“What could I say? She was sorry, and I was relieved that she was okay.”
She’d hoped he’d talked to her after the incident. “That’s all?”
He stared at his hands. “Seeing her safe, knowing she hadn’t had another seizure, was all I could think about.”
“Neill, I realize that none of this has been easy for you, and I wish I could help. But until Morgan accepts me as part of your life—accepts that I belong here with you—this isn’t going to work.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not going to come second in your life again. Watching Morgan behave so badly toward me tells me she needs to change her behavior or...” She couldn’t finish the thought.
“Sherri, I don’t know what to say.”
“Then I’ll say it for both of us. You have to decide how you want Morgan to behave, and then insist that she follow through.”
Neill’s head shot up, his gaze riveted on her. “I think she got that message today.”
Sherri was quite certain that Morgan’s attitude toward her was a long way from being changed. “Are you sure about that?”
“Morgan has had a lot of things to deal with in her life, and she usually copes well with them. Can we just give her a little time?”
Resentment flowed through her. As irrational as it might seem, Sherri was tired of being the one who had to adjust. The one who had to accept what others wanted even when it wasn’t what she wanted at all. There was no doubt that Neill’s daughter called the shots when it came to his personal life. She could understand a child being upset if her parents had recently divorced, but it had been two years. Two years during which Sherri had had no role to play and had given Morgan no reason not to like her.
What was happening with his daughter wasn’t fair to her or to him. “Neill, I think it’s about time you sat down with Morgan and told her the truth about me, about us.”
“I did,” he said. “I told her that you and I were in love years ago, and she seemed to be okay with it. I don’t get it. One minute everything is fine, and the next she’s acting like this.” He scrubbed his face in frustration. “Sherri, I can’t seem to get her to understand about us.”
“What’s to understand? You and I are getting back together, and as much as she might be angry about it, she has to get over it.”
“She will. I promise.”
“What does your mother say about this? About her behavior around me?”
“Mom would rather we took it slow,” he said softly, reaching for her hand. “But that’s how Mom thinks, and she’s been so good to Morgan and me. She really wants us here and has rearranged her life so she can take Morgan when I need her to,” he said, his eyes dark pools of misery.
She wanted to put her arms around him, to console him, to back off and let the situation work itself out. But from what she could see, that wasn’t about to happen anytime soon. Morgan was a headstrong little girl who was used to getting her own way. Sherri understood how easily that could happen when a child had a serious health problem and the parent was feeling guilty. She wished there was an easy solution.
“Neill, until you get things straightened out with Morgan where we’re concerned, I think we should take a break. I can’t... I just can’t see what chance we have if every time we see each other around your daughter, we end up with a situation like this. I realize that she’s had a difficult time, but so have a lot of other kids and they don’t all behave this way. Some of them just want to see their parents happy.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’ve already watched you choose your career over me. I won’t sit around and watch you give in to the unreasonable demands of a child. I deserve her respect, not her anger and jealousy. Under the circumstances I...I think it would be better if you drove me home.” She got up and went to the door.
He came after her, the expression on his face one of disbelief. “You can’t mean that. We’ll work this out. Morgan will come around, you’ll see. Why don’t we plan on the three of us going out to dinner? We need to spend an evening together, give Morgan a chance to get to know you better, and for you to know her.”
“That’s a wonderful idea, and I really appreciate you offering. But I’m not willing to be subjected to a confrontation in a restaurant in front of other people, and you know that’s a very real possibility. Morgan seems to feel that you’re hers and hers alone. Is she the reason you haven’t dated since you and Lilly divorced?”
He looked into her eyes and wished she could cuddle in his embrace and spend the night with him. She wanted him to make love to her, but that wouldn’t happen tonight or any night soon.
He put his hands on her arms, his face close to hers. She desperately wanted to forget what had taken place earlier. “Neill, I’d like to go home now.”
His shocked expression gave way to resignation. “I’ll drive you. But I want you to know that you don’t need to worry about a scene in a restaurant now or at any other time. I promise.”
She was sure he meant it, but he was only half of the equation. She was not willing to do battle with a nine-year-old every time she had a date with Neill. They drove back to Sherri’s condo in silence. A few days ago, she had been so excited about finally having the prospect of a life with the man she loved. But she realized that until he worked things out with his daughter, there was little chance of their relationship going anywhere. No matter how strong her feelings were for Neill, she didn’t intend to be competition for Lilly in his daughter’s eyes.
She’d lived this long without him. She’d manage without him once again if he couldn’t convince his daughter to accept her. Sherri had an aunt who’d loved a married man most of her adult life, who’d carried on an affair with him in secret. Her mother had been in love with her boss, but hadn’t acted on those feelings until after his wife died. Waiting for a man was in her genes.
But she didn’t plan to wait much longer.
* * *
FOR THE NEXT WEEK, Sherri concentrated on her job while trying to avoid Neill where she could. Her condo was immaculate, thanks to her determination to remain occupied and in charge of her life.
