“Maybe you need a break,” I said slowly.
“A break?” She repeated. “From Jared? No thanks. That’s pretty much giving him permission to start seeing other girls.”
“He wouldn’t do that.”
“He might.”
I doubted he would, but I knew Hannah’s insistence wouldn’t fade if I tried to convince her otherwise. “Then don’t take a break from him. I think you just need one in general. Why don’t you fly down to South Carolina for a while, visit your dad?”
“I don’t think I can get the time off work,” she said. “And even if I did, what would be the point? I’d probably get bored right away since he and Tracy are always working.”
“You could hang out with Alex,” I pointed out, receiving an alarmed look in response.
“He’s thirteen, Lainey. The last thing in the world I feel like doing is hanging out with a thirteen year old.”
“Okay, I give up.” I threw my hands in the air and pushed myself out of the chair. It was time to check on Harper. “Just try to feel better about everything, okay? It’s not worth it to be so unhappy all the time.”
“Whatever you say,” she grumbled and I bit back any response I might have had. I went back into the house, closing the doors behind me. The phone rang just as I was getting ready to go upstairs.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Why aren’t you answering your cell phone?” Adam asked.
“Because I don’t know where I left it,” I replied. “Are you coming home soon?” He’d gotten called in yet again, this time to straighten out an apparent miscommunication with one of the restaurants they were shipping to.
“Soon,” he said. “I just wanted to call you and tell you something before I forget.”
“Okay,” I said. “Should I write it down?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, then what is it?”
“I love you.”
I laughed. “Thanks, but I don’t think you’d call just to tell me that. What’s up?”
“Thanks for saying it back, jerk. My dad called earlier. Apparently he and my mom want to go down to Ocracoke this year for Thanksgiving and want us to go with them. Greg is going and some girl he’s apparently getting serious about. What do you say?”
I hesitated. Ocracoke Island was a small island just below Cape Hatteras. You had to take a ferry to get there, so I’d never been. We’d planned a trip when we first moved to Haven, but my dad had a problem with sea sickness so that never panned out.
On one hand, it seemed like a good idea. Getting away for a little bit, going somewhere I’d never been before. But on the other hand, it could be potentially awkward. I hadn’t been very close to Julia in the past year, something I wasn’t proud of but felt powerless to change. We spoke when I dropped Harper off to her or when she called to ask if we needed anything and that was it.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“I think it sounds like a good idea,” he said. “We used to do this all the time, back when I was a kid and my grandparents were still alive. It’s been a while but it’s a nice tradition. I’d like to have that for Harper.”
He had me at tradition. My dad and I had none. “Okay,” I agreed. “Can Hannah come if she doesn’t have any other plans?”
“Is she going to cause a riot?”
“I’ll keep her in check,” I promised.
“Then yeah, she can come. Should I call my dad and tell him we’re in so he can make the arrangements?”
“Yes,” I said, excitement forming in the pit of my stomach. Holidays never felt like a big deal to me, but maybe that would change. I pictured us in a new place, away from responsibility and chores and the everyday dullness of life.
“Okay, great. I’ll see you in a little bit. Maybe we’ll go out tonight, with Harper. What do you think?”
“I think she might be fussy but if you don’t mind, I don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Good. I’m going to get her up and bathed. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he said and hung up. I replaced the phone and smiled to myself. It felt like a long time since I’d had something to look forward to.
Chapter 18
Declan’s version of truth or dare started off innocently enough. The first week we played, we both kept picking truth and I learned a lot about him. His favorite color was blue, his favorite food was pizza. He was an only child but he had a lot of cousins, most of them from his father’s side. His favorite place in the world was Luray.
I should have known better than to choose a dare. I should have known Declan well enough by then to know he liked a challenge, especially when he wasn’t the one facing it. On Halloween I picked dare and all hell broke loose.
There was a carnival on the outskirts of Haven. It came every year around this time and no one I knew ever went to it. Hannah had wanted to a few times but then either lost interest or forgot about it.
According to Declan, I didn’t get to experience my teen years to the best of my ability. Pregnant at fifteen, mother at sixteen; I couldn’t exactly argue with his point. His assignment for my stupidly chosen dare was to sneak out of the house after Adam had gone to bed and go to the carnival with him.
It was too risky. If Adam woke up and found me gone, he’d panic. And then when he found me, he’d probably kill me. There was no way to explain going out in the middle of the night with another guy. No way to explain it without making myself sound completely guilty in the process. And I wouldn’t exactly be falsely accused.
But I was going to do it and I didn’t really know why. The worst that would happen if I said no was that I’d have to accept another dare, and I doubted there was anything he could come up with worse than this.
Adam and I took Harper trick or treating after dinner and then came home and relaxed with her for a while, spending some quality time before putting her to bed. He went to bed about two hours after her and I lay beside him for a while, listening to the sound of his breathing and trying to guess at when the best time to get up and get dressed was. When I did, I was a nervous wreck. I put on a pair of jeans and a hoodie and began to shiver from nervous anticipation more than the chill in the air.
