Nick’s hold on his rigid little body tightened even more. Harry was now staring straight at Shanni, a trickle of sweat running down his forehead, and Shanni gave an involuntary shiver.
‘It’s gone, Harry,’ she said softly, holding his hands and not letting her eyes leave his, forcing him to keep looking at her. ‘We’re with you. You’re safe. Nick and I are right here. You’re with grown-ups who love you. There’s nothing to be afraid of.’
‘I…’ It was a wavering sob.
‘Nothing will touch you while you’re with us,’ Shanni said gently, flicking an upward glance at Nick. ‘I promise. That’s what we’re here for. To keep you safe.’
And-slowly-almost unbelievably-Harry nodded. Shanni saw his body slacken within Nick’s grasp, the awful rigidity fading with the terror.
And then-instantly-his little body slumped against Nick, his eyes closed and he slipped back into the safety of sleep, leaving Nick holding him as if he’d never let him go.
It took three of four minutes before either of them moved. Shanni was aware that she was shaking. She was warm enough-she was wearing very non-sexy long flannelette pyjamas-but Harry’s terror had left its shadows. It was still real and palpable in her heart.
She looked at Nick, and she knew he felt the same. And then some.
‘He’s safely asleep,’ she whispered at last. ‘He hardly woke up. Just long enough to be reassured. He probably won’t remember any of this tomorrow.’
‘I couldn’t get through to him,’ Nick said, shaken to the core. ‘I tried.’
‘It’s a trick you learn in kindergarten training,’ she said. ‘Never be gentle with a terrified child. Be direct. Bossy, even.’
He gave the ghost of a grin. ‘You were certainly that.’
‘Ask my family. Bossiness is my speciality.’ She rose, resplendent in her pink pyjamas with woolly sheep all over them, and Nick blinked at the vision she created. Amazing! ‘I guess…I’ll go back to bed now,’ she said. ‘If you slip him down under the covers it’s my guess he’ll keep right on sleeping.’
‘Yes.’ Nick looked down at Harry’s mop of unruly fair hair, and his mouth twisted into a grimace. There was a part of him that really didn’t want to let him go, Shanni thought as she watched. Ever…
He’d been hurt himself, she knew, and she was starting to figure out how badly. Nick had been down this road before, and maybe there hadn’t been a Shanni or a Nick or a Wendy for him.
‘He’s been hit in the past.’
‘Yes.’
‘Were you beaten as a child?’ she asked-and waited.
For a long minute she thought he wouldn’t answer. This was a closet that had long been locked, she guessed, never to be reopened, and here she was probing where it hurt most. But if the closet stayed locked, what was inside could well stay there for ever.
‘I don’t…’ He stopped, as if he didn’t know what else he could possibly say. Instead he did as Shanni suggested, letting Harry slip down onto the pillows. He adjusted his covers, touched his hair lightly with his strong fingers and then turned to face Shanni.
This was ridiculous. He was wearing boxer shorts-nothing else-and he was bare-chested and felt naked. And she was rumpled from sleep, her curls flying everywhere, and she was standing before him in those ridiculous sheepish pyjamas.
And suddenly he had to tell her. He had to tell someone.
No. He had to tell her. Explain why it was impossible for him to love.
‘Yes,’ he said harshly. ‘I was beaten. Badly. The last time…’
‘The last time?’
‘The last time my mother decided she wanted me. My stepfather didn’t. He gave me a pretty bad time before I was taken away.’
How old were you then?
‘Seven.’
It was as much as he could say, but she needed to know no more.
‘Nick…’
‘Don’t you dare feel sorry for me,’ he said roughly-more roughly than he’d intended. ‘That was twenty-five years ago, and if I’m not over it now I never will be.’
‘I don’t think you can ever be over something like that.’
‘Like being mistreated? Lots of kids are.’
‘Like not being loved,’ she whispered. ‘Kids can bounce back from a bad time-but if they don’t think they’re loved…’
‘Harry’ll be okay.’
