Here I'll Stay

by Dominique Laura

  “I guess. But as one of your closest friends, I’ll never stop complimenting you on the daily.”

  “You’re a really great friend, you know that?”

  A mischievous smile spread on her face. “Oh, I know it.”

  I laughed, a heaviness that I had grown accustomed to slowly lifted some of its weight from my shoulders, allowing me to breathe without as much pain.

  Maci had that effect on people. She was my best friend. In this life, having a best friend was like finding a seal in the middle of the desert. I thought of Sarah. I was lucky enough to have two of them.

  We had just pulled up to a party. I wasn’t sure whose house it was at but it was modest in size, so that was a good thing. I tried asking who the host of the party was while Mace and I had been getting ready but she refused to tell me, claiming that it was best I didn’t know. That probably meant it was someone I didn’t get along with or someone who didn’t get along with me, which meant that it could have been anyone. I should have been nervous about that but I wasn’t. For once I was content, content with not knowing.

  “You look hot, girl.”

  I rolled my eyes. “No, I look like a sack of potatoes.”

  “I don’t even think that’s possible,” Mace said. “Besides, tonight is the night you really give that fine piece of specimen a chance.”

  “I guess.” I looked at her, gauging whether or not to ask her something that had been bothering me for a while. It was now or never. “It really doesn’t bother you?”

  “What really doesn’t bother me?” Her forehead bunched together in confusion.

  “Me and Bren.” I shrugged. “What he and I could potentially have? I mean, you did have him first so if this makes you uncomfortable or something, you can tell me and I’ll back off.”

  “Day.” She shook her head and took a step closer to me, closing her hand over my shoulder. “I have never been more comfortable with anything in all of my life. The way he looks at you, gosh, he never once looked at me like that. I want you to have this with him. I promise. Now, let’s not ever bring it up again, okay? It’s done, it happened. It’s in the past.”

  “Okay,” I said, releasing the breath I had been holding.

  “Good.” Her smile brightened. “Now, let’s get this party started.”

  “Whatever you say.” I smiled back.

  We walked up to the house, arm in arm with an aura of fearlessness. It felt good. I felt good. I just hoped this feeling would last.

  I took a deep breath.

  Just enjoy it, Day. Don’t think too much into it.

  “It smells like a locker room in here,” I said as we walked inside the house. It was crowded but there was just enough breathing space to ensure that no one would lose their minds.

  “Yeah, it sort of does, huh?” She sniffed the air and laughed.

  I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without my best friends—impossible to live probably.

  I looked around the party, a smile on my face. “Where are Sarah and Corey tonight?”

  “Another couple’s night, apparently,” she said, glaring at nothing in particular. “You know, they’ve been having a lot of those lately. We’re going to have to need to have a talk with those two.”

  “They’re just trying to enjoy their time together before we all separate and go to college, pretending to be semi-functional adults,” I shrugged.

  “They’re going to the same school,” Maci said, giving me a wide-eyed look. “We’re the ones leaving.”

  Laughter bubbled up my chest. “You’re totally right, but you know how disgusting and romantic they are, they love doing stuff like this.”

  Her lips formed into a pout. “Ugh, that means I’m going to be all alone because soon you’re going to be doing cute stuff with Brenton and I’ll be the odd woman out.”

  I laughed harder at that. She was already getting emotional and she hadn’t had a lick of alcohol yet.

  I gave her arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “You’ll never be the odd woman out. I don’t even think that’s possible. Now, let’s have some fun okay?”

  She nodded her head furiously before throwing her arms around my neck. “I love you, Day. I don’t want your heart to ever change.”

  I hugged her back even tighter. “I love you too, Mace. You always have my back.”

  We pulled away, both rolling our eyes at how ridiculous we were being. We were at a party, we were supposed to be having fun.

  “Well, well, well, look who decided to show up.”

  My body tightened at the jerk that condescending voice belonged to. I hadn’t seen him since break started. I had seven blissful days of no Jason, but like all good things, that bliss came to an end. I really thought I’d be in the clear this break. Figured I was wrong.

  Maci grabbed onto my trembling hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before turning to address Jason.

  “Jason,” she said coolly. “Something you want?”

  “Yeah, I want to know why your whale of a friend has latched herself onto my cousin,” he said with a voice full of disgust.

  My cheeks heated from embarrassment. I had been dealing with his cruelty since I was a little girl, why I still put up with it now was beyond me.

  Because you’re weak, my father’s voice surfaced from deep within my mind. You’ve always been weak.

  “Whale? You must have the roles reversed because you clearly haven’t looked in a mirror lately.” Mace spat at him, her eyes drilling beams of hate into the middle of his forehead. I’m sure she was holding herself back from physically slapping him.

  I swallowed back the lump that had formed in my throat. I wasn’t one for confrontations. I didn’t know how to handle them. Whenever I was approached like this, I just stood and let it happen until they grew bored and walked away. Sometimes I bit, but never very hard. The thing with Jason was that he never seemed bored of insulting me—it fueled him even more the quieter I got. Actually, he was fueled whether I responded or not.

