Thank God. His shoulders sank with relief. “That’s great.”
“Yeah. It’s kinda crazy how things turned around so quickly. The city even pushed the inspection back to November. She just has to have it done before taking any registrations for next summer.”
She swept her long hair over her shoulder. “Oh, and something about some kind of tax cancelation. I didn’t get the details, but Cass was floored.”
She wasn’t the only one. The city must’ve already decided to take its own action in rectifying some of Mom’s mistakes. Regardless of how her trial played out, hopefully she’d find the courage to take responsibility for the rest.
Could he say the same about himself? He grimaced at the pine boards at his feet. What a world-class jerk he’d been.
Ti strolled across the deck and peered behind her once she reached the door. “And Ethan?” She jutted her chin at the scrapbook in his hand. “There are lots of empty pages in the back. Make sure you don’t leave them that way.” With a telling grin to match her charge, she nodded and slipped inside.
In the quiet, Ethan studied the photo from his and Cass’s childhood. Side by side, two lives intersected from the very beginning. He didn’t understand the way God worked. He still had more questions than he wanted to admit. But maybe one answer was all he needed.
He flipped through the pages again, conviction building with each turn. The memory of Cass telling him about the journal her dad had given her flooded back as he ran his hand along a blank page at the end.
“I opened it every day the year he left us, but I never wrote in it. Not once. I kept thinking, if I could just figure out how to rewrite my story, it’d be good enough that he’d come back.”
Was that how she felt about him, too? The thought burned in his chest and propelled him up the stairs. He couldn’t leave the pages empty even if he tried. They’d been writing him home all along.
chapter twenty-four
Promises
Showered and trimmed, Ethan threw on a thermal Henley, shook his hair into place, and gripped either side of the sink.
If he stared in the mirror long enough, maybe his reflection would eventually convince him he was more confident than he felt. His nerves hadn’t stopped building since Ti left almost four hours ago.
He tapped both his cheeks. “Time to man up.”
On his way out, he stopped beside Nonna’s chair in the living room to kiss the top of her head.
She whistled. “Now, there’s my good-looking grandson.”
He waved behind him.
“Ethan?”
With his hand on the doorknob, he turned and met a smile that’d pulled him through a ridiculous number of trials throughout his life.
Nonna stroked Lady’s ears and nodded, saying enough through her eyes alone. “Ti amo.”
He dipped his chin and opened the door. “Love you, too.” More than he could say. “Ciao.”
He hustled to his Jeep and swerved out of the driveway. Jeez, his heart could’ve outraced the engine. What was his deal? This wasn’t the first time he’d had to apologize.
His stomach squeezed as he rounded the corner onto the main road. Apologizing he could handle. Her response was what worried him. Would she forgive him? Was it fair to ask?
He shifted into third gear and flicked the air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror. Why did he have to be such a hothead and stay away this long?
The wind rolling off the mountainside curved around the windshield and poured down his collar. Good thing he’d thrown on a thermal. The temperature was dropping faster than the sunset. Then again, if his pulse kept picking up, maybe that was a good thing. Relax, already.
A glimpse of the food mart sign passed behind him. He slammed on the brakes, backed up, and pulled into the parking lot for one quick thing. Reinforcements couldn’t hurt.
Back on the road, he rotated his neck and shoulders. What was he gonna say to her once he got there? Sorry for being Schmuck of the Year? She had every right to tell him to pack his things. Or not to talk to him at all. He’d certainly played that card well enough himself.
He turned at the sign and released a slow breath. The driveway had never felt longer. Parked between the Passat and smart car, he scanned the quiet property. Someone must’ve come in to clear out the wreckage left from the fire. Was the insurance company taking care of it? He could kick himself for missing this last week.
As soon as Ethan shut his door, Sandy’s head popped up from the cement slab left where the canteen had been. He scratched his ear with his hind leg and panted.
