by Toni Aleo
That doesn’t mean he won’t try, though. I know he’s doing it as a favor to Shea, but I’ll take whatever help I can get. I want to succeed. I want this, even if it means leaving Sofia. That’s the only thing that really holds me up every time I go to these meetings. When I sit down and they ask me what I want in the next five years—and they all ask the same question—I find myself pausing and swallowing the phrase, “I hope I’m still with Sofia Castilleja.”
Man, she’s got me hooked.
I’m pretty fucking sure I’ve fallen for her. Like, really fallen for her, and that will do nothing but complicate things. Putting aside whether I’m going into the NHL or not, there is the issue of this being her first relationship. Hell, her first everything. She has three more years here. And when I’m gone, she won’t want to wait around on me. I would. I’d wait years for her, but again, I’ve been around enough to know she is the best person I’ve ever been with. For her, though, she’ll always wonder if there is more out there. And there may be. She’ll have to decide that, but if I tell her I love her, she won’t leave, and then she’ll resent me.
That knowledge feels like a jagged sword plunging into my chest and twisting over and over again.
I’m screwed.
“I did a Google search.”
I groan loudly, and she laughs, trying to smack me, but I move out of the way. “The last time you did a Google search, you went down on your knees and sucked me off in a hallway. I think I almost died that day.”
“You’re so dramatic. You loved it,” she insists, flashing me a smirk.
“Oh, I did. Very much so.” I give her a wink, and her cheerful giggles run down my spine.
“Anyway, I did the search, and apparently, the closest team to here is St. Louis. Closest other than the Assassins, of course.”
My heart does somersaults in my chest as I quirk my lip. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“So, I vote for them. If you’re there, I can come stay with you some, and we can hang during your downtime.”
I glance over at her. “Always the planner.”
“Just saying, no telling what could happen. You may hate me tomorrow, and all these Google searches will be for nothing.”
I shoot her a serious look. “Cold day in hell.”
Her grin is shy, but oh so beautiful. “Good.”
We share a small smile, and I love the little quirk on the side of her mouth. “Man, Sofia, I’m really into you.”
Her lashes flutter as she moves a tendril of hair out of her eyes, gazing up at me with that come and get me look. With the confidence of a girl who knows she has it going on, she says, “Damn right, you are.”
She blows my fucking mind.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ryan
Standing in front of my mirror, I retie my tie after messing it up three times. You’d think after the endless tie-tying sessions my dad gave me, I’d have this, but I don’t. It’s hard. Or knowing he can’t help me is hard. Fuck, I miss him.
From my bed, Sofia looks at me in the mirror. “Are you sure I don’t have to dress up?”
I let my head fall back, my arms going slack as I moan obnoxiously. She’s asked this question at least a million times. “Sof, babe, I’m telling you. You look great,” I stress once more, and she does. She’s wearing leggings and a big sweatshirt. Classic Sofia. I couldn’t ask for more.
“But Amelia posted a picture of her and Shelli, and they’re glammed up—”
“They don’t need a reason to get all dressed up. They do it for Tuesday night dinner too. They just like looking at themselves.”
“Ryan,” she moans. And it’s not her normal complaining moan, it’s the one that awakens the beast in my pants. Damn it.
Giving her a hard look in the mirror, I point at her while holding my tie. “The only time I want to hear you moan like that is when I’m on top of you.”
She gives me a snarky look, and with a matching tone, she calls back to me, “Find time, and I can make that happen.”
She looks back down at her phone. Her hair is down, curly as hell with a little pin holding some of it back. Her face is all made up but not over the top. It brings out every single one of the features I already love. Her lips, though, those are a bright red that I may want to spend some time smearing.
When she looks up at me, I smirk, but she glares. “For real, Ryan, look!”
Now, I’m groaning. I walk over to my bed and fall face first into it. “Sofia, I promise you. It doesn’t matter,” I mutter into my blanket.
