by Eve Gaddy
Get it over with, he told himself. Just do it. “We lived in Texas. Dallas, Texas. At least, I think we did. That’s where the orphanage was. Before the orphanage…it was bad. Hell, I was seven years old. I don’t remember much except screaming, yelling and hitting. My old man wasn’t great, but my mother was worse.”
“Why? What did she do?”
It was coming back to him. He had thought he’d forgotten, but he hadn’t. “As long as I stayed out of my old man’s way I was okay. He’d slap me around some if I bugged him, but nothing too bad. I don’t think he broke any bones.” He laughed bitterly. Casey rubbed his arm again, but stayed silent. “But she…my mother hated me. Hated that she’d had me. She was always telling my old man she wouldn’t have stuck around if it hadn’t been for me. And instead of blaming him for getting her pregnant, she blamed me. Just for being there.”
“Nick, you were a child. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that.” He looked at her then, at the concern in her eyes. He tapped a finger to his temple. “I know it here.”
He was quiet for a moment, until Casey asked, “When did they leave you at the orphanage?”
“I was seven. That’s all I remember.” But it wasn’t. He swallowed hard and his throat closed up. He remembered the rest of it, too damn clearly.
“Nick, I don’t think that’s true.”
“Goddamn it, I told you I didn’t want to talk about it. Why can’t you let it go?” He chugged the rest of his wine.
“Your parents didn’t take you to the orphanage, did they?”
He closed his eyes. “No,” he said, his voice very low.
“What happened?”
He looked at her, at those green eyes, so wide and trusting. So sad, as if she could feel his pain. But he didn’t ever want Casey to have to deal with that. It was too ugly.
“They—oh, shit—she locked me in a closet. She’d been drinking, and I was hungry. We didn’t have any food. That was nothing new. She got sick of me whining about being hungry, so she locked me in the closet.”
“And?” she asked softly.
He struggled, trying to pretend the rush of memories didn’t hurt almost as much now as they had then. “And she left me there. She just took off. My old man had split a week or so before, and she decided she didn’t want to bother with me anymore. She cut her losses—that was me—and ran.”
She was staring at him, her eyes filling with tears.
“I told you it wasn’t pretty.”
“I can’t imagine anyone doing that to a child.”
“Yeah, well, believe it. I guess she had a change of heart or something. She called one of the neighbors and told them where I was. The police came and took me away. I ended up at the orphanage. End of story.” He slumped back, drained from telling her.
“How long were you there? In the closet?”
He shrugged. “A day or two. I don’t really know. Couldn’t have been too long, since I didn’t have any food or water. Might have been just a few hours. It pretty much seems like for-goddamn-ever when you’re locked inside a closet.”
“Did you get any counseling?”
He shot her a disbelieving glance. “Yeah, sure. Tons of it.”
Her eyes were soft, compassionate. “So this is why you never stay in one place? Because you don’t trust anyone to be there for you?”
He hadn’t really thought about it like that. Maybe she was right. “Would you?”
“I…guess I wouldn’t. But you’re letting it ruin your life.”
“Don’t you get it?” he asked her savagely. “My own mother didn’t want me. She left me in a closet rather than take care of me. How can I expect someone else to love me when my own parents, my own mother, hated my guts?”
“I love you.”
“You think you do.” He would just disappoint her.
“I know I do. And you love me, too.”
“Didn’t you hear a word I said?”
“Every word. I understand you’re scared. But Nick, nothing’s ever going to be as bad as what you’ve already been through.”
“You’re wrong. Losing you would be worse.”
“So you’re not even going to give us a chance? Take a gamble, Nick. You’ve spent your whole career betting on risky propositions. Why not take this chance…on us?”
He shook his head. “The stakes are too high.”
“No, they’re not. You’re worth it, Nick. We’re worth it.”
“Casey, I can’t.”
“You mean, you won’t.”
“No, I won’t.”
He’d already survived losing everything once. He couldn’t risk it again. Not for her sake…and not for his.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“YOUR MIND IS MADE UP, isn’t it?” she said. “You’re leaving, and nothing I say is going to change your mind.”
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He expected her to argue. Or to kick him out. But Casey did neither of those things. She just looked at him, her eyes deep pools of compassion, then took his hand and led him back to her bedroom, to her bed. And she made love to him.
Nick didn’t sleep that night, but Casey did. He watched her while she slept in his arms as she’d done before, but this time there was a difference. This time they both knew it would be the last.
Finally, just before dawn, he got up and went into the other room. He sat on the couch, as he had the first night he’d spent with her. He hadn’t known then that he was going to fall in love with Casey and that his world would never be the same.
He had to leave. If he stayed, he’d only let Casey down. If he stayed, the end would be that much harder.
Except he didn’t see how anything could be harder than leaving Casey, knowing that she loved him. “You’re worth it,” she’d told him. And he knew she meant it. He’d never in his life felt as if he were worthwhile to another person. In business, sure. But not emotionally.
