by K Carr
I made a polite noise which could’ve been interpreted any way he wanted.
“Paul, honey,” His wife suddenly came up behind us. “Fix me a plate also. Jenny, did Betty mention that we’re having a party to celebrate our 40th anniversary? Paul didn’t want to do anything but I said we should. It’ll be nice to have all the family together. It’s been far too long since we’ve been together.”
My brain automatically started filtering out their words. Paul was grumbling something about not wanting the hassle of a party to Susan. I added another battered prawn and decided against the salad, my plate had enough on it. The puffs were one of my favourite finger foods, I added two more before moving away from the table and Connor’s extended family members.
“Jennifer,” I heard my mom call out and turned towards the doorway as she sauntered into the kitchen. She nodded, pleased to see the plate in my hand, then said, “You do know the kids were eating in the back lounge, right? They made a mess.”
I shrugged and popped one of the battered prawns into my mouth. What did she want me to do about it? If I was still living here I might’ve ordered the kids to tidy up the mess, maybe threaten to take all the nice dessert stuff away; but I wasn’t staying here anymore therefore it was not my problem. Unless they got food stains on the furniture – no, Megan knew better.
I forcibly swallowed the half-chewed prawn down to ask, “On the upholstery?”
My mom snorted, shaking her head at my narrowed gaze. “Not on your precious upholstery. They’ve left wrappers and some empty cups on the little table by the bookcase.”
I shrugged again and picked up a puff now. “I guess Connor will sort it later. In case you’ve forgotten, I don’t live here anymore.”
Mom gave me a strange look, obviously dissatisfied with my reply. I stuffed the puff in my mouth and scurried away, leaving her palpable disapproval behind me. My little quip hadn’t gone down well. I took myself off to the living room, knowing I had to at least show my face and try to mingle properly. Luckily my pregnant best friend was the perfect distraction to hide behind. Anyone who came to chat with me would get drawn into the pregnancy vortex, it was instinctive. Case in point, the neighbours from across the road who had probably come over to sneakily try and find out what was happening in my household, were currently having an animated discussing with Lala and Derek. The topic: breast feeding in public and why people who were opposed to it should get stuffed. I spotted Connor’s maternal uncle, Eugene, trying to hide his judgemental expression behind his drink as he stood a few feet away eavesdropping on the conversation. He should mind his business if he didn’t want to be offended.
It fucking sucked being here.
A soft sigh escaped my lips as I took another nibble from the tart I had commandeered off my mom’s plate when she had passed by five minutes ago. I was still hungry after wolfing down the stuff I had put on my plate before. I hated admitting it but Paul was right, I should’ve taken some more food. My attention was suddenly drawn to a muffled thud from overhead. It was force of habit, me glancing over at Connor, who was chatting with his Dad. We shared an unsure look before both tilting our heads upwards. Another dull thud sounded, followed by a shout. Connor’s eyebrows drew together in a frown as he cocked his head. That shout turned into a mass of varying yells and I could definitely hear Megan’s screams above all the others. I dropped my half-eaten tart onto the plate and shoved it into Derek’s hands, he was the nearest to me. Connor was already heading out the room with my mom and mother-in-law quick on his heels. I caught up with them on our race up the stairs. Still behind the three of them and suddenly noticing there were people now following me to see what was going on, I tried to edge past my mother-in-law to no avail. My mom managed to slip in front of Connor when they got on the landing. The screams were even more alarming the closer we got. Connor reclaimed his position at the front and jogged down the hallway to where the commotion was. I unceremoniously nudged past Betty then sidestepped my mom. The drama was coming from Cory’s room. I could hear Megan screaming but I couldn’t decipher her words, so shrill and tormented was the sound.
“Hey,” Connor yell, disappearing into Cory’s bedroom. “Stop!”
Two of Megan’s cousins ran out the bedroom, both wearing terrified expressions. They were Ruth’s kids, the younger ones and both under six. What the hell were they doing in there?
“Ruined it!” Megan screamed.
I bundled past the little ones and froze in front the doorway of Cory’s bedroom. My feet refused to take me past the threshold, even though my body was yelling to get in there.
