by Red Phoenix
You make me feel things I have never felt with another.
Mistress, your touch, your skin, your fragrance, your taste—all of it excites me. But it’s been your brutally exacting dominance coupled with your vulnerable heart that made me fall head over heels for you. Our first kiss was magical—the one when you finally expressed your love to me through the caress of your tongue and the pressure of your lips.
The feeling of that kiss still haunts me…
I am not making excuses, but we both know I made my feelings for you very clear, and you shared on several occasions that you had similar feelings for me.
Why did you never let me in?
It hurt me more than you know. Each time you turned my affection away whenever we got too close.
I’m not stupid. I know you talked to Brie and told her to persuade me to return with her to LA. I didn’t understand why you would do that, but kept it to myself out of respect for you.
Here’s the thing, Mistress Clark. You still look at me the same way. I know your feelings toward me haven’t changed.
But, for some reason, your intentions have.
Rather than let me stay here with you and possibly work out a life together, you decided to go behind my back and talk to my best friend about getting rid of me.
Why did you do that?
Why did you feel it was okay to toss me away without any explanation?
Do you understand how much that killed me inside? Realizing you had no respect for the love we shared or the time we’d invested in each other?
In the end, I came to understand that you had no respect for me.
So I went to Italy with my heart shattered, but keeping a smile on my face, still having no idea how I had wronged you.
When Rytsar Durov asked me to scene with him, naturally my first reaction was to decline. I know the history between you.
But he is an insistent man, and I was not prepared for his overpowering dominance. I will not lie. I knew it was wrong when I accepted his invitation and followed him down to the dungeon, but at the time I was totally bewitched by the fact he wanted me—someone actually wanted me.
I have lived with the shame of my decision, knowing I had betrayed you by willingly engaging with him. As much as I didn’t want you to ever find out, I also knew that to find out from someone else would be like a second betrayal.
That is the reason I told you. Not because I wanted to “rub it in”, dear Mistress, but because you didn’t deserve to be hurt twice.
If there was anything I could do, any way I could right this wrong, I would.
But you have remained silent, ignoring my pleas, and now I have finally come to understand that I have done the unforgivable in your eyes.
I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I leave you now, not because I want to, but because I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
With all my love, Lea
Tono folded up the letter slowly. Truly, Lea had poured her heart out on the paper. How raw she must have felt after writing it. He wished he had been here to give her a hug when she finished.
He did not feel comfortable holding on to these words, and immediately called Ms. Clark to meet.
“Nosaka, are you telling me you’re back?” she asked in surprise when she answered the phone.
“Been back since yesterday.”
“Does that mean Sir Davis is awake and no one told me?” she asked, sounding upset.
“Unfortunately not. He remains in the same condition.”
“Why on earth did you return? Did something happen between you and Brianna?”
“No,” he answered firmly, not appreciating the insinuation.
She protested, “No, no… I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that—”
“Mrs. Davis is doing well.”
“Well enough for you to leave her alone?”
“She’s not alone.”
“Who’s taking care of her then?”
Tono didn’t want to upset her more than he had to and answered, “Another Dom offered to step in so I could return to Denver.”
“Come on, Nosaka, don’t be coy with me. Is there really someone there for her, or is she handling this alone? I have no problem taking your place since our latest training session is nearly over.”
Tono was surprised to hear the Domme make such an offer. “I would not lie to you. Brie is being cared for.”
“By whom?” she demanded.
There was no other way around it, so he told her. “Rytsar Durov.”
“Damn…” she muttered into the phone.
Trying to change the subject, he said, “I did see the flowers you sent Brie.”
“Flowers? I sent those ages ago.”
“Well, they must have meant something to her.” He chose not to tell her that he’d thrown the dead things out.
“Are you sure that Brianna is all right?”
“I would not have left if I wasn’t.”
“Then what’s the reason for the call?”
“I have something to deliver to you.”
“From Brianna?”
“No.”
“Fine, be cryptic about it. I’m a busy woman, Mr. Nosaka. We can meet at the coffee shop next to the Center if you can be there in twenty.”
“I’ll be there.”
Tono picked up the letter and headed out the door, curious how their encounter would play out.
Exactly twenty minutes later, Ms. Clark walked through the door of the coffee shop. She nodded to him in acknowledgment as she waited in line to get her drink. A half-smile played on her ruby-red lips as she approached him with coffee in hand.
The other men in the shop took notice of her—it was hard not to. She had a confidence that was alluring and a stylish, form-fitting business suit that accentuated her femininity.
“Okay, Nosaka. What’s going on?”
“As you may know, Ms. Taylor has been taking care of my home, and she asked me to give you this.” He slid the envelope over.
She looked down at it, her lips pursed in a tight line. Rather than take it, she picked up her latte and took a sip. “I hope this is the end of it.”
“Are you speaking of Ms. Taylor?”
