He grinned sheepishly. “The door’s always open.”
“Yeah, that’s more Hannah forgetting to lock it when she leaves than my way of saying come on in.” I smiled up at him and motioned to the refrigerator. “But since you’re already here, bring me a bottle of water?”
“At your service,” he said, promptly filling my request.
I took a long sip of the ice cold water, watching Declan watch me. He looked a little better today, his hair slightly less messy and the dark circles under his eyes faded. He was wearing a crisp white t-shirt and a pair of jeans with a hole ripped in the knee, one that looked more formed from wear than meant for design.
“You have a hole in your jeans,” I observed.
“I do. Now truth or dare.”
I bit my lip and studied him. He looked anxious, excited even. I realized he was going to keep this game going until I gave in and accepted another dare. “Dare,” I said, feeling reckless.
His eyes lit up. “Great. Where’s Harper?”
“Napping, why?”
“We need to leave the house for this dare.”
My stomach dropped. “Now?” I asked.
“Now,” he confirmed. “We can bring her if you want.”
That didn’t seem like a great idea. Not only because I didn’t know where we were going, but because I wasn’t sure Adam would be too thrilled with me spending time with Declan and Harper together. He hadn’t reacted well when I told him about Declan making us breakfast earlier in the month.
“I’ll call Mason and see if I can drop her off,” I said, pulling my cell phone out of my pocket.
Mason said yes and actually sounded excited about it. I couldn’t blame him. Cynthia was still working for now and there weren’t usually a lot of guests this late in the year. Having Harper around would at least make his day more interesting.
I woke her up and dressed her, trying to act normal and not let my nervousness show. Harper was so in tune with my emotions, I didn’t want to send her any false alarms. She seemed content and still sleepy, watching Declan closely as I carried her outside and buckled her into her car seat.
“We’ll take my car,” I announced. “It’s easier that way.”
“Alright, but I’m driving,” he declared, sliding into the driver’s seat before I could protest. “I don’t want you turning the car around when you find out where we’re going.”
“Whatever,” I said, biting back a smile. I kissed Harper on the forehead and got into the passenger seat.
Declan waited in the car while I dropped Harper off with Mason, my idea. I hadn’t really told my brother much about my friendship with Declan and wanted to keep it that way for the time being. He would get ideas and question me on everything and I didn’t feel like dealing with that right now or ever.
“Where are we going?” I asked when I was back in the car, ready to face whatever challenge he was throwing my way. He flashed me another grin and said nothing.
“Declan,” I warned.
“What? If I tell you, you’ll refuse and I don’t want to have to bully you into this like I did with the carnival.”
“You did not have to bully me into going to the carnival.”
“I kind of did.”
“Whatever.”
He pulled the car away from Bella Vista and started heading downtown. This made me feel a little better, since there weren’t too many bad things that could happen downtown. That theory was shattered the moment he pulled in front of a tattoo parlor.
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” he replied, parking the car. “You’re getting a tattoo.”
“You can do whatever you want. I am not getting one.”
“It’s a dare, Lainey. If you refuse I promise you I’ll make the next one even worse.”
One look at him and I knew he wasn’t kidding. This wasn’t fair.
“Tattoos are permanent,” I complained. “I don’t want to go the rest of my life with a reminder of this stupid game.”
“The game isn’t stupid and how do you think a good percentage of people who get dumb tattoos feel? It’s part of being young, Lainey. You do remember that’s my point behind all of this, don’t you?”
“Not all teenagers get tattoos!” I exclaimed. “Did you?”
“Well, no,” he admitted reluctantly. “But I was a boring teenager and I regret that terribly now. Come on.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and slid out of the car, coming around the side and opening my door. I reluctantly got out of the car and followed him into the tattoo parlor.
It was empty, which wasn’t surprising. Most places in Haven were empty most of the year. A guy who looked like he belonged on the cover of a motorcycle magazine or maybe a wanted poster sat in one of the chairs, staring at us expectantly.
“You come in for some ink?” He asked in a deep, raspy voice. I didn’t like the sound of this.
“Yep,” Declan replied, sliding an arm around my shoulder. “She’s ready.”
“Declan,” I hissed. “I don’t even know what I’m getting!”
“Then come here.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a binder full of different designs and symbols and images. We flipped through, nothing catching my eye until the last page.
“That,” I decided, tapping the tiny outline of a star. It was simple, ineloquent. It was perfect.
“A star it is,” Declan announced and carried the book over to the man who would soon brand me for life. I silently named him Ralph.
“Where do you want it, Little Missy?” Ralph demanded in his gruff voice. I instinctively held out my left wrist.
“Right here,” I said, pointing to the section just below my thumb. Ralph analyzed it for a few seconds before nodding and hoisting himself up. Considering he was well over three hundred pounds, all belly, that didn’t seem like an easy task.
“Sit down,” he demanded and waddled off to the back of the store. I turned to Declan, wide-eyed and terrified.
“It’s okay,” he reassured me. “I checked this place out online. All good reviews.”
