Youth and the Bright Medusa

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Youth and the Bright Medusa Page 2

by Willa Sibert Cather


  light shining on his collar and his ugly but sensitive face, panted and

  looked up for information. Hedger put down a reassuring hand.

  “I don’t know. We can’t tell yet. It may not be so bad.”

  He stayed on the roof until all was still below, and finally descended,

  with quite a new feeling about his neighbour. Her voice, like her figure,

  inspired respect,—if one did not choose to call it admiration. Her door

  was shut, the transom was dark; nothing remained of her but the obtrusive

  trunk, unrightfully taking up room in the narrow hall.

  II

  For two days Hedger didn’t see her. He was painting eight hours a day

  just then, and only went out to hunt for food. He noticed that she

  practised scales and exercises for about an hour in the morning; then she

  locked her door, went humming down the hall, and left him in peace. He

  heard her getting her coffee ready at about the same time he got his.

  Earlier still, she passed his room on her way to her bath. In the evening

  she sometimes sang, but on the whole she didn’t bother him. When he was

  working well he did not notice anything much. The morning paper lay

  before his door until he reached out for his milk bottle, then he kicked

  the sheet inside and it lay on the floor until evening. Sometimes

  he read it and sometimes he did not. He forgot there was anything of

  importance going on in the world outside of his third floor studio.

  Nobody had ever taught him that he ought to be interested in other

  people; in the Pittsburgh steel strike, in the Fresh Air Fund, in the

  scandal about the Babies’ Hospital. A grey wolf, living in a Wyoming

  canyon, would hardly have been less concerned about these things than was

  Don Hedger.

  One morning he was coming out of the bathroom at the front end of the

  hall, having just given Caesar his bath and rubbed him into a glow with a

  heavy towel. Before the door, lying in wait for him, as it were, stood a

  tall figure in a flowing blue silk dressing gown that fell away from her

  marble arms. In her hands she carried various accessories of the bath.

  “I wish,” she said distinctly, standing in his way, “I wish you wouldn’t

  wash your dog in the tub. I never heard of such a thing! I’ve found his

  hair in the tub, and I’ve smelled a doggy smell, and now I’ve caught you

  at it. It’s an outrage!”

  Hedger was badly frightened. She was so tall and positive, and was fairly

  blazing with beauty and anger. He stood blinking, holding on to his

  sponge and dog-soap, feeling that he ought to bow very low to her. But

  what he actually said was:

  “Nobody has ever objected before. I always wash the tub,—and, anyhow,

  he’s cleaner than most people.”

  “Cleaner than me?” her eyebrows went up, her white arms and neck and her

  fragrant person seemed to scream at him like a band of outraged nymphs.

  Something flashed through his mind about a man who was turned into a dog,

  or was pursued by dogs, because he unwittingly intruded upon the bath of

  beauty.

  “No, I didn’t mean that,” he muttered, turning scarlet under the bluish

  stubble of his muscular jaws. “But I know he’s cleaner than I am.”

  “That I don’t doubt!” Her voice sounded like a soft shivering of crystal,

  and with a smile of pity she drew the folds of her voluminous blue robe

  close about her and allowed the wretched man to pass. Even Caesar was

  frightened; he darted like a streak down the hall, through the door and

  to his own bed in the corner among the bones.

  Hedger stood still in the doorway, listening to indignant sniffs and

  coughs and a great swishing of water about the sides of the tub. He had

  washed it; but as he had washed it with Caesar’s sponge, it was quite

  possible that a few bristles remained; the dog was shedding now. The

  playwright had never objected, nor had the jovial illustrator who

  occupied the front apartment,—but he, as he admitted, “was usually

  pye-eyed, when he wasn’t in Buffalo.” He went home to Buffalo sometimes

  to rest his nerves.

  It had never occurred to Hedger that any one would mind using the tub

  after Caesar;—but then, he had never seen a beautiful girl caparisoned

  for the bath before. As soon as he beheld her standing there, he realized

  the unfitness of it. For that matter, she ought not to step into a tub

  that any other mortal had bathed in; the illustrator was sloppy and left

  cigarette ends on the moulding.

  All morning as he worked he was gnawed by a spiteful desire to get back

  at her. It rankled that he had been so vanquished by her disdain. When he

  heard her locking her door to go out for lunch, he stepped quickly into

  the hall in his messy painting coat, and addressed her.

  “I don’t wish to be exigent, Miss,”—he had certain grand words that he

  used upon occasion—“but if this is your trunk, it’s rather in the way

  here.”

  “Oh, very well!” she exclaimed carelessly, dropping her keys into her

  handbag. “I’ll have it moved when I can get a man to do it,” and she went

  down the hall with her free, roving stride.

  Her name, Hedger discovered from her letters, which the postman left on

  the table in the lower hall, was Eden Bower.

