by M. L. Ryan
“Carisa,” he said softly, nudging me away from the counter. “Let me do that. I think Sebastian will want the room to remain intact.” He finished filling the glasses with ice and moved on to slicing the lemons while I tried to calm myself.
I took a deep breath and leaned against the cool granite that topped the center island. “You’re right, I need to chill. No sense in breaking the appliances.”
“Actually, I was more concerned about you torching the kitchen,” he teased, cutting the first lemon in half.
“Come on, Alex. I haven’t had a blowout since… well, I killed Lyjwix. Besides, if I were you, I’d have been more concerned about me getting a hold of that paring knife.”
He paused mid-slice and grinned. “I wasn’t worried. I think you’re more of a cleaver kind of a gal. And I hid those as soon as we got in here.”
Good call. I knew he was more than just a pretty face.
By the time we made it back to the living room with the beverages, Sebastian and my mother were yakking away like a couple of teenage girls. I didn’t bother trying to figure what they were talking about. As long as she wasn’t focused on me, I could care less what kind of drivel they were discussing. My father was still asleep, but he wasn’t alone in his slumber. Vinnie had taken advantage of the sedentary, warm body sacked out in his favorite chair. Taking a catnap, I supposed.
I distributed the drinks, and she eagerly took a sip. She said nothing, but the grimace made it obvious it wasn’t to her liking. Well, there’s a surprise, I made something she didn’t like. Four bags of artificial sweetener and two lemon wedges later, she had apparently doctored her tea to the point of palatability as she managed to empty her glass without making any more faces.
I was about offer a refill when she glanced at the French doors across from where she sat. “Oh, what an interesting looking dog!” she exclaimed, rising from the sofa to get a closer look. Rufus was in the patio, pressing his nose against one of the glass door panels.
My mother looked back at Sebastian. “Is this yours?”
“Actually, Mom, he’s mine.”
“Well, he’s just the cutest thing ever. Can we let him in?”
“I’ve only had Rufus for a few days, and he and Vinnie haven’t really had a chance to meet yet,” I explained. They’d eyed each other through the windows, but that was a close as they had gotten. “I don’t know if Rufus likes cats, but Vinnie can’t stand dogs. It’s probably better if we go out there.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she chided, pulling open the door. Rufus rushed inside, his tail wagging with such enthusiasm that it almost swiped the drinks off the coffee table. The commotion woke Vinnie, and the startled feline levitated from my father’s side. He landed onto the back of the sofa, back arched and tail puffed out at least three times its normal size. Before I could grab Rufus, he trotted over to the cat, seemingly oblivious to Vinnie’s low, rumbling growls.
Everyone in the room held their breath. Well, everyone except my still-slumbering father, whose chest rose and fell with the same rhythm as before the ruckus began. Even the prospect of cross-species carnage a mere foot away didn’t disturb his ability to grab a few well-deserved Zs.
And then, a weird thing happened. Vinnie hopped down to the sofa’s cushions and playfully jammed Rufus’ head with his own. When Rufus responded with a big, sloppy lick across his face, the feline didn’t flinch. In fact, he was purring.
“See, Hailey, you were worried over nothing. They love each other!”
My mother plunked down on the couch to more closely observe what had now developed into a lickathon—both animals were grooming the other with joyous abandon. After a few minutes, Rufus curled up on the floor and Vinnie followed, folding themselves together in contented devotion.
This was actually way more than I’d hoped for. I figured once Vinnie realized the dog was here to stay, they’d settle into a mostly non-aggressive coexistence based on mutual distrust and carefully defined boundaries. Like North and South Korea, but without the nuclear warheads.
While my mother’s interference may have ended well, there was no way in hell I was going to admit that to her. “Mom, you had no way of knowing they wouldn’t tear each other to shreds. You shouldn’t have let Rufus inside.”
