by Milly Taiden
“So you’re naked?”
“Yes.”
“Look. I’m fine with that. I don’t like the idea of guys seeing almost all of you, but I’m okay.”
“Yeah, well when you see it you may not be.” I open the e-mail and click on the image. “I’m not alone in the picture.” I hand him my phone and watch his face for the reaction.
Derrick’s jaw clenches but he stays calm. “So they airbrush your underwear out?”
“Yeah. And I know that picture looks sexy, but there was nothing sexy about being under hot lights, with half a dozen people watching.”
“I went to one of Nika’s shoots once. I don’t like seeing you pressed up against some other guy, but I get it.” His brow furrows. “Who is that guy? He’s familiar.”
“Cooper Marshall. He went to Tufts too. Maybe that’s where you know him from?” So far, so good. He doesn’t sound too mad.
He enlarges the image and moves it around. “Oh, yeah. He was a teacher’s assistant in my chemistry lab. Angry guy.” He glances up from the phone.
Angry?
“He didn’t make you uncomfortable or do anything inappropriate, did he?”
“Cooper? No, he’s a good guy. Why?”
“He’s not a good guy, Gretchen. I didn’t really know him, but he was a prick to me whenever he got the chance.”
“Huh. I’ve never seen that side of him. Maybe you just read him wrong? Stole the girl he liked?”
He smiles at me and takes my chin in his hand. “Well, if that girl is you, then yeah. I stole her from him.”
You kind of did. I guess I need to tell him the ex-boyfriend piece too.
I touch his cheek, and day-old stubble scratches at my fingers. “Um, there’s one more thing you should know. Cooper used to be my boyfriend.” I squeeze my eyes shut and say. “And he trains with me. We didn’t date that long. We started while filming for the movie last winter and we were broken up by the spring. Honestly, we’re much better friends, and should have stayed that way.”
Derrick stops moving and stares. I let him, and picture a computer processing information while I wait for the result.
“I trust you, Gretchen. I know you love me, and I’m not worried you would cheat. My jealousy isn’t being very rational right now, but my head is. If you wanted to be with Cooper, you wouldn’t be here now.”
“You’re exactly right. I step close and place my hand on his chest. It’s warm and I long to push my whole body against him to soak it in. “So you’re okay with this?”
He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. More than just his cowlick is standing up, and it’s sexy as hell. He says, “Yeah, I’m okay with this.” Derrick reaches to the middle of my back and scrunches up the cotton of his shirt. “But I’m not okay with this.” He pulls it over my head and off me in one swift movement.
“You know what that does to me.” I let out a tiny growl, jump into Derrick’s arms, and wrap my legs around his waist.
“Yes, I believe I do.” He throws me on his bed and lets out a growl of his own.
He commands, “Raise your hands above your head and don’t move.”
Recalling the time he wouldn’t let me touch him, I raise my arms and quiver in anticipation. His footsteps thud with purpose toward his closet and I’m tempted to look. But I force myself to remain still as nervousness increases my excitement.
The faint sound of clothes rustling and fabric whirling against a hanger make me curious. He stomps back to me, and a tingle of fear pulses through my body. Is he mad?
The bed sinks around my legs as he climbs on and my eyes train on his erection. It’s thick and long, and my fingers ache to touch it. He has a gold and red striped necktie in his hands, and my mind flashes to my brother telling me this color combination is a power tie.
Moisture rushes to the surface as Derrick grabs my wrists roughly and ties them together. Without a word he attaches me to the bedpost and arranges my body to be diagonally across the bed.
Like I’m a specimen for dissection he takes his time looking me over. He asks, “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” My body is screaming for him to touch me.
“You know I would never hurt you intentionally. Tell me to stop and I will.”
“I know that. Derrick, please, fuck me.”
“Not yet.” He lowers himself and spreads my thighs to lick me. I arch up to meet his mouth and he lets out a low sound before he sucks me hard. Nipping and licking, the stubble on his face scratches my tender skin. It’s a delicious combination of pain and pleasure, and I’m moaning. I tense, so close to coming, when he pulls away. On his knees above me he wipes his lip with the tip of his finger. Staring at me, he strokes his cock. “Do you want to suck me?”