Declan was on the deck waiting for me. He flashed me a grin that I was sure was irresistible to most girls and lead me to his car.
“Excited?” He asked when we were safe inside. I stared at my bedroom window, waiting for the light to go on and my absence to be detected. The room remained dark.
“No,” I said. “One ride and I want to come home.”
“One ride and cotton candy,” he bargained.
“No way. Cotton candy is disgusting.”
“Corn dog?”
I made a face at him. “Are you serious?”
“I am. Funnel cake? Come on. No one in their right mind hates funnel cake.”
“The fact that I’m here right now instead of safe in bed with my boyfriend is proof I’m not in my right mind.”
“Fair enough,” he said and started the car. We didn’t speak the entire ride there.
The carnival was bigger than I’d expected and my stomach flip-flopped as soon as it was within sight. I realized there was a decent chance of running into someone I knew, or at least someone who knew me. The Montgomerys were a prominent family in Haven and everyone knew about Adam and his baby. I was a fairly important part of that equation.
“I can’t do this.” I announced, putting my hand over my seatbelt in case he tried to pry it off of me.
“We’re already here,” he pointed out.
“Exactly. You dared me to go to the carnival, and I went. Now please take me home.”
“Lainey.”
“Declan.”
We stared at each other, sky blue meeting ice blue. I willed myself to win the battle, but it didn’t happen. His stare was intense and I looked away, admitting defeat. Maybe he’d be nice enough to attend my beheading when I was found out.
“You can
pick any ride you want,” he said graciously as we started walking towards the lights and screams. I surveyed my options, none of which appealed to me.
“Ferris wheel,” I said after a few minutes. At least I stood a fair chance of falling off and not having to deal with the aftermath of this little outing.
“Boring,” Declan complained but led the way, sliding his wallet out and paying for tickets at a booth nearby. For once I didn’t feel bad about someone else footing the bill.
There was no one in line for the Ferris wheel so we were let right on. We were no sooner seated than it started up and my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. I’ve never been too fond of heights.
“This is crazy,” I complained.
“It is not,” he argued. “If you were a regular eighteen year old girl, you’d have already done this at least once in your life.”
“I would not,” I insisted. “I’ve never been outgoing.”
“Because you don’t want to or because you’re scared?”
“Both.” There was something about the way Declan looked at me that made me feel inclined to tell him the truth. He smiled and a dimple appeared in his right cheek. I looked away.
“It’s your turn to ask me truth or dare,” he said as we approached the top and our cart came to a halt. I closed my eyes and willed myself to remain calm, to not look down. Falling off seemed appealing moments before, but not so much now.
“Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Why does it bother you if I don’t have ‘normal teenage experiences’?”
“Everyone needs to be a teenager once,” he answered. “How can you expect to grow into the person you’re meant to be if you don’t go through all the necessary phases first?”
“I had all my passage rites,” I insisted. “I had my first kiss and my first boyfriend. I learned how to drive a car. I graduated high school. I got into college. All of those things seem a lot more important than sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to a carnival.” My point was so valid there was no way Declan could argue.
“Not everything you do has to be important,” he said, and my resolve was shattered. “Truth or dare.”
“Truth.” I was sticking to that from now on. The Ferris wheel remained still and the guy operating it was looking at his phone. I had a sinking suspicion we would be here a while.
“What made you fall in love with Adam?”
Not the question I’d been expecting. “Everything,” I said.
“Elaborate.”
“The way he looked at me the night we met. The way he smelled, like sandalwood and fresh air. The way he asked before he kissed me. The way he showed up the next morning and never wanted to leave my side again.” The memories flooded my mind, killing me with nostalgia and longing for him. Across from me Declan had a small smile on his face.
“I had that once,” he said.
“Just once?”
“My high school girlfriend. We met the summer before ninth grade, broke up our first semester of college.”
“Why?”
“She met a football player she liked better. They’re married now and I think he’s in the NFL. They’ve got two kids and she doesn’t work because he’s rich, but they have a nanny. I don’t think she regrets leaving me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said and meant it. I reached across the tiny cart and took his hand.
He looked down at our clasped hands and smiled. “So am I,” he said. “But the heartbreak got me through my first book, so I can’t complain.”
“My dad always said grief is the best inspiration.”
“Your dad sounds like a smart man.”
“Not so much.” He’d called earlier. I’d watched his name pop up on my cell phone and waited until it went to voicemail. He didn’t leave one.
The Ferris wheel started up again and within minutes we were back on the ground. Declan let me out of the cart first and I hopped down the steps, my legs shaky. He caught up to me, an expectant look on his face.
“What’s next?” He asked.
“Corn dogs,” I replied with a sly grin. He was surprised.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah! If I’m going to walk on the wild side tonight I might as well make it count, right?”
“You’re reckless, Lainey Winslow.”
