “Could I have a tall, dark roast coffee, black, and an everything bagel, toasted with cream cheese, please?”
I turn to Derrick, and he says, “Same.” I frown. I thought he liked cream in his coffee, but I don’t say anything.
The woman behind the counter hands us two large mugs, and we step aside. The heat seeps into my fingers, and I lean down to sniff the deep scent.
Derrick leans against a wood pillar and asks, “How’s your dad?” He appears cool and controlled, but the way he keeps changing positions gives him away.
“He’s great, thanks. He went back to work this week and is recovering ahead of schedule.”
“That’s fantastic. I’m glad you get to keep him for a while longer.” His voice has lowered, and I detect a note of sadness. Not surprising, considering he lost his parents.
Wicker plates lined with wax paper scrape across the metal countertop of a display case, and Derrick hands one to me and then takes the other. I lead us to a table in the corner away from the few customers seated.
He sits first, and I take the chair next to him instead of across the table. He smiles at my efforts to let him know I’m open to his explanation.
I know if I’m feeling awkward he has to be even more uncomfortable. Truth is I’ve come to terms with the whole tip thing. Derrick isn’t like Paul, and I don’t believe he manipulated me.
No, my reaction was about my fear of commitment. That’s the real reason I ran.
My bagel crunches and I chew with pleasure. Hungry from my run, I force myself to enjoy my food instead of scarfing it down. The salty garlic flavor infuses the cream cheese coating my tongue.
Derrick pokes at his bagel, but doesn’t take a bite. I swallow down my mouthful with a swig of coffee and decide to help him start the conversation. “Whatever you tell me, please know I don’t hate you.”
He gives me a forced smile. “Thank you.” He sits forward in his chair and clunks his elbows down on the hardwood tabletop. Lowering his head in his hands for a moment, he combs his fingers through his hair before lifting his gaze to look at me.
Derrick says, “There’s no easy way to tell you this part, so I’ll just say it. I Googled you extensively after we first met.” My stomach sinks, and I flash back to a time when I was worried I had a stalker.
He continues, “Nika is very important to me, and she was so excited to think you could be her new friend that I needed to know you would be safe.”
“Okay. What made you think I might not be?”
He lets out a deep sigh. “You had just a backpack and the shittiest car I’ve ever seen.”
Anger flickers on the surface of my psyche. Judge much? “And?” I hear my voice get a little louder, and know I have to watch myself.
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not really why. That’s what I told myself.”
Oh, great. This is getting worse.
Derrick looks at me, and his intense glare is about to make me squirm when he speaks in a low voice. “The moment I first saw you, I wanted you. Every single pore in my body screamed I had to have you. I wasn’t joking when I told you I’d had a hard-on for you since the first time we met. Never have I felt that way, and it scared the hell out of me. Researching you was my attempt to find a good reason to stay away.”
Oh fuck me six ways to Sunday. His voice permeates all my defenses, and I’m damp between my legs.
“I didn’t. You come from a nice family and got good grades. You were a track star in high school, and adorable in braces.” His hand reaches toward me, but pulls back. “Your mother documented your milestones on her Facebook page, and I fell for you more with each one I saw.”
My mind is racing because this isn’t even close to what I had imagined.
Derrick takes a sip of his coffee to let me process what he just said and then speaks. “You have wonderful parents that could easily bail you out, and you didn’t need my money. The first time I over-tipped you, I did it because I wanted to help you make it on your own.” He gives me a wry smile. “Some of us don’t like depending on others.”
I nod because he’s spot on about wanting to make my own way. I lean back and gaze at him over my mug. “This is a lot to take in.”
“I know.” He waves his hand at my bagel. “Eat, and I’ll tell you more.”
My hefty bite has little flavor, but I chew and swallow it down anyway. “So tell me what Paul was talking about.”
“That’s not nearly as bad as it sounded. Paul is the one that tips girls down on their luck so he can have kinky sex. He’s into some—well, I’m not one to talk.” He tilts his head at me and I raise my eyebrows back. Yeah, me either.
“Back in college he thought I needed help in the girl department. I let it slip that I liked it rough, and he shared his strategy. The idea didn’t appeal to me, but I let him think it did. And, well—” He sits back and sighs.
“Did you fight with him that night?”
“Yeah. I don’t do the best job controlling my emotions. I’m kind of intense.”
I snort. “I noticed.” I reach out and touch his arm. “I’ve been called intense as well. Did you know I punched a boy over a girl once, too?”
He grins. “Really?”
I nod. “Yup. Gave him a bloody nose, and I don’t regret it.”
Derrick waits for the rest.
“Some douche canoe pulled a girl’s hair and made her cry. So I made him cry. And I got the girl, she’s my best friend.”
He chuckles. “The one who was your roommate at UVM and has your back no matter what?”