I turn my face to look at her, but she holds her phone in front of my nose. I look at my sister and cousin, who look like they’re going to prom and not Thanksgiving dinner. But Posey, my girl, is wearing jeans and a tee. “Hey, Posey is wearing jeans.”
She is unamused. “Doesn’t she dress kind of boyish?”
I shrug as I sit up, fumbling with my tie once more. “I don’t think so. She’s like you. She’d rather be comfortable than not.”
She bites that plump lip, and smearing that lipstick seems like a way better idea than arguing about what she should wear. Especially when I think she’s fucking hot in those leggings. “Hey.”
She looks up from her phone, her face making it clear she is seriously struggling with this. “What?”
“Come here. You’ve got something on your mouth.”
She draws in her brows in confusion. “What is it?”
“My lips,” I answer right before I take hers. Gone is the tension in her shoulders as she leans into me, cupping the back of my neck as I deepen the kiss. Leaning her back into the pillows, I move between her legs, drawing the kisses out of her. Her fingers dance along my neck, and soon the tie is gone.
“I think you’re sexier without it,” she whispers against my lips, and my gut turns molten.
“See, and I think you’re sexy just the way you are,” I say against her lips, causing them to curve ever so sweetly. When she wraps her legs around my waist, I feel every bit of her hot center, and within seconds, I’m rock hard. She looks up at me through those long thick lashes, a little kitten grin pulling at her lips.
“Maybe we have two minutes?”
I see stars. My heart is pounding in my ears, and my cock is begging for it. He wants it. She wants it. And fucking fuck, I want it too. I bring her bottom lip between my teeth, biting slightly as I press into her, my cock throbbing against her center. She takes in a quick breath, her eyes eager, leaving me feeling wild. Fuck, she makes me feel so damn good. I press my nose into hers, and I draw in shaky breaths. My heart tells me to wait, that it feels she deserves more, but her words from earlier hit me hard. It’s me. She only wants me. Meanwhile, my cock is telling me to shut the fuck up and bury myself deep inside her.
He has priorities.
“Here?” I gulp, and she grins.
“Right here. Just us,” she whispers, weaving her fingers through my hair. “We have time.”
“We do,” I agree as she starts to unbutton my shirt, the feel of her fingers scorching my skin as they unfasten each button. “And I really want to.”
Her lips quirk. “How bad?”
“So fucking bad, I might cry when I’m finally inside you.”
She smirks up at me. “I thought you weren’t supposed to cry.”
I lean my nose to hers, falling so hard for her innocent eyes. “When I’m with someone as special and as beautiful as you, emotion takes over.”
“It does?”
“Yeah, and it has to get out.” I move against her as her fingers glide along my skin. Her lips part as I drop my head down, needing her lips on mine.
But just as our lips touch, the door flies open.
“Hey, whoa. Shit. Sorry, do you need me to come back?”
Her eyes widen, and I may kill Moon. “Fucking hell, yes.”
“No, it’s fine,” she says, rolling out from underneath me.
I fall to my stomach and look up at him. “What the hell do you want?”
&nbs
p; He grimaces, running his hand through his hair. “My bad, man. I had to find you before you went home.”
“Why? And why aren’t you home?”
“I’m leaving in a bit, but I just signed my contract with the IceCats. Dude, it’s fucking awesome. I’ll be playing for them next year! Can you believe it?”
Fuck.
I feel Sofia move beside me, and she slides her hand up my back, but I know it’s out of sympathy. No reason for that. I get up, grinning as I slap hands with Moon. “Attaway, man, that’s fucking awesome!”
“Yeah, I’m stoked. Nervous but stoked.”
“You’ll do fucking awesome.”
“Yeah, but shit, I didn’t expect this,” he says, and the grin on his face warms my heart. He’s a great guy. He deserves this.
“You earned it, man. You’re a great player.”
“Thanks, man. Now it’s your turn!” He smacks my chest, and I laugh out, but it’s with no humor what’s so fucking ever. When his phone rings, I thank the heavens as he answers it. “Yeah, Ma, I’m coming.” He tucks it back into his pocket. “Yeah, Mom is waiting. Wanted to tell you in person, not over text.”
