by K Carr
Jen stroked his jaw then lowered her hand and bit the corner of her lip.
“What?” he asked defensively. “You don’t think it was unfair to charge her?”
Jen tugged the lapel of her coat and hesitantly voiced her opinion. “I understand why she would’ve been charged.”
“What?” Connor leaned back against the door.
Jen gave him a half-hearted shrug. “It was an accident, a horrific accident, but it could’ve been avoided.”
He stared at her in disbelief, then angrily said, “We can’t all be perfect like you, Jen.”
“That’s not what I said,” she replied. “And you know I’m not perfect, I’ve never said I was perfect.”
“Do you think I should’ve been arrested?” He pulled his hand out from under hers, having a sudden and visceral need to not be touched by her.
Again she hesitated before speaking, then came, “You were right earlier. I did hate you. I hated you so much I wanted to kill you with my own two hands. I don’t know, after Cory’s – immediately after the accident I probably would’ve been distraught if you’d been arrested,” She lifted her chin. “But yeah, when I saw his coffin,” her voice cracked and she took a deep steadying breath. “When I saw his little coffin, if the police had arrested you then, I honestly wouldn’t have given a shit.” She took a moment to cover her face with her hands, slowly working her fingers over her brows and down her cheeks as if trying to push out the tension. Then she returned her gaze to his. “And there’s the truth of it.”
Connor nodded to himself. Her words were sharp like daggers and just as painful. He remembered the trauma of having to speak to the police, of witnessing the driver’s anguish of being the person behind the wheel, of the report confirming it was a terrible accident with no substance abuse on the part of any individuals involved. He remembered the look of pity and words of condolences from the officers who told him the incident report had been filed and closed. And he remembered Jen’s silence through the brief investigation of their son’s accident.
“I understand now,” she murmured. “I understand why you can talk to her, to your group about this and not me.” Jen stretched her hand out towards him, uncertainty clouded her features but she did lay her hand over his clenched fist.
“She got drunk because she wanted to forget,” he said. “I did that too, remember? Try to lose myself at the bottom of a bottle.”
“I know.”
“She got drunk because she knows the futility of it all,” he further expounded. “Something I know all too well.”
“Connor,” Jen was starting to look worried.
He waved her concern away with a terse, “I’m not going to start back drinking, Jen. I just, I know the hopelessness Riley feels and it’s not just losing a child, it’s knowing you’re the one responsible for it, knowing your family – your spouse-” he couldn’t finish what he wanted to say. If he voiced his thoughts, this burgeoning reconciliation between them would buckle and fail.
“Tell me,” she said with quiet resolve. “I know I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, Connor. I know that, but the other night when I’d picked you up from the bar,” Jen gave him a small, shaky smile. “And you got your ass kicked. After I had gotten you into bed I realized if there was a choice, I’d choose our crappy life together over anything else. Every time.”
“It has been crappy of late, hasn’t it?” his voice was thick with emotions as he tried to joke.
Jen nodded. “Tell me.”
He shook his head and matched her melancholic smile. “I’m afraid if I do, you’ll pull away again.” A part of him believed, without a doubt, if he brought up the fact he knew her complete forgiveness would never – could never be given to him, they wouldn’t survive as a couple. “And I just got you back, Jen.”
She fell silent, contemplating him from across the small space. Then she said, “Ok.”
“Ok?” He wasn’t quite sure what she meant.
Jen nodded slowly. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. There are things I do – that I don’t want to talk-” She looked away for a second, frowning to herself as she muttered, “I understand not wanting to share everything.”
Connor observed her closely. “Thank you,” He continued to scrutinize her features. “For understanding.”
She tried to smile. “I think I can tolerate you and this Riley,”
“Riley,” he admonished gently. “Not this Riley, just Riley.”
“As long as you’re only friends and nothing more.” she carried on. “I guess if you need to confide – to discuss certain things, I’m cool with it.” Jen peered at him. “Friends though, nothing more.”
“I haven’t slept with anyone else but you since we started going out, Jen.” he said with the slightest of bite to his tone. Then an unsettling thought popped into his head. She harboured some suspicions about his relationship with Riley, and maybe rightly so; but they’d been separated for months. His own doubts arose. “What about you?”
“What?” she gasped. “Me?”
“Yes, you,” he shot back. “We haven’t been living together for months. I don’t know what-”
“I’m staying with my mom.” Jen blurted out. She appeared exasperated. “Are you kidding me? Where would I find the time or the place?”
Connor arched an eyebrow. “People always find the time for that.”
“Shut up.” she groused, shaking her head.
“You haven’t answered the question though,” he pointed out.
Jen inhaled deeply, then exhaled. “I haven’t had sex with anyone else either, Connor.”
“Not since we got together, right?” he asked while squinting at her. Then he grabbed the open sides of her coat and gently tugged her towards him. “Right, Mrs Oakes?
“Right.” she confirmed dryly.
He had unwittingly created the perfect opportunity to broach what he saw as one of their most pressing issues, and never one to pass up an opportunity, Connor asked, “Does that mean you’re open to keeping it as Mrs Oakes?”
