Amnesia: a psychological thriller

by Kylie Hillman

Apparently, my brain is determined to make matters worse this morning, because my mouth is in motion before I can question the wisdom of my response. “Of what?”

  Jax climbs onto the bed and crawls over me. He presses my shoulder with one hand until I lay back down. Running his tongue down the side of my neck, he leaves a wet trail when he makes his way first to my closest nipple and then over my ribs to my navel. After a swirl of his tongue, he presses a kiss on my lower belly.

  “It’s one of the first symptoms of pregnancy.” Jax kisses my stomach again. His fingers flutter lightly over my skin, gently touching the bundle of nerves at the start of my pussy, before he skims them over my lower lips. One digit is used to prod my entrance—it’s a delightful distraction from what he’s truly up to.

  “J-Jax!” His name is ripped from my throat when he sucks my clit into his mouth and scrapes it with his teeth. My mind revolts at his touch. Revulsion competing with pleasure. My hands push against his shoulders, determined that he’s not going to do this to me again. I can’t let him, not after all I learnt yesterday. I already feel dirty; coming on his talented tongue will only make it worse.

  He uses one hand to pin my hands against my stomach while the other spreads my lips so he can have complete access to my pussy. He licks me, pushing the tip of his tongue into my body and mimicking the way he pleasures me with his cock. I struggle to close my legs, but his wide shoulders are in the way.

  A smug burst of laughter bounces off the walls.

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, Amber?”

  My heart lodges in my throat. I stay silent. My mind races, trying to work out when he discovered what I have planned today.

  Was it Seb? Is he not on my side?

  “I’m a doctor. I know your body, inside and out. Nothing about you escapes my attention.” I brace myself, ready for him to lash out at me, as he confirms my worst suspicions.

  He knows.

  “When you turned me down last night, it got me to thinking.” My pulse jumps when he speaks again, then I flinch when he lets go of my hands and sits up.

  Reaching forward, he paws at my chest. “Your breasts have increased sensitivity.”

  I work some saliva into my dry mouth as hope begins to gather. Jax is wearing a shit-eating grin when he flicks my nipples with his thumbs and softly touches my belly. “There’s a tiny bit of swelling down here.”

  My guard is dropping, the happiness I can see in him lulling me into false security. I’m too slow to stop him when he seizes hold of my throat and yanks me into a sitting position. My fingernails scratch at his wrist, the air leaving my lungs when he squeezes my neck. “And, you’re too tired to fuck.”

  Jax clicks his tongue at me when I scratch him hard enough to draw blood. Then, he lets go, pulls his arm back and punches me in the chest. My body bounces when it hits the bed. I roll into a ball and ready myself for the follow-up strike. It doesn’t come. Instead, I feel his weight leave the mattress.

  “When I considered up the signs, it became apparent that you’ve managed to do something right for once.”

  I hear his zipper working, then the clanging of his belt as it’s done up. Chancing a sneaky look, I confirm my guess. He’s dressed, and ready to leave. The asshole is completely unpredictable.

  Jax sees me looking at him and smirks.

  “Congratulations, baby. You’re going to be a mother.”

  He motions for me to sit up and I do as I’m told. My knees are drawn to my chest, my arms wrapped around them, but it doesn’t deter my crazy husband. He puts his arms around me and places a loving kiss on the top of my head. “You haven’t a clue how happy this makes me. If I wasn’t already running late, I’d stay so I could show you exactly how much.”

  Jax places another kiss on my head, then pats my arm as he lets me go. I mask my distaste, smiling as wide as I can, determined not to say anything that will prevent him from leaving. My husband beams with pride, seeming to believe that he’s won this round. If anyone saw us right now, it would look like any other newlywed couple sharing a tender moment.

  It’s anything but.

  It’s the moment a sociopath thinks he’s got his victim right where he wants her.

  Little does he know…

  When the cat’s away, the mice play.

