by Nancy Toback
Would it be easier for you if we got to know each other through E-mail for awhile, before proceeding with a faceto-face meeting? I’ve run the gamut myself. Maybe we both could use some downtime.
Yes, that’s precisely what she needed. Downtime. Time to clear the cobwebs out of her head. Time to learn to live on her own. Be her own person. Fly solo. Her breaths came faster.
Do you want to tell me more about this “friend” who let you down? Personal experience tells me men and women can’t be friends for long, without the romance thing getting in the way.
“The romance thing.” Jess nodded. She would’ve denied it up and down a few short weeks ago. She’d scoffed at that kind of cynicism—men and women can’t be friends. She and Tom were living proof those people were all wrong. But, of course, that was past tense.
Would you like to talk in Instant Message sometime?
Jess bit her lip. She wouldn’t decide tonight. She left it a maybe in her mind and continued reading.
This is probably of little or no interest to you, but there’s a chance I’ll be moving to the West Coast in the near future, unless the Lord directs otherwise. The transfer would be a good career move, but, more importantly, I’m hoping to put distance between myself and a certain disappointing relationship.
Jess covered her mouth with her hand. “Poor guy.” She could certainly relate.
I look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Best regards,
TCTwo (Just call me TC)
❧
Tom sat at the kitchen table, staring at the laptop screen, shaking his head. Against his better judgment, he’d replied to Jess’s E-mail last night.
He’d felt sorry for her, and before he could think straight, he found himself typing—commiserating with Jess as if she bore no responsibility for the gaping hole in his heart.
Pulling in a breath, Tom opened her E-mail message, with the certain knowledge that this charade could spell suicide for their friendship. Whatever was left of it anyway. He wanted to get Jess over the emotional hurdles, without causing her to hate him for the rest of his life when she discovered the truth.
Still, he had prayed long and hard after leaving Jess’s apartment, and he’d gotten off his knees with one strong conviction—if she saw his heart, without attaching his friendly face to it, the truth might finally register.
Dear TC,
I like your idea. I’m fine with meeting strictly in E-mail for now. I’m sorry you’ve ‘run the gamut.’ And though you seem reluctant to discuss your problematic relationship in depth, I’m afraid the anonymity of this process may bring out the worst in me; meaning, I’m apt to spill too many details if we communicate for a time.
The long and short of it is that my “friend”—I THOUGHT he was a friend—up and dumped me for no good reason. We spent almost all our free time together for the past sixteen years. (Best friends since high school.) And POOF—now he’s gone—practically. Perhaps you’re right to want to bury your past, move to California, move on. I don’t know what good will come of rehashing it all anyway.
By the way, it’s fine that you’re dating other Love Online members while we communicate. I’ll be doing the same. My first date didn’t work out well, but I promised myself four more tries before throwing in the towel. After that, I don’t know what. But I’m striving for “godliness with contentment.”
I hope you write back soon. I feel better already having shared my woes with a nameless, faceless friend. Say a prayer for me, will you?
Sincerely,
Loves God—but you can call me “Jess”
“Wow, Jess.” Tom snapped down the REPLY button. “A friend who up and dumped you, huh?” He shook his head and commenced typing.
Dear Jess,
It was good hearing from you again. But I’m sorry to hear about the “friend” who up and dumped you after sixteen years of friendship.
Since you weren’t romantically involved, how does a friend “dump” a friend? Is that the same as dumping a girlfriend? Do you have any idea why he’s keeping his distance from you?
Godliness with contentment is something we should ALL strive for. But as long as we put the Lord first in our lives, He wants to give us the desires of our heart. That includes marriage and children, if that’s what you want. So keep the faith!
By the way, don’t worry about using me as a sounding board. Since we intend to date others and we’re not romantically involved, perhaps we can counsel one another? I promise I’ll be praying for you—for us. I trust the Lord will work it out for the good.
