He issued stat blood work orders, IV infusion rates and monitoring requirements as the staff rushed to meet his orders. And all the while, all he could think about was that she was here with him, that he’d been there for her—that he would be there for her whether she lived here or in Portsmouth. But most of all he would find a way to get her to see how much he still loved her, and that without her his life was boundlessly empty and forlorn.
He had always been a better person when she was around, when she was making him laugh, believing in him, caring for him. And like the completely stupid fool he was and had been, he’d let go of all that. A sob sealed his throat. Embarrassed, he turned away from the curious gaze of the nurse standing on the other side of the stretcher.
Releasing the blood pressure cuff before putting an oxygen monitor on Sherri’s finger, the nurse said, “She seems stable, Dr. Brandon,” as she assembled the vials and tourniquet needed to draw blood.
“I’ll need those results stat,” he replied, forcing a normal tone into his words.
“Neill, what happened to me?” Sherri asked so quietly he almost didn’t hear her over the thrashing racket his heart was making in his ears.
“When did you last take insulin?” he asked.
“I can’t remember.” She squinted at the overhead light. “Yes, I do. This morning I took it before breakfast, but before I could eat, I was violently ill. I thought I had the flu, and all I could think about was I had to call Gayle and tell her I wouldn’t be in today.”
She turned her worried gaze on him. “Did anyone tell Gayle?”
“She knows you’re here.”
“I feel really foolish. Imagine me, a diabetic clinic nurse, not getting her insulin right.”
“We don’t know yet whether it was your insulin dosage or something else. Maybe you have the flu. We’ll run a full round of tests to see if we can determine exactly what went wrong.” He suddenly became aware of how his words seemed to come out in a half squeak.
Way to go, Brandon. Let the whole freakin’ world see that you’re behaving like a first-year med student.
Her lips quivered as she tried for a smile, and his heart turned over in his chest. “Is Mom here?”
“She’s in the waiting room, along with your sister,” the nurse said. “There’s a gentleman with them, as well.”
“I tried to call her, but I couldn’t focus well enough to get the number right. I called 911, and that’s all I remember.”
What he wouldn’t give to be able to be with her, to be the one she turned to as she adjusted her life to the demands of her condition. He wanted to be the person she turned to no matter what went on in her life, but he’d abdicated that right years ago. “You rest, and I’ll go talk to them.”
“Tell Mom not to worry, will you, Neill? She’s such a worrier.”
“Of course,” he said, squeezing her hand in reassurance before heading for the door leading to the waiting area.
When he reached the corridor, Colleen was pacing up and down. She stopped when she saw him. “Oh, God, Neill. Is she all right?”
“She’s stable. I’m running tests to determine—”
“I should have moved in with her and stayed while she adjusted to taking her insulin, instead of just being there a couple of nights. I have all the time in the world, and Linda’s with me. She can manage the house when I’m not home.”
Linda nodded as she held on to her mother’s arm. “Mom, we’ll look after Sherri.”
Colleen shook her head vigorously. “She shouldn’t have been alone until she was completely familiar with her insulin and how she reacts to it. It doesn’t matter that she’s a nurse. She should have had someone with her.” Colleen wiped the corner of her eye.
“These things can happen to anyone. Sherri will be fine. You’ll see,” Linda said, hugging her mother.
Matthew rose from the chair where he’d been sitting and came to stand next to Colleen and Linda. “Thanks, Dr. Brandon...Neill. We’re really glad you were here to look out for our girl.” He put his arm around Colleen. “When can we see her?”
“You can see her now. She’s being moved to a quieter area of the department, the observation area, so that she can rest until we have all the test results back.”
“You’re lucky you can get her to sit still long enough to be tested,” her uncle said, a wry grin on his face. “Sherri’s always been one to play down any health problems.”
“No kidding!” Linda interjected. “Remember that time she had appendicitis, and for hours she wouldn’t admit that she was even having pain? She was only thirteen at the time.”
Colleen smiled for the first time since Neill had arrived. “That’s right, Neill. Please make sure she’s given a thorough going-over. Sherri hates to admit she has a problem.”
“You can count on me,” he said, wishing he were part of Sherri’s family. Seeing her family and their concern convinced him that he would do whatever it took, however long it took—and whatever conditions she placed on him—to find a way back to the love they had shared. He had to believe that behind all that anger and hurt, she still loved him as much as he loved her.
He would convince her that he meant it when he said he was sorry, and he would go to any lengths to prove how much he loved her.
* * *
SHERRI CLOSED HER eyes to ward off the dizzy sensation created by the ceiling lights flashing past above her stretcher as they moved her down the back corridor into the observation area of the emergency department. It was as if she were living in another dimension, removed from what was going on around her.
Was this how it felt when the body was in shock? She glanced up at her IV and down at her arm, waiting for the sense of unreality to pass.
