Ronnie smiled at both of the children as she squatted down and hugged them. She held out the stuffed cat to the toddler, who squealed loudly again before crushing the toy against her chest, swinging her upper body around as she hugged it. “Kitty!” Morrison said loudly, kissing one of the acrylic eyes before resting her cheek on the toy and hugging it tightly again.
Ronnie straightened back up and ruffled Morrison's hair before turning back to Tommy, holding out the birthday bag. “Happy birthday, Tommy.”
Tommy's face lit up. He grabbed the bag and rushed back into the backyard towards a table that held other presents. “Come on, Ronnie,” he yelled over his shoulder, “we are going to do cake and ice cream soon!”
Morrison made another excited sound and ran after her brother, holding the stuffed cat by one paw and dragging it through the air behind her. Ronnie shook her head affectionately and followed the sounds of screaming children into the yard.
Ronnie had nearly made it to the buffet of appetizers and finger foods when she heard someone call her name. “Ronnie! You made it!”
Ronnie turned towards the house, her heart pounding in her chest when she saw Amy. The woman looked stunning in a floral maxi-dress, her bob curled and hanging perfectly around her face. Her makeup was simple, but the soft autumn sun made her cheeks look like they were glowing, accentuating her high, angled cheekbones and wide eyes.
Ronnie couldn't speak at first, her mouth dry and her throat thick. She coughed softly, kicking herself for not making sure she had taken her allergy medicine that morning. She had been feeling fine before she arrived, but something in the yard must be making her throat feel funny.
“I told you I would come,” she managed to say after a few seconds, her cheeks heating up in embarrassment as her voice cracked. She rubbed her lips together and shoved her hands in her pockets, her eyes glancing down at the way that the dress fit Amy perfectly. “You, um, you look really nice.” She let out a small smile.
Amy smiled back, her own cheeks darkening at the compliment. “Thank you. You . . . you do, too. Your eyes really pop with that color.” She scratched the back of her neck, shaking her head slightly to get her hair away from her cheek. “Do you－do you want to see the house?”
Ronnie nodded. “I'd love to.” She followed Amy back into the house, discreetly rubbing her hands on her jeans as the change in temperature made her palms sweat. She glanced around at pictures on the wall as they walked through the front hallway, pausing as they passed a picture of Tommy and a woman when he was just a toddler. The woman was very attractive, slender with dark-brown hair and tattoos sprawling up both of her arms. She was sitting on a park bench in a pair of jeans and a simple black tank top, the young boy sitting down next to her and playing with a puffy white dandelion. Her face was full of love, and Tommy's was full of wonder.
“Who's this?” Ronnie asked, reaching out to pull Amy to a stop. She grabbed her hand briefly before dropping it, moving to cross her arms over her stomach.
She regretted asking as soon as she saw Amy's face fall. “You don't have to tell me,” she said quickly, pushing a piece of hair over her ear. “It's fine, really, it's just a nice picture.”
“Yeah, it is.” Amy smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. “That's, um, Andrea, my ex-wife. Tommy and Morrison's other mom.”
Ronnie's eyes widened and all of the saliva in her mouth suddenly came back. “Oh. Did, uhm, did something happen to her?” She remembered what Amy said in the hospital, about being Tommy's only parent. Ronnie hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but now, seeing the picture of the other woman, she desperately wanted to know.
She was surprised, however, when Amy huffed a laugh and shook her head. “She's a bitch who doesn't know what she lost, that's what happened to her,” she said, looking down and the ground and leaning her shoulder against the wall. “She was the one who wanted to be a mom in the first place, but when things got rough a couple of years ago, I wanted the kids, and she wanted out.”
“I'm sorry.” She couldn't imagine someone ever willingly giving their kids up just because of a bad relationship, especially when the kids were as sweet as Tommy and Morrison were. “Was . . . was the breakup expected?”
Amy shrugged before nodding. “She never had been any good around anyone who got sick.”
