“Are you taking the piss, boy? I had to come all the way over here thanks to your selfish actions.”
I glance at him. His face is red. I place the bowls on the kitchen counter. “If I’d have known that moving rooms was all it would take to get you to come see her, I’d have done it ages ago.”
By the time I see his fist, it’s too late. His punch catches me on the side of my jaw. He almost knocks me to the floor, but I manage to clutch hold of the kitchen counter, and keep myself upright. The side of my face is throbbing. I put my hand to my lips. There’s blood. I think he cut my lip, and there’s a metallic taste inside my mouth. He’s saying something, but I can no longer make out the words. My body is trembling and there’s a rushing sound in my ears. I charge towards him, and slam him back against the kitchen wall. I press my forearm against his windpipe. We’re eye to eye, our faces so close that my nose is almost touching his. I glare at him. “I hate you. Stay. The fuck. Away from me.”
I hear a scream. I turn my head. Mum is standing in the kitchen. She’s holding her hands to her cheeks, and she looks pale. She begins to shake. “Stop it. Just stop it.”
I step away from my dad and hold my arms out to my mum. “I didn’t want you to see that. I don’t know what-”
“You’re both fucking lunatics.” Dad is rubbing his hand across his throat. “I’m going to call social services. She should be in a home. You’re not fit to take care of her.”
I bunch my hand into a fist, and step towards him. “I take better care of her than you ever did.”
I jump back as Mum throws a bowl. It narrowly misses me, and smashes into pieces as it hits the floor. “I said stop it,” she screams.
Dad shakes his head, and leaves the kitchen. I hear the front door open, and then he calls out, “I’m done with you both. I’m changing my phone number.”
I snort. The prick had to have the last word. I’m still trembling; I’m so pumped with adrenaline. I glance at Mum, she’s crying. I grab some tissue and dab at her wet cheeks. She snatches the tissue from my hand, and backs away from me. Guilt begins to eat at me, she was so peaceful earlier. I should have controlled my temper.
She clenches her fists. “He’s never coming back now, and it’s all your fault.”
“Mum, I’m sorry. I should-”
She holds her hands up in front of her. “Don’t speak to me. Don’t ever speak to me again.” Her hands drop to her sides and she stares at me. “It should have been you who died. Not Jowan. I wish it had of been you.”
It feels like someone has knocked all the air out of my lungs. She walks away and I stare at the back of her head, open mouthed. I sink down to the floor and pick up a shard of the broken bowl. I run my thumb along the sharp edge. I always seem to hurt her. Maybe she would be better off in a home. She doesn’t want to be with me. My nose is running. I sniff. A tear runs down my cheek. She doesn’t love me. She wishes I was dead. The broken shard falls from my fingers as I drop my head to my hands, and sob. I’ve never been good enough.
I don’t know how long I’ve been crying. My throat feels raw and my chest hurts. I rub my hands roughly across my face. The sun has gone down and the kitchen is in darkness. I stand and fumble around for the light switch. I work on auto pilot as I sweep up the broken bowl. I don’t want to think. Thinking hurts. I hold a bag of frozen peas against my lip to reduce the swelling, then I throw the pasta and tomatoes into the trash. I’m not hungry anymore. Bisley winds himself around my ankles, and purrs. I scoop him up into my arms, and rub my cheek against his soft fur. I hold him as I slowly rock from side to side. “You love me, don’t you, Biz?” He purrs in reply, and butts his head against my cheek.
I carry Bisley to my bedroom, and lay him on my bed. I need to talk to Pia. I get the land line phone and dial Pia’s number. It rings a few times, and then goes straight to voice mail. I dial her number again. I listen to her voice mail message, telling me she can’t can’t take my call right now. I listen because I need to hear her voice. I don’t leave a message. I hang up and toss the phone onto my bed. I glance at my acoustic guitar, the guitar that Dad bought me, and Mum smashed. It’s fitting somehow…broken, just like our relationship. I pick up my electric guitar, and switch on my amp. I close my eyes as I play and sing, ‘Father and Son’ by Cat Stevens. I play through my repertoire of sad songs, until my fingers start to ache. Switching off my amp, I get Mum a glass of water and her meds, and go to check on her. Her bedside lamp is on, but her TV is switched off. She’s lying on her side, her eyes are closed, but I can tell by her breathing that she’s still awake. I place the glass of water on her bedside table.