Ethan crouched and patted his leg. Sandy sprinted over, mounted his front paws on Ethan’s thighs, and licked his chin and neck.
“I know, boy. I missed you, too.” Ethan lowered Sandy’s paws to the ground and pushed up to his feet. “What do you think my chances are that Cass will forgive me as easily?”
Sandy curled his foot over his nose and folded his ears.
Grinning, Ethan rubbed his shaggy head. “Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking, too.” He looked for any movement inside the mess hall. “You know where she is?”
Sandy stopped panting and tilted his head as if trying to decipher what Ethan asked.
He couldn’t help laughing. He gave Sandy’s ears another good ruffle and jogged up to the deck.
Inside, he peeked in the office on his way past the stairs. Light from the kitchen trickled down the hall toward Cass’s dark bedroom.
A mixed aroma of coffee and pasta slowed his steps. He better not be walking in on them eating dinner. That’d be real classy. He clutched the shopping bag in his hand and poked his head around the doorway.
“Took you long enough.” Ti leaned a hip against the counter while scooping up a forkful of pasta from a pan on the stovetop.
He slinked in, still holding his breath until the empty breakfast table came into view. His gaze rebounded toward the pan of lasagna. “You made dinner?”
“Ha. Do I look like I could’ve made this?” She traded her fork for a coffee mug. “Cass said it was your recipe. Well, minus the meat.”
No meat? What was the point? He leaned over the pan. Still smelled delicious, though. No arguing that. He looked from the pan to Ti, her comment finally registering. “Wait, Cass made this? She never cooks.”
“Never say never.” She poured him a cup of coffee.
He savored the sip. “Now, that’s perfect.”
“It ought to be. The girl’s brewed enough of that Italian blend to turn this place into Little Italy.” She laughed. “I think the smell reminds her of you.”
“Does that mean she doesn’t hate me?”
Ti rolled her eyes. “I’m not even gonna answer that.”
Fair enough. “Where is she?”
She cast a glance toward the mess hall and back. “Actually, I’m not sure. She was buzzing around the kitchen like a half hour ago. I don’t know where she ran off to.”
Knowing Cass, she was probably back to work.
Tiny claws landed above his calves. He turned toward expectant eyes looking up at him from a split-colored face. Jax dropped his paws to the floor, rubbed against Ethan’s shin, and meowed. Okay, if Jax didn’t hate him either, maybe he was luckier than he thought.
“Are we calling it a truce, big guy?” Ethan bent halfway over to pet him, stiffened, and sneezed. “Or, maybe not.” He backed up toward the side door. Puffy eyes and a welted neck wasn’t the look he was going for right now.
“Try the boathouse,” Ti said as he opened the screen.
Good call. Outside, a hazy glow covered the deck from a sky caught between day and night. He stopped above the stairs, looked across the quiet field, and breathed. After almost thirty years of smelling pine and hay, you’d think it would’ve lost some of its effect.
He shook his head and smiled at the reminder of Ti’s words. “You can travel the world, chasing after something that’s missing. But sometimes it takes coming home to remember who you are.”
&nbs
p; And who you wanted to be with. He wrapped the excess of the shopping bag around the box inside it and jogged down the stairs to search for the best part of what made this place home.
Taking the long way around, he swung by the softball field, just in case. Two deer lifted their heads from the grass along the far tree line. They had to have some keen ears to hear his movement over the crickets chirping up a storm in the gully.
He crept toward the white bases until a fox’s shrill bark stopped him short. The deer darted into the woods, leaving him alone in the empty field.
He laughed. What was he thinking? Cass wouldn’t be out here at night by herself. The memory of her latching on to him the day she’d heard a fox for the first time rushed over him. Her soft hands on his arm, the petrified look in her eyes, the panic when she’d realized she’d shown any hint of fear. His laugh faded into an ache. Man, he missed her.