I smirk. “The very one, Google boy.”
Derrick sobers. “I’m really sorry I invaded your privacy like that. It was a shitty thing to do.”
My hand flies to my mouth, and I pull it back before I can bite a nail. I need to tell him about my researching ways.
I clear my throat. “I Googled you too.”
Derrick’s eyes narrow but I plod on. “When I was in Vermont I started to wonder about you and why you were so rich.”
I reach over and take his hand. “I’m really sorry. Your past is yours to share, and I wish I’d never looked.”
He frowns and looks away for a moment before he grabs my fingers and holds tight. “Same.”
I let out a shaky b
reath. “Okay, so you Googled me, I Googled you.” I grin. “That sounds kind of dirty.”
Derrick gives me a hint of a smile and says, “If you can forgive me, I’ll forgive you.”
“Deal.” I pull my hand away and pick up my bagel. “So what do we do now?” I crunch another bite because I’m hungry again.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. My problem is I thought I could make our relationship be just sex. But it’s not for me. I guess by the way you reacted to Paul, we weren’t just sex for you either, were we?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I realized it until that night. Believing I wasn’t more to you really hurt.”
“I know. I felt the same way when you told me that was all I was to you.” The pain that flickers in his eyes makes me flush with shame.
“Hey, don’t. I know you were hurt and angry.” Derrick traces my jaw with his finger, and his touch forgives me.
He gives me his trademark stare, and I wait for him to be ready to say more. He sighs and says, “We should start over and date like regular people do.” Derrick picks up his bagel and inspects it. I’m sure it’s cold, but he chews it anyway.
“You mean go do something together and then end with just a kiss?”
He answers, “Yes.”
“I don’t know.” Derrick frowns and I ask, “I mean, what if I want more than a kiss? Is this going to be that frustrating ‘I need to show you how much I like you first before you’ll go all the way’ kind of thing?”
He unfurls his brows and a smile flickers at the corners of his mouth. He’s about to speak, but I put my fingers on his lips and say, “I’m not saying we call it a dinner and fuck date. But maybe we could just let things happen?”
Derrick has sucked one of my fingers into his mouth, and I lose my train of thought for a moment before I say, “Some of the magic for me is imagining what you might do.” My eyes fall shut when he moves on to my thumb. “Oh, goodness gracious, I’ve missed you.” When I open my eyes his eyelids are lowered a bit, and he lets a low rumble come from in his throat.
He takes my hand from his mouth and says, “Tonight, dinner at my house. Come at six.”
I tilt my head. “Isn’t that a little fast for a first date?”
He says, “Nika will kill me if she doesn’t get to see you. I’m making dinner for the three of us.”
I smile, remembering what Casey said about how much Nika eats. “I’ll be there.”
“Good. Now I’ve got to get cream. How do you drink this stuff black?” He shudders a little. “Want anything?”
“No, thanks.” But I do want something, and the way my skin is tingling makes me wonder how I’ll make it through dinner without getting it.
CHAPTER 32
I haven’t been back for twenty-four hours yet, but I feel the need to secure my winter jobs. The Grill is closed for the season, but I can still work at the rec center, and I’m hoping the Bike Shop will want me back for another year.
Gazing out at the continental divide from my kitchen, I use the old-school method of communication and call Mike, the owner of the Bike Shop. An early storm last night left the mountain looking like it’s sprinkled lightly with powdered sugar, and excitement pulses through me.
The Bike Shop is a ski and board shop in the winter, and one of the perks of working there is using their sanding belt to tune my board for free. Happy to hear from me, Mike gives me a minimum of twenty hours a week, with only one shift during the day.
I hop up on the counter and pour cold coffee from the pot into a mug. The black liquid smells strong when I sniff it, but I’ve had worse. The microwave door slams shut, and I tap the buttons to heat my drink.
Another phone call later, and I secure another twenty hours at the rec center with no day shift required. That leaves me six days a week to be on the snow.
Sipping the bitter coffee, I’m pleased my winter is shaping up nicely. The crumbling sound of gravel under the wheels of a car tells me Casey’s home, and I prepare myself for the grilling.
She enters with a burst of cold air and grocery bags. “So? How did it go? Did you do it in one of your cars?” A huge smile covers her face.
“Sex in a car? In broad daylight? What kind of girl do you think I am?”
Casey snickers. “The kind of girl I like as a friend.”
“How did you know I’d forgive him? Did you bug me?” I make a show of searching for a foreign object on my body while she laughs.
“I had a feeling. He’s too good of a guy to be the jerk you thought he was.” She walks into the kitchen and the paper bags rustle as she sets them on the counter. “So what happened?”
I torture her and take a sip of my coffee. “It snowed last night.”