I wasn’t sure why I bothered pointing that out to her. Years of experience told me getting my mother to acknowledge her complete disregard for my wishes was, well, pointless. My reward for speaking my mind this time was one of her patented icy stares. Usually, invoking her ire would cause me to revert to the little intimidated girl and I’d apologize, even if I knew I didn’t need to ask for forgiveness. Today, however, adult Hailey prevailed. I glared back until she looked away. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the most mature way of handling the situation, but it was a sort of breakthrough nevertheless.
Fortunately, her opportunities to vex me further were limited by the mere hour carved out for the visit. As if some inner alarm clock had gone off, at the fifty-five-minute mark, my father suddenly jolted awake. He glanced at his watch and announced, “Barbara, look at the time. If we want to make it to Anaheim on schedule, we should be leaving.” It was like he’d never been asleep. Even though I’d seen it many times, his ability to instantaneously switch from out to on never ceased to amaze me.
My mother nodded and stood. “Hailey, can you direct me to the little girl’s room?” She cupped her hand to her mouth and whispered, “I drank so much tea that if I don’t go now, I’ll never make it to the California border.”
Like that made a difference. As long as I could remember, she couldn’t go more than a couple of hours without having to take a bathroom break. While I could understand that four pregnancies could compromise anyone’s ability to hold it in, somehow she managed to make it through the night without getting up multiple times to pee. My sisters and I were convinced it was a weird, passive-aggressive power play to control everyone with a trumped-up lack of bladder control.
“It’s down the hall, the second door on the left,” I advised.
She followed my directions, and the rest of us made our way to the foyer to wait. When she emerged, freshly emptied, Alex and my father were having a conversation about the use of hidden cameras in surveillance, and Sebastian had packed some goodies for them to take on the road.
My mother glanced around, perplexed. “Now, where did I leave my purse?”
How she could ever misplace a gigantic chartreuse satchel with appliqued flowers was beyond me. “I think you had it in the living room. I’ll go get it.”
Sure enough, it was next to the sofa. I didn’t see either of the animals, but as I went to pick up the bag, Vinnie leapt out and scampered away. Stupid cat, I thought. The fact that a twenty-pound feline could fit inside the monstrosity proved this was more like a carry-on than a handbag. It was a miracle she didn’t have back problems from lugging it around. I hefted it off the floor and handed it to her.
“I brought you something. Although, now that I see Sebastian is keeping an eye on you, I’m not sure you’ll need it,” she declared as she began to root through the bag. I half expected to see religious-themed condoms, brands like Second Cumming or Semen on the Mount but, instead, she handed me a small book entitled, “Real Love Waits.”
I started to argue that having been married previously, the whole waiting thing was kind of irrelevant. We’d had that conversation before, but apparently, she still clung to the fantasy that I could be virginal and divorced at the same time. But, before I could say something sarcastic, I noticed something yellowish and slimy on one side of the front cover. Unfortunately, she noticed the goo at the same moment.
“What is that?” she shrieked. “Is that what I think it is?” She dumped the entire contents of her purse on the floor and toed the various items with a tentative poke.
There, in the pile of lipsticks, hand sanitizer, Kleenex, old crumpled receipts, pepper spray—pepper spray?—along with who knows what else, was a large, freshly yorked hairball.
Blanching with disgust, she surveyed the mess. “Have you no control over your pets?”
It was kind of gross, but all in all, it wasn’t too bad of a mess. “I’ll get a paper towel and clean it up.” She continued to complain while I removed every last bit of fur and bile. I opened the empty purse to show her nothing had despoiled the faux-leather lining.
“See, Mom. All clean. The only thing it got on was my book and this thing.” I finished wiping off the small, pink box that seemed to have taken the brunt of the viscous glop and offered it to her. It was then that I actually looked at the package. Nympho Nirvana. Flavored Pleasure Enhancer and Vaginal Tightener.
“You have lube in your purse?” I gasped.
She snatched it from my hand and shoved it into her pants’ pocket. “I use it on my face. It gets rid of wrinkles.”
