by Sarah Morgan
“How did she seem? Was she upset?” He wasn’t sure what he wanted the answer to be. If she was upset then it meant he’d upset her, but if she wasn’t then it meant she didn’t care. That she hadn’t meant those things she’d said to him.
Love couldn’t be that simple.
His grandmother reached for her glasses and slid them onto her nose. “Did you give her reason to be upset?”
A thousand reasons, but he was damned if he was going to tell his grandmother the intimate details of his life, no matter how much chocolate cake she’d fed him as a child. “It’s a difficult time for her. She lost her grandmother last year.”
“I know. We’ve talked about it often, but we both know that isn’t why she’s upset now.”
Lucas felt as if he was on the witness stand. “Did she—”
“Talk about your relationship? Not much. She didn’t have to. Everything she feels shows on her face. Eva is delightfully uncomplicated. The way she spoke about you told me everything I need to know. It’s a shame her feelings aren’t reciprocated.” She removed her glasses and polished them carefully. “Is that what’s wrong? You’re feeling guilty? Because you shouldn’t. No man should ever feel guilty for not loving a woman. It isn’t something that can be switched on and off at will. Right now Eva is upset, but she’s a special girl and she’ll find someone else soon enough.”
Someone else?
It was a possibility that hadn’t occurred to him. “What do you mean?” His mouth was so dry he could barely force the words out and his heart pumped, as if it was punching him for being a fool.
“You don’t really think a girl like Eva will be on her own for long, do you? She has the most generous heart and sweetest nature of anyone I’ve met. Some very lucky man will get wise to that soon and snap her up. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s one of those people who get married instantly, with no waiting. She knows what she wants and she trusts her own feelings. And she has courage. So really, you don’t need to worry. And as you don’t love her, you’ll probably be relieved when she falls in love with someone else.” She eyed him closely. “You look a little pale all of a sudden. Have you been working through the night again? Such an unhealthy habit. Now that the book is done, you should take some time off.”
Peanut nudged his ankle and Lucas stooped to pick him up, thinking of the night he and Eva had rescued the puppy in the park.
His grandmother was right. A woman like that would move on. She wouldn’t spend many nights crying over him. She’d pick herself up.
Loving him was a wound, but it wouldn’t be fatal. She wouldn’t let it be fatal.
The thought of her with someone else made him want to punch a hole through something.
What if it was someone who didn’t understand how sensitive she was? Someone who took advantage of that generous nature or was clumsy with those dreams of hers?
His grandmother was holding out a slice of cake, an elaborate confection of light sponge cake, whipped cream and fresh strawberries. It made him think of creamy skin and ruby lips. Of softness and silk and the smell of Eva’s shampoo.
To be polite, he cut into it and forked up a mouthful, but discovered he had no appetite.
He put it down, china clattering on the table. “Damn it, Gran, Eva’s head is full of dreams. She sees the world as this bright, sunny place.”
His grandmother rescued the fork before it could fall onto the floor. “I see her as a woman who makes the best of things and knows what she wants. There’s nothing wrong with having dreams, Lucas, especially if you have the courage to follow them. She does.”
I love you.
Eva had that courage. She’d exposed her feelings without hesitation, even though she’d had no guarantee that those feelings were returned.
“I can’t be what she wants me to be.”
His grandmother took another sip of her tea. “Are you sure you’re thinking about Eva, and not Sallyanne?”
He stared at her, instinctively defensive. “What do you mean?”
“Sallyanne was a complicated woman, and what you shared made you believe that all relationships are complicated. She had issues, but none of her issues were linked with you. You can’t fix everything and you can’t make a person what you want them to be.”
His heart was pounding. He hadn’t talked about this with his family. Ever. “After she died, I kept thinking there must have been something I should have done differently.”
“And you tortured yourself with that.” She nodded, her gaze sympathetic. “There were so many times when I wished you’d talk about it. It killed me to see you holding all that hurt inside.”