Across the property, he approached the dark boatshed. He tugged on the new lock and peered through the window. The insurance adjuster must’ve been by already. Either she’d hired someone to clean up the place, or she’d done it herself. He tapped his forehead on the glass. He should’ve been here.
He flipped around and hunched against the door. Maybe she left when she saw his Jeep pull up. But her car was still here. Did she go for a run? Wouldn’t be the first time she went off by herself this late.
The thought clipped into his side. If something happened to her because she was trying to avoid seeing him, he’d . . .
The hill where they’d stretched out under the stars stole his focus. The night replayed in his mind. Their talk, the way she’d let him hold her, their walk to . . . Cassidy’s voice hit him between the eyes. “The camp’s been a safe haven for me. This cabin especially.”
He batted himself in the face with the bag and pushed off the door. “Way to be slow on the uptake, DeLuca.” Without a flashlight this time, he kept his gaze on the trail, dodging overgrown roots as he went. There better not be any bats swooping above him right now.
In front of the cabin, he hopped over the three steps leading to the porch and stalled at the door. No matter how she reacted to seeing him, he’d say what he’d come to say. He breathed a quick prayer while turning the knob.
The dim overhead light streaked across the bunks lined against both sides of the room. Cass rose from one in the middle, guitar sliding down her side to the floor. Barefoot, she barely stood taller than the top bunk, and everything in him wanted to lift her into his arms.
His heart rate picked up and turned his mouth dry. He fidgeted with the shopping bag as he edged toward her.
Instead of the bandana he’d expected, a white band held her hair back in a loose ponytail above a turquoise sweater that put her hazel eyes in a whole new category of captivating.
His mouth might as well have been swabbed with a dozen cotton balls. He forced down a swallow as his gaze drifted from the stray curls along her neck to her eyes. “Hi.”
Really? After all the time you had to think of what to say, you chose “hi”?
“Hey.” She ran her hands down her arms and clasped her elbows, probably wondering what the heck he was doing here.
If he could make his mouth work, maybe he could explain. He thrust the bag at her before he crushed the box inside it. “I thought you might need these.” That didn’t come out right. Wow, he was really batting a thousand, wasn’t he?
A slow smile climbed her cheek as she pulled the box of Swedish Fish out. Okay, maybe he wasn’t completely striking out.
“I turned the mart upside down, looking for the oldest expiration date. Turns out people only stock fresh candy. Weird, right?” He nudged her with his arm.
Her lips hitched to the left. “They’re missing out.”
How had he gone a week without seeing that impish grin every day?
Her arm sagged to her side, her smile following.
He gripped the bedpost to keep from reaching for her. Garnering a smile from her was one thing. Getting her to take him back was another thing entirely.
A deep breath expanded across her shoulders. She lowered her head and toyed with the corner of the box. “I haven’t stopped thinking of how to apologize if you came back. And now that you’re here . . .”
He smoothed his fingers over her cheek, wanting to take away any guilt he’d caused her. What he’d do to rewind time and never leave.
She set her hand over his. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. For all of it. I had no idea. I . . . I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“Maybe that’s because I’m the one who needs to apologize.” He inched closer, breath coming hard and fast as his fingers wove into her hair. He brushed his thumb over her soft cheek. God help him. If he stayed this close to her, he’d never get the words out.
Praying again for strength, he backed up and turned. “It’s not your fault.”
“How can you say that? You heard what Jesse said.”
The turmoil in her voice resonated across the floorboards and held his insides in a vice grip. “The condemnation part? Yeah, I did. And like an idiot, I latched on to it.”
He circled to face her. “I’m sorry for giving into anger. For directing it at you, at myself. At anyone. Truth is, no one knows for sure how the fire started. Even if it was from that cigarette, it was an accident, Cass.”
She tossed the box of candy onto the mattress. “An accident that cost your sister her life.”
