“I don’t understand.”
He gritted his teeth and pushed the words out. “Yes. You. Do.” All you have to do is believe.
“I’m tired of games, Erich. I don’t want to play anymore. Just tell me.”
He pushed himself to his feet and walked by her. If he could he would, but the simple truth was tied up in a tight ball at the back of his throat. Forbidden words for him to speak until Bess said them first. “I can’t. You have to say it and believe it.” He spun back to her, reached for her hands. “Just think about it, Bess. Think about the two of us and you will know.”
Her eyes lit up, but a tear slipped down her cheek. She raised a trembling hand to her cheek and spoke in short, clipped speech. “The similarities...the code...the address book...the way we are in bed together.”
He stepped closer and reached out, touching her arm. “Yes.”
“Harry? He’s inside you somehow.” Her voice quivered, and her hands trembled.
As the words slipped from her mouth, the force that was constricting him slipped away. He took a deep breath, letting his chest expand fully. On the exhale, the words spilled from him. “From the other side, Jaden — I think he must be your guardian angel — made a bargain with Harry’s soul. He gave him a second chance at a life with you if he— No. If I could convince you to stop the séance you had planned and save you from a life of pain, heartache and loneliness.”
She rolled her eyes and shifted her weight. “Guardian Angel? I think your fever is coming back.”
“You’ve felt Harry’s presence in me. I see it painted on your face.”
“There are similarities. And he used you to talk to me.” She spoke the words in an even cadence. Slow. Rhythmic. Who was she trying to convince? What was she trying to talk herself out of?
“It’s more than that, Bess. You just have to summon that rock-strong courage you have and believe with all your heart, no matter how outrageous it seems.”
She shook her head and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “You’ve absorbed yourself in his life, and he communicated with you. You feel like you know his heart.”
“I didn’t channel Harry, Bess. I could speak the code, because I wrote it. Or I have Harry’s memory of writing it.”
She furrowed her brow and stepped back from him, wrapping her hands tight around her waist. Closing herself off from him and the painful words. “Why are you doing this, Erich? If you’re through with me, just leave. Don’t stomp on my heart before you go.”
There was only one way to make her accept the truth. “Harry came up with the scheme a week after Gail pulled her stunt with the letter from his Mom. The two of you were getting ready to leave for a set of shows back east the following morning. He sat at the desk in the parlor. You’d made tea and sat in that old chair that belonged to your mother.”
She lifted her trembling hands to her cheek, pushing away the tears. “How? Why? It’s just not possible.”
“Jaden told me if I didn’t convince you to give up chasing Harry’s ghost, you’d live your remaining years devastated and alone. He said it was Harry’s fault you were so miserable, and he’s right. You deserved better, baby. He set you up for that future. Can you ever forgive me for all the mistakes I made in that life and this new one too?”
Flames flared in her eyes, as bright and strong as the ones bursting from the house yesterday. He stepped closer, but she threw her hands up between them, holding him at bay. He hesitated, but decided it better not to push another step closer.
“Stay away from me! I trusted you! Gave you my heart, my body, and to you it was all some super, slick game? What’s your ultimate plan here? You do want to replace Harry, take his spotlight and steal his life. Martin was right!”
Her words stabbed at his chest like a pointed dagger. He wasn’t sure what hurt worse, the idea that she was no more than a game to him, or the fact that in the end, Martin held more trust than he did? “Listen. I exist for one reason. You! Only you.”
She dug her heel deeper into the soft grass and said, “How is this possible?” Pivoting away, she started toward the park entrance, but stopped after only a few steps. With her back still to him, she continued, “Harry didn’t believe in an afterlife. So, if one exists, he would be denied it. This is what I know in my heart, but I still hoped. I wanted to believe that the stupid coded message was more than a means to an end.”
“Bess.” No matter how he tried, keeping the tears from his voice was impossible. “What do I have to say for you to believe he loved you above all else?”
She spun back to him. “Cease this shill! You can’t work over a master. Harry taught me well the art of illusion and the game of the con. I may be a pitiful, heartbroken widow, but I’m no one’s fool.”
“I never said you were. Never thought it. Not for one single moment. You are smart, sophisticated and intuitive. I need you to look in my eyes right now and just believe.” He spun his fingers around the silver band, and he then handed it to her. “The inside of yours is engraved with Roseabelle. Harry chose that — because like the message in your safe — it was a code. Remember?”
“There is nothing to believe in. It has to be some kind of fairytale. How can you be Harry resurrected?”
“You had faith in the two of you, trusted your love when there was barely enough money to put food in your stomachs or a roof over your heads. When far away cities called asking the Houdinis to perform, you never once lost confidence that the two of you could — and would — succeed. You never lost that devotion to you and him, no matter how bumpy the road got. Look in my eyes. I know you see his soul. You know it’s true, but you’re just afraid to accept it.”
Bess bowed her head, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. Her body slumped; she looked broken. “I’m losing my mind, every last bit of it.”
“No. You’re not.”