She closed her eyes, but not before Tono caught the pain reflected in them. “All I ever wanted to do was protect the girl.” Ms. Clark opened her eyes and a slow, sad smile crept across her face. “It’s like one of those old movies where the boy yells at the wild animal that has become tame. He tries to chase it away, having to break its heart because he wants to protect it.” She took another sip, and added, “Yeah, it’s been a little like that.”
“She told me about the breakfast in Italy.”
“Oh God, that…” She shook her head. “How can fate be so unkind to me? And now he’s back in LA. It seems I shall never be allowed to move past my sins.”
Tono chuckled softly. “That’s similar to the sentiment Ms. Taylor expressed.”
“The irony, Nosaka, is that I hold nothing against her. I understand exactly what happened in Italy and why.”
“Then why have you let her suffer?”
“Because she’s the wild creature. I need to break the bond and chase her away so she can run free.”
Tono noticed the slight tic of the muscles around her mouth, hinting at a flood of emotion she was keeping tightly in check.
“So you’re determined to let her go?”
Ms. Clark shook her head. “I’m not the one for her so I must be cruel to be kind.”
“She wasn’t wrong when she said your feelings run deep.”
She looked him straight in the eye. “I love her enough to let her go. How cruelly ironic that Rytsar is the one who finally set Lea free. Nothing I’ve done has fazed the girl. But her own guilt, that has real power.”
Ms. Clark looked back down at the letter. “I don’t need to read this. I know what it says.”
“Keep it with you,” Tono advised. “You may have need of it someday.”
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She picked up the envelope and slipped it in her purse. Taking another drink of her latte, she asked, “So, about Thane. Do you really think he’ll recover from this?”
“I do.”
Her eyes softened briefly. “For some reason, I believe you and it consoles me.”
Tono knew she had a long-standing friendship with Sir Davis, and her concern for him must constantly play on her mind. “Have you thought of visiting him at some point, for your own peace of mind?”
She rolled her eyes. “Great idea. However, with Rytsar back in the picture, that’s not a possibility.” She muttered under her breath, “Damn it…”
He wondered if part of her reason for offering to help Brie stemmed from her desire to be closer to Sir Davis, even if it was only through a third party. “I’m certain Brie would help you to arrange it once he’s out of ICU. You have every right to see him, and I am positive he would appreciate your visit.”
Ms. Clark nodded.
Keeping in mind that Master Anderson wanted him to look over The Denver Academy’s interests, he asked, “How is the new session going?”
She raised an eyebrow and frowned slightly, letting him know she did not appreciate him checking on her, but she answered in a smooth tone, “Things are well. Naturally there was an adjustment period with so many new staff members having no experience running the school, but as far as the training of the students, it has gone off without a hitch.”
Tono bowed his head to her, impressed that she’d been able to maintain the high standards during the transition.
“So on that note, I should be leaving. The last week is always the most demanding.”
“Is there anything you wish me to say to Ms. Taylor?”
She shook her head only once, getting up from her seat and walking out without another word, the sound of her high heels clicking dramatically against the hard floor announcing her exit.
Tono had one more personal stop he needed to make before he completed preparations for Autumn’s first day under his dominance.
He met with Faelan for lunch, wanting to reconnect with the Pup after hearing about Mary’s departure. The boy looked wrecked, the light in his eyes diminished.
“How are you holding up?” Tono asked. It had become his standard first question whenever they met up.
“Been better.”
“I heard through the grapevine that Mary has returned to LA.”
He wore a look of defeat when he said, “I couldn’t stop her.”
“Am I to understand that she went back to Captain?”
“No, she’s staying somewhere else. Don’t know where though.”
“What happened?”
Faelan’s blue eyes reflected a sea of anguish. “One day she just said she was sorry but she couldn’t take it anymore, packed her things—and left.”
“Couldn’t take what?”
He shook his head. “Couldn’t stand the weight of wearing a collar. What the hell?”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know how hard you’ve tried with her.”
Faelan’s gaze was soul-crushing in its fresh pain, and Tono found himself momentarily drowning in it. “I did everything in my power, Nosaka. I love this girl, warts and all. I thought we had made real progress, but then she just rips my heart out and leaves.”
“Brie was told you were getting support of some kind. Is that true?”
“What did Mary say to her?” he demanded.
“Nothing. Mary hasn’t even contacted Brie since returning to LA. It was a shock to her to learn Mary was back.”
“Mary can’t even do right by Brie when she knows the hell Brie’s going through. Why does that not surprise me?”
“Captain seems to think it’s for the best.”
Faelan snarled. “Yeah, Mary has every excuse for not being a good friend, but damn if she doesn’t expect them to be there for her when she needs it.”
Tono did not want to go down this path with Faelan so he quickly changed the subject. “Who has been there for you through this?”
“I’ve been talking to Marquis Gray. He helped me through the ‘adjustment’ of not being chosen by Brie, so it really sucks that he has to walk me through losing Mary now. I guess I’m meant to be a loner for the rest of my fucking life.”