I’d much rather have had the text. “For sure, dude,” I say, slapping hands with him before being pulled into a manly hug. “I’m stoked for you.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Congratulations, Moon.”
He sends Sofia a grin. “Thanks, Sofia. Hey, where is Amelia?”
“She’s already at home,” I answer, and he slowly moves his gaze back to mine, an innocent grin on his face.
“Oh. She’s kinda been blowing me off lately.”
I nod. “I think she got back with her boyfriend. Though, I don’t know how she is blowing you off if nothing is happening.”
Moon nods very quickly. “Oh, yeah, for sure. Er, yeah, so happy Thanksgiving.”
And then he’s gone.
I sit back on the bed. Sofia’s arms come around my shoulders, and she snuggles her face into my neck. I lean into her, closing my eyes. “That’s really great for him.”
“It is,” she mutters against my skin, and I’m thankful she knows I’m bummed.
Nothing has to be said. She just holds me, and I need it because this fucking sucks. I want good things for him, I do, but I want them for myself too. What else do I have to do? I’m working my ass off, and I feel like I’m doing everything right. My grades are great, my skills are stellar, and damn it, I’m fast for a big guy. Why can’t I get a deal? When Sofia places a kiss to my neck, I know I can’t worry about that right now. I gotta take my girlfriend home for Thanksgiving.
I swallow hard, and then I tap her arms. “Well, sorry about that, but let’s get out of here.” She doesn’t move. “Sofia?”
She trails kisses along my neck before stopping right at my ear. “Ryan.”
“Yeah?”
“Your time is coming. I know it is.”
I sigh heavily. “You think so?”
“I know so,” she says, and then she kisses my lobe. “I pray every night that it will happen. Even if means you’ll leave me.”
My heart jackhammers in my chest, her words shaking me to the core. I turn slowly, looking deep into her eyes, and the weak smile on her face feels like a punch to the gut. “I’ll come back just for you.”
Even though I know it’s probably both the best and worst mistake to say that, the way her eyes light up is enough to make it worth it. As her lips take mine, I realize, though I don’t know what is going to happen, one thing is for sure.
I’m gonna love her through it all.
And beyond.
Our ride to Elli and Shea’s is quiet.
I keep my hand in Sofia’s as her fingers dance over my wrist and the back of my hand. She doesn’t know it, but she gives me such strength and confidence. She brings me hope, and that’s something I won’t ever be able to thank her enough for. I wish like hell we hadn’t been interrupted back in my room. I wanted so desperately to be in her, to give her everything she wants.
What I want.
When I pull into the Adlers’ driveway, Sofia takes in a deep breath. “Whoa, this place is huge.”
I nod as I shut off the truck. “Yeah, this is my second home. I used to have a room, but my aunt kept having kids.”
Sofia chuckles as I get out, walking around to open the door for her. When I do, I hear a guitar and then a soft, stunning voice.
Shelli.
Sofia looks to where the music is coming from the back of the house. “Who is that?”
“My Broadway-singing cousin,” I say, lacing my fingers with hers and pulling her along. We walk around the house on the cobblestone walkway to the back, where Shelli is sitting with a guitar, playing it effortlessly as she sings Bruno Mars’s “Just the Way You Are.” Shea and Elli hold each other as they sway together. My mom is sitting with a glass of wine, watching them dance and Shelli sing. Amelia is on her phone, and in the yard, the boys are running around like maniacs, missing that their sister is brilliant.
When I look back to Sofia, her eyes are wide as she takes it all in. “Wow.”
I nod as I walk backward, pulling her with me. I want to thank her a billion times for how she held me, how she was there for me after Moon left. “Will you dance with me?”
“Here?”
“Here,” I say, bringing her in and wrapping my arms around her waist.