“It’s true,” she whispered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. She may be accepting the truth, but that didn’t mean she was ready to welcome him home with open arms. “His spark, his soul, lives and breathes inside you, maddening me and stealing my heart.” She paused. He waited for joy to fill her eyes, for her to embrace him and kiss him, but she stumbled back. “So the great Harry Houdini has escaped death. Bravo!” She waved her arms as if she were announcing him to the stage.
Was shock stealing her joy? Surely she understood the truth. “We have another chance at life and happiness.”
“By whose definition? I’m too old to go back on the road and perform for my supper, and I’m just too broken to stand stage-side every night and wait for the reaper to steal Harry from me again. My heart couldn’t bear mourning him a second time.”
What was she doing? Now that she knew the truth, she was breaking up with him? “No, Bess. No more spotlight. No more quest for glory. Just you and me, a second chance at the happiness he promised and failed to keep.”
“Not failed. I loved that life while we lived it. Yes, every night you tempted the gods to rip you from my arms—”
“It was never that dangerous. An illusion, baby.”
“To the crowds it was a show, but it was my reality. Death broke our bond and not even the great Houdini can repair that.”
He stepped closer to her, reached out, but she swayed to the right, avoiding his touch. “In this body Harry’s soul has learned how much pain he’s caused. I started this journey thinking of Harry and I as one and the same, but I have grown as Erich. And my touch has begun to heal your pain.”
A smile curved her lips, and her body softened. “It has. You’ve shown me that no matter how beautiful the past was, Harry’s dead and I need to live for tomorrow. The irony is with you, I would be living for yesterday.” She stepped closer to him, touched his cheek with a trembling hand and lightly brushed her lips against his. “Thank you for the guidance, but I can’t go back to Harry, and with his soul that’s who you’ll always be.” She looked deep in his eyes. Was she looking for one last glimpse of
Harry or memorizing Erich’s face for her dreams? “Good bye.”
No. They hadn’t come this far for her to just give up now. She tried to walk by him, but Erich took her elbow and guided her back. Gliding that hand up her arm and over her shoulder, he pulled her body to his and left a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Before you walk away from what we could be, think about these last couple of weeks. Haven’t I been good for you?”
She laid her head against his shoulder. This wasn’t easy for her; he could see the pain of her choices clearly etched on her face. “For years I watched you flirting with the Angel of Death. No! Not flirting. You two were caught in a torrid love affair, sharing passionate kisses right in front of my eyes. The whole world watched you make love to her night after night in the bright, white spotlight of the stage. In the end, you chose her over me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Don’t you see? If I stay, I know how this story ends. With Harry’s soul it would only be a matter of time before you would be called back to danger’s arms. I can’t stick around for the encore, my love. It would be too damn painful.” Her body tightened as she pulled away and walked toward the street, never once looking back.
For Erich, it was as if she took Harry’s soul with her, leaving him an empty shell. His flesh went cold, and his knees weak. He’d anticipated anger or tears, but for her to walk away? That was unthinkable.
Theirs was a love for the ages, one that couldn’t be broken. Or so he’d thought. Bess said she was leaving him now, because she couldn’t relive that past. Harry had lived a fantasy. While painting illusions for the rest of the world, he’d thought his wife was happy and their love for each other was enough to conquer the worst, but it hadn’t been. No, love hadn’t eased her fear. And trepidation kept her from his arms now.
He stumbled to the park bench and sat, focusing on the gentle breeze pushing around the leaves on the California Oak Trees. He locked his gaze, knowing if he allowed his heart control of his emotions, he’d dissolve. Living without Bess was unthinkable.
“You did it, Erich. You saved her.” Jaden’s voice rang in his ear with none of the pompous flare or righteousness Erich was used to. Quiet, sullen, as if Jaden mourned too.
“From Harry,” Erich whispered, realizing now that he’d been the real demon in her life.
“From drowning in the memory. From clinging to a past that was dead and buried.”
“I might have won the bet, but in the end I’ve lost.” Erich looked to Jaden, who was dressed appropriately for the time period, his hair braided and tucked beneath his shirt. He almost looked normal as he approached the bench and sat next to Erich.
“I can’t imagine a life without her.” There was no containing his pain. His voice cracked, and his hands shook with it.
“Why don’t you go to her?”
“Because the last thing she wants is to relive a life with Harry. I know you don’t believe me, but it was always for her. She was all that ever mattered to him. And she’s all that ever mattered to me. What good is winning our wager if in the process I lost her?”
“Then why do you sit here mourning the loss when there is still fight in your body and soul?”
“She won’t take me back as long as I carry Harry’s soul.” Saying the words sparked an idea, and Erich slowly turned his gaze to Jaden’s icy eyes he often tried to avoid. “But there is something you can do about that. Take back Harry’s soul, it’s no longer a part of me anyway.”
Jaden shook off the confusion and twisted his body toward Erich. “If I did that, you, Erich would cease to exist.”
“No! I don’t believe that. At first, maybe it was true, but something happened in my time here. I’m completely separate from him. You controlled this game, moved us around like pawns for your amusement. You say I won, reward me with my own life.”