“I appreciate how you are feeling right now. I was there myself not too long ago, but you must never lose faith. When you close off the heart, you extinguish the flame that enables love to find you.”
“What? You expect me to lay my heart out again after this?” Faelan snarled.
“Not right away.”
“It’s not worth it,” he growled, clawing at his chest. “Can I just say I officially hate love—like I loathe it to the very core of my being.”
“You are allowed to hate it. For now.”
“I am done,” he insisted, growling in frustration. “So…enough about my pathetic existence. How’s Brie?”
“She’s facing her current situation with determination, but still needs assistance.”
“If you’re here, who’s helping her?”
“Sir’s best friend.”
“What? The Russian?”
“Yes.”
Faelan smiled for the first time. “So is that the reason for the swollen jaw you’re sporting there?”
Tono chuckled lightly. “There was a misunderstanding.”
“I bet there was…”
He looked at Faelan seriously and said, “I have to admit you’ve impressed me today.”
The Boy threw his head back and laughed. “Hah!”
“No, I’m being serious. Despite what Mary put you through, you haven’t once said you wanted to give up on life.”
He shrugged. “I really thought Mary was the reason for the second chance I’d been given, but it appears I was wrong. Fuck it.”
“So what are your plans now?”
He groaned. “Well, I sure as hell am not staying here. The only reason I came to Colorado was to die. Only reason I stayed was because of Mary.”
“Where then?”
Faelan raised his palms up in defense, stating, “Before you start making assumptions and lecturing me about it, just hear me out.”
Tono folded his arms and nodded respectfully.
“I’m going back to LA. Not in some pathetic attempt to win Mary back—that ship has sailed. But I had a decent job in California and the company said they’ll hire me back. I also had my groupies at The Haven. I miss the action there. Besides, Marquis offered to let me stay at his place until I find an apartment. Personally, I think he just wants to keep an eye on me to make sure I don’t do anything stupid, but hell, I don’t mind. There’s a still lot I can learn from the man.”
Tono looked at the Wolf Pup with a whole new level of respect. “There certainly is a wealth of knowledge there to be tapped.”
“Yeah, so I’m packing up my shit, giving my mom a kiss on the cheek, and then I’m blowing this joint.”
“I will miss our weekly talks.”
Faelan smirked. “Yeah, I will too, Nosaka. For an old man, you’re not too bad.”
Tono laughed. “You’re not so bad yourself, Wolf Pup.”
Faelan looked him dead in the eye. “Someday I’m going to lose that annoying nickname. Not because I punched you in the face, but because I earned it.”
“I have no doubt it will come to pass,” Tono agreed, suddenly coming to the realization Faelan had already outgrown the nickname. He silently vowed never to use it again.
“So you plan on staying here then?”
“Yes, this is where my life is now.”
“By ‘life’ you mean that Day chick?”
“No. I was referring to Miss Autumn.”
Faelan snorted. “Okay, okay, you’re right. Miss Autumn it is.”
“When you come back to Denver for a visit, you’ll have a room available at my place should you need it.”
“Thanks, Nosaka. I appreciate that. The fact is, you and I have something
in common.”
“What’s that?”
“Your kidneys.” Faelan stood up to shake his hand. “I take the fucker with me wherever I go.”
Tono chuckled as he shook his hand. “And you better take good care of it. I don’t have a spare.”
“You do the same, old man,” Faelan said with a wink, shaking his hand firmly.
Tono felt only pride as he watched Faelan walk out the door. He was certain the man was destined to do great things in the future.
Kohana
Tono located a small boutique in Colorado Springs that carried handmade kimonos from Japan. He made the long trip to find a suitable ensemble for Autumn. Because she had specifically asked to be trained to his preferences, he wanted her dressed to his standards.
It excited Tono to think of Autumn wearing his silks tonight and was looking for something that not only complemented her green eyes, but harmonized with the color of his own kimono.
He was charmed by the shop the moment he entered. It smelled of Japanese teas and instantly reminded him of quiet moments with his father. The shopkeeper came out from behind the counter to greet him with a bow. “Kon’nichiwa, I’m Ms. Cooper. Welcome to my little shop, it’s kind of my home away from home,” she explained with pride.
“Does that mean you’re from Japan?”
She laughed. “Actually no, but I’ve always been fascinated by the culture and have traveled there on numerous occasions. I can’t seem to get enough of Nippon, so I decided to open this shop.”
He nodded. “I can understand. I recently visited a city in Italy and experienced the same love for the area.”
Her eyes sparkled when she playfully suggested, “Maybe you should set up a shop too.”
Tono chuckled. “Maybe in another lifetime. My hands are full enough as it is.”
“Oh, what do you do?”
“I’m an artist.”
“Ah, and what’s your name? Maybe I’ve heard of you.”
“My apologies, I should have introduced myself. I’m Tono Nosaka.”
Her countenance suddenly changed the instant she heard his name. Ms. Cooper blushed and bowed low, stating, “It’s an honor to meet you.”