Jen started chewing her lips and tried to lean back. Connor tightened his grip on the edges of her coat and earned himself a snort of annoyance. But she had stopped chewing her lip, instead she was staring at him with a half-smile on her face. “Maybe,” she muttered.
“Maybe?” He was grinning at her. “So we’re not getting divorced?”
“Maybe,”
He tugged her closer. “Because I’m calling my lawyer tomorrow morning to tell him his services are no longer needed.”
“Connor,” she murmured.
“Are you going to call off your lawyer?” he persisted. The grin remained on his face. He knew his wife, and he knew what her expression signified. He hadn’t seen this one in such a long time. The petulant set to her mouth, the lowered eyebrows, the glint in her warm brown eyes. It was her ‘fine, you win’ look and he had really missed this look of hers. Leaning in until there was only a few centimetres between his mouth and hers, he murmured, “Hmm?”
“Maybe,” she muttered.
“Want to fool around for a bit?” Connor teased before lightly passing the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip.
“Maybe,” she whispered.
He relinquished his grip on her coat and pulled back, frowning as a new problem popped into his head. “What are we doing for Christmas then? If we’re going to give our marriage a chance,” he paused for confirmation, right eyebrow raised and mouth curled pensively.
“I don’t know,” Jen admitted. “It’s only what – two weeks away, and Mom’s already bought all the food-stuff for Christmas day,” her words trailed off.
“Can I come over?” Connor asked bluntly. “I know we haven’t hashed this out properly,” He rubbed his forehead, feeling a touch of mild irritation. “I was planning on staying at my parents, Mom insisted actually,” He peered at her. “Because she didn’t want me to spend the holidays alone at the house.” He exhaled noisily. “I was going t
o stop by here anyway,” Arching a sheepish eyebrow in her direction, he explained. “To see Meggie on Christmas day, but I intended to speak to you about it, don’t think I was going to show up without calling-”
“Like you did tonight?” she interjected with a small smile.
“I called,” he corrected her. “Numerous times.”
Silence fell between them for a few seconds, then she said, “Of course you can come over. I – Meg would love that. What time were you thinking?”
“As soon as the sun rises?” he suggested with a playful grin as he once again grabbed the edges of her coat and tugged her forward. “But we can talk about that after we fool around.”
“Light’s on,” she murmured.
“What?” Connor had begun nibbling the underside of her jaw.
“The light is on,” she explained. “Anyone passing by can see inside the car.”
Connor quickly turned off the overhead light. “Better?”
Jen nodded as the glow from the overhead street light filtered down on her side of the car. “You’re only getting to second base though.”
Connor’s grin widened. “I was hoping for a home run. Can we at least get to third base?”
“Second.” she replied firmly. “And we have to keep an eye out in case Mom catches us.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Jen, we’re adults and we’re married.”
“And?” she retorted. “That doesn’t count for shit if she sees us having sex in your car in front her house. Or worse-”
“What’s worse than that?” Connor interrupted her with a hint of exasperation.
“Someone else could see us then tell mom.” Jen gave him a look. “That is worse. Her hearing it second hand from a neighbour?” She scoffed loudly. “I’m not going to embarrass her! I’m not stupid or reckless with my life.”
Connor realized she had a point. “Fine,” he begrudgingly conceded. “Second base it is.” Then his grin took on a wicked slant. “But I get to put my hand down your jeans,”
Jen smiled. “That’s allowed within the parameters of second base.”
“Inside your panties,” he warned.
She nodded. “Yep, all covered under second base.”
“Remind me of what else is covered,” he murmured as he pushed the shoulders of her coat down and resumed kissing her jawline.
“First base is making out and touching above the belt. I’m including all of that as we’re going to second base which is touching below the belt.” Jen twisted her head and their lips met. She sucked on his lower lip before adding, “Not oral though, that’s third base area, but I might let you dry hump me.”
Connor pulled back and squinted at her. “This is ridiculous, Jen. We’re not kids-”
“Take it or leave it,” she declared.
“We could drive over to the next street,” Connor suggested. “Then we won’t have to worry about getting caught.”
“Ms Pritt lives on the next street, she’s a retired cop and gets her buddies who are still on the force to run plates if she sees any suspicious vehicles. She started the neighbourhood watch here. Do you want her to run your number plate?”
“Second base it is,” he grumbled then grinned when she reminded him of one very important point.
“I get to touch below your belt too.”
Second base didn’t seem that bad after all.
Chapter 11
The doorbell sounded for the third time and I muttered an annoyed, “Hold your freaking horses,” under my breath as I hurried towards the front door. When I opened it my irritated scowl vanished. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“Hey, beautiful,” Connor leaned over and lightly kissed my lips. “I see you’ve finally moved the reindeer from out front.”
Lightly because we hadn’t made love since that night I went to get him from the bar. Lightly because we said we would take things slow and going at it like bunnies – which was what we both secretly wanted – would not be taking things slow. The other night in his car had been a close call and going off the way we were looking at each other, neither one of us had much self-control left. I was conflicted, everything was complicated, but we were trying and that had to count for something. Christmas day had been spent together around my mom’s table. Boxing day we had visited his parents…together. Divorce lawyers had been called off and daily phone calls between us were now on. New Year, new beginnings.