The large man shook his head slowly. “You are right that things have changed. I had the power over Harry’s soul in the beginning, but that changed along with your transformation. It doesn’t belong to me anymore. Harry and Erich may have started this journey one and the same, but you — Erich — have taken his past and created a new future. One that you control. You’ve become a man that has learned the value of putting other’s needs before one’s own.”
Was he still doing that? “What’s better for her, Jaden? A life with or without me?”
“What do you think? Does she deserve a life with an unconditional and all-consuming love or one that she lives alone?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
How could I turn Harry away? Yet, she stopped short of following her heart and running back to the park and his arms. She couldn’t. Erich had taught her not to live in the past, just before asking her to reclaim it.
That was Harry all right. A living, breathing dichotomy.
But now, the crossroads had made her stop. What she was running from...and to? She could go to the hotel, but he’d come looking for her there. Same for the deli, but she needed to talk to someone. Martin and Gail were biased against Erich. How could she tell them about Harry?
She couldn’t tell Will about that either, but she could think out loud and express to him the jumbled mess of emotions twisting her stomach into knots. He would give her honest, evenhanded advice. He’d also toss Erich out on his ear if he showed up and she asked.
Given it was late morning, it didn’t surprise Bess to find the deli empty. Will ambled into the dining room, wiping his hands on his apron.
Her strong facade crumbled.
“Bess, what wrong?” He rounded the counter’s corner and took her elbow, leading her to the booth and helping her sit. “Coffee?”
She nodded. Will’s heavy steps sounded as he rushed back, but she focused on the torn upholstery of the seat across from her and gripped the table with both hands. She shoved the brewing tears back down; too many had already been shed. Will grabbed her attention by dropping the coffee mug and small plate with a flakey pastry to the table in front of her. He slid into the booth and covered the tear she been studying to keep from dissolving to a puddle of tears. Reaching across the table, he laid his hand on top of hers. “What happened?”
“How much am I supposed to bear, Will? At what point is okay to just give up and crawl in some hole?”
“Never, sweetie. You always have to keep moving forward. Even with all the bad things, life is still worth living. I think you’ll see that when Erich takes you back east to your family. Things will look a lot brighter.”
Just the mention of Erich caused a thumping in her temples. She took the grief and did the only thing she knew to do: held it at bay with anger. “You won’t catch me crossing the street with that reprobate.”
Will’s posture softened, and a smirk played across his face, only escalating her anger. “So when did you realize you were falling in love with him?”
She hated being transparent as glass. She’d worked so hard for so many years to learn how to shield her emotions from the crowds and the fans, and she had fallen out of practice so fast. “Love him? I can’t stand him. He’s done nothing but manipulate me since the moment he stepped foot in this town.”
“Funny thing about love and hate, they’re both rooted in passion. It’s pretty hard to feel one without the other. Whatever he’s done now wouldn’t have irritated you so much if you didn’t care.” The smile evolved into a hearty laugh that poked at her, stirring the flames, forcing her to ask the question: what had Erich done that was so wrong? Admitted that Harry’s soul was trapped in his body?
When he said that was something she already knew, he’d been dead on. Maybe it was that he knew her so well that upset her the most. Explaining to Will that being with Erich was impossible because of Harry’s soul would earn her a one-way ticket to the funny farm.
The facts? The idea of starting a new life that would become the same as the old not only frightened but enraged her. “He insinuated that we might have a future together.”
“That scoundrel!”
W
ill’s mock shock did nothing to soothe her anger. She wasn’t being silly, even if he saw it that way. “I can’t do it, Will! He has this spark, this light, just like Harry. He thinks the world is his to own, and I’m just too tired to be chasing grandiose dreams. I should be settling in to rock grandbabies, but because of the life I led with Harry, I don’t even have a child to care for me in old age.”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you? I was with him when he thought you may have been caught in that fire. He loves you.”
“It’s Harry’s old life that he’s wanted all along.”
Will simply shook his head. “I can see where you think there are similarities, Bess, but I don’t believe he wants to be with you for any amount of fame or fortune. His heart is in the right place.”
“He says that now, but in time that would fade.”
“Hmf,” Will muttered and cocked his head to the right as if he were studying the words she’s said. “Is it time that worries you? Are you afraid of what ten or twenty years will bring you? On one hand is a man who says he loves you and wants to stand by your side, accompany you down whatever road you want to walk, but instead you’d rather go it all alone because you fear what might happen? How he might change?”
“What do you want me to do? Believe in him?”
“If you love him, you have to. That’s what love is: giving another person blind faith, trusting that they will keep their word and never leave you behind. It wasn’t Harry’s choice to do that. Despite the fact he took risks every day, he didn’t want to die. He didn’t mean to leave you alone. You need to forgive him for that so your heart can heal. And you can’t hold Erich accountable for Harry’s mistakes. Just because Erich has the same hunger for living a full life, doesn’t mean he’ll fulfill it in exactly the same way Harry did.”
Was it really that simple? If she only believed in Erich, it would all be okay? Will’s words were gospel; she knew that leaving her alone wasn’t Harry’s intent, but still she blamed him. And what did she do after learning he defied the laws of life and death? She’d refused him again. Opening her billfold, she dropped two dimes to the table as she stood.
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