Evenings were the hardest because she felt tired, at odds with herself as she focused on staying with her diabetic regimen and going for long walks to ease her stress. In spite of her efforts to stay positive during the long hours before she finally fell asleep, she couldn’t help but fear that she and Neill were never going to get back together.
Where had it all gone so wrong? What if they hadn’t gone back to Neill’s house that afternoon after Charlie’s accident? Morgan had been very upset, and she couldn’t blame her. If she were nine years old and found her father with a woman she didn’t know, she’d be angry and afraid, too. Had she been too hard on Morgan? Was that why Neill hadn’t called? Had he decided that Sherri was being unreasonable and that his daughter deserved more?
She didn’t want to accept that he could walk away from their love for each other because of his daughter. Yet they’d lived separate lives for a long time, and if she were completely honest, she didn’t really know Neill anymore. Her understanding of him was based on the relationship they’d had when they were in high school. And she didn’t know very much about his relationship with Morgan at all, except that they were very close and he worried about his daughter.
Had they rushed headlong into their relationship without considering the consequences? If his concern over Morgan’s health forced him to rethink his decision to live in Eden Harbor, would he tell her? Was that why she hadn’t heard from him? Was he making plans to return to Boston? A hollow sensation started in her stomach, moving up her chest into her throat. What would she do if he moved away? He could do it so easily, given his medical qualifications.
She gripped the counter, steadying herself, while the realization that she didn’t want him to g
o anywhere without her ever again lodged near her heart, a wish that seemed less attainable with each day that passed.
Would it have been different if she’d stayed at his place, reasoned with him about Morgan in a more caring way? Her feelings of betrayal and fear had driven her behavior that evening, which may have been her downfall. She had let a child dictate her response to the man she loved. Had she been the one who had turned her back on their relationship this time around?
* * *
NEILL PICKED UP the phone at least a dozen times a day, intent on calling Sherri to apologize for what had happened at his house. But an apology wasn’t what she was looking for, and he had to accept that. If they were ever going to have a relationship, he needed to resolve his problems with Morgan. Unfortunately, his problems now included his mother, too, because she’d listened to Morgan’s version of things and was supporting her granddaughter’s position—Sherri and Neill needed to wait.
But Neill wasn’t willing to wait any longer. He’d called his mother to say he was coming over when Morgan got home from school, and they were going to work this out. He’d never told his mother the truth about what had happened with Sherri twelve years ago, and it was time he did.
He pulled into his mother’s driveway, got out of the car and walked over the cobbled patio stones to the backyard, where his mother had told him she and Morgan would be waiting. This was beginning to feel like a showdown in some B-rated Western. He could feel his chest tighten as he reached the corner of the garage and followed the path out to the gazebo. He could hear laughter, his daughter’s full-throated squeal of delight. One of the best parts about coming back to Eden Harbor was the close relationship his mother had formed with his daughter, and he was about to discover just how strong that relationship was when he said what had to be said.
The minute Morgan saw him she called out, her voice filled with pleasure at seeing him.
“Morgan and I were just talking about her school day, and some of the antics the boys in the class were up to. I remember when you were that age,” his mother said, her voice cheerful as she let Neill slip past her to a chair near the teak table where Morgan’s backpack rested, her books and lunch box spilling from the zippered opening.
“I remember, too, Mom. In fact, it’s the same school. I don’t know if I told you that, Morgan,” he said, settling onto the chair.
“Yes, you did, Dad. The first day you took me to class.” Morgan came around the table and hugged him, her hair sweeping his cheek. “Don’t you remember?”
“Sure I do,” he said, although he didn’t. He’d had so much on his mind that morning. He’d been focused on getting his daughter to school while avoiding a meltdown over the fact that she “hated”—her word—the pants and top she was wearing that morning. It had been a clear sign of Morgan’s anxiety, as the outfit was one her mother had given her.
His thoughts had also been preoccupied with the surgery he was scheduled to perform after he dropped Morgan off. Cedric Keating was his father’s cousin and a man whose cancer had spread, leaving surgery as the only option. He’d known Cedric all his life, had played with his two sons growing up, and he’d been worried about how they’d accept what was happening to their dad.
“How was your day?” his mother asked as she sat down in a chair across from him.
“Busy.” He drummed his fingers on the table, his thoughts clear as he faced his mother and his daughter across the teak surface. “Mom, Morgan, I have something I need to explain to both of you.”
His mother clasped her hands, her gaze shooting to Morgan before settling on him. “We’re listening.”
“Okay. I’ll start at the beginning so Morgan understands everything.” He focused his eyes on his daughter. “I went through school with Sherri Lawson, from first grade until we graduated. We started dating in twelfth grade, and we...spent a lot of time together. On graduation night we made love.”
His mother tucked in her chin, a surprised look on her face, but she said nothing.
“When I went away to Boston and started my premed studies, I got a call from Sherri in which she said she was expecting a baby—our baby.”
