The van jerked about as it ran over another big lump in the road. Cassie grabbed onto Liam’s arm and snuggled up against him.
She wished the thoughts would stop. For a moment she made her mind go blank, but then the vial appeared in the darkness behind her eyelids. What about the moment they cracked open the vial, which of them would drink down the concoction? And would it taste foul? Mr Clark had shown them the case before they left the government building. Mimed how to break the vial, so only the tip snapped off. “Break off the top and ingest the liquid.” That’s what Mr Clark said.
Simple.
Nothing to it.
Death swimming in a tube of clear liquid.
But if her throat closed off at the wrong moment…? What if she was the one to drink it, and she couldn’t? She imagined the fluid stuck in her mouth, gagging as she tried desperately not to vomit.
She imagined it would taste foul.
A thought came to her: would they be able to go through with it? With the government men gone, leaving them on their own in the middle of England, and a hundred directions to disappear into… the idea of escaping was going to be a big temptation.
Liam had asked why they had to swallow it. Why couldn’t they simply throw down the vial in a crowded area, perhaps near the food distribution centre? “No,” Mr Clark said. “The virus works better if there is a host.” Liam had nodded dumbly. Perhaps regretting his decision to come with her?
“I’ve completely lost track of time,” Liam said, his voice loud and sudden in the silence of the van. “Is it morning, evening? I don’t remember.” He looked so sad.
Cassie gave his arm a squeeze. “I’m not sure. Morning, I think.” She frowned, no longer certain either. “It’s all a blur.”
Liam nodded. “Are we really going to do this?”
“Do we have a choice?”
“What if we ran, disappeared. How would they ever find us?”
“I don’t know,” Cassie said. “I’ve been thinking the same thing. Would they punish the others?”
He shrugged. “Probably.”
Through the tinted window in the side of the van, Cassie could see the brightening sky lighting up building after building. Never a break in the concrete. “How far behind France do you think we are?”
“What do you mean?”
Cassie glanced at him. “Everyone starving to death. Every single person.”
“Close enough, I guess.”
The van went over another big bump, and Cassie’s thoughts scattered.
There was a flash in the distance. The shiny roof of a greenhouse, she guessed.
Break the tip.
Swallow the liquid.
Find people.
That was it really. There wasn’t much more to what the aide had said.
Mr Clark the sympathetic executioner, sending them to their deaths. And sending them to execute thousands by proxy.
The van pulled off the motorway and onto a side road.
“Not far now,” Mr Clark yelled back at them.
Butterflies crowded in her stomach. “You ready?” she asked Liam.
“No. You?”
Cassie shook her head and stared out the window.
“This is it, then.” Mr Clark let them out of the van, and shook each of their hands. He took a small case out of the cab and opened it carefully. This is the vial, and under here,” He gingerly lifted the padding the vial rested in, “are your morphine injections. Like I said, they are quite likely to kill you outright. If not, they’ll take you pain-free to the end.”
“Thank you,” Cassie said, and then wondered why the hell she said that. This man was giving her the means to kill herself, no choice included.
“Good luck to you both.” Mr Clark got back in the van. She expected him to hang around – even from the safety of the van, to make sure one of them took the virus. But moments later, he told the driver to go. Suddenly, Liam and Cassie were alone on the street. She guessed they really meant to follow through on their threats. If she and Liam didn’t take the virus, Jack, and perhaps those left behind in the warehouse, would die.
“This is it then.” Liam had the case. He held it gently in his hands.
“How’s your arm?” Cassie asked. Again, more stupid questions. Wouldn’t matter in a day’s time. Nothing would matter anymore.
“Hurts a bit.” He touched the bandage Ed had put there what seemed like an age ago. “You?” he asked.
“Leg throbs a bit.” Actually she’d prefer it if someone hacked it off, anything to try and dull the pain. Maybe she should get Liam to inject her with just a little of the morphine. Take the edge off her throbbing thigh.
