“Is Dr. Brandon in?”
“No, he’s left for home. What can I do for you?”
Sherri eyed the desk but didn’t see the usual pile of files for tomorrow’s office hours. Maybe Ethel hadn’t pulled them yet. She could only hope. “I was wondering if you have my blood results yet,” she fibbed.
“Sherri, you know I can’t disclose that sort of information. That’s up to Dr. Brandon.”
She swallowed over the panic rising in her throat. It was essential that she convince Ethel to go somewhere, to leave her desk and the file cabinet for a few minutes until she could manage to slip her chart into its proper place. But what would make this woman get up and leave the room? “I’m really worried. Could you check and see if they’re on his desk? I won’t ask for anything other than that. Please, I’m really worried.”
Make that more like terrified.
Ethel shot Sherri an irritated look, got up, went into Neill’s office and closed the door carefully behind her, but not before firing another glance at her.
Thank you.
Sherri scrambled behind the desk and pulled open the file cabinet, searching for the slot where her chart belonged. But the files had shifted... K...L...Lastman...
Finally! She yanked the file from her bag, shoved it into the slot and slid the cabinet closed.
“What are you doing?” Neill’s deep baritone voice cut through her thoughts with laser precision.
* * *
NEILL THOUGHT HE’D seen Sherri in his patient file cabinet, but he couldn’t be sure. All he knew was that she was standing behind the desk, looking guilty, and Ethel was nowhere in sight. “Sherri, I asked you a question.”
Sherri’s face was paper-white, and her fingers were trembling against the top of her satchel.
“Are you not feeling well?” He wanted to go to her, to lead her gently to a chair before she collapsed, but her eyes warned him off.
“I’m fine. I came to see—” She swallowed and glanced around. “I came to see Ethel.”
Just then, the door to his office opened, and Ethel walked out. Her eyes went from him to Sherri and back to him before she spoke. “Dr. Brandon, I didn’t expect to see you again today.” She closed the door behind her before going to her desk and giving Sherri a warning glance. “Did you forget something?”
What were these women up to? They both looked guilty of something. “I left my pager in the office.” He turned his attention to Sherri, raising an eyebrow in question.
“I came here—” She looked at Ethel before moving around the desk toward him. “To ask Ethel for a favor, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”
Her expression was uncertain as she looked into his eyes. Beautiful eyes that forced him to remember a long-ago time when standing like this with Sherri was the prelude to a kiss, to a touch or a hug that would create a moment of intimacy between them that he’d never experienced with anyone else. A lifetime ago he would have placed his hands on her shoulders as his fingers worked their way up along her neck and into her hair.
“What sort of favor?” he asked, forcing his arms to stay at his sides.
“She’s worried,” Ethel interjected as she sat down at her desk and began typing furiously.
“Are you?”
“Of course. I wanted to see...” Her voice trailed off, and her eyes moved from his face to his chest, reminding him that he still had her lab results folded up in the pocket of his shirt.
“Can I help?”
She sighed. “No. Not really. It’s okay.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice rushed as she checked the large black wristwatch protruding from the sleeve of her jacket. “I have to go now.”
For some reason, Sherri was being very evasive. He wanted to know why but it would have to wait. He was due back at the hospital.
CHAPTER SEVEN
NEILL HAD SPENT part of the night awake, trying to figure out what was going on with Sherri. He’d let her walk out of his office aware that something was amiss. But if he had insisted on knowing, she would have told him it was none of his business.
And it wasn’t, he supposed.
He got up and headed downstairs. After a hot shower and a pot of coffee to clear his head, he called her house, but she didn’t answer. She had to know who was calling and didn’t want to hear from him. He couldn’t blame her for that. He needed to back off and give her some space and hope that she’d come to him if she needed his help.
After his office hours, when she hadn’t appeared, he called the hospital but Sherri wasn’t at work. He called her house again, and there was no answer. Finally, he called Colleen, who told him that she had gone to her uncle Matthew’s house in Peppermill Cove about five miles south of Eden Harbor. Neill remembered Matthew Hugill, a retired train engineer and a man he had always admired.
He dropped by his mom’s house and asked her to pick up Morgan from school. Thankfully, she didn’t ask why he wouldn’t be available because he didn’t want to tell her and he didn’t want to lie to her. His mother had made it clear that he needed to focus on Morgan, and he was doing that. Yet, during his long hours of restless soul-searching, it had hit him. He still loved Sherri. He had always loved Sherri. What had most attracted him to Lilly were the qualities that reminded him of Sherri. By marrying Lilly, had he settled for an approximation of Sherri? He took Fox Run Road down along the coast to Peppermill Cove, rehearsing what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. Of course he’d first have to convince Sherri to listen to him, and that would be the most difficult part.
As he pulled into her uncle’s driveway, he spotted Sherri and Matthew down along the cliff face below the house. They were seated in bright yellow Adirondack chairs overlooking the green-blue ocean. He called and waved to them, and when they turned in unison he saw the frown forming on Sherri’s face. She wasn’t pleased to see him, and he’d expected that. What he hadn’t expected was the wrecking ball of fear forming in his stomach.