The nurse gently swung her stretcher into the assigned space and clipped the bell cord to the stretcher railing. “There you go, Sherri. Dr. Brandon will be along after your blood results are back. You rest, and we’ll check on you periodically,” the nurse said, a reassuring smile on her face.
“Thank you.” Sherri closed her eyes, listening to all the familiar hospital sounds, feeling a strange lethargy take hold of her limbs. So much had changed that she was having trouble making sense of it all. She could still see the fear in Neill’s eyes as he’d stood over her; she could hear the tremor in his words as he’d struggled to remain calm.
She’d been so wrong about him. So wrong. When she’d first opened her eyes and seen him standing there, seen the naked fear in his eyes, she’d recognized the truth. In those agonizing seconds, there was nothing between them but their love for each other. After seeing the pain in his eyes, she was finally able to admit that he had suffered as well—not in the same way she had, but his pain had altered him in ways she couldn’t appreciate.
Finding solace in her discovery, she closed her eyes. In a little while, she heard her mother’s breathless words. “Sherri, honey, are you awake?”
“Yes,” she whispered, opening her eyes. Her mother, her sister and her uncle Matthew stood together, looking down at her. Her mother’s face was splotchy with tears, her cheeks puffy. “Mom, I’m okay. Please don’t worry about me.”
Her mother gripped her hand, struggling to speak. “You always say that. You never complain. Sometimes I wish you would,” she said, a shaky smile on her lips.
“Now, what good would that do?” Sherri squeezed her mother’s fingers.
“Don’t know,” her sister said. “But we love you, and this can’t be allowed to happen again. We need to look after you better.”
Her mother took a deep breath, her jaw set. “I’ll tell you one thing. I’m moving in with you until we get this whole diabetes thing sorted out, even if that means I have to move to Portsmouth.”
“You don’t have to do that. Tell her, Uncle Matthew. I’m a big girl, and I’m a nurse to boot.”
“And what good was all your nursing experience this morning?” her mother argued.
“Mom. I’m fine.”
“Why don’t you two settle this when Sherri is back home,” her uncle said gently.
“That sounds like a great idea, Mom. And besides, you won’t have long to wait. I’ll be out of here before noon.”
“Well, I’m going shopping when I leave here, and I’m stocking your kitchen with all the foods you need, including bottled orange juice and healthy snacks. It’s the least I can do for you.”
“Mom, you don’t—”
“Let me help you just this once,” her mother pleaded.
“And me. I want to help out here, too. You’re my little sister,” Linda said.
“I want to help, too,” Matthew chimed in. “We’ll all go together to the supermarket and load up.”
Sherri looked from one anxious face to another. “You win. You people go and enjoy yourselves in the grocery aisles, and I’ll see you later this afternoon when I get off work.”
“You’re not going to work!” her mother said.
“No, she’s not,” Neill said as he entered the cubicle, his tone firm.
“Dr. Brandon. It’s so good to see you again, and we’re all glad you were there for Sherri,” Matthew offered, his expression contrite.
Neill moved to the other side of the stretcher, his fingers cool on her wrist as his gaze assessed her. “I am, too. The blood results are back, and I think it’s time you and I had a serious talk about your diabetes. No more excuses about you being a nurse and knowing how to manage.”
“I agree,” her mother said.
“I do, too,” Uncle Matthew joined in.
“Are you ganging up on me?” Sherri asked, trying to make light of their concerns, all the while acutely aware of what it meant to have her family here with her. If this had happened in Portsmouth, she would have been on her own to deal with the problem. And this was a minor incident, one easily managed. What if she had to face a serious emergency situation? Would she need to rely on the kindness of strangers, rather than family?
Neill released her wrist. Not knowing where to put his fingers, he wrapped them around the stethoscope dangling from his neck. “The clinic staff, especially Gayle, are all concerned, and they agree that you’re not to show your face there until tomorrow at the earliest,” Neill said, checking the IV, his gaze following the plastic tubing from the plastic bag down to the IV site on her arm. His fingers left the stethoscope and automatically moved back to her wrist.
He was checking her pulse again, and the thought that he wanted to touch her, wanted to care for her, played along her mind, kicking her pulse higher as she became more conscious of the fact that he hadn’t let go.
“You’re in good hands.” Her uncle exchanged smiles with Neill. “We’ll leave you and hit the grocery store.”
She turned her attention to her family. “Thanks.”
Matthew patted Colleen’s shoulder as his face crinkled into a lopsided smile aimed at Sherri. “You’re welcome, sweetie. And we’ll see you back at your condo. You know your mother. She’ll have everything all cleaned and tidied up before you get there—it’s her stress management technique.”
“We’ll look after everything. You have nothing to do but feel better,” Linda said, warmth imbuing her words.
* * *
“THEY WANT YOU well,” Neill said, watching Sherri’s family leave before turning back to her. “You’re lucky to have people who love you so much.”
“I am. I’ve been thinking about that since I woke up in here. What if I hadn’t had someone I could call? Someone who knew me well?”
