by Carrie Banks
I’m on my third cup of coffee, but my eyes still feel heavy.
My body’s sluggish and slow.
I finger a limp lock of hair that hangs dully over my shoulder. I’m disgusted at myself for falling apart so quickly. I was in such as funk this morning, that I forgot to shower. I haven’t showered since being with Ryan on The Majesty, since I cried myself to sleep last night.
I choke back a few tears and scramble inside the back office before any guests witness the state, I’m in.
Anna finishes a call and stands in the doorway staring at me with a look of pity and anger. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
I nod my head and cry softly into my hands.
“I did warn you.”
I cry harder.
“What did he do?” Her arms are crossed and she’s not budging.
“I don’t, I can’t—talk about it. No offense, Anna, but I just can’t. Especially to you.”
She hands me a box of tissues and walks out, doing the work I should be handling. My phone rings in my purse and I open my bag.
It’s him.
Again.
I swipe the screen sending him to voicemail. I only have two more hours until my shift’s over.
I can do this.
Fixing my makeup and brushing my hair back into a ponytail, I do the best I can with the hot mess I’ve become.
There’s a small line of guests waiting for help and I dive right in. “Right here on the map is the Sea Crest Seaport. It’s just a short walk down River Street, which is right out front by the flagpole,” I take my pen and put a star on the tourist map marking the couple’s destination.
A sudden screeching of tires interrupts my train of thought as a car door slams amid honking horns outside the front entrance. Snapping my head up to see what caused all the commotion, the front door slams open.
Ryan stalks inside wearing a charcoal gray suit with a pressed white shirt. He’s every inch the boardroom tycoon and looks hot as hell. And I’m so stupid for even having that thought.
He doesn’t say a word, but the air around him radiates with anger.
“I think I’m going to swoon,” one of the female tourists says putting a hand over her heart.
“Well, I think I’m going to vomit,” I reply, quickly skirting around the counter to stop him from causing a scene and getting me fired.
“Could you please step aside while I help these guests.”
“No. I need to talk to you, right now!”
“I’m working. I need you to leave.”
“Not a chance, sweet cheeks.”
Ignoring him, I turn back to the two middle-aged women waiting for help.
“Don’t mind us,” the lady tells me, “this is more entertaining than the reality show we were watching in our room.”
Anna walks in from the back hallway where she was checking on housekeeping.
Shit, this is going to be explosive.
I feel another panic attack coming on, and I move quickly to sit on the chaise lounge by the window. Putting my head between my knees, I breathe in and out.
In and out.
“Tessa?”
Ryan perches in front of me trying to lift my head up. I put one hand out in a gesture for him to stop.
“I’m okay… I just need space.”
Anna walks over with a bottle of water, getting me to take a few sips.
My chest still feels tight, like a fist clenching around my lungs choking and choking, and my heart races in fear of the sensation.
“Call her a paramedic.”
Great, the nosy guest is still here.
“No. I’m fine, really. I just suffer from occasional panic attacks. I’m truly sorry. Anna, could you please send a bottle of wine up to their room, compliments of the house?”
“Sure.”
She gets up to complete the task, giving Ryan the stink eye.
“That isn’t necessary. I hope you feel better soon. My, this is an exciting little town, isn’t it, Sandra?”
Her companion nods wide-eyed in agreement as they pick up their map.
“You don’t know the half of it,” I tell them as they walk out.
I finally look Ryan in the eye. I know he’s still fuming but he seems to have control over his emotions…for now.
“We need to talk.”
“What are you even doing here? I thought you were working in New York City today?”
“I was. I left work three hours early, rented a car and drove up here to see you. I had no choice since you’ve been ignoring me. What the hell happened?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes, trying to rein in the fury simmering under the surface.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to get the knot in my lungs to lessen.
“Anna, can you manage for a little while on your own?”
“Sure,” she answers, slamming down the lobby phone.
“Let’s go. I could use some fresh air. We can talk on our way to the docks.”
I brush by him going into the office. Grabbing my purse, I open it and take out my prescription bottle of Xanax.
My doctor prescribed it when my attacks started up again last year, I threw it in my bag this morning in case another episode occurred.
The one I had yesterday was the worst one yet. I twist the top off, but Ryan grabs the bottle from me. He inspects the prescription before handing it back.
“I’m going to need my meds if I’m going to get through the conversation you want to have,” I tell him, swallowing a pill.
Walking out of the lobby, he opens the door for me, shutting it quietly behind us.
Even though we walk down Main Street side by side, there’s an ocean between us.
Crossing over the drawbridge in silence, I stare at the boats in the channel waiting in line for the bridge to open. I can’t believe this time yesterday I was wrapped up in his arms, as close as two people can be. Now, it feels like that moment never happened.
The tightening in my chest is slowly lessening. I find one thing to focus on and clear the emotions from my mind.
In front of us is the Sea Crest Wharf, I don’t take my eyes off it.
Breathe in and out, in and out.