He nodded. “Shall we sit a while?” He indicated towards the side of the street. He grabbed her arm to help support her, and she limped over. They sat on the kerb together, the early morning sunlight dancing on their faces. Down the street was the distribution centre. There was a queue already gathering, even though Cassie knew it wouldn’t open for a while.
“It’s cold,” Cassie said, and cuddled her arms around her body. She leaned up against Liam. “Do you see them? All those people? We’re going to murder each and every one of them.”
“They’re worse off out here, have you noticed?”
Cassie studied the people in the queue, trying to judge the boniness of their bodies from too far away. She simply couldn’t see well enough from here. They certainly seemed more angular than the people in London. She glanced up at a lady as she walked slowly past. Her face was gaunt and down turned. The thin material of her trousers did nothing to disguise how dreadfully thin her legs were. Her face had an awful hollow appearance, her eyes sunken, and the skin surrounding them a pale shade of grey. All she was missing was a dead baby clutched to her concave breast.
“I suppose they are.”
“Maybe we’re doing the right thing then.” Liam snapped the case open and stared at the vial. The glass cylinder was only a couple of inches long, slim with a rounded bottom and a top that thinned into a hollow rod, and sealed at the end by a fold of the glass. It was pretty. The sun caught it and cast a rainbow through the liquid and onto Liam’s hand.
“I’ll do it.” Cassie reached for the vial and took it from him. “Then we can make our way over to the distribution centre.
“You sure about that?” Liam didn’t reach over to take it back from her.
“Certain. I’ve been building myself up for hours.” She examined the vial in the light. “You suppose it tastes nice?” She made a face. “Probably tastes awful.”
Liam snapped the case closed and pocketed it. “Only one way to find out.”
The doors still weren’t open, yet the queue stretched up the street for blocks now. So many people waiting and more appearing every time she looked over.
“You suppose that’s because they’ve run out of food? That they’re so hungry they have no choice but to wait here?”
Liam followed her eyes. “Could be.”
“I don’t want to do this, Liam. We’ll become murderers.”
“No Cassie, think of it this way. If the country follows the same path as France, most of the people will die. We’ll kill off a few thousand and suddenly there’s land to grow crops. Imagine England with fields again, like in the old movies.”
Cassie smiled up at Liam. “I wanted to find a farmer on the coast. That’s where I was heading when I bumped into all of you.”
“You know the fields don’t exist?”
Cassie nodded. “I do now, but I really believed them, the government. They lie so much, hide so much from us.”
They sat in silence, Cassie with the vial held carefully in one hand, both staring down the street.
Liam was first to break their contemplation. He cleared his throat and said, “Once you’ve drunk it, we’ll walk down the street and back. All the way to the end of the queue. Then we’ll wait by the door for a while.”
“Don’t forget we have to pay a visit to the textile factory.”
Liam nodded. “When we’re stood by the entrance, if anyone asks say we’re waiting for tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Cassie rolled the container of virus back and forth on her palm. She’d given Mr Clark a message, hours earlier as he led them to the van. Asked him if he could get a message to her son, when he was older. “Tell him I love him. Please, tell him I sacrificed myself in the name of my country.” It didn’t feel like sacrifice now, as she stared at the poison cradled in her hand. It felt like murder. “Tell him when he’s old enough to understand.” She’d been crying by then, with Liam leading her through the corridors, her grip like iron around his hand, because if he let go she knew she’d collapse. A single tear drop escaped and trickled down one cheek. “Make sure you tell him!” She’d grabbed Mr Clark by the sleeve of his very nice suit and forced him to promise.
More tears gathered. She supposed if any time was right to cry, now was. She let them blur her vision, so the vial became hazy, and the colours all washed together. These were her last moments. Her last hours. What would happen when they died? Was there a heaven? An afterworld? Would they be born again? Would there be any babies left to be born into? She wiped the back of her hand across her face.
