“Of course. You’re all she talked about this morning at breakfast,” Neill said, relieved that Lilly was there for a few days. Morgan missed her mother.
Experience had taught him that Lilly, as much as she loved their daughter, would stick around until she was assured that Morgan was being competently cared for. Once she was satisfied, she’d return to her medical supply business in Houston. Lilly had purchased the company with proceeds from her parents’ estate, and she had insisted Neill move to Houston with her. That was the first major disagreement they’d had. He couldn’t see himself as chief operating officer of a company any more than he could imagine living in Houston. They’d compromised; he’d stayed in Boston but had agreed to be on the board of directors.
Lilly had left Boston, leaving their daughter behind with promises of returning every other weekend and holidays and taking Morgan to Houston for her school break, most of which never happened. Parenting was not one of Lilly’s strengths. Maybe it wasn’t his, either, if the move had caused Morgan’s seizure.
“And we have to get to work,” he said, glancing from Gayle to Sherri.
“Hope your daughter is able to go home soon,” Sherri said, her smile open and friendly. “Let me know if you need anything while you’re here.”
“Thank you, I will.”
Lilly touched Neill’s arm as he walked her to the connecting doors between the clinic and the hospital. “When you’re finished with your clinic, we need to talk about Morgan. I’m worried about her.”
“Me, too. Wait for me, will you?” he asked, feeling the weight of Lilly’s concerned expression, one he knew only too well. Lilly didn’t like problems, especially those that were unsolvable. When they’d first met, he’d been drawn to her take-charge approach, as had many of his classmates. They’d been dating for two months when she’d asked him to marry her. Flattered and in love, or so he had believed, he’d said yes.
Lilly Russell was a natural leader, exciting to be around back then. Now, her determination to lead, to take control, grated against his need to go slow, to be more thoughtful and circumspect about life.
But they’d continued to disregard their differences until the day they’d been forced to accept that the love and excitement had gone from their relationship. There didn’t seem to be any point in blaming each other. They had their own careers. Though they still shared a friendship and a love for Morgan, loving each other had become a distant memory.
As Lilly walked through the doors, Neill turned his attention to the pile of charts on the counter. “Where do we start?”
“Follow me,” Sherri said, picking up the charts.
He matched her stride as they moved down the corridor. “Sherri, it’s great to see you again. I’ve taken over my uncle’s practice,” he said lamely, anxious to smooth over the obvious lack of rapport between them.
“Yes, your uncle was an excellent physician.”
Was that skepticism he heard in her voice over his ability to step into his uncle’s shoes? “Yeah, and now he and Aunt Mildred are enjoying retirement in Sarasota.”
Sherri made no response as they moved down the corridor. Patients were waiting in each of the exam rooms. Sherri called out to several as they passed, and the warmth and compassion with which she treated each of them didn’t surprise Neill. She had a gift for making people feel appreciated.
Especially the skinny kid with the doting parents whose only ambition had been to go to med school. During the months they’d dated in high school, he’d loved her most for the way she’d made him feel valued. Appreciated.
He smiled to himself as he watched her. This was her life now, and her devotion to her job was evident.
Still, being near her again reminded him of how close they’d been during their last year of school. He’d gone off to university homesick for her and the idyllic world they’d shared.
He hadn’t heard from her after the short, really awkward phone call about two months after he’d moved to Boston. She’d told him she was expecting his baby, and he’d behaved so stupidly and so hurtfully, he’d been ashamed. But when he had called back to talk to her, she hadn’t answered the phone. And every time he’d tried after that day, she’d refused to speak to him. She was in her first year of the nursing program in Bangor, part of the dream they’d shared, a dream about working together as doctor and nurse. When he’d left for Boston, he’d wanted her to go with him, but she hadn’t made it into the nursing program she’d applied to in Boston.
After her brief call about the baby, he hadn’t heard from her again, although he kept trying. Then one day when he’d called, her roommate had answered and told him Sherri had quit nursing, that she had left no forwarding phone number. He’d called her parents’ house to be told she’d married Sam Crawford, a man two years ahead of them in high school and a guy Sherri had dated in tenth grade.
Wanting to congratulate her on her marriage, he’d gotten her number from her mother. When the message he’d left wasn’t returned, he didn’t try again. Was his pride hurt? Probably. And he’d let his busy life take over, a life he was so sure he wanted back then.
His mother had told him about the death of their baby, and then about Sam’s death in a boating accident. He’d tried to phone Sherri when he heard about the baby, but she wouldn’t take his call. When her husband had died, he’d tried again with no response from her. He’d tried to write her a letter, but his words about being taken by surprise, needing time to absorb what she was telling him, seemed so immature and selfish he’d torn it up. Walking beside her now, remembering the past, his neck glowed hot with embarrassment.