Matthew Hugill gave him a desultory wave as they walked together up the lawn. The breeze whipped Sherri’s hair into a halo around her head. When they reached him, her uncle got straight to the point. “Sherri’s told me about your conversation, and she also told me things I hadn’t known and have promised to keep to myself. I will, however, tell you that you will never hurt her like that again, if I have anything to say about it. You’re damned lucky to have known her, let alone have her in your life under any circumstances.”
Neill recoiled in shock. “I didn’t— I mean, you’re right,” he said, looking to Sherri for support. She was staring at him, her expression calm, her hands holding her hair off her face.
Matthew put his arm around Sherri. “Do you want to talk to him, or shall I ask him to leave?”
Sherri hugged him close and buried her face in his neck. “He’s here.” She shrugged as she eased away from her uncle. “It’s okay. And thank you for listening.”
He kissed her forehead. “Anytime. You’re the daughter Sarah and I never had. She’s probably watching from heaven right now and sees how happy I am to have you here.”
“I hope so.”
Matthew hesitated for a moment, never once looking at Neill. “Then I’ll leave you two to yourselves. If you need me...” he said, his sharp glance toward Neill finishing his sentence. With that, Matthew followed the path to his house, his shoulders straight, his stride strong.
“When I decided not to tell my immediate family about you being our baby’s father, I had to have someone to go to for advice. Uncle Matthew helped me see that I had made my decision based on what I believed to be best for me and for my baby.”
“Sorry” was on his lips once again, but he knew she didn’t want to hear it, and he sure as hell didn’t want to go through the sadness he felt in saying it. “I’m
glad you were able to talk to him.”
“Do you mean that?” she asked, looking straight into his eyes for the first time since he’d arrived.
“I do. I’d like to see us get past what happened before, and if talking to your uncle, or anyone else for that matter, will help with that, I’m all for it.”
“Don’t. You make it sound as if I had an illness.”
“No. That wasn’t my intention at all.”
“Why did you come here?”
“Because I spent a sleepless night thinking about everything you said. I came here to ask you if we could go somewhere and talk this out.”
She fidgeted with the ties on her blue hooded jacket. “We could sit down there.” She nodded toward the chair she’d been sitting in.
He didn’t feel comfortable staying there, mostly because he suspected that her uncle was waiting, ready to intervene at the first sign of trouble. “It’s pretty breezy out. Would you like to go somewhere warm and have a coffee with me? We could go to Dunkin’ Donuts.”
She shook her head. “Too many people around.”
“Why don’t we go to the library, to the old reading room in the basement? It’s still there, isn’t it?”
“Yes. The kids are in school, so it should be quiet and fairly private. The library will work.” Sherri stopped. “No, Cindy Atkinson is still the librarian. You must remember her and the interest she took in all of us?”
“Who could forget her? Okay, that’s out. Where else would you like to go?”
“What about the park? We could drive up to the first lookout.”
A sharp pain in his chest heralded the memory of the day they’d gone for a hike and seen an American bald eagle swoop over their heads and land on a pine tree towering above them. “I haven’t been up to Acadia Park since I left home. I’d like that very much.”
They both went to their cars, and as he followed her down the highway leading back along Fox Run Road, a feeling of hope and a sense of optimism surrounded him. He would find a way to work this out with Sherri because of what she meant to him, and she needed him now even if she didn’t realize it. He’d screwed up before, but he would make it up to her. He would look after her and help her cope with her diabetes. She would have the best care possible. He would see to it. It wouldn’t make amends for what he’d done, but it might allow them a chance to reconnect in a meaningful way.
* * *
SHERRI WATCHED HIM in her rearview mirror. She didn’t know which was worse, the fear that he would want to involve himself in her life or the fear that he wouldn’t. Everything had seemed so simple a few weeks ago when she’d first heard he was returning to Eden Harbor. She’d made her plans and had worked out how she’d deal with being around him at the hospital until she left for Portsmouth. She’d had no illusions about how hard it would be to face him. What she hadn’t expected was the rush of emotion that had overcome her when she’d first seen him, or the old feelings that had haunted her every time she’d seen him since.
She couldn’t wait for Friday when she’d be leaving for Portsmouth. She still hadn’t packed anything. Her plan was to keep her condo for another month while she found a place in her new city. Meanwhile, talking things out with Neill might make her feel better—if she managed to remain calm. It would give them both a chance to close this chapter of their lives. Uncle Matthew had suggested that, and it made perfect sense.
They arrived at the first rest stop on the long drive up the mountain, a rest stop displaying a breathtaking view of the Gulf of Maine. Pulling over, Sherri got out and made her way to the lookout point.
“My uncle has been so good to our family,” she said, her anxiousness causing her words to run together.
Neill gazed out over the panorama of evergreens and the wide expanse of water stretching out toward the horizon. “He’s a good man,” he said, his hands buried in his pockets.