“Out of what, three total?”
“Four,” he admitted with a shrug. I glared at him and sat in the chair, too afraid of what he’d come up with next to try and back out now.
Ralph returned with a tattoo gun and a grumpy look. He and Declan began a detailed discussion of motorcycles as he rubbed a swab of alcohol over my skin and prepared to press the needle down. I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to watch.
It took a total of ten minutes, if that. And it barely hurt, which surprised me. It felt like constant pinching and then it was over and my skin would never be the same again. I looked down at the star and felt a rush of emotions; regret, sadness, exhilaration. I looked up at Declan and saw a reflection of myself in his pale blue eyes.
“Sweet,” he said.
Chapter 23
Adam didn’t notice the tattoo.
In his defense, no one did. At least not until Friday morning, when the sleeve of my shirt lifted as I was getting ready to scoop Harper up at the park and she caught a glimpse. She tapped it and said “pretty.”
At least it met her approval.
We met Julia for lunch at the same restaurant we’d gone to after she attended my second doctor’s appointment with me. It felt so strange sitting there, Harper next to Julia across from me, knowing the last time I was there she’d been a tiny promise of a person growing inside of me.
It felt good being around Julia again and I appreciated her attempts at acting like years hadn’t passed since the last time we were this close. Our reconciliation was a week old and I kept thinking that whenever she smiled at me from across the table.
“So Adam told me Lila is getting remarried,” she remarked when our food arrived. I stared down at my plate, feeling my appetite slowly drain.
“She is,” I confirmed. “She sent me an invitation about a month ago. The RSVP date was November first so I guess she knows by now that I won’t be going.”
“And
you’re okay with that?” Julia asked, concern showing in her blue eyes. She watched me while cutting Harper’s food at the same time, a motherly trait I wasn’t sure I’d acquired just yet.
“Yes,” I lied. “I don’t care to be there for her wedding when she wasn’t there for anything major in my life.”
“I understand,” Julia said, but there was something in her eyes that told me differently. We kept conversation small and light for the rest of the afternoon.
When I got home I napped with Harper and woke up to the sound of Hannah yelling at someone. I lay in bed and listened as she and Jared had an argument over the phone and then she eventually left, likely to continue in person. I fell back asleep and woke up just in time for dinner.
The rest of the night continued quietly, just Harper and I. We ate dinner together and I put her to bed around eight, then sat in front of the TV and watched whatever caught my attention, waiting for Adam to get home. He hadn’t called.
My phone went off around ten and I grabbed it quickly, expecting a message from Adam. It wasn’t him.
Declan: All alone?
Me: Maybe.
Declan: I’m good company.
Me: Adam should be home soon.
Declan: No comment. See you tomorrow? Want to continue game.
Me: Maybe
Declan:
I smiled at the last message and tossed my phone on the opposite side of the couch, stretching my legs out and tilting my head back to stare at the ceiling. It bothered me that Adam hadn’t called, but I refused to call him. His reaction to that varied too much. Sometimes he would be fine with it, understanding. Other times he’d accuse me of not trusting him enough and claim I still held his past behavior over his head.
I ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking up at four am with another text message, again from Declan.
Declan: Still not home.
I automatically started to respond and stopped myself. I sat up and surveyed the room – it looked exactly as I’d left it when I’d fallen asleep. I pulled myself up and headed to the front of the house, peering out the window. Adam’s car wasn’t there. My heart dropped.
I picked up the phone and dialed Adam’s number, getting voicemail immediately. Panic rose in my chest and I began to pace, unsure of what to do. I looked up the number for his office and dialed it, only for it to ring continuously without answer. I picked my cell phone back up.
Me: He’s not answering.
Five minutes later, a soft knocking came on the front door. I swung it open, expecting to find police officers telling me Adam was dead, but found Declan instead. I moved back silently, letting him in.
“We’ll wait for an hour and if you don’t hear from him I’ll drive down there and see if his car’s in the parking lot, okay?” He said, wrapping me in a hug. I let him, enjoying the comfort of another warm body. I squeezed my eyes shut against the fabric of his shirt and willed myself not to cry.
We didn’t speak for the next hour, just sat on the couch and stared at the TV without really watching it. I didn’t know what I would do if something had happened to Adam. But everything in my gut told me he was fine. In the back of my mind, I had another worry entirely.
Declan waited until just before six to leave, standing up and shooting me a small smile. “Is Hannah here?” He asked.
“No, she slept over at Jared’s. Why?”
“I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone while I go check.”
“It’s okay. Just call me as soon as you find something out.”
“I will,” he promised. I stood up and was getting ready to hug him when the front door opened and Adam stepped in, looking first exhausted, then shocked and finally angry.
“What the hell is going on?” He demanded. I closed my eyes, feeling the toll the night have taken on me.
“Where were you?” Declan asked before I got a chance to.
“Who the hell are you to be asking me that?” Adam snapped, tossing his briefcase on the ground and walking over to us. I instinctively stepped in front of Declan, knowing too well that Adam sometimes had a tendency to punch first and ask later.