“Your mother’s been very worried. She called me before you got here.”
“I’m glad she’s here. Those years when I lived in Bangor and didn’t have family I could turn to were really difficult.” If she had believed she could tell her mother the truth about Patrick’s father, how different would her pregnancy have been? But telling her mother would have broken her heart, especially after all her mother had been through. No, she would not have changed that decision.
Neill took a deep breath, his eyes claiming hers. “Funny how we have to leave home to appreciate what home really means.”
She gazed up into Neill’s eyes before moving to the worry lines bracketing his mouth. “Are you trying to tell me something?”
“I want you to be happy, whatever that means for you or wherever you decide to live. Portsmouth isn’t that far away.” He reached for her hand again, his fingers sliding to the soft pulse point on the inside of her wrist.
His touch was electric. She wanted to take his hand but was afraid to break the connection of his touch on her. “After today, I may have to rethink leaving here.”
His eyes focused solely on her and he stood perfectly still, his fingers resting on her wrist. “Because?”
“I need my family. I don’t want to face any other health scares or emergencies without them.”
Neill glanced around the cubicle and out toward the desk area, where staff milled about and phones rang incessantly while the overhead paging system occasionally interrupted the normal flow of sound. “For what it’s worth. I don’t want you to leave here—ever. You belong in Eden Harbor.”
* * *
HE’D SAID WHAT he’d been thinking since he’d learned about her moving to Portsmouth. The past few hours had been stressful, not only because of his concern over her recovery, but also because of his profound realization that he had to find a way to convince her to stay. And now that she’d decided to stay on her own without his pleading, he felt like running down the hall shouting the good news.
Instead, his fingers clung to her wrist, his mind racing over the possibilities now that she’d decided not to leave. “I left here believing that my new life would be so much better, so much more rewarding. Like you, I’ve always wanted my life to mean something, to make a difference. I had to come home to understand that. But you already know that you do make a difference in so many people’s lives here in Eden Harbor. If you doubt what I’m saying, think about the clinic patients and the people who come to the diabetic clinic and the difference you’ve made in their lives.... I’m going on like an idiot.”
“No, you’re not. I do love caring for the people here. They’re my extended family.”
He smiled in relief, still holding his fingers to her wrist but not to take her pulse. The only pulse he could feel was his, pounding in his chest. “And you’re willing to stay in Eden Harbor?”
“I’m staying, so you can let go of my wrist,” she teased.
“Sorry!”
Talk about feeling like a schoolboy.
She slid her hand into his open palm. “Having you here when I needed you has shown me that I should give serious consideration to following my friend’s advice.”
He didn’t dare breathe for fear he’d jinx what he hoped was her confession of how she felt about him. “And what advice was that?”
“That I forgive you for what happened and accept that sometimes there’s no closure until forgiveness is offered,” she said, her eyes suddenly glistening.
Neill wanted to tell her how much he loved her, but his fear that somehow he’d misunderstood her words held him back. “You can trust me. You can trust your feelings for me, our feelings for each other. Part of why I came back here was to find you again, to rediscover who we were and to see if there might be a chance for us.”
Her eyes searched his face, yet her expression remained neutral. “But what if you have to leave here?”
He held her hand in his, playing with her fingers to ease the hammering of his heart. “Why would I do that?”
“What if your medical practice becomes too routine or doesn’t offer enough of a challenge? Will you want to go back to B
oston?”
“I can’t see that ever happening. Besides, I have the life I always wanted.”
Or, I would, if you were part of it.
“And if Morgan should become ill again, maybe need the specialty medical services that only a large center can offer. What then?”
“I’d get her the best help possible wherever that was, but I would always return to Eden Harbor.”
“Neill, you would never risk Morgan’s health for the sake of a small-town practice, no matter what other considerations there might be.”
He hesitated, torn between confessing his love for her and fearing that her remaining in Eden Harbor was not about loving him, but about her willingness to forgive him. Nothing more. If she was willing to forgive him, it could mean that she was ready to move away from any relationship with him other than a professional one.
He was suddenly aware of her hand being pulled from his as she sat up. To stop the thoughts he knew had to be racing through her mind, he rushed to reassure her. “But that wouldn’t mean that I’d give up my life with you...if we got back together.” Darn! He hadn’t intended to jump so far ahead, but he had to tell her the truth. He loved her, and he would never again let his needs come between them.
“But I don’t want to leave here. My decision to move to Portsmouth was because I thought I was missing out on a better career, a more exciting life. But that’s not the case anymore. I want to be here, where people love me, where they call me by name when they meet me on the street. Where I can have the emotional and physical support I need. I knew that the moment I heard my mother’s voice a little bit ago.”
What was she saying? That she would never consider leaving here? Even if he had to? He didn’t dare ask her any more about it. He had to trust that once they had time to reconnect, to rediscover their love for each other, that they would find a way to be together no matter what life held in store for them.
The Doctor Returns Page 14