Sincerely,
TC
❧
“Frank’s here? Alone?” Frowning at Dora, Jess dried her hands on her apron. “It’s too late to order.”
Dora shrugged. “He knows that, but he’s here to see you.”
Juan snorted a laugh and shook his head.
“What’s so funny?” Jess watched the two exchange glances. “If you think Frank’s here to deliver a message from Tom, you can think again. After last night’s dinner, I have no illusions that Tom wants anything more to do with me.”
Still grinning, Juan waved his hand. “Remember when you said men are strange? Maybe they’re stranger than you think.”
On a sigh, Jess walked past them and into the dining room. Her gaze immediately went to Frank, sitting alone, but looking every bit his handsome, confident self.
Their gazes met, and Frank got to his feet. “Jess, I didn’t mean to disturb you at closing time. I’m sure you want to get home, but I—”
“Not a problem.” A small tremor started in the pit of her stomach. This had to be about Tom. Frank wouldn’t come here on a friendly, I-was-just-in-the-neighborhood visit. His bright smile usually dimmed when she came within ten feet of him. “So what brings you here?”
“Can we sit for a minute?” Frank fiddled with the knot in his tie.
Jess tried to smile. “Sure, we can sit.” His demeanor told her whatever business he had would either send her through the roof or sinking to the floor. Help me through this, Lord.
Frank’s smile disappeared, and his dark gaze latched onto hers. “I’ll get right to the point, Jess.”
Her stomach flip-flopped, but she nodded slowly.
“One Christian to another, I have to confess I never liked you very much.”
Jess drew a sharp breath. She never doubted Frank harbored animosity toward her, but hearing him say it aloud gave her a sickening jolt. “I don’t know what I’ve done to make you—”
“Nothing. Honestly.” Frank leaned across the table, his nose nearly making contact with hers. “I judged you, and I had no right.”
Leaning back in her chair, Jess studied him, her mind still reeling. “Judged me for what, Frank?”
He pushed his fingers through his black hair, looked around the room, and met her gaze head on. “Tom.”
Jess swallowed the rising dread in her chest. The mention of Tom’s name caused a tide of panic to float to the surface. Fear and love and loss and hope mingled to suck the strength from her. She opened her mouth to speak.
“Please, let me finish.” Frank covered her hand with his.
Everything in her wanted to pull away, but she didn’t flinch. Frank had come here, heart in hand, seeking forgiveness. The Lord would expect her to respond with His loving-kindness.
“Tom’s my closest friend.” Frank looked at her as if in search of a nod or word of confirmation. Jess sat frozen. “Tom even got me my job at Martin Financial.” He squeezed her hand and cleared his throat. “Again I realize I was wrong, but I thought you were—a burden to him.”
Jess withdrew her hand. “Wh–why? We were friends. We helped each other. I didn’t just take from Tom.”
“And Tom never said you did. You have to understand it was me, all me. In my boorish way, I thought I was protecting him.” Frank shook his head, his dark gaze thawing the icy barrier she tried to erect to protect herself. “If you can forgive me, Jess, I want to tu
rn things around. I’m letting you know I’m here for you—anytime.”
“That’s good of you, Frank, but—” She shrugged. It was one thing for her to forgive him—and she did. But turning to him as a trusted friend?
“I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to set eyes on me again.” Frank stood and clapped his hands at his sides. “But at least I thought I’d offer.”
Jess stood to her feet and managed a smile. “It was brave of you to come here. And I do forgive you, Frank.” She couldn’t claim she had never judged. “In fact I’ve been there. Sometimes I see Tom with a woman and decide she’s all wrong for him.” She looked up into his dark eyes, which seemed to fill with understanding. “I judge too.”
Frank’s lips spread into a slow smile. “A hug?”
Jess laughed and stepped into his open arms. She heard footsteps behind her, felt Frank’s grip loosen.
“Who knew I’d find my two best friends here?”