“Mum, sit up and take your meds.” She doesn’t answer. I wait for a few minutes and then I put her pills next to the glass. “I’ll leave them on your table for you.”
Back in my room, I try calling Pia again. There’s still no answer. Is something wrong? Maybe her phone is out of charge. I log onto Facebook, hoping she’s online. There are a bunch of new pictures uploaded to her page. The party. I forgot they were having a party tonight. She’s not logged in, so I scroll through her pictures. There’s one of her dancing, I guess Fay must have took it. Her hair is loose, and she’s wearing a red dress that hugs her body in all the right places. The hem falls at her mid-thigh, and I can tell by the picture that she’s swaying her hips. My hand moves down to grasp my dick. Damn, I wish I was there. I laugh to myself. I can go from depressed to horny bastard in thirty seconds flat. I scroll down some more, and stop at a picture of Pia with some guy. It’s a close up picture; he has his arm around her shoulders. She’s looking at the camera, and smiling, but I don’t like the way he’s looking at her, like he wants to eat her. Who the hell is he? I instantly lose my erection. I quickly scan through more pictures. There’s one of him with his arms around both Pia and Fay. One girl not enough for him. Greedy cunt. I scroll down some more, and stop at one of him sitting at a drum kit. The drummer. My head is spinning. My parents hate me. I can’t lose Pia as well. I won’t. I try calling her again. No answer.
I snatch up my wallet and car keys. I don’t bother to shut down my computer. I open Mum’s bedroom door, and peek in. I listen to her breathing. She’s asleep. I can’t ask my neighbour to watch over her, she won’t do it, she’s still mad at me. Mum isn’t an early riser. I can get back before she wakes up. I shut the door to the house, but I don’t lock it. I jump in my car and pull my map book out of the glove box. A sat nav would be useful right now, but I don’t have one, so I’m shit out of luck. I figure out a route to Sheffield. If I drive at normal speed it’ll take about five hours. Normal speed…yeah, right. I pull away slowly because I don’t want to wake my neighbours, but once I’m on the road I floor the gas. I’m almost out of Kingsand, when I spot Ash walking in the direction I just come from. I’ve got a bone to pick with that son of a bitch. I slam on the brakes. The car screeches before it finally stops. I throw open the door and jump out, leaving the car running with my keys in the ignition. I don’t even bother to close the door. I run after him. I guess he must have heard my footsteps, because he glances over his shoulder. He looks shocked for a second, then the son of a bitch takes off running. I increase my speed, and as I get close enough, I reach out and grab the back of his jacket. He struggles and pulls away from me.
“What the fuck is your problem,” he says.
I’m breathing heavily and it takes every bit of control I have, not to hit him. “Why?”
He frowns at me. “Why, what?”
I push him and he stumbles backwards. “Why did you grass me up to my neighbour?”
He scowls. “One little thing goes wrong, and Mister Popular don’t like it.”
I grab the front of his jacket and yank him towards me. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He grabs my hand and tries to wrench it from his jacket, but no way am I letting go.
“You always get everything you want. All the girls want you. You got a charmed life. Pia is just another lay to you.” His eyes are blazing
and his lip curls up. “I like her. You’re just using her, yet you’re the one she wants.”
I shove him away from me. He lands on his ass. “You don’t know shit about my life.” I want to cry. Does Pia want me? I’m not so sure anymore. “You’re lucky I don’t punch your fucking face in.” I turn back towards my car. “We’re done. I don’t ever want to see you again.” I get back in my car, and hit the gas.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Trey
I grip the steering wheel. My neck feels stiff and I’m starting to get a headache. Ash is jealous of me. At any other time I’d probably find that funny. I should be jealous of him. I am jealous of him. He can have a career, and earn money. He can go out whenever he wants. His parents live together, and they love him. I pinch the bridge of my nose. I have to calm down or I’ll make my headache worse, then I won’t be able to drive. I switch on the radio. They’re giving a traffic report. I need to take the A38 and then the main part of my journey will be on the M5. Those roads seem to be free of problems right now. There are no other cars on the road, or any speed cameras here, so I continue flooring the gas. My car is already complaining; it’s shuddering. The DJ announces that it’s the love song hour. I’d change to another station,, but with the speed I’m travelling I need to keep my eyes on the road; I can’t be messing around with the radio. Are they playing love songs at the party? An image pops into my mind of the drummer, with his arms wrapped around my Pia. Their bodies are swaying together to the music, his hands slip down to her butt. I shake my head to clear it. Concentrate on the road. Don’t think. Just drive.