“We’ve given them long enough to get away, don’t you think?” Liam said.
“Who?”
“Mr Clark and the driver.”
Cassie let out a snort. “We’ve been sitting here for ages. I imagine they’re almost all the way back to London.”
“I wish they’d let us keep a few of those nutrient bars.” He patted his stomach. “I’m hungry.”
“You’re always hungry.” Cassie handed him the vial. “Here, take this.”
There was a look of horror on Liam’s face as she placed the glass tube in his palm. Cassie dug in a pocket and pulled out a bar. “I kept a couple in my pockets the whole time. In case I lost my bag or something.”
“Who’s my smart girl?” Liam allowed himself a half grin and placed a kiss on her forehead. Then he handed the vial straight back, as if he couldn’t be rid of it fast enough, and took the bars. “We’ll hold onto one, shall we? And share the other. Like a last meal.”
“Indeed.”
They ate quietly, watching more people gather, like refugees, they were so much hungrier than the citizens in London. Had food conservation already started? She tried to imagine dying from hunger. The virus, as terrible as it was, had to be a better way to go.
Liam wrapped the last of the nutrient bar back up and put it in a pocket. “Must be time to open the doors.”
“I should take this then, shouldn’t I?”
Liam didn’t answer for a moment. Then he said, “You reckon they’re starving people in anticipation?”
“What do you mean?” Cassie closed her eyes and tried to conjure up a picture of Jack. She didn’t want to think about death or dying anymore.
“I mean suppose whole areas of the country are more starving than others, because the Prime Minister has ordered it, because they were already planning to release the virus there? The one we destroyed?”
“Probably. Who knows.”
“Do you think that means other places are getting better rations today?”
“How would I know?” She knew she sounded irritable, but Cassie couldn’t find Jack. It was like his memory knew of the terrible thing she was about to do, and had fled. “Maybe everyone in England is this bad off, and we never noticed.”
Liam stared at the ground. “I thought about that as well. I keep trying to remember, but all I can see are those poor people in France. How their hands were outstretched. Everywhere we went.”
Cassie looked at the vial. “I have to drink this. Then I die. You die. And we take thousands with us.” She turned to Liam. “Do you believe in heaven? Do you think they’ll refuse to let us in because of this?”
“Cass, I just don’t know.”
She shook the container, watching as the liquid settled. It was actually a pale blue colour. And there wasn’t much, the tube was just a couple of centimetres deep. Enough to wet the tongue. Hardly enough to make a mouthful. She’d wouldn’t even have to swallow, really. Just let the drops trickle down the back of her throat.
Then, not even realising what she was doing, Cassie snapped off the top and poured the contents into her mouth. She threw the vial against a wall with an anger she didn’t realise was inside her, and watched it shatter. For a second, she thought: I can’t do this! She was going to lose it all, the mouthful of nutrient bar and the sip of virus cocktail. Watch it all splatter between her feet on the road.
Bile rose in her throat, gagging her. She glanced at Liam, panic rising.
“Take a deep breath,” he said and took her hands. “Look me in the eyes and take a long, deep breath.”
She focussed on him, noticing how his eyes were pale blue again, not dark and stormy like earlier. She tried to swallow, but there was a lump blocking her throat.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Cassie concentrated on Liam, and suddenly the liquid was down.
“Done?”
Cassie nodded. “I thought I was going to lose it all.”
Liam put one arm around her and rubbed her back. “It’s done. We should probably get moving. They’ll start letting people in for their rations soon.”
Cassie rolled her tongue around the inside of her mouth. “You know it actually tasted sweet.”
“Really?” But Liam didn’t seem interested. He got to his feet and pulled her up off the kerb. “Before we get sick, I want to do one last thing.”
He leaned down towards her and gave her a kiss like she’d never had before.
Chapter 31
They walked up the street hand in hand, Cassie limping, and Liam helping her best he could. By the time they got to the head of the queue, Cassie had already coughed a couple of times.