Casey had put herself on the line for him. She’d risked everything to keep him, making herself vulnerable by asking him to stay. She hadn’t let pride stand in her way. It couldn’t have been easy for her, especially not since she’d had her heart trampled by another man who hadn’t been worthy of her love.
And how had Nick responded when she’d offered him her love? He’d thrown it right back in her face. Because he was too afraid of failure to even risk trying. Some gambler he was.
What did he expect to gain by leaving her? Going away wouldn’t change his feelings. He’d fallen in love with Casey. He would only be punishing both of them.
If he stayed… He could have a home. A family. Best of all, he could have Casey, as his wife. Sure, there was no guarantee that everything would work out, that their marriage would last. But Casey had been willing to try. Because she thought the rewards were worth the risk.
Now, so did he.
THEY HADN’T TALKED ANY MORE the night before, or at least, not about Nick’s past or their future. Casey had done all she could. She couldn’t force Nick to take a chance on them, just as she couldn’t force the bad memories from his mind. She could only love him and hope that he would decide he wanted to face a future with her instead of staying mired in the past.
So while they didn’t talk, they made love several times. Casey suspected he didn’t sleep at all, but she dozed off around dawn, waking, when the sun was high, to find Nick long gone. She stretched, turned her head on the pillow and saw a folded note. She hesitated before picking it up, unsure whether she wanted to read it.
I love you.
That was all it said. But those three words were enough to give her hope.
Nick had never before voluntarily admitted he loved her. Smiling, she tucked the note next to her heart, then a moment later realized how late it was and shot out of bed. Len was going to kill her if she didn’t get to work.
Her stomach rolled and she made a dash for the bathroom. Several wretched moments later, she finished heaving, thankful Nick hadn’t been around to witness her
throwing up. She washed her face and rinsed out her mouth, unable to ignore the signs any longer. She had to admit the truth—to herself, at least.
She’d thought it had all been stress related. Her symptoms had coincided with everything that had been happening. Her parents’ death had only added to the stress, so she hadn’t been surprised that her cycle was off and her stomach wasn’t behaving normally. Besides, she’d told herself, it was too soon to know anything for certain.
But this wasn’t stress. She was pregnant. Somehow, despite using birth control, she’d gotten pregnant. And there was no way she intended to tell Nick as a means to force him to stay with her. Casey didn’t know exactly what she planned to do, but she wanted Nick to stay with her because he wanted her. Not because they were going to have a child together.
She returned to the cottage later that evening, dog tired and filthy dirty. And starving. After grabbing an apple to tide her over, she decided to take a bath instead of a shower. She added bubble bath, climbed in and promptly fell asleep.
She woke to find Nick kneeling beside the tub, stroking a single red rose down her cheek. She couldn’t have been asleep too long, because the water was still warm and there were still bubbles.
“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.”
Casey blinked at him. “If I’m Sleeping Beauty, does that make you the Prince?”
He laughed and leaned down to kiss her. A soft, tender, drawn-out kiss that made her head spin. He got to his feet and picked up the towel she’d set aside, laying the rose on the sink. “Come on, I’ve brought dinner. I had the chef at the White Gold prepare something special. Tournedos Diablo on a bed of wild rice.”
“Sounds wonderful,” she said, letting him wrap her in the fluffy towel. “I’m starved.”
“Me, too.” He dropped a kiss on her neck and handed her the rose. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
She started to get dressed, then decided she was too hungry and grabbed a robe. A royal-blue silky one her grandmother had brought from Paris. She walked into the kitchen and stopped, touched by the scene he’d set. A vase of roses sat on the table, along with a brace of lit candles. Somehow he’d unearthed her grandmother’s good china and crystal and set the table with them.
“It smells wonderful.” He started to fill her wineglass, but she shook her head. “I’ll just have water. Alcohol hasn’t been agreeing with me lately.” And she knew why, though she hoped he didn’t.
They ate in silence, for the most part. He seemed in a strange mood, but she was just grateful he hadn’t left yet, so she didn’t question him. She finished and laid her fork aside. “I feel human again. Thanks. What did you do today, besides have your chef create this?” She gestured at the food.
“I’ve been busy. Moreau is finally taking over the White Gold. Next week. I’d had my doubts about him working out, but I found out he’s been having marital problems. Supposedly they’re solved now, so he should be able to take over.”
Which meant he’d be leaving, after all. Her hopes died. “Really? So soon?”
He nodded, then got up and reached out to her. “Let’s go in the other room. I’ll clean this up later.”
“No, I’ll clean it up. You brought the food, it’s only fair I clean up.”
“Fine, but I want to talk to you first.”
Her heart sank, but she followed him into the other room, trying desperately not to think about what he was going to say. In fact, she was trying so hard she didn’t hear what he actually said.
“I’m sorry…what did you say?”
He laughed and handed her a rose. “So much for my declaration of undying love.”
“Is that what you said?”
“I asked you if you knew what a single red rose in full bloom means.”
She glanced at the flower, then at him. “No idea.”
“It means, I love you.”
She just looked at him. “But not enough to stay.”
He ignored that. “Do you know what else I did today? Besides getting the White Gold ready for the transfer.”