  TWENTY-THREE

  Uncapping then recapping the syringe, I contemplate the best way to inject its contents into my bloodstream. The used pregnancy test sits on the basin next to me, it’s tiny window proudly proclaiming that I’m pregnant. Even after Jax’s display an hour ago, I’m slightly shocked at the result. My mind can’t comprehend the speed with which everything Seb told me yesterday is coming to fruition.

  “Let me do that.”

  I jump at the sound of the intruder, knocking the medication off my lap and falling backward into the bath as my precarious perch on the edge of the porcelain becomes untenable. Long fingers lock around my wrists, hauling me upright.

  “Jesus Christ, Amby.” Seb mocks me. “Do you want some Prozac with the anti-dote?”

  Scooping the syringe from the floor, I pass it to him. “Just shut up and do it. I need my memories back, then I want out of this hellhole.”

  Seb ties my arm off and swabs my skin. I try to pretend that I can’t see the resemblance between his practiced movements and those of his brother. “This isn’t going to be fun. Your memories are going to hit at once. None of it’s pretty. It’s going to hurt. And, you’re probably going to be pissed at yourself for some of the stuff you’ve done.”

  A half-shrug is all I can manage. “I kinda guessed that. It doesn’t matter, anymore. If I want to know everything, then this is the only way.”

  “Sharp—”

  “Pinch,” I finish the warning I’ve heard more times than I can count.

  Seb inserts the needle into my skin. The clear fluid is slowly pushed into my vein. I steady myself, expecting a mad rush of sensation like Centrifuge offers. It’s a bit disappointing when Seb removes the needle and holds my finger over the cotton ball he’s set on my arm to stop any bleeding. Nothing is happening.

  I feel exactly the same.

  “Press down hard.” I follow his instructions, handing it to him when he comes back with a sticky plaster to put over the tiny wound.

  “Feel any different?” he asks once he’s sat down next to me.

  “Not yet.”

  We wait in companionable silence. Our shoulders are the only parts of our bodies that touch at the beginning, until Seb opens his palm and I put my hand in his. He holds tight, squeezing every now and then. I look around the ornate bathroom, killing time while I pray for something to change. I take in the gorgeous fixtures and mentally muse about what I would change if it was mine.

  “I’ve always liked this house. Although, I never understood why your grandfather built the gazebo so far away from the pool. It would have been perfect if it was next to it.”

  Seb scoffs, “He didn’t want anyone else to use it. That’s where he hid when he wanted a break in the fresh air.”

  I laugh, nodding my head. “I’m pretty sure I caught him and his secretary going at it once.”

  “Amber!” Seb exclaims. He launches back to his feet, dragging me with him. “Do you realise what you just said?”

  “Holy shit.” I stop moving. Closing my eyes, I test the edges of my mind. They don’t feel smooth any longer. Instead of the black chasm of nothingness that I’ve become accustomed to, I find bright colours and noise.

  “What’s my favourite colour?” I mutter to myself.

  The answer is in my head immediately.

  Purple.

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

  I have my life back.

  Visions of a younger version of my dad appear in my mind. He’s telling me that I need to stop pushing Jax away.

  The day that he walked in on Jax raping me and reacted by closing the door and leaving us alone rises to the surface.

  My tearful confession to Uncle Charlie,
and his angry tirade against my mother for not helping me.

  The fist fight he had with Dad.

  The death of Uncle Charlie’s beloved wife.

  The ultimatum from my parents.

  Marry Jax or we’ll have Uncle Charlie sent to prison for my aunt’s murder.

  The bundle of money my uncle hands me as he helps me escape my parents.

  My new identity. A fresh start. College life.

  A boy. The boy. My soulmate.

  Xander Barrett.

  Our life together. Our mutual passion for teaching. Our little bungalow.

  The wedding preparations.

  My accidental sighting of Jax.

  Seb’s visit. Seb’s plea.

  The dossier filled with my details. With Xander’s details. The threats to have the funding for my school closed by my father’s political ally.

  The side effects of Centrifuge.

  The cover up that hid them.