I turn left on the dock, waving to the crew of the Argale, who are prepping the boat for the sunset sail.
He silently follows. One hand is tucked in the front pocket of his trousers the other is carrying his sport coat.
I stop at the end of the dock, with nowhere to go. I turn around to face him.
“You wanted to talk?”
He studies me, taking his time answering.
His left cheek tics and his left hand is curled into a fist at his side.
“What the fuck is going on? I never pegged you as the type who likes to play games, but maybe I was wrong.”
“That’s rich. You’re accusing me of playing games? Were you with Emily, after our date?”
His head snaps back.
Boom, I fired a direct hit.
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything!”
Taking a deep breath, I let every thought—every emotion pour out of me. “For one moment, I was on top of the world. You made me feel invincible. For one day I was completely happy. Do you know how it felt when my best friend shamed me for thinking any of it was real? It reminded me how naïve I was when we first met. Did you even realize how excited I was for our date that night? Then you were a complete ass—no surprise, by the way…but to go back to the boat—to her after I left? You disgust me.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh, please. How many other girls have there been since we met? In that bed—in that cabin?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes—God, I can’t seem to stop crying ever since I met you.”
I turn away, wiping my cheeks.
My make-up is a mess and my hair’s limp.
This man has thrown me off my axis and I
didn’t even know he existed a month ago.
Ryan sighs, clearly exasperated at the situation.
“I never planned on it. I was angry at myself for being such a dick and for ruining our night. I wanted you so very badly—I was keyed up. Patience has never been my thing. I was so pissed when you walked out on me, but it was also a huge turn on. Obviously, I didn’t go back to the hotel. I never even turned the key in the lock. Truthfully—I didn’t want to be alone.
Barron was over at SYC with some girls, thinking I’d be out all night. When I texted, things had gone south with you—he told me to get over to the club.
I figured hanging out at the yacht club was better than sitting in the dark drinking alone. She was all over me. I’d be lying if I told you she didn’t stroke my ego. Having her want me, when you had just walked out felt good.
I took her back to The Majesty for an after party and we messed around. But I didn’t want her. It was your face I saw…then I sent her home.”
He ends with a shrug like it was no big deal.
I feel my lunch churning in my stomach. I throw up the chicken salad that I had over the side of the pier.
The only one’s celebrating are the seagulls flying overhead; overjoyed at my retching as they swoop down.
“Oh, my God. I feel like I just got hit by a dump truck,” I say wiping my hand across my mouth. I’m repulsed and shocked he admitted everything.
“You wanted honesty,” he says while leaning against a pillar.
“Gee thanks. I am never going in that hot tub.”
“It’s your turn to be honest. What happened after you boarded the ferry?”
I sit down feeling wiped out.
My legs dangle over the side of the pier and I softly recount everything.
“JD and Barron really bonded this weekend. Barron had no problem bragging about the sex-capades both of you have had so far, this summer. When JD filled me in, I had a major panic attack. I felt stupid and hurt. My first panic attack happened when I was five. I was playing hide and seek at my cousin’s house. I turned the lock inside the bathroom, but it got stuck and wouldn’t open.
The light switch was on the outside of the bathroom door and my older cousin thought it would be funny to leave me in the dark.
Her parents weren’t home. I screamed, kicked, and pounded that door for a good hour. Even though I was in a bathroom, I wet my pants in fear.
I hate the dark. To this day, I still need a night light to sleep.
When my uncle came home, he had to get his tool set out to take the knob off the door. The worst part was that he spanked me. You know, for scraping his door and ‘trashing’ the bathroom. I’ve never been the same since. When I get scared or overwhelmed, I have major anxiety attacks.”
“Baby…” He moves to comfort me, but I hold my palm out. I’m not done.
“They started up again when I found out Kyle cheated on me. It was probably a combination of that and my grandfather dying around the same time. I thought I was being humiliated again and I couldn’t handle it. You just saw what happens to me. Maybe we should just end this right now. To be frank, nothing good has happened to me since the night I met you. I’ve been physically hurt, publicly shamed, and now my panic attacks are coming back.”
“We’re just beginning. I won’t let you even try to stop it. Come here.” He offers me a hand and I take it. He holds me close and whispers. “Look at us, two imperfect people. But together—this feels perfect. I want to be with you. Only you—I’m not a guy who quits easily and I could see us being together for the long haul.”
I pull back not actually believing he feels this way.
“Really?”
“I know it’s fast. But it’s true.”
“I’m falling for you, too.”
He kisses me on the top of the head, “Let’s go. I need to have a talk with Barron before I head back to work. He needs to know to watch his mouth around you and your friend. But Tessa, please—next time, don’t ignore me. I need to be able to get a hold of you. I need you to trust me. Let’s talk things out before you spin out of control.”
“Okay,” I whisper, ducking my face into the crook of his neck.
I inhale his scent, so thankful that he’s still mine.
“Do you have to go, so soon?
“Yeah, I need to finish some work and send out a few emails. I dropped everything to drive up here. It’s another two hours north to my dorm. I was planning on coming down Friday night after work. It will be late, but if you can—spend the night with me?”