“What on earth?” Mom gasped from behind me.
I turned to her, shaking uncontrollably. It had been…I didn’t go in there anymore. “Mom, I-I,”
She rushed past me, the fleeting squeeze on my arm as she did was her unspoken way of showing understanding. “Megan! Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Connor was trying to separate our daughter and her cousin Al, Albert who was the pride and joy of his father Gideon. Megan was thumping on Al with such ferocity Connor didn’t know exactly how to go about separating them without someone getting hurt even more.
“I hate you.” Megan shrieked. She was really pummelling Al, who was two years her senior and currently trying to block her flailing punches to his face. “You ruined it all.”
“Megan,” My mom reached in the melee and snatched Megan up by the arms. She howled, kicking out at Al, fighting to get free from her grandmother to launch herself at him again.
Connor was helping Al sit up. He was sniffling, fighting back tears whilst glaring at Megan.
“Meggie, stop.” My mom, struggling to restrain a visibly distraught seven year old, stumbled back.
“Mom!” I screeched in alarm as she started falling backwards with Megan still fighting to escape her hold.
Connor yelped and dropped his grip of support on Al to dive towards my mom and somehow try to break her fall. They all went down with a resounding thud. Realizing her grandmother wasn’t letting go, Megan gave up trying to resume her attack on Al and instead twisted around to fling her arms around my mom’s neck whilst sobbing broken-heartedly.
“They messed it up,” she bawled. “They messed it up and now Cory won’t ever visit again!” Then she let out an injured wail which ran right through me. I still couldn’t force my shaking body into the room.
Betty pushed past me. “Messed what up? Why are you fighting with Al?”
Connor was murmuring to my mom. I think he was asking if she was ok because she was waving his words away with one hand while patting Megan’s back with the other.
I felt someone behind me. It was Lala and her arm had snuck around my waist. She asked close to my ear, “What’s going on in here?”
I had no fucking idea! Feeling slightly claustrophobic and light-headed from looking into the bedroom, I stepped back but did ask, “Megan, what’s wrong? Who messed what up?”
She was crying uncontrollably against my mom’s shoulder. Her words were incoherent as she pointed to the bed. I only glanced for a split second – the little bed with his stuff toys always made my heart ache…what the hell? I looked again, the toys were all in disarray, the bed was a mess. Connor was staring at the mess on the bed also, his throat bobbed up and down.
“Aunty Jennifer,” Delilah, the four year old, was tugging at my clothes. “Meggie was being naughty. She hits and hitting is bad.”
I patted Delilah on her ash-blonde head, absent-mindedly agreeing with her. “Yes, hitting is bad.”
“Someone tell me what happened,” Connor demanded as he started to rise to his feet. He held a hand out to Al while giving him a no-nonsense stare. “Now.”
“Uncle Connor,” Al jumped up to his feet, ignoring the hand Connor offered in his haste to plead his defence. “Megan just started hitting me!” He pointed at his sobbing cousin, who remained curled around my mom. “Just because I told Delilah and Lewis it was ok for them to play with the toys-”
> “Aghh,” Megan screamed like an animal as she spun around and unsuccessfully tried to go at Al again. My mom had her caught by the waist. When she saw she wasn’t going anywhere she slumped against my mom like a deflated balloon and cried out, “You’re not supposed to touch it! You’re not supposed to touch his things! I hate you. You’ve messed it up.” She turned her flushed face up to look at Connor and say. “Now Cory won’t come visit because they moved everything.”
“It’s ok, sweetie,” Connor crouched down and started wiping at the tears streaming down her face. “We can put it back-”
“No,” she wailed, one long sound of pain. “I don’t remember how it was before! I can’t put it back the same way because I don’t remember how.”
I covered my mouth as my eyes filled with tears. I needed to go in there to comfort her, to tell her it would be alright, that we could fix this. But a part of me was angry too. They had completely messed up the bed, Cory’s beautiful bed, which Megan had so very carefully arranged his favourite toys in homage to him – I croaked out a little sound of pain as I spotted her doll which used to hold centre spot amidst his toys. The doll looked as if it had been flung carelessly aside as it laid under the little wooden stool by the dresser. Those frigging brats had messed up Cory’s bed.