I’ve been driving for thirty minutes. My shoulders are tense, my headache has got worse, and as hard as I try I can’t get the images of Pia and the drummer out of my mind. My imagination has had them in bed together. He’s given her an earth shattering orgasm. She’s screamed out his name, and told him she loves him. He’s at uni. He’s smart. He’s going to have a degree, a career, money. I blink and try to concentrate on the empty road. What do I have to offer her? A carer for a depressed mum. A life on state benefits. ‘Wrecking Ball’ begins playing on the radio. I crank up the volume and sing along. I did come crashing into her life, I didn’t take no for an answer. I bounce in my seat, and tap my steering wheel in time with the beat. I sing at the top of my voice, screaming the words, ‘I came in like a wrecking ball.’
Fuck! I turn my steering wheel hard to the left, and slam on the brake. There’s an awful screeching noise, my car just about makes it around the bend. Breathless, my heart pounding, I check my rear view mirror. Thank fuck there was no one behind me. I pull onto the hard shoulder. I can smell burning rubber; I think I left half my tires on the road. I turn off the engine, and try to get a grip on myself. I didn’t even see the turn. I must have had my eyes closed. I could have killed myself, or killed someone else. Oh God, I need a drink. I take deep breaths. I’m okay. Everything is okay. I sit for about five minutes before I start the engine again. I make sure to turn the radio off, and drop my speed to seventy.
It’s two in the morning when I finally pull up outside Pia’s university accommodation. My muscles are stiff, my head is pounding, and I‘m exhausted. I get out of my car, and stretch. The building has an entry-phone system. I remember Pia saying she was in 5A. I hesitate. What if they’re asleep? I step back and look up at the windows. There are two rooms with lights on, but I don’t know if either of those are Pia’s room. Oh hell, I didn’t drive for four hours not to see her. I press the buttons for 5A. Someone buzzes me in. They didn’t even ask who I am. That’s not safe. I could be a psychopath.
I take the lift to the fifth floor. The door to their dorm is open and a light is on, but I can’t hear any noise. I walk along the hallway and come to a small kitchen area. A girl and two guys are sat at a kitchen table; a half bottle of tequila is on the table in front of them. One of the guys looks up at me with hooded eyes.
“Which room is Pia in?” I ask.
He yawns and extends his arm, pointing back down the hallway. “Second door on the left.”
I listen at the door, but I can’t hear anything. I tap on the door and wait a few seconds. There’s no response. I turn the door handle, expecting it to be locked, but the door opens. So not safe. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the dark room. There are two beds, and one of them has two people in it. I move closer. His body is covered with the duvet, but I can tell by his face it’s the drummer. Pia is buried; I can’t see her head, only the shape of her body under the duvet. I should go. I should just go. My body ignores my brain. I pull the duvet off of them.
“Get the fuck out of my girlfriend’s bed. Asshole.”
The drummer scrambles to sit up, and somebody turn on a lamp.
“Trey, what the hell are you doing?”
I turn my head in the direction of the voice. It’s Pia. In the other bed. Her hair is messed up, and she’s wearing grey PJ’s that have a teddy bear design on the front. She’s staring at me like I’ve gone mad. I glance over at the other bed. Fay is sitting next to the drummer. I think she’s naked. She’s clutching the duvet to her chest.
“Trey.”
I look back to Pia.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
Behaving like an idiot. I shrug my shoulders. “I thought it was you…you know…in bed with,” I point to the drummer, “him.”
Her mouth falls open, and she shakes her head. “Why?”
I gaze down at my feet. “I tried to call you, you never answered. I saw the photos on Facebook.”
“My battery is dead. I haven’t got around to charging it yet.”