Back then he’d told himself he’d done everything he could to reach out to her, but he recognized what a total lie that was. He could have done so much more. Having Morgan in his life, he knew a joy he’d never known before. Yet he’d denied the same joy to Sherri by not supporting her during the pregnancy.
Being back in familiar surroundings made him remember what they’d once had between them, how he’d missed her during those early years. And now those old feelings were back. “Sherri, can we talk?”
“About what?” she asked. Her hazel eyes flared green.
He motioned toward the medical dictation room.
Once inside, he stood next to the counter. “Look, I don’t know how to say this, and I’ll probably get it wrong.” His smile, meant to be encouraging, faltered against the stiff set of her lips. “We meant so much to each other, yet everything’s changed between us... I want you to know how sorry I am.”
“About what?”
He could only imagine her devastation at the loss of their child. “The...baby.”
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Her tone was hard, uncompromising.
“Yes, it probably is,” he replied, aware of the emotional distance between them. “And Sam. I’m sorry. I liked him. He... His father gave me my first job in his hardware store,” he said, fumbling his words.
“Sam was a good person, a good husband.”
“You didn’t take his name?”
Her sadness evident, she murmured, “No. He wanted me to. I should have. His parents weren’t comfortable with my decision, but they didn’t say anything.”
A mix of emotions, some he couldn’t identify, cascaded through him. The sudden urge to touch her nearly overwhelmed him. “Look, this isn’t easy for either of us, but we’ll be working together,” he continued, determined to say what needed to be said.
“You mean you don’t want anything to interfere with our professional relationship.” She stood just inside the door of the tiny room, her arms crossed. “I agree completely.”
Her words sounded so cold, so impersonal, making him suddenly aware that he hadn’t said what he’d meant at all. “That’s part of it.” He sought her eyes, needing her encouragement to continue. “I want us
to meet somewhere, not here, but somewhere we can catch up, reestablish contact.”
“Why?” she demanded, her eyes harboring suspicion. “What would you and I have to discuss at this point in our lives?”
“I...I didn’t recognize you yesterday. I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t remember you. I do.” Feeling suddenly very awkward, he jammed his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. “You surprised me,” he blurted out.
“How?”
“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“You thought I’d never come back here because of what happened,” she said, her gaze aimed directly at him.
“Maybe...” Why did he feel so tongue-tied around her? He never used to be.
“It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?” she asked, her voice clear and untroubled.
“That’s my point. I want us to—”
“Neill, please don’t say any more. You and I have a clinic to do. Let’s leave it at that.”
Her voice conveyed strength, but her eyes swam with emotion. Seeing her anguish, he leaned toward her. With their bodies nearly touching in the narrow room, their heat mingling, need flared in him. He wanted to take her in his arms, awaken those old feelings. “Do you remember that night at Reef Point Lighthouse—”
* * *
“DON’T!”
His body was so close, so touchable. Sherri closed her eyes to block out the image of him, of that night—his body pressed to hers, the excitement and their happiness.
“Seeing you again has brought it all back for me,” he murmured.
Did he remember that night the way she did? Their lovemaking, the raw need driven by the knowledge that very soon they’d go their separate ways to different places, all the while vowing to love each other forever.
What that night had cost her would live forever in her memory—the night she’d conceived. In the excitement of their graduation party, they hadn’t used protection. When her pregnancy test had come back positive, she’d been so eager to share her news with Neill, believing he would be excited at the prospect of a child. It would be difficult to raise a baby while Neill did his medical degree and she’d have to drop out of nursing school when the baby was born, but she had faith in them, in their love. They could do it...together.
She’d called, prepared to tell him. He’d been so full of stories about his career, his hopes and dreams, none of which fit with the arrival of a baby. When she’d finally cranked up her courage to tell him, he’d acted like she was kidding him. He’d wanted to know what she wanted him to do about a baby, as if their baby was some sort of undesirable nuisance. She’d been so upset, she’d hung up the phone, convinced that she would never be able to get him to understand that she loved him and their baby.
Maybe she should’ve tried harder for her baby’s sake. Should have called him back, given him another chance. But he’d become so involved in university life in Boston that she’d felt she no longer fit in his world. She didn’t want his pity, didn’t want him to feel obligated to do the right thing. Or worse, pretend he cared.
As she met his gaze, confusion and doubt stilled her heart. “It was graduation night, and we were dancing under the moon.”
“And you never looked more beautiful.”
Don’t let yourself remember. Don’t. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.
She took a deep breath, willing herself to speak calmly. “We have to get back to work.”
His fidgeted with his tie, ran his hands through his hair. Mesmerized, her eyes followed his hands as she recalled the excitement of his touch.
“Sherri, I’d like to see you sometime. Socially, I mean. Dinner perhaps?”
How could he possibly think he could make up for the past and what they’d lost by inviting her out to dinner?
Yet his voice, his openness as he looked at her and his uneasy smile—they were all so familiar. She waited to see if he’d rub the back of his neck after running his hands through his hair.