  “Come on Maci.” Jason tsked at her while his friends stood beside him with drinks in their hands, openly enjoying the scene unfolding in front of them. “You’re above someone like her. Sure, she might be decent looking now but we’ll never forget the disgusting piece of scum she was before.”

  Before Maci could respond, I beat her to it, surprising myself and everyone witnessing the exchange. “Are you ever going to let up? You hate me for some unknown reason and it’s really starting to get old. I get it. I was ugly and an easy target because I took your spiteful words and never reacted with a fight. But you didn’t know me then and you sure as hell don’t know me now.”

  Hot tears heated my cheeks as I spoke. My whole body trembled with each word I bravely spat at him. I was going to pay for this later and at the animalistic change in his eyes, I knew I was going to regret ever attempting to stand up to him like this.

  Mace leaned her body closer to mine, openly armoring it from his hateful glare.

  “You don’t look so well, Daysie,” Jason said with amusement. “I’d tell you to eat something but it looks like you’ve done enough of that to last a lifetime.”

  I sighed in defeat, unsure of what I could say to get him to leave me alone—if there was anything I could say to make it stop. “Don’t you think you’re a little old to be a bully?”

  His eyes turned devious and he took a step toward me. I took one away from him with Mace’s hand still clasped in mine. “You deserve what you’ve got coming to you.”

  “What?” I nearly yelled. “You’re holding onto some childhood grudge that really has no place here. Let it go already.”

  Before he could respond, Brenton walked up behind him and placed a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “Is there a problem Jason?”

  Jason cursed, shook his head, and shot a death glare my way. “No, not at all, Cuz. Daysie and I were just having a nice chat. Isn’t that right?”

  “Like hell you were,” Maci spat. “You were being your usual jerk self
.”

  Bren looked over at his cousin with a slight look of confusion on his face. He shook it off and clenched his fists at his sides. “Come on man, don’t be that way.”

  Jason rolled his eyes and snarled in my direction, shrugging off his cousin’s comment. “Yeah, whatever man.”

  I watched in awe as Jason walked away with his friends. I released an unsteady breath and the sounds of the party came rushing in all at once. I took a deep breath and released it slowly, the heat behind my eyes fading as Jason’s silhouette disappeared.

  “Are you okay, Daysie?” Bren placed his hands on either side of my face. I gingerly let go of Maci’s hand and nodded in response. “I’m sorry that he is the way he is. I’ve talked with him about it before, but he’s stubborn and well, really just an ass.”

  “Yeah, well, jerks usually don’t have much sympathy toward the scum beneath their shoes,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “He’s always been that way. I’m not sure why but with you he’s never been able to help himself,” Bren said sympathetically.

  “Well, as long as he leaves me alone for the rest of the night we should be fine.” I wrapped my arms around Bren’s middle as he pulled me close to him.

  “Alright, love birds, I’m going to go find something to drink and hopefully a boy to snuggle up with tonight,” Mace said, giving us both a smile as she walked toward the kitchen area. I wasn’t surprised that she knew where it was. She was fearless and loved to have fun, so of course she would have been to a party here before.

  Bren’s thumbs brushed lightly against my cheeks, his hands gripping either side of my face and ensuring that my full attention was on him.

  “Don’t let him get to you,” he said softly. His eyes were locked on mine, and if I hadn’t already been crying, I probably would have started then. His eyes held sincerity and honesty—two things I hadn’t been privileged to as often as I should have, as often as any person should.

  I nodded, my tears coming to a halt at the comfort he provided. “I won’t. Not anymore. He’s never deserved it anyway.”

  He gave me a small smile and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead. “You’re damn right about that.”

  I sighed, content with this moment, with this potential road to happiness. I’d never had access to it before and now that it was open and clear for me to walk on, I was ready and willing to give the brighter side of life a true, fighting chance. My only hope was that the brighter side was ready for me too.

  I had been missing out. Apparently, all the hype about parties was legitimate after all. Once the smoke had settled after mine and Jason’s confrontation, I’d never had so much fun. My heart was slowly healing and I had more than just my girls and Corey to thank for that—I had Brenton. As cynical as I liked to believe I was, he had largely ingrained himself deep inside the walls of my heart. He was my happiness, and that fact was heart-filling and a little fearsome. It had only been a few weeks, so what would it be like a few months from now? I couldn’t really think about that. It was hard enough taking things one day at a time. I couldn’t look beyond the present because with my soul begging for an escape, I wasn’t sure I had a future at all.

  But you have Mace, Sarah, Corey, and Brent, I reminded myself.

  That was enough. It had to be. Right?

  My feet pounded along the pavement as I raced against my thoughts, putting my whole body into the run. My limbs were growing numb the farther I ran, but I ignored their protests because this is what made me feel good, what made me feel alive. Running had always given me a relief like nothing else, a sense of freedom that had been stolen from me every time my parents lashed out. This was my sanctuary. Running.

  I breathed in and out, pushing past the burning sensation in my lungs and the tingling in my hands and feet. I was almost home. Just a few hundred more feet and I’d be there. I shook my head at the nagging thoughts threatening to break through my comfort.

  Home. That term tasted bitter on my tongue whenever I used it.