Alex turned away but I could see his shoulders quivering as he did his best not to laugh outright. Sebastian raised one eyebrow and smirked. My father just looked confused. Me, I couldn’t decide if it was disturbingly funny or just disturbing. True to form, my mother didn’t seem to see anything humorous in the situation, and launched into an angry tirade. I was pretty sure most of her wrath was aimed at me, but her high-pitched outburst was mostly incomprehensible.
Rufus raced into the foyer, skidding to a stop in front of my still-raving mother. And then he growled. Not the tooth-baring, I’m going-to-bite-the-shit-out-of-you kind of snarl, but more of a back-off-bitch sort of vibe. Whatever he was trying to express, it made my mother quit yelling. She stared at the dog for a moment, took a deep breath, and did what any highly neurotic person who had just made a complete ass of herself does in a situation such as this—she acted like none of it ever happened.
“Well, alright then,” she said, smoothing some imaginary wrinkle from her perfectly creased trousers. “Lovely seeing you, Hailey. And of course, meeting you, Sebastian, Alex.” With that, she gave me a brief air kiss, flung the front door open, and made a beeline for the car.
My father sighed and hugged me. “Sorry we didn’t get much chance to visit. Maybe you and Alex can come to Missouri some time?”
Yeah, maybe when hell freezes over. “Sure, maybe,” I responded politely. “Drive safely.”
Sebastian, Alex, and I stood at the door and waved as they got in the car and drove off. Rufus trotted out to the driveway, turned his rear-end toward the retreating vehicle, and farted.
A mischievous grin spread across my face. “Oh, Rufus,” I cooed. “I knew there was something about you that I liked.”
10
Alex and I escaped into our room as soon as I was convinced my parents were actually gone. They had a bad habit of returning a few minutes after driving away, ostensibly because of some forgotten item, but more likely as a means to catch me at something. I suppose they felt the extra five minutes might allow the stable of cabana boys to emerge from their hiding places or reveal the stash of drug paraphernalia that had been secreted under the furniture during their visit.
“Thank heaven that’s over,” I sputtered, flinging myself on the bed. My head was pounding. I desperately needed some acetaminophen, a massage, or tequila. Probably all three. Alex sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on my temples. He closed his eyes, and the tingling of magic coursed through his fingertips into my skin. Within seconds, I relaxed and the pain vanished.
“Better?”
I patted the bed. “Much.”
Alex swung around and lay next to me. We were both on our backs and, for a few moments, stared silently at the ceiling. “Your parents are… interesting,” he said finally.
Sure, if by interesting he meant freakishly irritating. “I bet you thought I was exaggerating all this time.”
“No, but getting to experience them firsthand made their idiosyncrasies that much more vivid.” He rolled over and propped himself up on one arm. “You really are nothing like them. How did you turn out so well adjusted?”
I flipped over to my side to face him. “Got me. I’ve made a conscious effort to be as not like them as possible. I’m getting better at it, but occasionally, I still find myself saying something that sounds like it came out of my mother’s mouth.” Cringing, I added, “And then I want to smack myself.”
Alex chuckled and smoothed a stray curl behind my ear. “It wasn’t all bad. The rapid-fire interrogation was truly impressive. I almost confessed to things I hadn’t even thought of doing. She’d have made a formidable attorney.”
Or a torturer during the Spanish Inquisition. “She is pretty good at getting her way,” I admitted. “Of course, it helps that everyone usually lets her get what she wants just to make life easier.”
“She was rather hard on you. I see why your relationship is so tumultuous.”
“If you mean crappy, then you’ve got that right.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I conceded, “I regret we aren’t close, but I doubt anything will ever change. I should just accept it, I suppose.”
He pulled me into his arms. “Perhaps, but I suspect you will always hold onto the hope that one day she will accept you as you are, not as she wants you to be.”
“That’s pretty pathetic.”
“Not pathetic. Everyone wants to be loved unconditionally, particularly by their parents. Your quest for their acceptance may never come to fruition, however.”
“You know, Blondie, you sounded a lot like Sebastian just now,” I sighed into his chest. “But you’re right. I should’ve changed into a hawk right in front of them. That would’ve showed ‘em.”