When he did, a rush of feeling—long held hostage by her fear—flooded to the surface. It was as if he’d never been gone. She stepped back in shock and disbelief.
How could he still have this effect on her?
She had to stop herself from reaching for him, for everything his love had once offered her. “Dinner? That’s hardly necessary,” she said over the blood pounding in her ears. She leaned against the wall for support, hoping he didn’t notice her apprehension.
When would she ever be free of these feelings? It had been twelve long years since she’d seen him...since he’d seen her. And still he held the power to make her want him.
“A date for coffee then. We can go anywhere you’d like. We could escape to Portland,” he said, his voice flowing around her.
Searching for an easy exit, she glanced around. Several patients stood outside the room, their curiosity directed at the two of them. All she needed was for people to start talking about her and Neill—talk that could lead to questions whose answers could hurt her and her family. “Dr. Brandon, this isn’t the time or place,” she cautioned.
“I’m only asking for a chance to talk things out,” he countered.
Why should she agree to meet him in Portland or anywhere else? What difference would it make? “What’s the point? We’re professionals. We can keep our private lives to ourselves, can’t we? I can.”
“Sherri, you have to admit we never really ended our relationship. I went off to medical school, and you went into nursing. Then we—”
“Yes, we both made choices. We’ve both gotten what we wanted.”
“On the professional front, but what about personally?”
“My personal life suits me just fine. Yours does, too, I assume.”
He shook his head as his gaze swept the floor and then rose to meet hers. “Would you just consider going to lunch—or dinner or coffee, whatever—with me? For old times’ sake?”
“What would that accomplish? We’re not friends. And, as close as we once were, our past relationship is hardly a subject for conversation now.”
He fisted his hands and shoved them into his lab coat pockets. “I’m not asking you to change anything, only to have a meal with me. We don’t have to talk about the past if you don’t want to. Let’s just get together like old friends.”
The despondent look in his eyes stopped her anger in its tracks. She hadn’t expected him to give a damn about what was going on in her life or care whether or not they ever spent any time together. She’d expected him to behave like a big-city doctor, to treat her like he would any other nurse working with him. Instead the old Neill shone in his eyes as he continued to watch her carefully.
She couldn’t help wondering if he’d missed her. Had he wondered why she hadn’t called him again? Why hadn’t he come looking for her to offer his support, if not his love?
What had hurt the most that day she’d called him had been his preoccupation with his career, as if that was all that mattered to him. Prior to that phone call, she hadn’t considered the possibility that his life in Boston had changed him—that maybe he’d stopped loving her. Words she hadn’t admitted to herself until she’d come to the realization of what her life would be like alone with a baby.
Had he come to regret saying he loved her once he got to medical school and became immersed in his new life in Boston? She hadn’t tried to reach him over the years because her life had been tumultuous enough with having to leave nursing, getting married, the pregnancy, followed by the loss of her baby and then losing Sam. What she and Neill had shared was somehow irrelevant in her life during those years. But her mother often mentioned any news involving Neill. It would seem he’d led a life she could only imagine. During their brief love affair in high school, they’d made plans, but none as big as what Neill had planned with Lilly.
Alth
ough their plans back then had fueled their love for each other, they were only kids, filled with hope and driven by dreams. Today was their reality. They no longer shared anything worth believing in.
And now she wanted to be free to explore life outside Eden Harbor. For years she’d looked after the needs of those she loved, her patients included. She owed it to herself to put her past to rest and move on to her future.
In a matter of weeks she’d be in Portsmouth, a move she now saw as essential. In the meantime, she’d consider meeting with Neill on her own time when his nearness didn’t cloud her judgment. “Let’s not decide today.”
A long sigh emanated from him as he reached for a chart. “If you don’t want to go, just say so.”
“We’re in no rush, are we?”
“I’m offering you an invitation to dinner, not to the rest of our lives,” he said, frowning.
So she’d annoyed him. So what? Maybe that was how he behaved in Boston, ordering what he wanted and expecting others to comply. She needed to end this conversation before one of the patients started asking questions. “Fine. I’ll get back to you about dinner. Or lunch. Whatever.”
His smile brightened. He leaned closer, his gaze meeting hers, his breath warm on her cheek. For a fraction of a second, she feared he was going to kiss her.
Edging away, she pressed her back against the wall.
“Now we have something to look forward to,” he said, his tone charming and intimate.
Wrong pronoun! She wasn’t looking forward to dinner with him. He must never learn that even now he could influence her so easily. She eased closer to the door. “Then let’s get back to work. There are patients waiting.”
Determined to maintain her distance from the one man who, it seemed, could turn her life upside down and back again, she walked out of the dictation room to the waiting patients.
Someday before she left Eden Harbor for good, when she wasn’t feeling so mixed up, she’d have dinner with him and find the closure she needed. Nothing more.
The Doctor Returns Page 3