She hadn’t been talking about Harry-but now she turned to look down at the little boy, following Nick’s gaze. Even though the king-sized bed had been split into two, Harry’s share of the bed still seemed absurdly large for one so small.
‘I guess…’ she smiled and turned back to Nick ‘…if you stay on his side…’
‘Hey, I’m committing myself to nothing here,’
‘You’ve already committed,’ she told him. ‘You know it. It’s scaring you stupid, but you can no sooner walk away from him now than you could fly.’
‘I can’t adopt him.’ Heck, what was she saying?
‘I know that. Harry knows that.’ Her smile softened, and suddenly her hands came out and took his. ‘But it doesn’t stop either of us from knowing that you’re committed to loving him. Right up to here.’ She did her tiptoes thing again-but this time she reached up and kissed him on the forehead.
‘And we think you’re just wonderful.’ Her voice was husky with emotion. ‘A vote’s been taken, Magistrate Daniels. The court’s come to a verdict, and the verdict is fantastic.’
It was a gamble, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Shanni stood absolutely still, her hands still holding Nick’s, and her heart seemed to stop beating. The whole world seemed to hold its breath.
She’d laid her heart on the line here, she thought dazedly. She could do no more than that. Nick might not want commitment but he had it-right here in his hands.
And he stared down at her with his dark, fathomless eyes, and she knew that his heart was torn, just as hers was.
But hers had come to a decision.
‘Nick,’ she whispered, and her heart reached out for him. ‘Nick, love…’
‘Shanni…’
It was too much. She stood in his grasp, in her absurd pyjamas with her heart on her sleeve and all the love and compassion and care in the world right there in her eyes.
A man would have to be inhuman to resist something so lovely. So utterly, wonderfully desirable.
This was not sensible. But nothing tonight was sensible.
With a groan that felt almost like the breaking of chains, Nick took her into his arms and kissed her.
CHAPTER NINE
SHANNI had been kissed before. Many times. Starting from when she was about twelve or maybe even before. Mary had been right when she’d told Nick the McDonald girls were desirable and boys were interested from the time they could walk. So she knew what to expect. Or she thought she did. What she got was-different.
It was Nick.
She’d felt this force fleetingly, in the car the night they’d mock-kissed outside the farmhouse, but not like this. This was like a zillion volts charging right through her, starting somewhere about her toes, coursing straight through from her lips, into Nick’s body and back to her again.
This was…right. This was how it should be, she thought wonderingly. It was as if their worlds had been heading along two different paths until this moment, but now the paths had converged. Ended. Reached their destination and their destiny.
This was where she was meant to be. Shanni’s awareness of anything but this man had shut down entirely. There was only Nick, and her whole body was lighting up as if it was on fire.
Nothing like this had happened to her before. She couldn’t believe she felt like this, and he felt it too. He must. Somehow…she knew.
Nick’s hands were holding her body into his, pulling her up to meet his kiss, and she could feel the rough maleness of his chest beneath her breasts. Her hands felt the naked expanse of his back and she clung-and clung and clung.
Nick…
; Nick!
Dear heaven, she wanted him. Her thighs were on fire. Her whole body was on fire. There was a white-hot melt starting somewhere in the region of her heart.
Who knew where it had come from? How it had started? Who knew?
Maybe it had begun with attraction and compassion and the fact that Nick was a man and Shanni was a woman and he was funny and gorgeous and like no one she’d ever met before. But now… It wasn’t like that now.
It was as if they were cleaved together. Like magnet to metal-two forces irresistibly linked with a force neither had recognised until this kiss.
Nick!
But… Harry was in the bed behind them!
The little boy was fast-asleep, night terrors gone. There was little chance he would wake now-but he was there, and he was in the only part of consciousness she was capable of raising.
Nick was aware of him, too. Almost as soon as the thought of responsibilities entered her mind, the thought was with him as well. He needed to say nothing. She could feel it.