She shook her head, wondering if he really meant to torture her, or if he was just dense.
He continued. “I made a couple of transactions today. Interesting transactions.”
“That’s nice.” She wanted to slap him upside the head, but she restrained herself.
“I hope you’ll think so. Don’t you want to know what they are?”
She gave him a dirty look. “Oh, do tell.”
“I arranged to buy a shipyard. In St. Louis. They make floating casinos. I’ve bought boats from them in the past, so I know something about their operation.”
“So you’re going to St. Louis,” she said flatly. “Bon voyage.”
He didn’t respond to that, either, except to give her the same maddening smile. “I made another purchase, too. A riverboat casino. It’s run-down, needs a lot of work. They’ve lost a lot of customers. It’s been badly mismanaged.”
She clenched her jaw, and her fist, quelling the urge to deck him. “Where is it? New Orleans? St. Louis? Or have you decided to go back to Europe?”
“It’s right here in Baton Rouge, Casey.”
She blinked at him, sure she hadn’t heard him right. “Here? Why?” she whispered. She looked into his eyes and her heart began to pound.
He took one of her hands and brought it to his mouth. Kissed it, then held it. “I thought it was time to take that gamble.”
“Wh-what gamble?”
“The one you talked about. To gamble on us. I didn’t sleep much last night, so it gave me a lot of time to think. To think about being without you and what I was going to feel like when I realized I’d lost you, all because I was too afraid to take a chance. When I was a kid, I didn’t have a choice. But I do now.”
“You’re staying?” She was having a hard time breathing. “Just like that, you’ve changed your mind?”
He smiled. “It wasn’t exactly ‘just like that.’ I thought about what you said, and I knew you were right. My past shaped me, and I can’t change that. But I don’t have to repeat the behavior. I don’t have to choose that kind of life.” He took her face in his hands, leaned forward and kissed her. Long and sweet.
“I thought about never seeing you again, or holding you, or loving you, and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it. I could live without you, Casey. And you could live without me. But I think we’ll be a lot happier with each other.”
“So are you going to move in with me?”
He shook his head, but he was smiling. “I don’t want to live with you. I want to marry you. I want the whole enchilada. Marriage, home, kids.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelers box. “It’s not traditional,” he said, and opened it. A gorgeous band of emeralds and diamonds sat inside on a bed of velvet. “The emeralds remind me of your eyes.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“Will you marry me, Casey?”
“Yes.” She had to whisper the word because her heart was so full she thought it would burst. She held out her hand, and he slipped the ring on, then kissed her. Soon she wasn’t wearing anything but his ring, and he was showing her just exactly how much he loved her.
“Nick,” she said later, lying in bed with him. “Do you think I’m terrible to be happy? Now, I mean. With Maman and Duke— It wasn’t very long ago that…” She didn’t want to say the words.
He held her close and stroked his hand over her hair comfortingly. “From everything you’ve said about your parents, I think they’d want you to be happy. I don’t think they’d want you feeling guilty.”
“They wouldn’t. I know they wouldn’t. I just…miss them. I wish I could have shared this with them.”
“I wish you could have, too.”
Casey decided she should tell Nick about her suspicions. “Did you mean it when you said you wanted kids?”
He smiled at her and kissed her nose. “Yeah, I do. Don’t you?”
She breathed a huge sig
h of relief. She’d thought that would be his answer, but it was nice to know for certain. “Very much. Which is a good thing.”
He stared at her, then grinned. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
She couldn’t stop smiling, either. “I haven’t taken a test yet, but I think I’m pregnant.”
“You’re going to have a baby?” He put his hand on her stomach. “Our baby?”
She nodded. “I’m almost sure. Do you mind? Especially that it’s so soon?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m happy about it. I’m just surprised.”
“I know. It was a surprise to me, too. I thought it was stress at first.”
“Would you have told me? If I’d left?”
He looked troubled, and she couldn’t blame him. “Yes. I would never have kept that from you. But I wanted you to stay for me, not because you felt you had to because of the baby.”
He kissed her, then drew back and smiled. “You know what this means, don’t you?”
“That we’re going to be parents?”
“That, too. But it means we don’t have to wait. We can get married soon.”
“You’re right.” She smiled and kissed him. “How does next weekend sound to you?”
“Perfect.”
EPILOGUE
“WHAT’S WRONG, Mrs. Devlin, can’t you sleep?” Nick slipped his arms around Casey from behind and nuzzled her neck. She was standing out on the balcony of their hotel room in the French Quarter of New Orleans.
She tilted her head. “I was just thinking. About my parents. I wish they could have been at the wedding.”
“I know. I’m sorry I never met them.” They’d held the wedding at the church, since Casey hadn’t wanted to have it at Bellefontaine so soon after the funeral.
“Duke would have liked you. So would Maman.”
He laughed. “Your aunt Esme sure doesn’t. I half expected her to protest during the wedding.” It had been a very small wedding, with only the family, Luc and Viv Renault, Adam Ross and Remy Boucherand in attendance.