Betty huffed noisily. “Apologize,” she demanded.
Connor’s head snapped up in her direction. Lala, hearing the terse command, stepped past me and went straight into the room. My mom narrowed her eyes at Betty whilst mumbling words of comfort to Megan.
“Excuse me?” Lala’s tone was high-pitched. My best friend was bristling and looking extremely pissed off in that moment.
Betty jabbed a stern finger through the air. “You apologize right now, Albert! Right now.”
My shoulders slumped with relief. I thought she was demanding an apology from Megan, and damn, she was lucky she hadn’t. The way Lala had reacted before even Connor, Mom or I could was a thing of beauty.
“Delilah, Lewis,” Betty called out. “Freddie, get in here right now.”
Delilah moved from my side and hurried into the bedroom. Lewis peeked out from behind the side of the bed. Freddie appeared from behind someone and slowly made his way towards the doorway. He hovered right inside the room and looked at his great-aunt. “Yes, Aunty Betty?”
“I want you all to apologize to Megan,” she ordered. “Right now. Say sorry for this mess.”
“But she hit me first, Aunt Betty.” Al was outraged to say the least. “And I was only telling her it was right to share with Freddie and Delilah.”
“You will apologize,” Betty said in a quiet but steely tone. Her gaze swung from Al to where Megan sat weeping in my mom’s arms. Betty’s mouth trembled and she blinked quickly a few times.
One by one they apologized. Al was last of all and very much aggrieved at having to do so. Delilah went over to sit on the floor next to my mom and Megan. She laid her little hand on Megan’s knee, it was the easiest part she could get to. “Don’t be sad, Meggie. I’ll help you tidy. Can we go back to play in your room?”
Megan just kept her face buried in my mom’s neck, sobbing her little heart out.
“Come on, Meggie,” Connor rubbed her shoulder. “We’ll tidy it up, put everything back the way it was. Come on, pumpkin. Come let Daddy give you a cuddle.”
She hugged my mom even tighter and shook her head vehemently. If I was surprised at her reaction, Connor was heartbroken. Megan was a Daddy’s girl, for her to refuse his comfort at a time like this…Connor’s throat bobbed up and down and he exhaled shakily before continuing to lightly rub her shoulder.
“Do you want to go, Megan?” Mom asked as she raised a hand to lift Megan’s face out of her neck. “Do want to go back to Grandma’s?”
She nodded through her loud sniffling and Connor’s face fell. He rose to his feet and helped my mom stand with Megan still clinging to her like a lifeline. There was a heaviness in the atmosphere around me. I could see the exchange of embarrassed but understanding stares and nods between the ones who had come upstairs to find out what the drama was about. Al’s mom wasn’t too far from me, she mouthed ‘sorry’ and I waved it away, touching the middle of my chest and mouthing it back.
I took a deep breath, cleared my throat and said from my position outside the bedroom, “Ok then.”
Everyone started murmuring and heading back downstairs. Betty herded her great-nephews and niece out the bedroom, flashing me a melancholic smile on her way past.
When my mom walked out with Megan hugging her around the waist and a gloomy Connor behind her, she looked askance at Lala. “Laura, do you mind taking Meg and me back-”
“Mom,” I cut her off, confused by her request of Lala. “I’ll drive us back.”
“No,” she said quietly, then let her gaze swing between me and Connor before dropping to Megan’s head. “You need to stay here and chat.” She turned her attention back to my best friend. “Laura, you don’t mind, do you?”
“Of course not, Mama Rose,” Lala chirped with extra cheeriness. It was for Megan’s benefit. “Let’s go get Uncle Derek and we can leave. Oh, I am hankering for some cheesecake. Do you want to get some from Cheesecake Factory with your Aunty Lala?” She ran a comforting hand over Megan’s curls which then moved down to gently brush away the dampness on her cheek. “Maybe some ice cream?”
“Ok.” Megan sniffed.
Poor darling. Her whole face was puffy and her eyes were red and swollen. There was a reddish mark on the underside of her chin and I wondered it Al had managed to land a blow when they were fighting. Shit. She had properly beaten his ass!