“Okay.”
He takes my hand and walks me back to work.
Anna doesn’t say a word. She pecks the keyboard hard with her nails and doesn’t look up from behind the front desk.
“Can I have a minute?” Ryan asks.
I’m shocked by his request. She looks up at the two of us holding hands and her mouth puckers.
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Take a quick walk with me out back,” he gestures with his hand.
“No. We can do this right here. There are no guests around,” she answers, throwing a pen across the counter.
“That wasn’t professional.” I tell her picking up the pen she flung.
“You’re one to talk, boss.” She spits back but follows Ryan out the lobby door.
They’ve been gone a full ten minutes. I pace around the lobby, only stopping to rearrange the glossy magazines that already sit perfectly on a side table. Taking out some Windex, I wipe away imaginary smears on the front windows. I’m relieved when they both come back intact.
“I need to go. I’m sorry. I’ll call you later tonight, okay, baby?”
“Okay,” I smile at him. He bends down and presses his lips firmly on mine.
He walks out and into a silver Suburban and my eyes track the car until it disappears.
“You’re hopeless,” Anna says.
“Hopelessly optimistic,” I reply, punching out my timecard, leaving her gaping at me as I walk out the door.
CHAPTER SIX
RYAN
I punch in the code that opens the back gate to Foster Sailing. Charles has tight security but as soon as the guard jogging toward my SUV sees it’s me, he slows down.
My dress shoes hit the hot July pavement as I exit my rental and stalk toward the door. After punching in another four-digit code, I practically rip the door off its hinges as I throw it open.
It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust in the dim light.
“What in the hell do you think you’re doing here?”
Gabby stands around the corner with a hand on her curvy hip, holding a bunch of files under her arm.
Ignoring her, I head straight for Barron’s office. I’m steps away from his door when Gabby beats me there and presses her back against it. She folds her arms over her chest and wags a finger at me. “No assholes allowed inside.”
“Then Barron better get his ass out here.”
“Stay away from Tessa,” she warns.
“Like hell, I’ll stay away from my girl.”
“She’s my girl,” Gabby challenges. “We’ve been best friends for years and I won’t see some summer playboy break her again.”
The corners of my mouth lift. I give her my best panty-melting, cocky-ass smirk.
She huffs.
“It’s not working on you is it?”
“Nope.”
“I just saw Tess. We…worked things out. I’m sticking around so you better get used to it.”
She eyes me suspiciously. Then stands on her tippy toes and moves into my personal space. “You better. Or I’ll break your little gringo—”
“She said I was little, eh?”
Gabby rolls her eyes just as Barron opens his door and eyes the two of us.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Gabby replies sweetly, patting my pecs with her palm. “Just having a little chat with Ryan.”
Barron raises his eyebrows.
“Actually, we need
to have a chat, bro.”
Barron steps back and sweeps his hand out, indicating I should enter his office. He follows behind and my eyes narrow when I turn around.
“Alone, Gabby,” I demand.
“No.”
“Gabby.” Barron commands, in a sharp but low tone. His blue eyes are direct as they also demand she leaves.
“Fine,” she huffs, “but only because it’s so sexy when you take that bossy tone with me.”
His face reddens and I file that tidbit of info away so I can give him shit about it later.
“What’s up?”
“What exactly did you say to JD last weekend?”
He sits in his overstuffed office chair and puts a finger to his chin. “The truth.”
“Who’s truth?”
“Both of ours. She’s a nice girl, Ryan and I’ve seen firsthand who you’ve become.”
I shake my head and fold my arms over my chest. “I never thought you’d stab me in the back. You knew how much I liked her…she’s good for me, bro. I don’t itch to hold anything but her.”
“You can’t use a relationship as a crutch to prop yourself up.”
“Are you trying to sabotage the only thing good I’ve had in months? You know I’m not in that dark pit anymore and I’m not ever going back.”
“I hope that’s true. But she’s seventeen. Hardly experienced enough to handle you during your dark days if you slip up. Christ, Ry, think with your head instead of your dick.”
“I can handle myself. Stay out of my love life from now on. I mean it.”
I turn to jerk the door to his office open.
“Bro, wait. I was jealous ok. I’m not feeling Gabby the same way you are Tess. Sure, I like her, but I’m hardly falling in love.”
I turn with a grin, “Well that’s a damn shame because I feel on top of the world when I’m with my girl. Just don’t sabotage what I have going with her. B, Emily, and Carter are already doing enough of that.”
“I’m sorry, bro. Truly. Are we good?”
“Yeah, we’re good. I’ll see you Friday. Oh, and I’ll be bringing the pony with me one of these days.”
“Fine. I’ll handle logistics.”
With a half wave I leave his office. Gabby gives me the evil eye from her desk. I saunter over and sit on the corner. “You’re loyal to my girl. I appreciate that. Especially since I can’t be here during the week. Do me a favor and keep her ex in line.”