“I didn’t want to destroy the image the world had of her. Despite everything, I loved her.”
“And she loved you, even though she had no idea how to handle that love.”
“In the end, I didn’t know what she wanted from me.”
His grandmother smiled and put her cup down. “I think what Sallyanne wanted, and what she would want if she was here now, was for you to be happy. Maybe sometimes life, and love, really is as simple as that.”
* * *
“Tell us everything.” Paige poured wine into three glasses and Eva sank down onto the sofa.
Matt and Jake were playing poker with a couple of friends, including the twins’ brother Daniel, so Paige, Frankie and Eva had the apartment to themselves.
“I’m in love with him.” She didn’t see any point in lying about it, or prevaricating. Her insides were churned up and she was never any good at hiding her feelings.
Paige picked up her glass. “And?”
“And nothing. That’s it.”
“He doesn’t feel the same way?”
Eva stared into the ruby-red liquid in her glass, remembering the night she’d opened one of his most valuable bottles of wine. “I don’t know. I think it’s possible he does, but he just doesn’t want to feel that way so he is never going to admit it. I love him. I think he loves me. It should be simple.”
“I am going to kill him.” Frankie thumped her glass on the table and reached for the bottle. “I don’t have your sweet nature, so I will have no problem finding him and removing his bones one by one.”
Eva shuddered. “The two of you would have gotten along so well. Why are you so angry?”
“I’m not angry.”
“I haven’t seen you this dangerous since Roxy’s ex showed up here and you almost broke his arm. What have I done to upset you?”
“Nothing. You haven’t done anything. It’s him.” Frankie simmered for a moment and then stuck her hand out. “Give me your phone.”
“Why?”
“Just give it to me.”
“Not until you tell me why you want it.”
“Someone needs to tell him he’s an asshole and given that you’re too nice, it’s going to have to be me.” Frankie snapped her fingers. “Give.”
“No way. What is wrong with you? This is my pain, not yours.”
“Wrong. When you hurt, I hurt, and I hate hurting. Crap.” Frankie sank onto the chair next to her. “Of all of us, you’re the one whose relationship should have run smoothly. You should have danced into the sunset with your dream man on matching unicorns.”
Eva smiled through her tears. “I’ve never seen a unicorn dance.”
Frankie spread her hands. “And I’ve never seen a unicorn at all, so that proves my point.”
“Can we get back to reality?” Paige tactfully took charge. “Frankie, Eva is right, this is her problem.”
“You’re saying I can’t break his neck? Jake and I could fillet him.”
“That isn’t how we do things.” Paige topped off Eva’s glass.
“You can’t force someone to love you,” Eva said. “That isn’t how it works.”
“Which proves what I’ve always known, that falling in love is a pile of crap.” Frankie drained her glass. “Fill it up, Paige. I want to make a toast.”
“Are you sure you haven’t had enough?
”
“I haven’t even started.” She pushed her glass across the table and waited while Paige filled it. “Okay, lift your glasses. First we’re drinking to our business success. What a ride. To Urban Genie.” She lifted her glass high, and Paige and Eva did the same.
“Urban Genie.”
They all drank and then Frankie lifted her hand. “I’m just getting started. To us, for managing not to kill each other despite having different styles.”
Eva looked doubtful. “You wanted to kill me?”
“Raise your glass, damn it.”
Eva dutifully raised her glass.
“To friendship,” Frankie continued. “Because true friendship transcends differences. I’d rather read a thriller, you’d rather read a romance. It’s okay. I forgive you for having weird taste.”
Eva raised her eyebrows. “Thanks.”
“To forever friendship.” Frankie stuck her glass in the air and Paige grinned.
“I think this had better be our last toast or you’ll have a headache in the morning and it’s Christmas.”
“One more.” Frankie reached for the bottle and topped off their glasses. “To having each other’s backs, no matter what.” She looked at Eva and her gaze softened. “To sisterhood.”