Ronnie was puzzled for a moment before Amy's words sank in. When they did, her brows shot up and her mouth dropped open. She didn't even have to say anything before Amy sighed. “Tommy started feeling poorly a few months after Morrie was born. Things were iffy when I was pregnant, but the more tests that the doctors ran on Tommy, the more distant we became, and when we found out Tommy's kidneys were failing and he needed a transplant, she decided that she didn't want this anymore and left.”
Her voice quivered and there were tears dotting Amy's lashes, but her jaw was tense and she didn't let the tears fall. “I carried both of our children, so when the doctors brought up genetic possibilities for Tommy's illness, she snapped, said that she had no biological connection to our children, that they weren't really her kids, and that it would be my fault if my kids were to . . .” She swallowed, blinking rapidly before letting out a long breath through her nose and shaking her head. “Anyway, she signed away her parental rights two weeks after we split, and we were divorced by the end of the month. I haven't heard from her since.”
“Why do you still have pictures of her up, then?”
Once again, Ronnie felt dumb for asking the question. It was clear that Amy still loved her, and that it wasn't her decision to end the marriage. Amy's response, however, did surprise her. “It's a reminder of how lucky I am to have my children. Andrea was convinced that they were damaged, and here they are, two years later, healthier than they've ever been. All of Morrie's tests have come back clear, and Tommy has had more energy and acted more like a kid in the last few weeks than he has in years. He's so amazing, and Andrea was an idiot not to see that.”
The first tear finally fell, and before Ronnie knew what she was doing, she had moved forward and taken Amy into her arms. Amy hugged her back, burying her face in Ronnie's neck and letting out a shaky sob before sniffing loudly, trying to reign in her emotions. Ronnie rubbed her back and shushed her, cupping Amy's neck with her other hand.
Amy cried for a minute or two before taking a deep breath and tensing her shoulders, sniffing loudly in Ronnie's ear before pulling out of the hug. She sniffed again and wiped her hand under her nose before running her fingertips under her eyes. “God, I must look like a mess.”
Ronnie reached up and grabbed her hand, pulling it away from Amy's eyes. “You look beautiful,” Ronnie said before she bit her lip, her eyes widening. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. She took a deep breath and took a step back, shoving her hands into her pockets and rocking on her heels.
Amy made her hand into a fist and pressed it against her mouth. She closed her eyes and counted quietly to ten before standing up and smiling tightly at Ronnie. She cleared her throat and mimicked Ronnie's position, crossing her arms over her stomach. She gestured with her head towards the back door. “C'mon. I'll give you the rest of the tour of the house later, but I better get back outside before Tommy convinces my brother to let him open his presents on his own.”
7
Ronnie followed Amy outside, her mouth dry and her stomach tied in knots. She couldn't figure out why she was feeling like such a mess. She had been to kids parties, after all, and even though she didn't normally hang out so quickly with strangers, there was something about Amy that made Ronnie feel like they could have a lasting friendship.
Amy made her way to the present table and called for everyone's attention while Ronnie sat down on one of the many chairs littering the lawn. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and twirled it between her fingers, desperate for anything to keep her anxiety at bay. She flicked her tongue against the back of her teeth and jiggled her knees, too, a bad habit that she had picked up years ago in middle school.
&
nbsp; Tommy raced to the table and jumped up and down excitedly, his entire body vibrating with excitement as he looked at all the presents in front of him. “Can I opened them now, Mommy? Can I please?” He started to walk towards the table with grabby hands, immediately going towards the largest gift.
Amy reached out and stopped him, smiling at him. “In a minute, buddy. Wait until everyone else gets situated, okay?” She glanced around the yard, her eyes locking with Ronnie's before she looked away again. “I'm sure everyone wants to watch you open gifts. Besides, you have to know who you need to tell 'thank you' to, remember?”
Tommy pouted and crossed his arms, but he sat down next to the table, anyway. Much like Ronnie, he was tapping his feet and fidgeting about, but the way he kept sighing loudly made it obvious that he was simply impatient.