  Uncle Charlie reaching out. He needs my help to stop the drug from becoming reality.

  Our plan to use Jax’s obsession with me against him.

  The car that mounted the curb and drove straight for me.

  Pain. Never-ending pain. Then, unbelievable pleasure.

  And Jax.

  Always Jax.

  In my life. In my bed. In my body.

  I slap my hand over my face so that the screaming that fills my mind doesn’t come out of my mouth. My heart pounds in my ears, a monster roar that strips me of all hearing. I spin in circles, my memories too much to handle. My legs feel like jelly. My head is about to explode.

  “Amber.” Seb is frantic. “Calm down. Breathe. In and out. In and out.”

  My sole remaining strand of self-preservation is just strong enough to heed Seb’s instructions. I concentrate on what he’s saying, regulating my breathing, matching it to his rhythmic intonations until I can control my body. It takes a while, but it works.

  Eventually, I regain my faculties, and find us lying on the cold bathroom floor together. Rolling onto my side, I face the man who’s had my back since he was just a boy. I touch his lips, smiling when he flinches.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself,” he replies.

  “Thank you.”

  “Anything. Any time. Any place.”

  Seb helps me to my feet. We brush down our clothes and start straightening up our mess. He holds open the door for me, giving me a nudge with his shoulder when I spend too long staring at the bed that I share with his evil brother.

  I scowl and push down the awful memories of what I willingly did in that bed. My motivations were pure, my objectives clear. It’s a pity I had to sully my soul to fulfil them.

  Filing away my feelings so I can examine them another day. I lift the edge of the mattress and retrieve my journal. Stowing it in my backpack, I swing around to find Seb waiting in the hallway for me. He raises an eyebrow when I smile at him.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just trying vengeance on for size.”

  TWENTY-FOUR

  “He’s in a meeting,” my father’s receptionist squawks at me as we push past her and into his office. “You can’t go in there.”

  I ignore her, pulling the double doors open.

  Shooting her daggers when she dares to lay a hand on my arm, I bare my teeth when she doesn’t back off straightaway. The dumb bitch gets the message finally, making her way back to her desk without another word.

  “What is the meaning of this?” Dad yells once we’re alone. His face turns white when he sees that Seb is with me. It manages to turn a shade paler when my companion holds up the red file containing their dirty secrets in the air.

  “Henry.”

  A door hidden in the wall next to my father’s desk opens in response to his summons. The Ray patriarch throws the wet handtowel onto the floor and storms into the office. He slams his hands on his hips and snarls at his youngest son.

  “Why are you here?”

  “We wanted to let you know that it’s over.” Seb takes one of the seats in front of the desk. I follow, sitting in the other. “The original test results for Centrifuge have been lodged with the FDA along with the samples that were tampered with to produce the fraudulent results that my brother submitted as part of his patent and his application to produce retail quantities.”

  “I’m going to kill you.” Henry’s face turns red, a vein in his forehead suddenly bulging. His murderous threat is in stark contrast to my father’s stoic reaction.

  “What do you want?”

  “I want Xander Barret released from prison with a clear record, and all charges dropped. I want control of my inheritance. I want a divorce from Jax and for him to stay away from me. Nothing more. Nothing less.” I point at Seb. “He wants what was left to him by his grandfather and a majority share in the company.”

  “Done.” Dad wipes his hands and straightens his tie. “I’ll have the paperwork drawn up.”

  “That’s it?’ Henry turns his vitriol on his partner-in-crime. “You’re going to let them screw up two decade’s worth of research and development without a fight?”

  “What you fail to understand, Henry,” Dad lowers his voice to a lethal level, “is that we don’t have any room to fight. Amber is protected by the prenuptial agreement she has with your son. If he is found guilty of tampering with the results, as the mother of his offspring, she inherits the lot. Every dollar of the Ray and St. George family fortunes goes to her children, leaving us all destitute.”

  My father turns his attention to me, shooting a pointed glance in the direction of my stomach. “I’m assuming that you’re pregnant, correct? It would be very stupid of you to come in here and threaten us if you were, in fact, not.”

