by Julia Goda
Shit. Was it too much? Did he think I was an idiot? That I was weak for letting someone play me like that? That I had been too stupid to see? Or worse, that I had seen it and done nothing about it? I hadn’t even told him the worst of it, yet, that I had lost my baby, that my naiveté and stupidity had resulted in the death of my precious and innocent baby. That I was guilty of letting my baby die. That I had killed it.
“Cal?” I asked hesitantly on a whisper, my fear clear in my voice.
“Give me a minute, baby,” he said on low growl. His arms squeezed me so tight that it was hard to breathe.
“Okay,” I breathed, then watched him fighting for control. Very slowly, the rage was leaving his eyes and his tight hold on me loosened enough that I could breathe again. One of his arms left me as his hand came up to cup my cheek. He lifted his head off the pillow to touch his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. After a minute of holding me like that, he brushed his lips against mine before he rested his head back on the pillow, but kept his hand at my cheek, keeping me in place.
“Never,” he said in a firm voice, confusing me.
“Never what?” I asked him. I was still whispering, not sure what exactly was going on.
“I would never lay my hands on you like that, would never strike a woman, beat her, put her in the hospital. That’s not in me.” His voice was still growly. He was trying to make a point. A point that was unnecessary to make.
“I know, Cal.”
“You never have to fear me,” he kept talking as if I hadn’t spoken, “no matter how angry or upset I get, I will never put my hands on you like that. I know I have a temper, but swear to God, baby, I don’t have that in me.” His eyes were penetrating and unwavering, underlining the seriousness in his voice. He was trying to put my mind at ease, making certain I understood that I could trust him, and I fell in love with him a little bit right there in his arms, in my bed, open and vulnerable to him.
My heart skipped a beat at the realization of being in love.
I leaned further into his body and repeated, “I know, Cal.” He held my eyes for a few more seconds more to ascertain the sincerity of my words, then closed them again and took another deep breath, his body relaxing fully into the mattress. I took that as the sign that he was back in control, kissed his chest, then put my cheek opposite his hand back to his chest and relaxed into him, my fingers resuming to play with his chest hair, while his thumb softly caressed my cheek.
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” Cal said quietly after a few minutes of silence. “It should never happen to any woman, but especially not a woman like you. There is an innocence and pureness about you that takes my breath away, Ivey. You’re not only full of light, you are good to the core. Hurting that…It pains me to even think about you being hurt like that. Of someone trying to take that innocence away, of trying to turn that goodness into bitterness.”
Wow. That was a nice thing to say.
He wasn’t done.
“I agree. Macy was right. He didn’t win. And I’m fucking grateful that you are the kind of woman to overcome something like that and come out the other side. Strong, so fucking strong, to come out of that with the goodness and pureness still intact inside of you. I am so fucking proud of you, baby.” He said on a squeeze, his lips brushing the top of my head once again.
God, that felt good.
So fucking good.
Again, Macy had been right. Letting my guard down and trusting a good man was so worth it.
She was absolutely fucking right.
Cal
As far as Cal was concerned, this past week had been absolutely fucking great. Ten years ago, when he had seen Ivey for the first time, he had known that the promise of her had been big. But he had no idea just how big. And every single day this past week, she had blown him away at how easily she threw that promise out the window and surpassed it.
Now that she had let her guard down fully, he was amazed at the awesomeness that was Ivey. There was not one single thing he did not like about her. From her sweetness to her passion to her attitude to the way she was with Tommy, he loved it all. So it was no wonder that he was already head over heels in love with her after this short period of time. He had known that she was it when he started it with her, but what he hadn’t known was, just how quickly and completely he would fall in love with everything about her.
All her walls had come crashing down. He had been surprised and shocked, that when he had demanded her complete trust with her body, she had ended up giving him more, so much more than he had thought she was ready to give. Thinking about how she had called him baby in that sweet trusting voice of hers was still sending chills up his spine.
That had felt damned good.
When Bane had given it all to him that day, he had known and understood immediately how hard it would be to get her to fully let go, if that was even possible. How hard it would be to convince her that trusting him would not end in hurt and pain. And he had known that proving himself to her would take time. So he had been immensely pleased, but shocked, that that same afternoon she had given it all to him.