“Yes.”
Derrick rubs the drop of precum off his dick with the same finger that has my juices and puts it in my mouth. “Taste us, we’re glorious together.”
Salty and sweet, we’re a tantalizing combination. He says, “On your knees.”
I roll over onto my belly and scramble to my knees. He spreads them and slides under my body so that his legs come through first and he places his cock where my mouth can reach.
With my hands attached to the headboard I grab on to brace myself as I lower my mouth over his silky length. His feet are on the bed with his knees up, and he thrusts into me, bumping the back of my throat. I take all I can as I suck hard. Because he’s controlling the rhythm, I have to focus on breathing. It happens easily, and I marvel at the force with which he’s pumping. He wants to lose himself in sensations, so I scrape my teeth lightly along his shaft.
He groans. “That’s it, Gretchen, harder.” When I exert a bit more pressure he shoves fingers into me. I grind into his hand as his thumb rotates on my clit and his fingers move in and out. But it’s not enough. I want intensity.
Just as he’s about to come he pulls my head back by my hair. “Hold tight, darling.”
He moves out from underneath me to press against my back. Pushing my shoulders down, he arranges my body so my ass is high and I’m wide open for him.
“Don’t come, Gretchen. I want you hanging on the edge until I’m ready.”
“I already am, but I’ll hold on.”
He slams into me, and I brace myself from hitting the headboard. Derrick’s pace is furious, and I relish the sensation of his power. Every one of my nerve endings is firing, and lust is taking me higher. “Oh, shit, Derrick, I don’t think I can wait.”
He stops abruptly. “Get on your back.”
I roll over and lay trembling. Sweat drips onto me, and I wish I could wipe it up and taste it. He’s panting and scouring my body with his eyes.
My wrists burn with the abrasion of twisting, but I don’t want to be let loose. I want him to take me, hard. “Fuck me, Derrick, fuck me so hard I scream.”
He lifts my legs from under my knees and pushes my thighs toward my torso. “I’m going to drive into you so fucking hard you’ll have all of me, and I won’t stop until I’ve filled you with my come.”
Teasing my pussy with the tips of his cock, he says, “You belong to me. You’ll always belong to me, Gretchen.”
“Yes, I’m yours.” He thrusts into me with a grunt before the words are out of my mouth, and I cry out from the sheer presence of him as he goes deeper than anyone’s ever been.
It’s an odd sensation of discomfort masked with pleasure so great I want more. I let it pull me out of reality and barely hear Derrick cry out my name. All I know is now I can shatter. My body quakes with my orgasm as I scream. “Derrick!”
He collapses on me and whispers in my ear. “I won’t ever leave you, Gretchen, please don’t leave me.”
Oh, my God. Is this about the pain of losing someone you love? “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, and the thought of being without you kills me.”
I long to wrap my arms around him, and as if he heard my thoughts, he works on loosening the tie. He kisses my wrists and holds my hands in his. “I
will always love and cherish you, Gretchen.” He smiles down at me. “You’re my world too.”
CHAPTER 44
When we made it to the kitchen this morning we found a note from Nika asking we bring home carrot cake from the Baked Bean. Joking she didn’t specify between slice and whole, Derrick ordered her two pieces.
Sitting at our table, waiting for him, I glance out the stenciled window. The painted steam from a coffee cup swirls up toward the pale blue sky. Snow glistens like crystals strewn about, and it appears deceivingly warm. But despite holding my hot mug, my hands are still cold from the biting wind on our short walk from the car.
I take another sip of my latte, hoping for the magic of the milk’s protein laced with caffeine to give me energy. Not much sleep and a very physical sexual session this morning made my body sore. I pull the sleeves of my sweater down over my hands. I have welts from the tie, and they’re still red.
A small shudder runs through me, thinking about what we did, and the way he begged me to never leave. I’m probably being an armchair psychologist, but I suspect Derrick’s trouble with love was based on losing his parents. I won’t hurt him again with my carefree attitude about my body.