Turning swiftly toward Tom’s voice, Jess’s eyes widened as she stared at him mute.
Twelve
Jess sat in front of her laptop, grinding her toes into the plush carpet. Writing a stranger an E-mail at one in the morning with details of her personal life bordered on wacky. But she was past caring. And this stranger didn’t know her from Adam, so it was safe to vent. She set her fingers to the keyboard and followed her impulse.
Dear TC,
The worst thing I could’ve imagined actually happened to me tonight. You know the friend who practically abandoned me? Well, he showed up where I work. (I may as well tell you, his name is Tom.)
Our mutual church friend (Frank), who’s also Tom’s coworker, had stopped by to talk with me. Talk, and that’s all. Frank apologized for holding a grudge against me, asked my forgiveness, then said he’d like to be my friend.
And in walks Tom. Mind you, this was closing time. I got the distinct impression Tom thought something strange was going on between Frank and me. (We were hugging at the time, but it was all totally innocent.)
Don’t ask me why Tom had come into my restaurant to begin with. (I’m a chef, by the way.) Maybe he wanted to apologize for his “mood” Friday night when he had dinner at my place. (Yet another long story.) But the look on Tom’s face scared me. Honestly I thought he might deck Frank then and there—though I have no illusions jealousy had anything to do with Tom’s reaction. I’m guessing Tom felt Frank was taking sides—going against him for me. You know, the male bonding thing?
Tom said, “I just stopped by to say hello, but I can see you’re busy.” At which point I nearly fainted dead away. Even the mild implication that something sinister was going on between Frank and me made me freeze with panic.
I can’t understand it, but Frank said nothing to shed light on the situation. In fact, Frank didn’t utter a word! And my own mind was so muddled that I don’t think I eked out more than “hello.”
What do you think? Give me some insight into that male psyche. I’ll help you when the time comes in the future.
You said you didn’t mind if I used you as a “sounding board”; otherwise I wouldn’t have written you about any of this. I figure with E-mail, you can always delete me. In person you might not have such an option. So do you have an opinion? I’m all ears. Keep praying for me, please!
Best regards,
Jess
P.S. I haven’t answered your previous E-mail, but more details to follow.
“There.” Jess pressed SEND, sat back, and sighed. Men understood other men. TC would give her his unbiased take on things, because he didn’t have a stake in her personal life.
Jess snapped off her laptop. Someday she might actually meet TC in person, but for now a face-to-face encounter would only complicate matters. Hiding behind a computer screen certainly had its merits. She could empty out her heart to TC, as she’d once done with Tom—only minus the fear of falling in love.
She dimmed the living room lights and padded to her bedroom. Tomorrow was a new day. She refused to stay up half the night worrying about church in the morning—pondering how to avoid both Tom and Frank.
Jess sank to the edge of her bed. She’d seen a side of Tom tonight she’d never known. Standing tall and straight, his well-muscled body straining against the fabric of his black shirt, his dark eyes glimmered as if in challenge to Frank.
Her mouth pulled into a smile. Most likely Tom and Frank’s friendship would stand the test of time. She only wanted Tom to fall in love with her, not challenge Frank to a duel.
“Wishful thinking.” Jess shook her head. There were no duels going on for her heart. But Frank should’ve explained why he’d come into Flavors, instead of standing his ground, wearing a sinister grin. It was almost as if he wanted to give Tom the wrong impression.
Jess got to her feet and wrestled out of her blouse. All this conjecture was madness. She twisted in front of the full-length mirror and groaned. “I look like a bag of bones.” She had two weeks to put on the pounds, fill in the gown she’d wear for Corinne’s wedding.
Tom would be there. Maybe something magical would happen. Or maybe he’d show up with a date. Either way she couldn’t be looking the skeleton she did. Tiramisu would be her companion at night for the next two weeks.