  I smile with feigned sweetness. “Nope, definitely up the duff. Your brood mare did good.”

  My uncultured response has my dad visibly shuddering in his big, leather chair. “As you can see, Henry, our children are one step ahead of us. Let’s cut our losses and focus our energies on minimising the fallout on our share prices and keeping Jax out of jail. Let them have their paltry victory and be done with it.”

  Seb stands. He holds out a hand to me, leading the way to the office doors. He has one hand on the door handle when he pauses and addresses our fathers. “I should probably mention that Charles and I developed an anti-dote to the side effects of Centrifuge. This breakthrough is going to herald a revolutionary new era in the treatment of dementia and associated illnesses. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve patented it for use by generic manufacturers as per Charles’ final wishes. Once our testing has been vetted by the appropriate authorities, it will be available for retail sale at a mere ten-percent above manufacturing cost.”

  I sink my teeth into my bottom lip so I don’t ruin Seb’s very formal explanation of how we’ve just fucked-up their plans for world domination from here until eternity. My father’s easy acceptance hadn’t fooled me, he would make plans to come after us. Now, we have the upper hand and he can’t move against us without bringing himself down.

  We make it outside of the office and past the fuming receptionist before I can’t hold it in anymore. I bend in half, bracing my hands against my knees and burst into peals of laughter than I’m positive can be heard back in the office.

  “My God.” I manage two words before my hysterics take hold again.

  “I know.” Seb is laughing almost as uncontrollably as I am. “Their faces. Charlie’s basically given them the middle finger from the grave.”

  My mirth dissolves at the mention of my dead uncle. The emotions that were missing at his funeral hit me, the tears that are running down my face from my crying laughter quickly becoming real. Seb slings an arm over my shoulders and helps me to the elevator. He stays quiet while we descend, allowing me my belated bout of grief.

  “He’d be proud of you,” Seb announces once we’re in his car.

  “And, you.” I hiccup. “Where are we heading now?”

  “To
put your life back together.”

  TWENTY-FIVE

  “Amber.” Xander strains against the chain that connects his hands and feet to the table when I enter the meeting room we’ve been allocated. “Sugar. What’re you doin’ here?”

  I let Seb pick a seat first, before settling into the remaining plastic chair.

  “I’m sorry, Xander.” The words feel inadequate, yet I don’t know what else to say.

  His blonde eyebrows pull together. He looks between me and Seb, speculation on his face. “Sorry for what? I don’t understand.”

  “Give me a moment.” I hold up a finger. Dragging in a deep breath, I try to steady my nerves and find a way to tell the man who’s been my partner for the past decade that I’m the reason why he’s in jail.

  “I’m sorry because I didn’t tell you that I was leaving you. I’m sorry because I’ve done a lot of bad things while we’ve been apart. I’m sorry because I willingly shared my body with a man I hate so I could have my revenge. I’m sorry because I’m pregnant with his child and I’m going to keep the baby. I’m sorry because I hope and pray that you’ll take me back despite all that.”

  As confessions go, it’s up there with the worst.

  But, it’s honest. Brutally so.

  Xander turns red. His eyes bulge in his head. He lifts his tied-together hands, balls them into fists, and slams them on the table. “You’re sorry? I’ve been locked in here for weeks, worried out of my mind that they were holding you against your will, and you want to tell me that it was all a set-up?”

  The guard at the door pounds on the metal. “Settle down or you’re going back to your cell.”

  I take the opportunity to try to explain a bit better. “You know some of my history with Jax and my parents. What you don’t know is the full extent of their reach. A few months ago, I spotted Jax in the parking lot at the school. He was standing near our car; it looked like he was waiting for me. It scared me so I called Uncle Charlie in a panic. He told me that Seb was looking for me because he had some information I needed to see.”

  Seb nods his agreement, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. Xander growls at him, anyway. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, knowing that his mood is going to get worse before it gets better.