“Good thing you didn’t, carisa. If your mother had lived past the shock, Sebastian and I would have had to alter her memory. We wouldn’t have to worry about your father, though. He would have slept through the bending as well as your mother’s unbearable shrieking.”
I pushed back from Alex so I could see his face. “I know, what was with that? I bet she hit some high frequency that only dogs can hear, and that’s why Rufus growled at her.”
Laughing, Alex shook his head. “Interesting theory, but I think he didn’t like the fact she was yelling at you. Animals can sense that kind of thing, and he’s definitely your dog.”
Rufus did seem attached to me. He was usually friendly to everyone, but now that I thought about it, his reaction to my mother’s outburst wasn’t his first intervention on my behalf. At the Ranger’s Station, even though I’d just found him, Rufus went ballistic when Cortez startled me. “Maybe you’re right. If that’s the case, I have to say, it’s nice to have a pet that has my back.”
“And a lovely one it is,” he murmured as he stroked the body part in question. Alex deftly unsnapped my bra and continued to run his fingertips up and down my spine. While my back was pleased with the attention, my front was feeling decidedly unappreciated. I sat up, pulled my shirt over my head, and flung it and the Victoria’s Secret push-up across the room. He wrapped one arm around me and trailed gentle kisses from my earlobe on down. A small gasp escaped my lips when he began to simultaneously lave one nipple with his tongue and roll the other between his nimble fingers.
Not to be outdone, I undid the snap on his jeans and slid my hand inside. Now it was time for my fingers to go to work. They encircled him, and I savored the feel of smooth silk over granite. Alex moaned in approval as I stroked the head using the same rhythm he was using on my breasts, and I made a similar sound when I felt his digits between my legs.
I was so focused on the excruciatingly divine pleasure that it took me a while to realize he still had one arm around my back and the other clamped on my breast. This can’t be right, I thought, Alex doesn’t have a third hand. And whatever was now flicking my core was definitely doing so flesh-to-flesh. When did my pants come off? I glanced down to find my lower body still fully clothed. Only then did my rapture-induced fog lift enough to realize what was happening.
“I thought Transcendental Arousal only worked in Courso,” I forced out, my voice hoarse and ragged.
To my dismay, the exquisite mag
ical manipulations fizzled abruptly. I removed my hand, and Alex rolled over on his back. “That was more difficult than I imagined,” he panted, eyes closed and sweat glistening on his forehead. “I thought I’d give it a try, but I can only keep it up for a few seconds here.”
He must have used a butt-load of energy; I’d never seen him sweat before. Many a night in his home dimension was spent in the throes of passion courtesy of the Courso ability to arouse without making any physical contact. When coupled with actual fondling, the effects were amazing.
“Don’t get me wrong, the TA was fantastic, but it’s not worth killing yourself,” I advised. He sighed, and I couldn’t tell if it was from fatigue or disappointment. To lighten the mood, I added, “As for you not being able to keep it up, I hear it happens to everyone.”
Alex grinned, but he still didn’t open his eyes. “And size doesn’t matter either, I suppose?”
“Of course not. It’s not the size of the wand; it’s the skill of the magician.”
His grin changed from playful to devilish. “Not to blow my own horn, but I am an extraordinarily gifted magician.”
Now I was smiling. “One should never blow their own horn.”
I straddled his hips and slowly eased his jeans to his ankles, then tossed them aside. “I’m a lucky girl,” I murmured as I scooted down. “A skilled magician and a wand of grand proportions. Who could ask for more?”
I didn’t give him a chance to answer. I lowered my head and took him into my mouth. Alex arched his hips as I began to use both my tongue and lips. As I worked my own magic, his breathing began to quicken. I could tell he was close. Just a few more seconds…
“Alex? Hailey?” Sebastian’s deep voice boomed through the bedroom door, followed by a few hard knocks.
Son of a bitch! Every fucking time we are trying to fuck, Sebastian interrupts. “What are you, the sex police?” I yelled.