The drummer starts to chuckle, and Fay begins laughing with him. He’s taking it well. I can’t help joining in with their laughter. I don’t think it’s funny; it’s more of a stress release.
Pia stands up and folds her arms across her chest. “It’s not funny. Clearly, you don’t trust me.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. I don’t need this right now. “It wasn’t you I didn’t trust, and anyway, I saw the photos on Facebook. What was I supposed to think?”
She frowns at me. “Well clearly you didn’t think.”
“Err…guys. How about me and James go into the kitchen, and give you two some privacy,” Fay says. She hands James his boxers. “Will you get my robe, James? It’s hanging on the back of the door.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Pia says. She glares at me. “Trey is leaving.”
I stare at her. “I’m not going yet. I drove over three hundred miles to see you.”
Pia points her finger at me. She looks mad. “No, Trey. You drove three hundred miles because you thought I was screwing someone else.” She paces the floor beside her bed. “I was able to trust you, even after all the bad things I was told about you.”
I’m vaguely aware of Fay and James leaving the room. “Ash told you that shit, because he wanted to get in your pants.” I don’t want to argue. I just want to hold her. I massage the back of my neck. I feel like shit.
She stops pacing and glares at me again. “So, was he lying? Are you telling me you didn’t sleep with lots of women?”
I close my eyes and huff out a breath. “No. He wasn’t lying about that, but-”
She raises her voice. “So he was telling the truth, wasn’t he?” She turns her back on me, and looks out of the window. “You expect me to trust you, but you don’t trust me. I want you to leave, Trey.”
I cross the room and lay my hand on her shoulder. She shrugs me off. “Pee Aitch, don’t dump me. I love you. I’m not leaving until we straighten things out.”
She walks towards the bedroom door. “I need some time to think, Trey. I want you to go.”
She opens the door, and leaves the room. My brain has turned to mush; my body is working on auto pilot as I trail along behind her. Fay stands up as we walk into the kitchen. She loops her arm through mine, and takes me out into the hallway. She tugs me into her, and gives me a hug. She pulls back, and rubs her h
ands over my biceps.
“Trey, I can see you’re upset. I don’t know what’s happened, but you need to give Pia space to calm down.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “You should go. If you stay, it’s just going to make things worse.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “I know I over reacted. I’ve had a bad day. I need to explain things to Pia.”
Fay shakes her head. “That’s not a good idea. If you push her, she might make a decision you’ll both regret.” She steers me towards the door. “Go home, Trey. Call her tomorrow when you’ve both had time to cool down.”
She closes the door, and I’m left standing outside the dorm. Dazed.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Trey
I start my car, and pull away. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? I feel completely drained. I don’t even know if I can stay awake to make it back home. I’ll stop off for a strong coffee on the way. I’ll let Pia sleep for a while, then I’ll call her. The road is empty, so I floor the gas. I need to get home before Mum wakes up. My head still hurts. I just want to sleep. I keep my phone within reach, in case Pia sends me a text.
I’m about an hour from home when I hit a traffic jam. I slam my hand against the steering wheel. Can this day get any worse? I stop the car and get out to stretch my sore muscles. There’s a long line of vehicles. I can’t see what’s causing the hold up, but I can see blue flashing lights off in the distance. I glance at my watch. It’s 6:00 AM. It’s starting to get light. I get back in my car. Maybe I should take this opportunity to get some sleep. I’m sure someone will wake me up if the traffic starts moving. I rest my head against the window, and close my eyes.
I’m woken by the sound of rain. I open my eyes, yawn, and glance at my watch. It’s 7:00 AM. The rain is coming down hard, I don’t have my windsheild wipers on, but I can see that the traffic hasn’t moved. You’ve got to be kidding me. I get out to take a look. The blue lights are still flashing in the distance. It must be a serious accident. I get back in the car. I’m now drenched, and cold. I’m never going to make it home before Mum wakes up. I’m not sure how she’ll react, if she wakes up to an empty house. I rest my head in my hands, and sigh. I’ve got no choice. I pick up my phone, and dial our neighbour’s number. She answers on the fourth ring, and I tell her the truth, I owe her that much. She doesn’t say so, but I can tell by the tone of her voice that she disapproves.
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