Eva felt her throat thicken. “To sisterhood.”
Paige lifted her glass. “Sisterhood.”
The door opened and Matt and Jake walked in, arguing about whether Jake had cheated or not.
“Just because you lost doesn’t mean I cheated.” Jake kicked the door shut. “You need to learn to be a better loser.”
“I’d be fine about losing if I’d actually lost, but I beat you and—” Matt broke off, staring at Eva’s face. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
His concern warmed her. “It’s nothing.”
“You don’t cry over nothing.”
“She cries over romantic movies.” Jake hung up his jacket. “Technically speaking, that’s nothing.”
Frankie rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Jake. Not everyone is as insensitive as you.”
“I’m not insensitive. I’ve cried over movies in a ‘get me out of here’ kind of way. And since when did you turn into Miss Sensitive?”
Matt ignored them both. “Eva?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Frankie said something nice, that’s all.” She wasn’t going to mope and she wasn’t going to moan. Lucas didn’t want love. There was nothing she could do about that. Nothing except move on.
It was Jake’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “Our Frankie? That doesn’t sound like her.”
Frankie gave him a look. “If you weren’t going to marry my friend, I’d fillet you.”
“In a fight, I’d win. You may have a black belt in karate but I fight dirty.”
“Enough! It’s Christmas. No one argues at Christmas, and no one fights.” Paige glanced toward the door. “Where is Daniel?”
“He’s gone home. It’s family time. Even Daniel takes time off from seducing women at Christmas.”
Eva sat, soaking up the healing warmth and banter.
Forever friendship, she thought. Not just with Frankie and Paige, but with Jake and Matt. She no longer felt as if she was alone on a desert island. She felt cocooned, connected, surrounded, loved.
“I have a toast,” she said, reaching for her glass. “To family. You can be born into one, or you can adopt one, but either way it’s the best thing. Thank you for being mine.”
There was a moment’s silence.
Jake spoke first. “Carry on like that and you’ll make even me cry.” He removed Paige’s glass from her fingers and raised it high in the air. “To family. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”
“To family,” Eva said.
“Family,” chorused Frankie and Matt.
“Steal my wine again,” Paige said pleasantly, “and you’ll soon find out how to live without them.”
Twenty
Happy-ever-afters are like people. Each is unique.
—Eva
Romano’s was crowded with people and Eva dragged her misery to the kitchen to help Jake’s mother, Maria. They’d decided on a set menu to make it easier to cater for large numbers and as Eva had helped design it, she didn’t need briefing. Maria had suggested she sit down and enjoy the meal with her friends, but in any case, Eva was grateful for anything that took her mind off Lucas.
If it hadn’t been Christmas she would happily have spent the day in bed with her head under the covers.
If her grandmother had been alive, she would have gone to her and told her everything and Grams would have managed to make her feel better, and stronger, about everything.
As it was, she had to do it on her own. She felt bone weary and perilously close to tears.
It was going to be another Christmas where she had to struggle to make it through the day without breaking down.
What was Lucas doing? Was he on his own or had he at least joined his grandmother?
“How are you doing, honey?” Maria’s cheeks were flushed from the heat of the oven and the fact that she’d been rushing around the kitchen for several hours already.
“Doing great.” Eva caught Maria’s eye. “Okay, not so great. Part of me, the stupid dreamy part, thought Lucas cared. I really believed that.”
“Perhaps he did.”
“Not enough.” Eva picked up a bulb of garlic. “And who falls in love after a month? That’s crazy, right?”
“Is it?”
“Paige and Jake have known each other forever, and so have Frankie and Matt.”
“There’s more than one way to fall in love, honey, and it sounds as if you and Lucas had a connection.”
“We did.” Listless, Eva stared at the garlic in her hand. “I told him things. He told me things. I guess I thought—” She broke off. “Never mind. I’ll get over him.”
“Don’t cry. It’s important that you don’t have red eyes today.”