  Home was supposed to bring comfort, it was supposed to symbolize love and wholesomeness.

  Mine didn’t.

  My home had never really signified anything. For me, home was a place I had only ever associated with pain. Home was a place I tried my hardest to avoid. I was eighteen years old, I knew I could leave, but the truth was I was still holding onto a sliver of hope that things would change. It was the same sliver I had been holding onto since I was old enough to know how horrible this place really was. For me, home was a house, nothing more.

  I released a long, drawn out breath as said house came into view. I pushed myself harder and the closer I got, the more fuel I gathered to take on another long-distance run. Except that was only adrenaline. I knew better than to put my body through more than it could handle. I could do this. All I needed to do was walk inside, go straight to my room, and everything would be fine.

  I nodded to myself, stopping just in front of the door. My hand hovered over the knob, shaking the longer I held it there.

  I shook my head, took a steady breath, and opened the door. My heart beat in relief at the emptiness and silence that welcomed me. Goosebumps shot up my arms and I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds as the atmosphere in the room changed in less than a second.

  I knew what was coming before I felt or heard it.

  Large, calloused hands shoved against my back, forcing me inside the house. The sound of the door slamming followed shortly after and I swallowed back the scream that threatened to claw its way up and out of my throat. There was a time and a place to show fear and in that moment while the reason for that fear was present was never a good time—it only added fuel to the already burning fire.

  I tried to run to my room, but he was too quick. Instead, I curled in on myself and took what he gave me. Each blow to my body knocked the wind out of me, but I didn’t react. I didn’t scream. I didn’t flinch. I waited for him to stop, to slow down, to pause his hits. Eventually he did. I heard his heavy footsteps leave the room and when a door slammed, I knew I was safe. Well, as safe as I could be.

  I crawled into my room and locked the door, leaning my back against it as I caught my breath. I banged my head against the wood, once, twice, three times and bit my lip to keep from crying out.

  “I don’t deserve this,” I said through my tears. I clenched my hands into fists and hit the floor on either side of me. I wanted to melt into oblivion, wanted to fade to black...to anywhere but here.

  I woke to my whole body throbbing in pain. He had really done it again—hurt me. But the physical pain was thankfully temporary, unlike the emotional damage that he and my mom both caused.

  I slowly stood up and walked over to the mirror hanging beside my closet. A sob broke free. My face was starting to bruise, there were trails of dried blood along my arms followed by scrapes and more bruises. I released a deep breath, cringing at the pain it caused.

  This was my life. Pain was what I knew, but it wasn’t what I wanted. No. What I wanted was to escape it, but how the heck did I do that?

  He had done this before, but never to this extent. There was no way I was going to be able to hide my way out of this one. My knees buckled from beneath me before hitting the floor.

  I growled in frustration, shaking my head furiously as I blinked back the tears that threatened to spill.

  I was six years old when he had first hit me. Six years old when I learned how powerless and alone I was.

  I rolled my eyes. “But daddy I wanted to watch that movie.”

  “Did you just roll your eyes at me, Daysie?” He growled, taking a menacing step toward me.

  I took an instinctive step back. At the anger in his eyes, I quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

  “You’re damn right you won’t.” No sooner had the words left his mouth did the back of his hand connect with my cheek. I cried out, my hands covering the stinging sensation spreading from my cheek to the rest of my face.

 
I cried, my body shaking from fear and pain.

  “Are you crying?” He spat. His breath smelled like the clear bottle he always drank from.

  I shook my head, trying to stop my tears.

  It was too late, though, because he grabbed my arm and dragged me to my room, throwing me onto the carpeted floor.

  I sat up, the rug burned on my knees stinging as I stared into his angry eyes, into the vacant eyes of someone who was supposed to love me.

  I blinked away the memory. Since then, abusing me was all he did, and it was always my fault. Every single time.

  The fight to stay wasn’t easy but nothing worth it ever was, right?

  I didn’t know where to go from there.

  Instead, I closed my eyes and let sleep overtake me.

  Some memories were good but most were painful.

  “With the least amount of respect Mr. Flores, if you don’t let us inside this house, I will call the cops.” Maci’s angry voice filtered through the thick walls of the house.

  For two days, I sat in my room and didn’t leave. Aside from the fact that I physically couldn’t, fear kept me stagnant.

  I widened my eyes, worried about her words and how much truth they held. I didn’t want her to see me like this, I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

  I heard a rustle and a grunt and then footsteps were pounding down the hallway. A shadow stopped in front of my door before letting themselves in. I pulled my knees up to my chest and closed my eyes, preparing for a hit, but none came. Instead, a shocked gasp filled the room. I opened my eyes and immediately tears rushed from my eyes. Maci walked slowly to my bed with wide fear-filled eyes.

  “Did he do this to you, Daysie?” She asked softly, confusion and hate lacing her words.

  I shook my head, not really sure what to say or how to explain the situation to her, but judging by the look on her face, she already knew the answer.

  “Daysie, this isn’t right,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

  I shrugged.

  “Is this why you haven’t been at school? And why you’ve been avoiding all of our calls?”