And since then, their lives had been fucking phenomenal.
Every night he went to bed with her in his arms after making love or fucking, sometimes both, and every morning he woke up with her cuddled into his side, then made her fall apart with is fingers or his mouth on her, sometimes both, and more often than not she would reciprocate in the shower. Nothing had ever been this good for him.
Not the sex.
Not the time spent outside of bed.
Nothing.
The couple of times he had attempted to date a woman instead of just fucking her, it hadn’t lasted more than a few weeks and had always ended in drama and games. With Ivey, there was none of that. He doubted that she even knew how to play those games women play.
Every single minute he wasn’t with her, he missed her, like a lovesick teenager.
And every single time he thought of her body and what he would do with it that night, his cock grew rock hard within seconds, also like a lovesick teenager.
But he didn’t question it.
It felt too good to question.
And he didn’t give a shit if everyone in town knew just how far gone he was. As long as he knew Ivey would be in his and his son’s life and in his bed, he didn’t give a shit about much else.
It still pained him and enraged him when he thought about her fuckwit ex-boyfriend. He had almost lost control when she had told him in her whisper soft voice, how it had taken her awhile to crawl to the phone, after that asshole had beaten her, to call an ambulance, how he had beaten her so bad she lost consciousness twice.
The rage inside him had been so hot he had almost come out of his skin. The only thing that had stopped him from tearing Ivey’s bedroom apart was her reaction to his rage. There had been fear in her eyes when she had looked up to him. Making that look disappear and reassuring her that she would always be safe with him had taken priority over venting his fury.
Never again did he want to see fear in Ivey’s eyes.
Those beautiful eyes of hers should only ever shine with laughter and happiness, with passion and mischief and attitude, but never again with fear. Never again.
The fact that she hadn’t told him about her pregnancy and that she had lost the baby as a result of the beating worried him. Also, she had hinted at being beaten at home as well, but hadn’t gone into detail at all. He knew there was still so much she wasn’t telling him, probably more than Bane had discovered.
He wondered why she hadn’t.
But he couldn’t push her, couldn’t let on that he already knew most of it. He would have to wait and let her tell him in her own pace. He had confidence that she eventually would.
Coming out of his thoughts, he turned into the long driveway that would lead them to the farm. It was Sunday, and Tommy and he were picking up Ivey’s new puppy. He didn’t like leaving Ivey on a Sunday, since it was family time and he w
anted to spend that time with her and his son even if for five hours of that time they were at Serendipity, but he had wanted to surprise her, so Tommy and he had come up with a scheme to drive out to the farm without her knowing.
Even Macy was in on it. He had called her to ask her to close Serendipity tonight after they surprised Ivey with the puppy at the bookstore. Eventually, he would have to talk to his woman about hiring someone to help her with the store. He knew she loved it, that owning her own store was a dream come true for her, but in the long run, he wanted her to be free on Sundays. Free to spend Sundays with her family.
And as often as possible besides.
He was also itching to put a ring on her finger and plant his babies in her, but he would have to be patient and wait at least a few months before he dropped that bomb on her. Tommy was cool with it, as Cal had known he would be. He had actually been the one who had brought it up just this morning after they had dropped Ivey off.
“You know, dad, Ivey should just move in with us.”
“You want her to move in with us?”
“Yeah. Or we could move in with her. Her house is cool and home-y.” Tommy was right. Ivey’s house was cool and definitely felt like a home. And it was totally her. All feminine and soft with a little bit of sass.
The perfect combination.
That would be something he’d have to think about. He could see the three of them living there. And it would be easy to build an expansion big enough to accommodate their future children as well. He wanted at least two. Possibly three. So maybe expand the ground floor to add a bedroom and bathroom for Tommy, and maybe two more bedrooms upstairs.
But he also loved his house. Though it was all man, and he knew that Ivey loved her house and wouldn’t easily want to leave. He knew she loved his house a good deal as well, but women were funny about that kind of thing. And he would definitely be the one to pay for their house. Something else he would imagine Ivey would be funny about. She had had to take care of herself pretty much her whole life and she was good at it, but he was a man through and through and took care of what was his.