“I know, it’s Christmas and I mustn’t ruin anyone’s day.”
“It’s your day I’m thinking of.” Maria took the garlic from her. “I know you. You’re going to want to look your best. Go and put some lipstick on.”
“Why?” Eva was bemused. “I don’t think a side of beef and a tray of roast potatoes is going to care if I’m wearing lipstick.” Everyone around her seemed excited and energized. It made her struggle even harder.
“You’ll be glad you’ve done it.” Maria leaned in and gave her a big hug. “Your grandmother would be so, so proud of you, honey. And now we need to get the beef out of the oven or it will be charred.”
Eva didn’t think her grandmother would be proud to see her dripping around the kitchen like a raincloud, but she said nothing and focused on the cooking. For her, working in the kitchen was a type of therapy. She sliced, chopped and sautéed with her mind on automatic.
Maria’s kitchen was a well-oiled machine, and she slotted in easily and found the routine soothing. She didn’t have to think too much.
“Ev?” Frankie appeared in the doorway and exchanged knowing looks with Maria. “Can you come out here? We have something for you.”
“Can it wait? I’m serving lunch for eighty and I have beef—and pie.” She was proud that she sounded strong, even though she didn’t feel it. She removed a tray of sizzling potatoes from the oven. “I thought we were doing presents later.”
“This present isn’t something you can wrap.” Frankie’s voice sounded strange. Somewhere between smug and excited. “You’re going to be pleased.”
“There’s nothing I really want.”
“Will you get out here and stop arguing?” Frankie glared at her. “I am no good at this cloak-and-dagger stuff.”
“But I have to make a red wine reduction.”
“I’ll do it. If I take the red wine and drink half of it, that reduces it, right?” Frankie gave her a push. “I will be Maria’s right hand.”
“And I’ll take those.” Maria took the potatoes from her and g
estured toward the door with her head. “Go.”
Eva was about to ask what was going on, when Paige strode into the kitchen.
“Wait. Don’t move.” She was carrying Eva’s purse and she opened it and delved inside for makeup. “Hold still.”
“I truly have no idea what’s happening. You all think I look like crap? First Maria says I need to wear lipstick, then—”
“Stop talking. I can’t do your makeup while your face is moving.” Paige gave her a mini makeover, transforming her with an expert flick of a brush and a sweep of lipstick. “There. You look amazing.” She snapped her fingers and Jake appeared with Eva’s coat.
She took it, confused. “I wish someone would tell me what’s going on.”
“It’s a surprise,” Paige said and then smiled. “Merry Christmas to the best friend any girl could have.”
“Hey, I’m the best friend any girl could have.” Frankie brushed flecks of flour from Eva’s dress. “You go, girl. Your carriage awaits.”
“My carriage? Have you been drinking? Because you’ve all lost it.” Wondering what they had planned, Eva let them bundle her from the kitchen and into the restaurant.
For a wild, crazy moment, she’d actually wondered if Lucas might be there. If he might be the surprise they were talking about, but there was no sign of him and the strength of her disappointment shocked her.
She briefly caught a glimpse of Matt smiling at her from the doorway of the restaurant and Roxy looking dreamy-eyed with little Mia bouncing in her arms.
They all looked so pleased, she didn’t want to hurt their feelings so she smiled back and tried not to think about Lucas.
Whatever it was they had planned, she’d look pleased. She could manage that, surely?
“Call us later.” Paige hurried her through the door and Eva gasped as the icy cold hit her face.
“Holy crap, it’s cold.” There was a yellow cab waiting with the engine running and standing by the open door was—
“Albert?” Eva stared at him, bemused, and Frankie pushed her forward.
“It’s more of a cab than a carriage, but this is New York City. At least it’s yellow. If you drink a bottle of wine you could kid yourself it’s a pumpkin. Here you go, Albert. Signed, sealed and delivered just as we promised. The rest is up to you. Don’t let her argue with you.”