She knew this man, and together they could not forget the little one. Never.
So he put her away from him-just fractionally, but the force it took was unimaginable and the link remained, unbroken.
‘One moment… Not here. But…Shanni, love, wait.’
He moved swiftly to the bedside-drawer and she knew what he was fetching-knew it and gloried in it, because this was right. Now! Now was right.
And then he was back, sweeping her up to lie in his arms, his eyes caressing her, making love to her without a single sound. Then he turned to Harry’s bed.
For a moment they gazed down together at the sleeping child, ensuring his sleep was as sound as they knew it must be. Their need for each other was urgent, but not so urgent they could forget how much this little boy needed them.
But Harry needed nothing. His face was calmly peaceful, almost smiling, and Shanni’s mouth curved into a smile to match. It was the smile of one who knew what it was to be loved.
‘He won’t wake,’ she whispered, and it was a proclamation of love all by itself.
And then, silently, they left the room. Nick carried her into the adjoining room where the big bed waited, and he left the doors ajar so they could hear Harry if he woke.
As Shanni had known Nick would. She knew this man so well. She was so close to him.
And she wanted to be closer.
‘My love…’
‘Hush.’ Nick’s dark eyes gleamed down at her, desire flaring. It was too late to draw back now, and both of them knew it. It was too late for separation.
Shanni’s bed was before them, the covers thrown back from when she’d left with such haste. Nick laid down his precious burden and then stood, looking down at her in the dim light cast from the street lights outside.
And all the love and desire and the longing in the world were in that look, Shanni thought lovingly. A man hungering for what he’d thought he could never have.
She raised her hands, pleading.
‘Come to bed, my love,’ she whispered. ‘Come to me…’
But with a superhuman effort he held back, and heaven knew how. ‘Shanni…’ Somehow he made his voice work, and, again, heaven only knew the effort it cost him. ‘Are you sure?’
Was she sure? How could he ask that question? How could she not be sure?
This was her man. Nick was her love and nothing had ever felt so right in her life before.
‘I love you, Nick Daniels,’ she said, and her eyes gently teased him. ‘I loved you even when you wore your horrid tie and I thought you were nothing but a city lawyer on the make-and that’s saying something. But now I can run my fingers through your hair and you’re a country magistrate who belongs with me, begorra.’ She twinkled up at him but her smile was pleading. ‘And you’re the most desirable man I’ve ever met in my life before. If only you’ll come closer…’
‘Shanni…’
‘Get down here, Nick Daniels.’ She seized his hands and pulled him down to her, and he was so stunned he almost fell. Full-length he came to her, his naked chest crushing her breasts under her crazy pyjamas and his body stiffening with desire as her fingers came up and raked through his unruly hair…
With such tenderness he thought he’d melt with wanting her.
Dear God, he was on fire.
And so was she.
‘Love me,’ she whispered in the night. ‘Nick, love me-now.’
It wasn’t Nick doing the seduction. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her, and there was no possibility he could pull back.
The consequences of this night would just have to wait until tomorrow.
For tonight, there was only Shanni.
But no matter how long the night-or how wonderful-there was always the morning. The dawn saw Nick wide awake, staring up at the ceiling as if it had betrayed him.
By his side, Shanni slept on. His arm was around her, holding her close, and her nakedness and her warmth were still arousing him as no woman had ever aroused him in his life.
He thought she was the most beautiful, the most desirable, the most wonderful being he had ever met.
But he felt…wrong. Trapped?
She must have sensed it. Somehow… Her eyes flew open, she smiled at him with that smile he knew and loved so much it hurt, and her fingers came up to trace the furrow between his brows.
‘My love… Nick, what is it?’
The knowledge had been with him all night-not mentioned until now. But it was time to speak and it had to be said.
‘You didn’t tell me it was your first time,’ he said heavily, and her eyes widened.
‘No.’ She thought it over, still sleepy with love and warmth and happiness. ‘I didn’t. Does it matter?’