“And it will snow again tonight. Tell me!”
“Okay. We’re starting over. We’re going to try to date.”
Casey snorts. “Like that’ll work. I give you two five minutes before you’re getting naked.”
“He’s making dinner for me and Nika tonight. I think we might stay clothed for a couple hours.”
“Wow, you just might.” Casey rummages through the bags clunking cans on the counter.
I say, “I should bring something, right? Maybe wine?”
“No, bring dessert.” Casey turns to me with a big smile on her face. Not much makes Casey happier than dessert. She likes to eat it and bake it. “You’re going to make apple pie.”
“Okay, that sounds easy enough. I need pie crust mix, apples, sugar, butter and spices, right?” Before I finish my sentence she’s pulling things out of the cabinets.
Casey says, “The secret to great apple pie is the kind of apples. You need a nice, rich flavor like these Roma ones you brought from home.” She pulls red apples from the drawer in the refrigerator and hands them to me. They’re cold in my hand and the knowledge of their crisp flavor makes me want to bite one.
She continues to speak. “You also need the tartness of Granny Smith apples. My ratio is six to three because too many of the sour ones won’t be sweet enough.” She reaches in a grocery bag and pulls out green apples.
I grab a knife. “I’ll peel if you want to make the crust.” I know well enough to let her do anything slightly complicated if I want her to keep helping. And this way I get dibs on the peels.
A fork whisks against metal as Casey mixes the crust with practiced ease. She says, “I’m really happy for you, Gretchen. I think Derrick is a good thing.”
I bite a piece of apple peel. The bit of flesh attached is juicy, and I lick the extra off my lips. “I guess. I’m a little nervous.”
“You’ll be fine. Don’t overthink it.” She spreads flour over a cutting board. The old wooden rolling pin rattles as it rolls out the dough. “Tell me about the photo shoot with Cooper, was it awkward?”
“Oh, man, you have no idea.” I recap the day, and she bends over laughing when I tell her about Xander talking dirty to Cooper. I don’t mention our dinner. I’m not sure why, but I feel like that’s something I shouldn’t share.
With the pie in the oven and the kitchen cleaned up, Casey returns to the subject of Derrick. I stand by the sliding glass door and stare at the mountains. I don’t realize I’m biting my nails until Casey grabs my hand. “Gretch, stop worrying.” She presses my palm over my heart. You need to let love take over, and things will work themselves out.”
The memory of Cooper placing my hand over his heart comes to mind as well as his words. “This is where some girl opened up my heart. She’s still welcome in it if she wants to try again.” I say to Casey, “I’ll try.”
Can I let love take over? Am I capable of a real relationship? Is Derrick? I think I’m about to find out.
My phone vibrates with a text, and I pull it out of my back pocket and see it’s Nika.
“Can’t wait to see you! We’re going to watch my favorite movie. Breakfast at Tiffany’s.”
Whoa, she’s texting in complete words? Is Derrick leaning over her shoulder?
“Lol, I won’t tell Derrick you just used textspeak. He might disinvite you.”
“But you won’t. Who says I’m coming to see him?” I sink into the cushions of the couch, and the rough texture of the upholstery scratches as I tuck my bare feet under me.
I read Nika’s reply. “Because he has a dick and I don’t ;)”
I snort and would share with Casey, but she went to her room. “Funny, but I miss you, and can’t wait to catch up.”
“Me 2. Cu soon.”
I stretch out on the couch and think about a nap. Staring at the ceiling I follow a crack. I let it lead my gaze in a haphazard pattern and decide maybe I can risk following my heart.
CHAPTER 33
The timer of the oven beeps and intrudes on my sex dream about Derrick. In a daze I move to the kitchen to turn it off and pull out the pie. Steam blasts my face, and the shock of the heat pulls me firmly into reality.
Whew. I fan myself with the oven mitt, thinking about the things dream Derrick was doing to my body. Okay, so maybe I am going for his cock after all. The thought makes me smile.
I wonder where Casey is, because I want clothing advice. Her track shoes aren’t by the door, and I guess she’s out for a run. Padding down the hall, the soft carpet cuddles my feet. I need a shower to shave, and I gather my hair in a messy updo before I get to the bathroom. Finding a couple bobby pins, I secure my bun and flip on the water.
Gazing at my naked body in the mirror, I’m reminded of my bruises and touch my hipbones where they used to be. They are sharp under my fingers, and I notice how they jut out a bit more than they did back then. I wonder if I’ll get new marks tonight, and the devious thought makes me smile until I remember Derrick’s distress over battering my body.
No matter. Bruises aren’t necessary to get me off. Especially with Derrick. The way his hands and mouth played my body like a fine-tuned instrument when we went vanilla is worth repeating. Yeah, no matter how we do it, my body will welcome the encore.