  III

  In the closet that was built against the partition separating his room

  from Miss Bower’s, Hedger kept all his wearing apparel, some of it on

  hooks and hangers, some of it on the floor. When he opened his closet

  door now-a-days, little dust-coloured insects flew out on downy wing, and

  he suspected that a brood of moths were hatching in his winter overcoat.

  Mrs. Foley, the janitress, told him to bring down all his heavy clothes

  and she would give them a beating and hang them in the court. The closet

  was in such disorder that he shunned the encounter, but one hot afternoon

  he set himself to the task. First he threw out a pile of forgotten

  laundry and tied it up in a sheet. The bundle stood as high as his middle

  when he had knotted the corners. Then he got his shoes and overshoes

  together. When he took his overcoat from its place against the partition,

  a long ray of yellow light shot across the dark enclosure,—a knot hole,

  evidently, in the high wainscoating of the west room. He had never

  noticed it before, and without realizing what he was doing, he stooped

  and squinted through it.

  Yonder, in a pool of sunlight, stood his new neighbour, wholly unclad,

  doing exercises of some sort before a long gilt mirror. Hedger did not

  happen to think how unpardonable it was of him to watch her. Nudity was

  not improper to any one who had worked so much from the figure, and he

  continued to look, simply because he had never seen a woman’s body so

  beautiful as this one,—positively glorious in action. As she swung her

  arms and changed from one pivot of motion to another, muscular energy

  seemed to flow through her from her toes to her finger-tips. The soft

  flush of exercise and the gold of afternoon sun played over her flesh

  together, enveloped her in a luminous mist which, as she turned and

  twisted, made now an arm, now a sho
ulder, now a thigh, dissolve in pure

  light and instantly recover its outline with the next gesture. Hedger’s

  fingers curved as if he were holding a crayon; mentally he was doing the

  whole figure in a single running line, and the charcoal seemed to explode

  in his hand at the point where the energy of each gesture was discharged

  into the whirling disc of light, from a foot or shoulder, from the

  up-thrust chin or the lifted breasts.

  He could not have told whether he watched her for six minutes or sixteen.

  When her gymnastics were over, she paused to catch up a lock of hair that

  had come down, and examined with solicitude a little reddish mole that

  grew under her left arm-pit. Then, with her hand on her hip, she walked

  unconcernedly across the room and disappeared through the door into her

  bedchamber.

  Disappeared—Don Hedger was crouching on his knees, staring at the golden

  shower which poured in through the west windows, at the lake of gold

  sleeping on the faded Turkish carpet. The spot was enchanted; a vision

  out of Alexandria, out of the remote pagan past, had bathed itself there

  in Helianthine fire.

  When he crawled out of his closet, he stood blinking at the grey sheet

  stuffed with laundry, not knowing what had happened to him. He felt a

  little sick as he contemplated the bundle. Everything here was different;

  he hated the disorder of the place, the grey prison light, his old shoes

  and himself and all his slovenly habits. The black calico curtains that

  ran on wires over his big window were white with dust. There were three

  greasy frying pans in the sink, and the sink itself—He felt desperate.

  He couldn’t stand this another minute. He took up an armful of winter

  clothes and ran down four flights into the basement.

  “Mrs. Foley,” he began, “I want my room cleaned this afternoon,

  thoroughly cleaned. Can you get a woman for me right away?”

  “Is it company you’re having?” the fat, dirty janitress enquired. Mrs.

  Foley was the widow of a useful Tammany man, and she owned real estate in

  Flatbush. She was huge and soft as a feather bed. Her face and arms were

  permanently coated with dust, grained like wood where the sweat had

  trickled.

  “Yes, company. That’s it.”

  “Well, this is a queer time of the day to be asking for a cleaning woman.

  It’s likely I can get you old Lizzie, if she’s not drunk. I’ll send Willy

  round to see.”

  Willy, the son of fourteen, roused from the stupor and stain of his fifth

  box of cigarettes by the gleam of a quarter, went out. In five minutes he

  returned with old Lizzie,—she smelling strong of spirits and wearing

  several jackets which she had put on one over the other, and a number of

  skirts, long and short, which made her resemble an animated dish-clout.

  She had, of course, to borrow her equipment from Mrs. Foley, and toiled

  up the long flights, dragging mop and pail and broom. She told Hedger to

  be of good cheer, for he had got the right woman for the job, and showed

  him a great leather strap she wore about her wrist to prevent dislocation

  of tendons. She swished about the place, scattering dust and splashing

  soapsuds, while he watched her in nervous despair. He stood over Lizzie

  and made her scour the sink, directing her roughly, then paid her and got

  rid of her. Shutting the door on his failure, he hurried off with his dog

  to lose himself among the stevedores and dock labourers on West Street.