‘Yes.’
She smiled again and shrugged. This was nonsense. ‘I can’t see why.’
‘Shanni, you’ve been engaged. I thought…’
‘You thought what? And I have not been engaged!’ That woke her. She pushed herself up on one elbow and glared down at him in mock indignation. ‘Are you saying there’s something wrong with me because I didn’t sleep with John?’ There was such revulsion in her voice that he almost grinned.
‘No, but…’
‘But what?’
‘Why me?’ he said, and she stared down at him, her smile fading. The echo of his trouble shadowed her face.
And what could she say? There was only room for the truth. What was between them was too wonderful for anything less. ‘I guess…I guess I wanted it to be special. The first time…’
‘And?’
‘And it was.’ But her smile was now uncertain. ‘For you, too?’
‘Of course. But Shanni…’
‘I know it’s not your first time.’ She smiled, teasing him. ‘Or I assumed. Unless you’ve been saving your condom just for me for all these years…’
‘Shanni…’
‘I’m not fussed.’ She turned within his hold and kissed him lightly on the mouth-and his need for her rose so strongly within that it was almost overpowering. ‘What’s past is past.’
Only it wasn’t. His past was always with him.
‘I’m not what you want,’ he said heavily.
Silence. Then… ‘What exactly is it that you think I want, Nick Daniels?’ Her voice was low-husky-and somehow there was a hint of anger in it. ‘Apart from you making love to me.’
‘I don’t know.’ His arm tightened around her shoulders, involuntarily, catching her to him again. ‘Husband material, maybe?’
The anger was definitely there. She hauled herself out of his arms, sat up in bed and glared at him for all she was worth.
‘You’re kidding. You think I’ll be expecting to marry you now-just because I’ve slept with you?’
Yeah. Maybe he did think that. He blinked, flummoxed, but she was still on her soapbox.
‘Just because I wanted it to be special doesn’t mean I wanted it to be that special! So you can take that look of a trapped dodo
right out of your eyes-this minute! And make love to me again.’
‘I…’
‘Are you refusing?’
‘No.’ Hell, no! ‘But…’
‘Stop thinking, my lovely Nicholas,’ she ordered. ‘Men are always dangerous when they think. I said I love you and I do, but loving you doesn’t mean I’m setting any trap. I’m taking each moment as it comes, and so should you. So shut up, lie back and think of England. Do anything but think!’
Only, of course he did think.
He made love to her as if there was no tomorrow, and at the back of his mind he knew just how desperately he was falling in love with this lady. She’d said she loved him and the words had exposed a hunger he hadn’t known he was capable of. But…could he return it? Could he forge a tomorrow for them? He loved her, sure, but to be a part of a family…
They showered-together-and dressed and were waiting respectably when Harry woke. And still Nick thought…
They took Harry to the zoo-and decided meerkats were the most wonderful animals in the world-and they laughed at the seals and gawked at giraffes and ate popcorn and lay on the lawns and soaked up the sun-and all the while Nick thought.
Could he take this further? If so, how far? She was so wonderful. This was so wonderful.
Could he let himself fall…?
He had his whole life mapped out, and Shanni wasn’t in it, but suddenly his life plans were looking pretty bleak. Shanni, on the other hand, was looking more desirable by the minute. She lay on her back on the grass and ate her ice-cream cone upside down-‘A feat I’ve been practising for a zillion years,’ she said-and she chuckled with Harry and told Nick he was soooo boring for choosing vanilla and choosing to eat his ice-cream the right way up.
And she found a T-shirt with a meerkat printed on the front-and promptly bought an extra-large one for Nick and a very small one for Harry and insisted Harry and Nick put them on immediately.
So Nick was forced to buy her one too-of course-and they walked around the zoo in three matching, ridiculous meerkat shirts-and then Nick saw a sign asking for sponsors to adopt a meerkat, and they promptly adopted one called Tim, because he had a sore foot and he was Harry’s favourite.
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