His mother gasped. “You never told me that!”
“No, Mom, and that was my mistake. I let everyone think my son was Sam Crawford’s child.”
“Did Sherri not want you to be part of your son’s life?”
“Yes, she did, but I was busy.” He looked down at his hands as remorse flooded through him.
“I can’t believe you’d do that. You weren’t raised that way.”
“No, I wasn’t.” He glanced over at Morgan, who seemed almost too calm. “I put what I wanted ahead of what was best for the people I loved. I let Sherri face the arrival of our child without my support.”
“Is that why we moved back here, Dad? So you can make up for what you did to Sherri?” Morgan asked, her words guarded, her shoulders hunched.
“No.” Hadn’t he vowed to tell the truth? “That’s not quite true. Yes, I wanted to come back to Maine, to find Sherri again. But I didn’t know she was working here in Eden Harbor.” He looked directly at his mother, who quickly lowered her gaze.
“I needed to see if there was a chance Sherri and I might still love each other. But I also wanted to come back for my own personal satisfaction. Being here is rewarding. People need me. They know me and my family. Being here has made me see how important it is to be at peace with yourself, and I want you to someday feel the same way about this place that I do,” he said, his attention on Morgan.
Morgan looked away. For a few seconds, the only sounds that could be heard were a goldfinch twittering in the trees and the muted roar of a truck in the distance.
“What about Sherri? What does she have to say about all this?” his mother asked.
“At first she wanted nothing to do with me.”
His mother’s glance pierced him. “I have to say I can’t blame her for that. How could you have walked out on her and your baby?”
“I...” He rubbed his face, his determination to tell the whole truth to two of the people he loved most in this world wavering. “I was so wrapped up in my new life, and I was so shocked by her announcement that...that I just couldn’t deal with it.” He stared at his hands, his stomach churning with shame. “I took the coward’s way out.”
Donna Brandon placed her hands over his. “No, dear, you lacked good judgment. You should have come home and told your father and me. We would have helped you. After all, it was our grandchild, and we really liked Sherri.”
He rubbed his head and rotated his shoulders to ease the tension gripping him. “I didn’t want people to see how stupid I was. When Sherri didn’t tell anyone, and you told me that she was marrying Sam, I tried to call her, but she wouldn’t take my call.”
“I wouldn’t have, either,” his mother said.
“But, Dad, why didn’t you go and find Sherri and talk to her?” Morgan asked, her voice just above a whisper.
“Good question. I don’t really have a good answer. I guess I figured that she was married and she was happy. And because she hadn’t told anyone, I assumed her husband didn’t want anyone to know who the father of her child was.”
“But before that. When she first told you, why didn’t you go talk to her?” Morgan insisted.
He saw the look in his daughter’s eyes, the one that said he had hurt her with his words. He wanted to wipe that look from her face, to once again see the adoration in her eyes. “Because I was a stupid young man who didn’t really want the responsibility of a child,” he said, his heart breaking at the sight of the crestfallen expression on Morgan’s face. “I’ve wanted to tell you the truth about my life, about Sherri, for a while now.”
“As well you should,” his mother said, rubbing her hands gently over the wood of the table. “I can’t change what you d
id. No one can. But I plan to have a long chat with Sherri and tell her how sorry I am for what happened.”
“Dad, if you had to do it over again, what would you do?”
How could he answer that? “Sweetie, I honestly don’t know. All I know for sure is that I made a couple of really stupid mistakes, and I’m really sorry for all the pain I caused everyone, especially Sherri. She didn’t deserve what I did to her, and I’ll never be able to make it up to her. I do intend to have her in my life from now on, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about today.”
His mother and Morgan stared at him in total silence.
“I love Sherri. I plan to marry her. Morgan, I want you to give her a chance. What happened at the house a couple of weeks ago was upsetting for you. But we’d had a very difficult day, and our emotions got the better of us.”
“Are you sure about all this?” his mother asked. “You’ve hurt Sherri before.”
His mother’s words dug into him. “I’m positive. I love Sherri Lawson, and I won’t hurt her ever again.”
The old need to placate his daughter pushed against his heart, nearly blocking the words that had to be said. “Morgan, I want you and I and Sherri to have a life together. Lilly will always be your mother, but Sherri will be part of our lives from here on.”
“Dad! What about how I feel?”
“Morgan, listen to your dad. It’s so important for you to do that.” Donna’s gaze moved over her granddaughter’s face. “Your happiness means everything to me, and your dad is trying to explain how he feels. Give him a chance.” She turned her gaze to Neill. “And you’re the greatest blessing I could ever have in my life. I wish your father could have been around to see you come home to practice medicine and to meet Morgan.”
The love Neill felt for his mother tightened his chest, flooding his throat. His eyes met his mother’s. “Dad would have loved her, wouldn’t he?”
He turned to Morgan. “We both love you so much. Would you be willing to try to like Sherri, for my sake?”
“I guess I could try,” Morgan said, mollified.
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