  A strange chapter began for Don Hedger. Day after day, at that hour in

  the afternoon, the hour before his neighbour dressed for dinner, he

  crouched down in his closet to watch her go through her mysterious

  exercises. It did not occur to him that his conduct was detestable; there

  was nothing shy or retreating about this unclad girl,—a bold body,

  studying itself quite coolly and evidently well pleased with itself,

  doing all this for a purpose. Hedger scarcely regarded his action as

  conduct at all; it was something that had happened to him. More than once

  he went out and tried to stay away for the whole afternoon, but at about

  five o’clock he was sure to find himself among his old shoes in the dark.

  The pull of that aperture was stronger than his will,—and he had always

  considered his will the strongest thing about him. When she threw herself

  upon the divan and lay resting, he still stared, holding his breath. His

  nerves were so on edge that a sudden noise made him start and brought out

  the sweat on his forehead. The dog would come and tug at his sleeve,

  knowing that something was wrong with his master. If he attempted a

  mournful whine, those strong hands closed about his throat.

  When Hedger came slinking out of his closet, he sat down on the edge of

  the couch, sat for hours without moving. He was not painting at all now.

  This thing, whatever it was, drank him up as ideas had sometimes done,

  and he sank into a stupor of idleness as deep and dark as the stupor of

  work. He could not understand it; he was no boy, he had worked from

  models for years, and a woman’s body was no mystery to him. Yet now he

  did nothing but sit and think about one. He slept very little, and with

  the first light of morning he awoke as completely possessed by this woman

  as if he had been with her all the night before. The unconscious

  operations of life went on in him only to perpetuate this excitement. His

  brain held but one image now—vibrated, burned with it. It was a

  heathenish feeling; without friendliness, almost without tenderness.

  Women had come and gone in Hedger’s life. Not having had a mother to

  begin with, his relations with them, whether amorous or friendly, had

  been casual. He got on well with janitresses and wash-women, with Indians

  and with the peasant women of foreign countries. He had friends among the

  silk-skirt factory girls who came to eat their lunch in Washington

  Square, and he sometimes took a model for a day in the country. He felt

  an unreasoning antipathy toward the well-dressed women he saw coming out

  of big shops, or driving in the Park. If, on his way to the Art Museum,

  he noticed a pretty girl standing on the steps of one of the houses on

  upper Fifth Avenue, he frowned at her and went by with his shoulders

  hunched up as if he were cold. He had never known such girls, or heard

  them talk, or seen the inside of the houses in which they lived; but he

  believed them all to be artificial and, in an aesthetic sense, perverted.

  He saw them enslaved by desire of merchandise and manufactured articles,

  effective only in making life complicated and insincere and in

  embroidering it with ugly and meaningless trivialities. They were enough,

  he thought, to make one almost forget woman as she existed in art, in

  thought, and in the universe.

  He had no desire to know the woman who had, for the time at least, so

  broken up his life,—no curiosity about her every-day personality. He

  shunned any revelation of it, and he listened for Miss Bower’s coming and

  going, not to encounter, but to avoid her. He wished that the girl who

  wore shirt-waists and got letters from Chicago would ke
ep out of his way,

  that she did not exist. With her he had naught to make. But in a room

  full of sun, before an old mirror, on a little enchanted rug of sleeping

  colours, he had seen a woman who emerged naked through a door, and

  disappeared naked. He thought of that body as never having been clad, or

  as having worn the stuffs and dyes of all the centuries but his own. And

  for him she had no geographical associations; unless with Crete, or

  Alexandria, or Veronese’s Venice. She was the immortal conception, the

  perennial theme.

  The first break in Hedger’s lethargy occurred one afternoon when two

  young men came to take Eden Bower out to dine. They went into her music

  room, laughed and talked for a few minutes, and then took her away with

  them. They were gone a long while, but he did not go out for food

  himself; he waited for them to come back. At last he heard them coming

  down the hall, gayer and more talkative than when they left. One of them

  sat down at the piano, and they all began to sing. This Hedger found

  absolutely unendurable. He snatched up his hat and went running down the

  stairs. Caesar leaped beside him, hoping that old times were coming back.

  They had supper in the oysterman’s basement and then sat down in front of

  their own doorway. The moon stood full over the Square, a thing of regal

  glory; but Hedger did not see the moon; he was looking, murderously, for

  men. Presently two, wearing straw hats and white trousers and carrying

  canes, came down the steps from his house. He rose and dogged them across

  the Square. They were laughing and seemed very much elated about

  something. As one stopped to light a cigarette, Hedger caught from the

  other:

  “Don’t you think she has a beautiful talent?”

  His companion threw away his match. “She has a beautiful figure.” They

  both ran to catch the stage.

  Hedger went back to his studio. The light was shining from her transom.

  For the first time he violated her privacy at night, and peered through

  that fatal aperture. She was sitting, fully dressed, in the window,

  smoking a cigarette and looking out over the housetops. He watched her

  until she rose, looked about her with a disdainful, crafty smile, and

  turned out the light.

  The next morning, when Miss Bower went out, Hedger followed her. Her

  white skirt gleamed ahead of him as she sauntered about the Square. She

 

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