“That I am, Declan James.”
When I got home an hour later Adam was still asleep, my brief absence unknown to him. I woke him with a kiss, wrapping myself around him and trying to pretend we were back at the beginning. All of the reasons I’d fallen in love with him swirled through my mind, surrounded by the memories we’d made together.
We made love for the first time in more than a month.
Chapter 19
“What do you want to do for your birthday this year?” Adam asked the next morning. Harper was still asleep, a rarity, and I’d gotten up with him before he headed off to work.
“My birthday?” I repeated, still half asleep.
“Yeah,” he said with a chuckle. “You know, the day where you celebrate getting a year older? It’s in two weeks, so I figured we should start planning something.”
“Oh I don’t care,” I said dismissively. “Nineteen isn’t a big deal.” I stirred my cup of earl grey before lifting it to my lips and taking a small sip, breathing in the strong aroma. I loved the smell of the tea more than the taste, but either way it woke me up.
“I was thinking we could go out,” he said. “Maybe on a double date.”
The idea struck me as a good one. “That sounds nice,” I agreed. “I’ll ask Hannah if she and Jared want to go.”
“Actually,” Adam said hesitantly. “I was thinking maybe Henry and his new girlfriend.”
I raised my eyebrows. Henry and Michelle Reeves divorced not long after Nolan’s death. She got most of his fortune and he got to keep the house. He’d been steadily dating ever since.
“I don’t know about that,” I said.
“Come on,” he pleaded. “Henry’s been asking to meet you.”
“He’s met me quite a few times,” I reminded him.
“He doesn’t remember.”
I rolled my eyes. “That figures.”
“Babe, come on. This means a lot to me. We don’t have to do it on your birthday if you don’t want, but I figured that would be a good way to make sure I wasn’t stuck working late.”
I studied his face, taken aback by how much this meant to him. I knew this job was important to him and that it went beyond the money he was making. Greg graduated a year earlier and was working with their father in his architecture firm and in a few years he’d make partner. When Ned retired, Greg would take over. Adam had no desire to get into business with them, but that didn’t mean it didn’t bother him to know Greg was closer to their father than he was on a daily basis. Knowing Adam the way I did, I was sure he thought this affected his worth in his father’s eyes. Working with Henry was a way of replacing that, even if it wasn’t quite the same.
“Fine,” I relented. “We can do dinner with them. Who is he dating these days, anyway?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t ask.” He downed the rest of his coffee and hopped up, leaning over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I need to get going. Thanks for this, Lainey. I’ll find a way to make it up to you.” He squeezed my shoulder and grabbed his briefcase on the way out the door.
I slumped back in my chair and looked at the half-empty mug of tea in front of me. Last night felt like it used to, being close to him. It lured me into a false sense of security, a false reality in which nothing had changed and Adam was exactly the person he used to be. But he wasn’t, and this morning was a harsh reminder of that.
“Mama?” I looked up and saw Harper standing at the foot of the steps, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
“Hey baby,” I said with a smile. She’d been a clown for Halloween the night before and there was some makeup residue still on her face. “Are you up for the day?”
“Yes,” she answered and shuffled towards me, climbing onto my lap before I could lift her. I pulled her against me and rested my chin on top of her head.
“Did you sleep well?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “Can I have banana?”
“Of course.” I reached to the middle of the table where the fruit bowl was and pulled out a banana. I unpeeled it and tore a chunk off, handing it to her. Harper wasn’t a big breakfast eater, so instead of fighting her with it every morning I’d resorted to just giving her fruit. I watched as she carefully chewed on the banana chunk and nearly jumped out of my skin when someone knocked on the sliding glass door.
Declan was on the other side, his hair crazier than usual and dark circles under his eyes. I wondered if I had that effect on men.
“It’s open,” I mouthed to him. Hannah had a horrible habit of never remembering to lock the door and Haven had a zero percent crime rate, so I never bothered double checking. Sure enough it slid right open.
“You’re up early,” he said as he slid into the living room. Harper watched him with interest.
“So are you.”
“Nope, I haven’t been to bed yet. Did you get busted?” He pulled a chair out on the other side of the table and sat down.
“I didn’t,” I said. “And that’s all we’re going to say, okay? She catches on to things.”
He nodded and flashed Harper a grin. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” she replied, reaching for another piece of banana.
“Fruit?” I offered Declan, nodding towards the bowl.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He selected a pear, polished it on his shirt and took a big bite. I grinned as juice spewed out onto his cheek.
“Whoops,” he chuckled. Harper giggled, still watching Declan carefully. She liked him.
“I picked your next dare, when you’re ready,” he informed me, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. He used his shirt to wipe his cheek.
“Oh God,” I groaned. “I’m never picking a dare again.”
“Yes you will,” he said casually. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy wondering what I have in store for you.”
“I will not,” I argued, knowing fully well I would.
The Edge of Everything (The Haven Series) Page 8