“And one that connected your life to mine.” He started for her but stopped and craned his head toward the rafters. “I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve tried to rewrite the past. Or worse, pretend it never happened. But we can’t. You know that as much as I do. The past is a part of us. It always will be.” He lowered his gaze to her tear-filled eyes. “But it’s just one part.”
Slow strides brought him near her again. “I’m not saying we can make it through life without regrets. But I’d rather stumble through a hundred mistakes with you than walk alone, pretending my world makes sense without you.”
He lifted his hand to her curls. “I’ve missed you, Cass. I’ve missed finding random strands of your hair on all my shirts.”
Her mouth pursed beneath her freckled nose.
Laughing, he traced her cheekbone and glided his thumb over the corner of her tight lips. “I’ve missed facing this headstrong expression every day. I’ve missed fighting with you, hearing you laugh, watching you work with such drive and commitment.”
He unfolded her arms and ran his fingers down to hers. “I’ve spent so long running from home, from myself. And after only one week with you, I found both.”
Her lashes pressed together. Tears coursed off her chin onto her sweater.
He let go of her hand and cupped her cheek. “I can’t promise I won’t ever disappoint you. Or that I won’t always want to try to fix things when I shouldn’t.” Heart racing, he waited for her eyes to find his. “But I promise not to leave you again. No matter how hard it gets.”
A smile caught her tears. “Even when I’m scared and push you away?”
“As long as you don’t sick bats on me.”
She slapped his shoulder and slid her arms around his neck.
He leaned back just far enough to see the sassy grin that’d hooked him from the beginning. “Sono innamorato di te.” He searched her eyes. “I’m in love with you, Cassidy McAdams. I think I always have been.”
Breathing in everything that made her her, he sank into the place he belonged. Her lips moved against his, soft and slow. Sensations traveled down his body, but it was more than attraction. More than the pull to comfort her or the need to protect her. It ran deeper. To a place inside him he could finally draw from.
Her fingers drifted from his neck and trailed down his chest. Her lashes swept toward him, hazel eyes more vulnerable than ever. His stomach knotted. What was she thinking?
She picked up her guitar and set it on the bed beside them. “My dad forwarded an email from his contact at Cornell.”
A torn smile pulled at her lips. “You’re in. You can start this fall.”
He’d gotten the same email, but it still seemed surreal. Did she think he’d go without her? Was that what she was worried about? “Ithaca’s close enough to make trips home on the weekends to check on the camp and Nonna. We can both find apartments there. Take Sandy with us.” He circled around the bunk and swayed his head. “And Jax.”
A grin hiked up her cheek. “Can’t forget Jax.”
“Never.” He curled the tips of his fingers under hers, sincerity taking hold. “Come with me.”
“And leave all this?” Her laugh petered as she took in the rustic cabin. “I can’t.”
She moved to the window and rested her arms on the sill. “Now that they’re holding Nick on arson charges, it should be a little less dramatic around here. The insurance company’s covering most of the damage, and my dad’s helping me brainstorm ways to generate capital during the off seasons, so . . .” She turned and raised her shoulders. “I think we’re gonna be okay.”
“You asked your dad for help?” He pitched a brow.
She slanted one right back. “This really obnoxious person once told me it’s okay to accept help every now and then.”
“Oh, really.” He edged closer. “Sounds like a pretty wise guy.”
“He has his moments.”
Ethan tipped his head back. “Not nearly as many as you.”
“Glad we agree on something.”
Still laughing, he curved an arm around her waist. “I’m proud of you, Cass. I know calling your dad wasn’t easy.”
She shrugged. “It’s kind of hard to deny someone forgiveness when you need it as much as they do.”
He couldn’t look away from her—this incredible girl who had no idea how brave she was. Through everything, he’d thought he was here to show her how to open her heart, but she’d been the one opening his the whole time.
Her forehead creased. “What?”
He laced his fingers behind her back. “I was just thinking I have no idea what happens after today. I don’t have any answers. Except that we’ll figure it out together.”
Write Me Home Page 23