He didn't have to wait long, though, and was happily tearing into his presents within a minute or two. Ronnie tried to pay attention to what the boy was getting, but she couldn't help but shift her attention onto his mother. The woman was scratching down the gifts on a bright-yellow legal pad, glancing around at the guests as she kept track of who brought what. She was making a stack of the cards next to her, as well, her hand shooting out every few seconds to stop the wind or Morrison from knocking the envelopes to the ground.
It was an entertaining sight, but Ronnie needed to keep her focus on the star of the party, not on Amy. She was so focused on trying to stay focused, in fact, she didn't notice that a young child had made their way over to her until there was a light pressure on her lap. She startled and looked down to see Morrison has moved across the yard and was standing in front of her with her hand on Ronnie's knee and her thumb in her mouth. She was hugging the stuffed animal Ronnie had given her to her chest. “I hold you?” Morrison asked shyly, looking up at Ronnie through her lashes. She held out her arm that wasn't holding the toy, moving closer so that her chest was pressed against Ronnie's knee.
She looked so hopeful that Ronnie couldn't help but smile and nod, adjusting how she was sitting. She held her hands out and pulled Morrison up into her lap, putting her hands on the girl’s waist and bouncing her on her leg. Morrison giggled and squeezed her toy against her chest, resting her cheek on top of its head as she watched her brother. She was mumbling something to the toy, too, but her language wasn't advanced enough for Ronnie to be able to make out what she was saying.
She watched Tommy for a few minutes before her attention was thrown back to Amy when the woman laughed at a card that Tommy had received. Her eyes lit up with mirth and her cheeks were flushed, a large grin splitting her cheeks. Ronnie couldn't look away, and just like that, she knew what that feeling was.
Oh, fuck. She was beginning to feel attracted to Amy.
It wasn't the first time that Ronnie had found certain women extraordinary pretty, but there was something about Amy that made the feeling stronger than it had been with any other girl. She didn't just find Amy physically attractive, she loved listening to her, and just being near her gave her the best kind of butterflies. It was something she hadn't felt since her first date with Kenny, and even then, it wasn't as . . . no. She couldn't think like that. She was happy with her fiance, and she was more excited than she knew how to say to marry him.
She bit her lip and swallowed, determined not to let this new realization change anything. As new as this friendship was, she needed female friends, and she could easily see Amy becoming one. Besides, she was getting married in less than a year. A silly passing attraction wasn't anything to get up in arms over. Besides, maybe it was just admiration. Amy had been though some rough things, and Ronnie admired her strength.
Yeah. That was it. Everything was going to be fine.
***
“Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?” Amy asked, biting her lip and twirling a strand of hair around her finger once the party was over and the guests had begun to depart. “I'm just going to make spaghetti, it really won't be any hassle to have another person here. The kids already asked me if you were going to stay.”
Ronnie shook her head. “I already promised my mom I would look at dresses with her after this,” she lied, her stomach clenching as she was dishonest about her plans for the day a second time. “She's expecting me around five.”
Amy's face fell. “Oh. Well, if you're sure. But if you change your mind you can always stop back by, okay? We will eat in an hour or so.”
Ronnie shifted her feet and nodded. She really had enjoyed herself at the party, and she didn't want to leave, but the butterflies in her stomach were refusing to leave, and they were making it hard for her not to act like an idiot. “Thank you for the offer. Another night, maybe?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Ronnie gave Amy a tight smile before adjusting her bag on her shoulder and making her way over to the porch, where Morrison and Tommy were happily playing with Tommy's new toys. Morrison had the stuffed cat propped up proudly beside her, and was pretending to read it a book that Tommy had received about dinosaurs. She was pointing at the pictures and giggling, her shoulders shaking as she pretended to be a dinosaur. Tommy was playing with a clay set, and was building some sort of monster to knock over his sculpted buildings.
Ronnie crouched down in front of the kids, balancing all of her weight on her toes. She reached out and ruffled Tommy's hair before patting Morrison on the knee. “Thank you for having me over today, guys. I had fun.”
Tommy looked up, his eyes wide. “You're leaving? But you just got here!” He put his monster down and rushed over to Ronnie, tackling her in a hug. “You took care of me when I was sick, Miss Ronnie. Can't you stay a little longer? Please?” His lower lip jutted out and his eyes began to get wet.