Never one to worry about some guy’s jealousy, I’m a little surprised I care about Derrick’s discomfort. Amazingly I don’t feel trapped by him wanting me for himself. Being nearly naked on some poster is definitely an ego boost, but is it worth it knowing I cause Derrick pain?
A voice interrupts my thoughts, and I turn away from the window to Cooper.
“What?”
Cooper says, “I was only saying hello.”
Lyndsey scoots in close behind me and whispers. “I saw Derrick. All is well?”
Knowing how much she hates to share, I reach over to her pastry taunting me and break off a piece. “Very.”
She slaps my hand away and Cooper says, “What happened to your arm?”
“Oh.” Damn. I yank my sleeve down. “I had an allergic reaction to some jewelry.” I put the pastry in my mouth, but the sugary flavor is too much and I gulp it down half chewed.
He squints his eyes at me, but before he can say anything Derrick arrives. He slides my bagel before me and glances at Cooper. The scent of onion and garlic appeal to me more than the pastry, and I want to take a bite. Putting out a hand he says, “Derrick Hamilton. I believe we went to Tufts together.”
Cooper nods and pulls Lyndsey close to his side instead of taking Derrick’s hand. She hesitates for a moment and then cuddles in. He says, “Yeah, I remember you.” He glances at me quickly, and his eyes flash as if he’s trying to tell me something.
Confused, I say, “And this is my favorite training partner, Lyndsey.”
She smiles at Derrick. “Gretchen gushes on about you all the time. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
I could kiss her, because Lyndsey knows the art of stroking guys’ egos. Cooper asks, “Gretch, did you get the e-mail from Tom?”
“No, when did he send it?”
“Yesterday, maybe? I don’t know, but there’s a big meeting today about the poster. He said we could come and try to persuade them to cut the alien-sex version.”
Huh, that’s strange. I never had a say in the final poster before. “Really? Are you going?”
“Yeah, you should come with me. You’re their star player, and I’ll bet you can change their minds.”
I sense Cooper’s lying, and I wonder what’s up. Is he trying to blow off Lyndsey? “What time’s the meeting, and is it in Boulder?”
“It’s at two and yes, Boulder.”
He’s really trying to make something happen because that’s a big lie that could take up my whole day off. Curiosity gets the best of me and I say, “Um, I don’t know.” I turn to Derrick. “Would you mind if I went? I really would rather not have our alien-sex poster in every board shop.”
He smiles and moves a stand of hair out of my face. “We can’t have alien sex out there. Go.”
Cooper grins. “Great. How about I let you finish and we can leave from here?”
I check the time on my phone. “Sure, but I should probably take my bagel with me.” Wow, Derrick’s okay with me being in a car with Cooper for the day? He’s either satisfied I’m his, or he’s anxious for our poster not to be published. I lean in and give him a steamy kiss that should not be done in public. “I’ll text you.”
As we walk to Cooper’s car, Lyndsey tries not to pout. The sun is bright but offers little warmth. I shove my hands in my pockets and think I really need to start wearing mittens. Stopping in front of his Toyota Forerunner, Cooper says, “Lyndsey, thanks for breakfast. We’ll have to do it again.” He kisses her on the cheek and she flushes.
With a little wave she walks away, and I say, “Thanks, because she won’t train with me much longer if I keep taking you away.”
Cooper sends me a strained smile. Something’s definitely up. The doors unlock with a beep, and I climb in. Used to leather seats, I don’t slide very easily across the fabric.
When we start moving, I unwrap my bagel and take a big bite. Talking over the food in my mouth I ask, “So when are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
He looks in his rearview mirror, and I’m tempted to turn around to see if anyone is following us by way his jaw is clenched. “What really happened to your arm?”
“If you must know, Derrick tied me up when we had sex this morning.” I clench my jaw now because I wish I hadn’t answered so bluntly.
He glares at me. “Does he hit you, too?”
“What the hell? No. But my sex life is now officially off limits for discussion.” I flex my fingers out straight from the fists they were in, and take deep breaths to stay calm.
He pulls over into the police station lot and the gears clunk into park. I place my bagel on the dashboard, thinking I might as well just chuck it out the window, because whatever is going on, I guess I won’t be hungry soon.