“Is that the virus working – so soon?” Liam stared at her. “You’re a bit paler than usual.”
“That might be because I almost got sick trying to swallow.”
“Maybe.” Then Liam coughed. He put a hand to his forehead and then to hers. “My God. I hope we’re doing the right thing. No turning back now.”
While they were walking, the doors had opened, and the first people were filing inside the distribution centre.
“Do we have to breathe hard, pant or something?” Cassie asked.
“No idea.” Liam shrugged.
They walked along beside the people. Despite their ragged appearances – they’d still not washed or changed their clothes since their mission to France – no one turned to look at them. Everyone seemed to have a vacant expression, waiting for food whilst deep inside their own worlds, a ration book clutched in one hand, a ration box in the other. It was the look of desperate hunger that made Cassie gasp. All of them had it.
Liam coughed hard. He put a hand up to his mouth, but Cassie pulled it down. He gave her a weak grin as apology.
“I’m all achy,” she said suddenly. They were near the end of the line. New people were arriving all the time, but the shuffling step of those already there, ever forward into the distribution centre, kept the end in roughly the same place.
Goose bumps sprung up on her arms. She shivered, and pressed up against Liam, grabbed his arm and used him as a crutch. Her leg hurt so much.
“Come on, let’s wander over to the warehouse, and then come back here to sit. My legs are getting wobbly already. I’m not sure how much longer I can stay upright,” Liam said, “Especially as I’m having to hold you up already.” He gave her a weak grin as he directed them down another street.
There were less people there, but by the time they left, the odd cough could be heard inside the building.
The crowd gathered by the food distribution centre proved the infectiousness of the virus. Coughs rang out all around them. Did they even need to be here any more? They could hide somewhere, perhaps in a quiet alley, curl up in a doorway, arms around each o
ther and wait for the end. But they had promised Mr Clark and the Prime Minister. What if they were found to have abandoned the mission? Would that affect those they’d tried to save? Would that mean Jack would suffer?
“What a wonderful day. What a wonderful gift,” she said in a whisper.
“What did you say, Cass?” Liam asked.
“Sorry, it was nothing. Just something I heard a long time ago.” Her mind flitted back to the horrid Bob Devine. He killed the people who came on the show, the donors. Was her mission really that different? This, what they were doing now, that was the real Ultimate Choice.
Cassie and Liam sat next to the entrance, cuddled up next to each other. No one questioned their presence. A shiver ran through her, and a queasy sensation was building in her gut.
She’d told Mr Clark to help Jack. Made him promise. “If they need farmers, when they’ve cleared the land, would they consider Jack?” Mr Clark tried to nod, almost as a brush-off. “He could be trained,” she insisted.
“I’ll make sure it happens,” he’d said, but it seemed as if he avoided her eyes.
“Is your word good?” She’d grabbed hold of him, Liam had been a few steps ahead. He turned to see what was going on.
Mr Clark said nothing.
“Tell me you’ll help Jack, promise me!”
Cassie had been crying again as Mr Clark met her watery eyes and told her: “Yes.”
Memories haunted her as the cold bricks of the distribution centre chilled her. The empty vial had shattered on the wall when she threw it. Like fragments of her life, they shone in her mind. Reminded her of what had been. Her mother flashed up, yelling, her face contorted into a grimace, spittle flying, finger pointing. Always shouting at her, critical of everything, she never a kind word to say. Cassie wasn’t good enough, wasn’t smart enough, and somehow completely untalented, especially when compared to the other children in her school. Mother claimed she’d wasted her only chance to have a child on Cassie, and how the gift of life had been lost. And like a prophecy come true, Jack grew inside of her. The ultimate shame on her family. Cassie suffered childbirth, alone, scared and silent as she pushed her baby sin into the world. She remembered afterwards, the relief of his birth, and the wonder of putting him to her breast, his eyes opening as he focussed on hers for the first time.
The Ultimate Choice Page 24