❧
Tom slammed his apartment door and strode down the hall to the elevator. Friends? Heat spread through his chest at the thought of having to face the two of them in church this morning. I’ll give him friends! Putting his arms around my Jess. Frank could be peculiar at times, but he had always respected that Jess was off limits.
Tom tugged at his tie before entering the elevator. Both of them were free agents. He’d only gone into Flavors to try to patch up their friendship. How was he supposed to know he’d find Jess and Frank practically smooching? His stomach roiled at the thought. It was one thing to have Jess out of his life, but in his life and dating Frank? That was not going to happen.
Rubbing his tired eyes, he stepped out of the elevator and kicked aside the soda can in his path. No wonder Frank couldn’t give him a straight answer the other day.
Tom marched up the ramp in the musty, underground garage. Every muscle in his body reminded him of his sleepless night—time wasted recalling things Frank had said or done in the past, then weighing them against the scene in Flavors.
And Frank, striding up to him in the gym, comparing biceps. None of his antics had been done in jest. All along he’d been competing for Jess. All their chats in his office and Frank’s feigned innocence. . .
Turning the key in the ignition, Tom snorted a humorless laugh. He’d taken long enough to figure out what “I’m just worried about you, Buddy” really meant. But figure it out he did. Frank had been goading him for years to give up on Jess, for one reason only. So that he could make his move.
Well, all the best to both of them. He had a great time with Linda last night. He needed to think about his future now, not his past. And if he could get his head on straight, Linda might be a part of his future.
Still, how could Frank have done this to him? In Jess’s case, he could forgive and forget. She’d always been blind to his feelings for her. But Frank—
Tom tightened his grip on the steering wheel. A good thing he knew better than to check his E-mail when he got home last night. An excited message from Jess, telling him all about her new prospect, would’ve sent him through the roof.
Tilting his head from side to side, the bones in his tense neck cracked. Maybe Jess and Frank deserved each other. After all, the two of them lived in La-La Land—passing up true love while they waited for true love. And here he’d thought Brittany was a perfect match for Frank.
“Hey, Buddy, you want to move it?”
As the rough voice filtered through Tom’s open truck window, he jerked out of his daydream and back to chaotic, New York City reality. He glanced into the rearview mirror and felt his ears burn at the line of cars behind him waiting to move forward in midmorning traffic. He was going to have to snap ou
t of the lovesick puppy syndrome.
He drove the two blocks to the church, swerved into the parking lot, and cut the engine. What if Frank had the audacity to drive Jess to church this morning? Tom scanned the area for Frank’s car, grunted, and abandoned his search.
If Jess and Frank were openly dating, he didn’t want to see it. The two of them arm-in-arm would definitely sell him on the idea of taking the transfer to California. How could he stand looking at a guy who won Jess’s heart with a couple of smooth lines, when he’d been laboring for her love for years?
Tom stepped out of the truck and tucked in his tie. He kept his gaze trained on the sidewalk and sent up a silent prayer. The last thing he needed was to bump into Frank and Jess.
He’d somehow found the strength to turn and hightail it out of Flavors last night, but if he saw them lovey-dovey in church this morning, his self-control might fly right out the stained-glass windows.
❧
Sitting in the second to last pew in back of the church, Jess watched Tom make his way down the aisle to the row they usually occupied together. She closed her eyes. One quick look at him brought on a flood tide of unwelcome emotions.
Her rapid heartbeat accompanied the heat of a blush to her face. Anybody with eyes might know she’d fallen head over heels in love.
If only Frank hadn’t come into Flavors last night, she would’ve known Tom’s reason for showing up. What if things between Tom and Linda had gone all wrong? And Tom had stopped by to chat and resume their friendship? But if Tom misinterpreted the scene he’d walked in on in Flavors, she’d most likely lost any chance with him.
Jess flipped the pages of her Bible. What Tom did or didn’t think shouldn’t matter to her anymore. The big picture was what counted. And his cold-shoulder treatment Friday night should’ve cleared up any open questions in her mind.