It was so much easier to start this conversation when his attention was on the view below. “So, let’s talk. We both need to get past this point of feeling...uncomfortable with each other, don’t you think? Why don’t you start?” she asked, feeling ridiculously pleased that she was coming across as someone in charge. A woman with a future away from here.
“I owe you an explanation for what I did, the mistakes I made.”
She maintained her quiet, in-control tone. “But why now? If you’re worried I’m going to drag your name through the dirt, don’t be.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did,” he said ruefully.
Feeling tiny pinpricks of unease at the way his smile reached inside her to that place that had never seemed to heal, she took a deep breath. “The things I said to you yesterday and the way I’ve been behaving since you came back here...it’s because seeing you again has brought back the old anger.” Suddenly aware that she was hungry, she pulled a packet of cheese out of her pocket and broke it open. Swallowing it in one bite, she made her way to a table in the shade of a covered picnic area a few feet away.
He followed her, his shoes making a crunching sound on the gravel. “Have you gotten a chance to talk to Melanie Waller about your diet?”
“Not yet.”
“You should treat yourself the way you would any other patient. You need to go over your diet with Melanie.”
“Is that what we’re doing here? Going over my treatment plan?”
He shook his head. “I need to explain what I did. I realize that nothing I say will change anything, and I don’t blame you for being upset—”
“I don’t want to blame anyone for anything, Neill. You and I have a history, that’s all.” Talking with her uncle was a good thing, and he was right. It was time for her to listen to Neill, especially if it would end this feeling of remorse that kept tugging at her.
He sat down across from her. “When I left you and went away to university, I was so lonely I couldn’t sleep. The courses were new and hard. I had to keep my marks up for my scholarship and for my uncle Nicolas. And, of course, my parents, who were writing me weekly with all sorts of advice, sending care packages and that sort of thing. They meant well, but I was feeling so much pressure.”
She thought of Neill’s early calls, his voice tight with tension, their shared loneliness. “Go on.”
“Your calls were the best part of my week. I missed you so much and wanted you to come to Boston with me. I was well aware of all your arguments about money, and how you needed to be able to earn a living if we were to get married. But alone in my dorm room, I couldn’t understand why that was so important to you.”
She’d needed to prove herself because of the shame. She was ashamed of her brother Ed’s behavior, of how people gave her pitying looks when she walked by them in the grocery store. “But we had no money!”
“Yes. But our lack of money didn’t change how lonely I was.”
She’d had to face people who were just waiting to hear about another screwup in the family. “But that still doesn’t explain why you rejected me when I called about our baby.”
“All I remember about that phone call is being so distracted, so lonely, so fearful that I’d flunk out and disappoint everyone that I simply couldn’t get my head around the idea that there would be a baby to care for.” He rubbed his face with the palms of his hands, his breathing fast and shallow. “You will never know how hard it’s been for me...what a fool I was. And you didn’t put any pressure on me to take responsibility. That’s not an excuse, not at all. But after my failed attempts to reach you, I sank back into the demands of school, and somehow it all seemed like a dream, part of someone else’s life, not mine.”
Why hadn’t she stood up for herself and insisted that he help her? At least help out financially? Why hadn’t she insisted that he do what was right for their son?
Slowly she began to see her life differently. She had never stood up
for herself. She’d been the one in the family who was expected to prove the community of Eden Harbor wrong.
Her dad had married a woman his family hadn’t approved of, a woman who had no money, no education and none of the social graces expected of the wife of Edwin Lawson, son of Carl Lawson, entrepreneur and one of the wealthiest men in the state of Maine. So when her brother got into trouble and her sister’s marriage failed, the community had felt vindicated in their opinion of Colleen Hugill Lawson.
For her entire life, Sherri had been the one who everyone looked to when it came to acceptable behavior within her family, and she’d let Eden Harbor decide the standard she had to keep.
When was she ever going to stand up for herself? When would her expectations of others equal her expectations of herself? Surely she deserved other people’s thoughtfulness and consideration as much as anyone else. “Our baby may have felt like part of a dream for you, but not for me. It was my life that was altered permanently, but you know that.”
“Why didn’t you tell people that I was the baby’s father?”
“Because I was mortified that I would end up having a baby by myself. My pride wouldn’t let me admit to what you’d done to me. If people knew about you, I’d end up feeling I’d done something wrong. And Mom had been through so much that I didn’t want to add any more stress to her life. She needed one of her children to be successful.”
His lips twisted into a wry grin. “After you called that day, I failed a chemistry test, but I couldn’t have cared less. I needed to talk to you, to ask for a chance to make amends, to come up with a plan. It was such a shock for me to get a call out of the blue that we were expecting a baby, that I was expected to be a father. We’d only had sex once. When I finally got my head around the idea, I couldn’t find you. Why didn’t you take any of my phone calls?”
“When I made that call I never imagined that you would not come home right away. I never imagined that I would be facing the situation alone. Never,” she said, the old anger writhing inside her, only this time the heat had dissipated just a little.
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