Ronnie stared at him for a few seconds before sighing and standing up, turning towards Amy. She had always been a sucker for the puppy dog eyes.
“If you're sure there's enough food.”
Amy's face lit up. “There will be more than enough.”
Ronnie smiled back before turning back to the be boy and nodding. Tommy's eyes lit up. He jumped twice before hugging Ronnie's legs and looking at his mom. “Can we go to the park, Mommy? Pleeeeeeeaase?” He reached down behind him and grabbed a stuffed dinosaur off the top of one of the bags, holding one of its claws up before grabbing his sister's hand and holding that up, too. “Morrie and Dino want to go to the park, too!”
Morrison squealed in excitement. “Park! Park!” she yelled, picking her toy up and running over to her shoes by the back door. Before she could get them on, though, Amy reached down and stopped her.
“Honey, I have to start making dinner, but we can take a walk before your bath, okay?”
Tommy pouted and shook his head. “I don't want to go on a walk! I want to go to the park!” He held up his dinosaur again. “Look how happy Dino is! Don't make him sad!”
“Tommy . . . ”
“Please?”
“I'll take them.”
Amy stopped and turned to Ronnie, a look of surprise on her face. “Are you sure? They can be a lot to handle, sometimes. It's fine if you just want to stay here and cook with me.”
“It's fine, really. We'll have fun, won't we, Tommy?”
Tommy's fist shot up into the air. “Yeah!” He handed his sister her shoes before darting inside, his socks sliding on the hardwood floor. There was a soft thud somewhere in the living room, but the footsteps that echoed a minute later made it clear that he was fine. He raced out and showed Ronnie his new light-up Spiderman shoes while Morrison struggled with her unicorn ones.
Morrison kicked her feet a few times before letting out a huffed breath and glaring at her brother. “Help!” she insisted, kicking her foot again before holding her foot up, slapping her hand on the ground before crossing her arms over her stomach, her brows furrowed and her nose scrunched up in annoyance.
Tommy sat down in front of her and worked on fitting her feet into the sneakers, pulling the Velcro securely across the top of her foot. He squeezed h
er toes affectionately, smiling when the toddler giggled. He stood up and turned towards Ronnie, his smile growing. “We're ready!” he announced, taking his sister by the hand.
“Grab your jackets,” Amy reminded them, gesturing with her head back into the house.
Tommy groaned, but Morrison let go of her brother and took off inside. “But, Mom, it's not even cold outside!”
Amy raised an eyebrow. Tommy groaned again and slouched before going inside. Amy watched him before chuckling, turning back to Ronnie. “I swear, he's just asking to be sick again,” she said said, shaking her head. “That boy is going to be the death of me.”
Ronnie leaned against the side of the house, her shoulder bouncing off the wall. “I think that's part of the joy of mothering,” she teased, laughing when Amy made a face at her. “How would you spend your time if you weren't worrying about them?”
“I'd go crazy.” Amy's voice was suddenly serious. She shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment before taking in a deep breath and looking back up. “Sorry,” she said softly, glancing into the house.
Ronnie didn't have to be a genius to know that Amy was thinking of Andrea again. She reached out and rubbed her shoulder, ignoring the lurch in her stomach she felt when Amy reached up and rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb.
The women stood like this for only a few seconds, but it felt like ages to Ronnie. She pressed her tongue against the back of her teeth and breathed through her nose before she pulled her hand away and fiddled with her ponytail. Amy shifted her weight and crossed her arms over her stomach, jumping as her youngest child slammed into her legs, Tommy not far behind.
“Oh, hello, Morrie!” She said, her smile back in place, albeit slightly forced. “Did you find your jacket alright?”
“Tommy dressed-ded me!” The little girl exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly. “My jacket on!”
“That's right, big girl!” Amy scooped up the toddler and tickled her stomach. “Are you going to be a good girl for Miss Ronnie?”
In Her Hands Page 5