Cooper takes a deep breath and says, “Derrick date-raped a girl his sophomore year.”
“What? He’s not like that, Cooper.”
“My roommate in college dated a girl that was all sorts of messed up. He told me she said she was at a New Year’s Eve party, and some guy gave her a drink. The next thing she knew she woke up in Derrick’s room, it was morning, and she realized she’d had sex, but no recollection of it at all.”
I’m shaking my head, and my hands are ice cold. “No. I don’t believe it.”
“Gretchen, you can tell me anything. I’ll be here with you through whatever happens.” He tilts my chin up with his finger. “Does Derrick hurt you?”
I flash back to my bruises and how badly he felt. “Oh, God. No, Cooper, he doesn’t hurt me.” I stare out the window at the police station. The building is gray with a charcoal-colored door. “Is that why we’re here? You want me to report Derrick?”
He reaches for my hands and gently takes one. Pulling up my sleeve, he inspects my wrist. His touch is gentle and the warmth of his fingers soothes my skin.
I let him keep looking and say, “They’re just welts. They’ll fade by the end of today. He didn’t force me, I swear. I wanted it.” I sigh. “You know I like it a little rough. Remember?”
He glances up from my wrist at me and speaks softly. “I remember a lot of things, and I think you liked it rough so you wouldn’t have to feel anything else.”
Oh great, he’s analyzing me. “Really and truly, Derrick and I do what we used to do, with a little tying me up for fun.” I snort, trying to play this off as funny, but I’m not the least bit amused.
Cooper’s voice is hard. “That doesn’t change the fact he’s a rapist.”
“That can’t be true. Did the girl press charges?”
“No. She was sure nobody would believe her. It was a frat party, and going up to some guy’s room for sex happens.”
“So if she was drugged, how would she know who raped her?” Fuck, I sound like I don’t believe her. “Shit, it’s not that I’m
saying the girl’s lying. But it wasn’t Derrick. Maybe it was just his roommate, or someone who just used their room.” Paul comes to mind.
I stare out the windshield, watching flurries blow around the car. The sky has become overcast. I wonder when that happened. I hear Derrick’s voice in my head. “Do you trust me?” I say, “Cooper, I’m not being a stupid girl. I trust my boyfriend, and he isn’t the kind of guy to rape someone.”
I turn to look at him and his shoulders are slumped. “I’m in love with Derrick. He’s everything I never thought I would find and didn’t know I was searching for. Can’t you see? He couldn’t have done this.”
Cooper takes my hands again. “I know you believe that, and I want it to be true for you. But I don’t think it is. You call me anytime and I’ll be there. Do you understand?”
I nod. “Cooper, I’m sorry. I love you for caring so much, but without proof I won’t condemn him.” Except now that the seed of doubt is in my mind, I just may have.
CHAPTER 45
After a silent car ride home Cooper dropped me off. He hugged me tight as if he didn’t want me to go. I hate knowing he’s afraid for me. Coffee drips incessantly into the pot, and I stare out at the increasing storm. Swirls of white move at the wind’s discretion.
The bitter taste of coffee coats my tongue, and I hold it in my mouth long enough to wonder why I drink it black. I wish Casey were here because she’d help me sort this out.
This is ridiculous. I’m not in love with a rapist. I dump my coffee down the drain, and dishes clash when I yank open the dishwasher to load my empty cup.
I text Derrick. “I’m home.”
The desire to run is so great I don’t deny my body’s need and change into my exercise clothes. I push the door open into the storm. My rubber pull-on treads let me be fearless on the snowy road, and I take off in a sprint.
Icy flakes prick my face, and I yank my hat down to my eyebrows, offering some relief. My lungs are burning, but I push on. Lengthening my strides, my hamstrings scream at the stretch. The emotions that threaten to spill out in anger seep out with each step. Afraid I’ll pass out when I see stars before my eyes, I slow to a walk and stop. I’m hunched over when the whine of an engine makes me rise up. In a split second, I know what’s going to happen, but can’t react. A loud crack sounds, and pain should come when all goes black.