I sniffed the air as I put the necessary ‘respectable’ distance between us. Looking at the bags he held, I asked, “Is that Chinese takeaway?”
“Yep,” Connor was staring at my mouth. He let out a shaky breath then the lust which had been peeking out his blue eyes disappeared as he looked behind me into the hallway. “Meggie texted me, said she wanted wanton soup. Why didn’t you call me?” he chastised and backed me into the house. He kicked the door shut with his foot. My husband was lucky my mother hadn’t seen the blatant disrespect of her property. “Is she ok?”
“She’s fine,” I said as he rushed past me. “Honestly, Connor, it’s just a sprain.” I doubted he even heard me.
“Meggie? Daddy’s here.” Connor called loudly, leaving me behind without a second glance.
I followed the scent of food into the back living room where my mother and daughter were. Connor had already put the bags of food on the table and was crouched in front of Megan, who was reclining on the sofa with her legs stretched over my mom’s lap and her left arm resting on a small cushion atop her stomach.
Megan was halfway through her recanting of what had happened. “And then I fell, and I fell on my arm, Daddy, and it hurt so much and then, and then Miss came running over,”
“My poor baby,” Connor interjected, leaning over to land a kiss on top her head.
“And I didn’t want to cry because everyone was looking but it hurt so much and Miss took me to the nurse and then I started to cry and I told her I wanted Mommy to come, but she said it would be ok but I told her to call Mommy,”
“Screamed, from what I heard,” I muttered, winking at my mom.
I had gotten the call from Megan’s school that she had fallen off one of their supposedly ‘safe’ play equipment on her lunch break. Today was only the second day back at school after the Christmas break. The school’s secretary had asked me to come in because they were unable to calm Megan down and she said her arm hurt. The secretary had tried to assure me Megan was fine but by the time I had raced down to her school to pick her up, her whole forearm was swollen – especially the wrist – and I was fuming they hadn’t called me immediately after the incident. I walked over to the table, the food smelt good.
“Well, I’m here now,” Connor smiled at her. “And I brought you wanton soup just like you asked.” He glanced up at me. “Is she ok though?”
“I’m ok, Daddy,” Megan said. “My arm doesn’t hurt as much now. Do you like my sling?” She looked across to my mom. “Grandma, can I have the wanton soup here? I don’t want to eat at the table.”
“You can eat anywhere you want to,” my mom patted her lower leg. “But when did you call your Dad?”
Megan quickly dropped her gaze. She knew the rules with her cell phone, and letting someone know she was making calls was one of them. “Um, I texted him when Mommy and I came back from the doctor.”
“Is she ok?” Connor asked me again.
Nodding, I reassured Connor. “We went straight to her paediatrician after I picked her up from school and she confirmed it was only a sprain,”
“I have to rest it for a few days,” Megan grinned impishly at the three of us. “So I can stay home.” She checked with my mom. “Right? I can stay home from school until it feels better, right?”
“Yes,”
Megan then looked at me. “Can I sleep in late tomorrow?”
“You can sleep in as long as you like,” Connor answered before I had a chance to. “Now, do you want me to put your soup in a bowl or are you ok eating it from the container it came in?”
&nb
sp; “I’ll go get a bowl,” my mom said sternly to Connor who grinned at her.
“I brought you some Kung Po chicken with noodles, Rose,” he cajoled. Then he looked at me and pointed to one of the bags. “And I got your favourite too.”
I couldn’t stop the mushy smile fighting to dominate my face. My mom’s eyes widened. Shit. We were on her radar now. I’d been trying to hide the change of my interaction with Connor. And I definitely didn’t want her knowing we’d slept together. I had even gone so far as to hide the fact we’d been speaking on a daily basis, like I said, things were complicated. She thought my sudden thawing over the festive season towards him was all for Megan’s benefit. She had voiced her approval to me many times, thought I was experiencing a necessary stage of growth. Ha. She would be disappointed if she knew this surprising change had stemmed from me getting some of my husband’s dick.
“Hmm,” Mom squinted at me before gently lifting Megan’s legs so she could get up from the chair. “I’ll go get some bowls and utensils,”
“Just a spoon for Meggie,” Connor advised as he leaned over to start rifling through the bags. “I got chopsticks for us.”
Mom sauntered out the room, but not before giving me another dubious look over Connor’s bent head. I blinked innocently and said in a singsong-y tone, “You’re so helpful, Mom. We love you.”
She let out a loud snuffle of amusement, rolled her eyes then disappeared out the door. Megan resumed her conversation with Connor. He nodded attentively as his gaze jumped from her face to her bandaged forearm. He kept chewing the corner of his lower lip.
“Are you sure her arm’s ok?” he asked me when Megan paused to breathe. Frowning now, he tentatively reached out to touch her arm. “Are you in pain, Meggie?”
“Connor,” I shook my head, exasperated but also amused. “She’s seen the doctor.”
“Yeah but sometimes they get stuff wrong.” His frown was maturing into a suspicious scowl. “Did they scan her arm? Because that’s the only way to be certain it’s not broken.”