“Where were you all night?” I asked softly. His eyes met mine and for the first time I found them completely unreadable. If it was even possible to sink lower, my heart did just that.
“I’ll talk to you about it when he leaves,” he said, his eyes focusing back on Declan’s face. I felt Declan squeeze my shoulder and step around me.
“I’ll call you later,” he promised and was out the door before I could respond. I let out a breath of air, grateful for the lack of confrontation. I wasn’t so sure I could handle that right now.
“Where were you?” I repeated, careful to keep my voice low and calm.
“At the office,” he replied. “My phone died or I would have called you. I figured you’d be asleep and not even notice I didn’t come home.”
“Why were you there all night?” I asked.
“I had a lot of work to do and by the time I was done I felt too tired to drive.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whispered and immediately regretted it. His face began to turn red, starting at the tips of his ears.
“Of course you don’t,” he said.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t trust me!” He said, his voice raising more with each word. “You’ve been waiting for me to screw up, haven’t you?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, wrapping my arms around myself in hopes of obtaining some kind of comfort.
“I’m talking about you, hanging out with our neighbor all night while I’m at work. What the hell is that about? How long was he here?” His face was growing more and more red and I started to feel my resistance wavering.
“He came over because I was worried about you,” I whispered. “He’s my friend.”
“Yeah, like the last time you had a guy friend?”
“Don’t drag Nolan into this.”
“Screw that,” Adam spat out. “You think I don’t know how you felt about him, how you still feel about him? You got a goddamn tattoo to commemorate him, for Christ’s sake.”
I felt lightheaded and reached for the wall to steady myself. He’d noticed. More than that, he knew the meaning behind it. He was staring at me with a look in his eyes that almost looked like hatred. I felt sick.
“You think I don’t listen to you,” Adam continued, his voice finally growing a little quieter. “You think I don’t know about your dad’s theory that people turn into stars when they die? You told me that, Lainey. I remember every word you’ve ever said to me.”
“I thought you didn’t notice,” I managed to choke out.
“Of course I noticed. I notice everything about you. I always will. I didn’t say anything because to be completely honest with you, it made me sick. It makes me sick.”
He didn’t wait for a response. Sending me one last sharp look, he headed up the stairs. I heard the bathroom door slam moments later and I burst into tears.
Chapter 24
Nineteen.
I never pictured nineteen. It never seemed like a ‘big deal’ age. Sixteen is supposed to be even though I never understood why. Eighteen is supposed to be, but it wasn’t for me since I was already living as an adult by then. Twenty-one was the next big one but at the rate I was going, I’d probably celebrate it in divorce court.
Of course, getting divorced would mean getting married first and with the way Adam was looking at me lately, that wasn’t likely to happen.
We didn’t make up after the night he didn’t come home, but things slowly got better. He started looking at me again by Sunday and by Tuesday, my birthday, he was even speaking to me again. Apparently our plans to double date with Henry and his flavor of the month hadn’t changed.
The drive to the restaurant was tense and the silence that fell between us while we waited for them to arrive was even worse. I never thought I’d actually be relieved to see Henry Reeves
, but when he arrived it was like I’d been waiting for him all my life.
“Lainey,” he greeted me. “You look lovely.”
“Thanks,” I said, my eyes darting to his date. She was the lovely one, to be blunt. She had deep red hair, obviously dyed, and wide emerald eyes. I was pretty sure her hair color wasn’t the only thing that was fake on her, but the overall result was ravishing. She flashed me a smile full of perfect white teeth and didn’t say a word. Henry forgot to introduce her.
Adam and Henry spent the entire dinner talking business and I found myself watching the clock, wishing it was time to go home. Harper was spending the night at Julia’s, an arrangement we’d made before the cold war began.
The ride home was as silent as dinner and as soon as we walked through the door we went our separate ways. Adam went upstairs to his office and I stayed in the living room, catching a reflection of myself in the sliding glass patio doors.
I knew I should go upstairs and change out of my dress, but I didn’t want to. I felt pretty but unwanted. I smoothed my hair back and smiled, but it was a forced smile and looked out of place on my face, my sad eyes taking over. I opened the doors and stepped outside.
There was a figure sitting on the steps, a dark shadow I didn’t notice until I was already outside. I screamed and the shadow figured joined in.
“Holy shit!” Declan exclaimed, jumping up and placing a hand over his heart. “I’m sorry!”
“What are you doing out here?” I shouted at him, placing a hand over my own chest. I waited for the sound of Adam’s steps to come and make sure I was okay, but they never did. I had a feeling I could be eaten alive by sharks and he wouldn’t care at this point.
“Waiting for you,” he admitted. “I figured you’d come outside once you got home and I wanted to see how things went.” Declan had gotten a rundown of our ‘conversation’ since it happened.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, offering one to me and yanking the pack away when I tried to take one. “Just testing you,” he said. “And you failed.”
The Edge of Everything (The Haven Series) Page 10