I sighed, not wanting to be left behind while my mother and daughter went back to hers, but mom was right. Connor and I did need to chat. What the fuck had just happened? I had never seen Megan act like that. Not once would I ever have dreamt she would attack another person in such a manner. She wasn’t a violent child, not at all, not even when her and Cory use to have their little childish arguments. My gaze drifted towards the open bedroom door, swept past the wooden door frame to linger painfully on the space. Then Connor stepped into my line of vision, he glanced at my face and quickly pulled the door shut. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes for a few seconds. The tears which had been building in my eyes lightly coated my lashes but they weren’t enough to spill past that barrier. When I opened them again, Connor was hesitating in front the bedroom door. I didn’t think he was aware my attention was on him as he tenderly touched the wooden train affixed to the door and clenched his eyes shut for a few seconds. Did he feel exactly as I had those few seconds ago? A pain so intense you needed to shut your eyes and just breathe past it to survive?
“Jennifer,” my mom’s voice tore me from my silent observation of Connor. “You have your keys, yes?”
I nodded. “Yes. Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you back?” My eyes darted to Meg, who continued to sniffle and rub her nose with the back of her hand. It was a deliberate action on my part, one my mom acknowledge with a calm look and firm nod.
“I’m sure,” Mom murmured.
Fifteen minutes later Connor and I were outside watching Derek’s car drive away, and yes, Lala made sure she took her container of ribs. An uncomfortable air hummed between us before he broke it with an agitated, “I’ll tell everyone the party’s over.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I blurted out. If he sent everyone home then it would be just the two of us. I knew we had to talk about what happened, but I didn’t want to be alone with him. I didn’t want to be here at all.
Connor cocked his head, partially frowning as he turned towards the house. “So we carry on as if nothing has happened?”
“That’s not what I meant,” I replied. I tried not to snap and failed.
Connor turned back to face me. His expression made it obvious he didn’t appreciate the sharpness in my tone. “Ok, Jen. What would you like to do?”
I exhaled in frustration and folded my arms. “Let’s
not chase people out - look, it’s your party. Forget I said anything, do whatever you want.”
“Jen, please. Let’s not-” he sighed, leaving his sentence unfinished. Connor ran a hand over his face before staring at the driveway. “Meggie wanted to help me blow out the candles,” He raised his head so he could look at me. “When we did the cake. She was really excited about doing it and now she’s not here.”
I could see how much it bothered him. Of course I could damn well see he was disappointed our daughter wasn’t here. And it was his birthday. Clearing my throat, I begrudgingly offered a suggestion. “Maybe you could do the cake thing at my mom’s,” It wasn’t hard to miss the brightening of his eyes. I hastened to add, “When she’s feeling better though.” I hoped he didn’t think I meant today, best to clear it up before any misconception took place. Shit. I was already regretting the idea. “Maybe sometime next week.”
“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, that sounds good.” Connor ran a hand through his hair.
I noticed the ends fell longer than he usually wore it and wondered if he’d been forgetting to get his hair cut…not that I cared or anything.
“We should head back inside,” Connor said. He sent me a worried look. “We’ll talk about Meggie when everyone has left. Yeah?”
I nodded then moved off towards the house. It felt weird, us walking the way we were walking. We’d probably done it millions of times before – him following behind me as we walked up to the front door. Except, there was no hand on my back, or my ass. There were no quick, flirtatious comments with him stepping into me and wrapping an arm around my stomach while I reminded him the neighbours might be watching. There weren’t any firm warnings to the children to stop swarming the front door and wait until it was opened.
“Is Megan still upset?” My mother-in-law was hovering in the open doorway. She impatiently beckoned us over.
“Yes,” Connor grumbled from beside me. “She’s very upset, Mom.”
I didn’t say anything about his sharp tone, nor did Betty. She ran a hand through her shoulder length greyish blonde hair and sighed softly. I always wondered if Connor’s blonde hair would change like his Mom’s when he got older. She moved back so we could enter the house and I forced a smile, trying my best to show I appreciated her concern amidst Connor’s annoyance.