Her arms come around my neck, hesitant at first, but then her eyes meet mine, and her face breaks into the brightest most breathtaking smile that takes up her whole face. I think she’s awesome just the way she is. There is nothing I would change on her. She’s perfect.
I lean my chin into her forehead, closing my eyes as Shelli’s voice swirls around us. Shelli is stunning. Her voice has a raspy but buttery sound that touches you right in the heart. As we move to the sweet melody of the song, her stunning voice makes the moment even better. My throat goes dry with all the emotion hitting me right now. Will Sofia still want to be with me if I don’t make it? She’s so driven. She probably wants to be with someone who is as successful as she is.
Damn it, I don’t want to lose her.
I know Shelli is almost done, and I know they’ll all attack Sofia once Shelli finishes. Knowing this, I slowly trail kisses down Sofia’s temple and then to her ear. “Hey.”
I feel her grin against my cheek. “Hey.”
I swallow hard, squeezing my arms around her, bringing her in closer. “Every year we have to say what we’re thankful for, and I want you to know it’s you. It’s only you, Sofia. I’m thankful for you.”
Her breath catches as she leans into me, pressing her lips to my jaw. “Hey, Ryan.”
I smile as her lips caress my jaw. “Yeah?”
She pulls back, looking up at me, her eyes full of pure joy. It pleases me to no end that I made her eyes shine like that. That I put that grin on her face. She’s completely mine. “I’m thankful for late nights on a roof, Oreos, and coffee.”
I can’t stop my grin from growing. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” she whispers, her eyes burning into mine. “Because that was the moment I knew I couldn’t shake you. The moment I knew I’d met my match.”
I hold her face. “Funny. For me, it was when you pressed your tongue into your cheek and ran at that vault.”
As her face breaks into a grin and an obnoxious but beautiful laugh leaves her mouth, I know I can’t lose her.
But like my dreams of the NHL, I probably will.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sofia
Shelli and Amelia squeal a lot.
Not in an annoying girl way, but in a truly loving sister way. It’s sort of adorable to see. Even if it does shake my eardrums. I don’t think Posey is impressed with me, but then, she hasn’t spoken much. While she’s in Shelli’s room with us, she’s on the chair, her legs under her chin as she looks at her phone. I’ve somehow found myself on the bed with Shelli and Amelia as they gush over some guy on Instagram.
He’s gorgeous. Like supermodel hot. He’s not Ryan, but he’s pretty dang sexy. I think he’s a hockey player too.
I don’t know. I’m not getting much between the squealing and gushing.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re still into him,” Amelia teases, shaking her head. “But damn if he isn’t hotter now. I mean, that hair…”
“Right?” Shelli gushes, a dreamy look on her face. She looks like a fairy with her little pixie nose and blazing blue eyes. Her lips are so thick, full, and I’m sort of jealous of them. I mean, I have great lips—Ryan devours them—but Shelli’s are stunning. People pay for her lips. Her hair is an awful blond that doesn’t match her skin, but I don’t think anyone cares. It’s for a part, and she’ll go back to dark hair when she’s done.
“I know it’s pathetic and I know he’s like six years older than me, but I can’t get over him. I just want to do him so bad.”
Posey snorts from her spot, and we look up at her. “Aiden Brooks would laugh in your face if you ever tried.”
Shelli glares. “Whatever! He would want me, he just doesn’t know it.”
Amelia giggles. “He’s never shown any kind of interest. I don’t know why you’re still so hung up on him.”
A sly little grin comes over Shelli’s face, and it makes me smile. She doesn’t seem the least bit deterred in her infatuation with this Aiden guy. I bet he’s better than Drew. “He just amazing. I mean, he’s so funny and so hot, and I hate that he doesn’t see me.”
She swipes the screen up, and I can see the appeal. He’s a good-looking guy, with his shaggy brown hair that falls over his shoulders. His face is so unique, hard but soft, and then he has these gray eyes that come out of the phone. Amelia isn’t impressed, though. “Shelli, he’s such a manwhore now. Ryan told me he’s never alone.”