He would mull it over and then talk to her about it.
But Tommy was right. It should happen soon.
“You’d leave the cabin and move in with Ivey?”
“Sure. Doesn’t really matter where we live.” Damn his boy was smart.
“And you should probably marry her. Girls are funny like that. Not sure she’s gonna do the moving in together thing without a ring on her finger. And you love her or you wouldn’t spend any time with her around me, so you should just ask her.” Yeah, his boy was smart, all right. Cal chuckled, but had to agree.
“You’re right, son. And I will. Just give her some time to get used to us first.”
“I think she’s already used to us. Grandma says Ivey loves you, too, you know?” That made his gut clench. In a good way.
“You talk to grandma about Ivey being in love with me?”
“Sure. You know grandma.” Oh, yeah. Did he ever. “Grandma also says that Ivey would make a great mom.” Fuck. His mother. She was right of course, but she shouldn’t be discussing this with his son before he had a chance to do so. Tommy not being in contact with his mother was a touchy subject. He needed a mom who gave a shit about him. Ivey would fit that role perfectly of course, she already loved Tommy, but Cal had been hesitant to broach that subject with him. His son proved him right with his next question.
“You think she would wanna be my mom?” Hearing the wariness and hope in his son’s voice made his heart ache for him. He wanted this. Being around Ivey these past few weeks had shown him how great and loving she was, and he wanted that for himself, was yearning for it. Since he was always honest with Tommy, he laid it out for him.
“I haven’t talked to her about it, but judging by how much she loves and enjoys spending time with you, I would say yes, she would want to be your mom. And I have to agree with your grandma. She’ll be a great mother. I promise you I will talk to her about it, but we gotta give her some time, bud. She’s been alone for a long time, and I don’t want to overwhelm her too fast.”
“Maybe that’s exactly why you should do it soon, give her a family. Show her how great it is to be around people who love her,” Tommy mumbled.
Jesus Christ, but his boy was sharp.
Cal whipped his head around to look at his son, who was staring out the side window, not completely sure of himself. Cal looked back at the road, thinking.
After a few minutes he said, “You know what, buddy, you’re right. You think she’d say yes?”
Tommy looked over at his dad and smiled. “Yeah. But you’d have to be romantic and stuff when you ask her. Maybe get Macy in on it, get some advice.” Cal chuckled again, completely agreeing.
“You think I could call her mom when you guys are married?” Cal whipped his head around again.
“That something you want?” He asked. Tommy nodded, his eyes wide and hopeful. Yeah, his son needed a mom. Looked like he wouldn’t give Ivey as much time as he had initially intended and speed things up a little. Suited him just fine.
He gave his son a big grin and said, “Then I’m sure she’d love that.” His son grinned back at him. “Awesome,” he whispered. Then he turned his head back to look out the windshield and kept the smile on his face the rest of the way.
Chapter Nineteen
Stella
Ivey
I checked the clock on the wall behind me for the millionth time in the past three hours. It was Sunday, and even though they had only done it once so far, I missed the Bennett boys hanging out in my store while I worked, knowing that they wanted me included in their Sunday family time. It was important to me to spend as much time with both of them as possible, and I had a feeling that they felt the same way. We were building something together. A unit. And that felt so freaking awesome that I didn’t let myself overanalyze it and instead promised myself to roll with it.
That didn’t mean that I didn’t have my occasional freak-outs. But since that final piece inside me broke free almost a week ago and set me free in return, those freak-outs weren’t really freak-outs as such, but more like mini episodes. Most of them I could talk myself down from. Only once I couldn’t and had called Macy as reinforcement, who didn’t disappoint and reassured me that everything was going the way it was supposed to. Later that night, I had told Cal about it. He had been silent and I could feel his tenseness through the phone after I mentioned how it kind of freaked me out when people would come up and talk to me about Cal’s business, how they’d give me messages for him or ask me to tell him to call them later.
“I’ll call them back when I got time to call them back. No way should they approach you to deliver a message. You’re my woman, not my secretary,” Cal growled.
“It’s not that bad. It just kinda took me by surprise, is all,” I tried to downplay it when in reality it had felt exactly like those people thought I was his secretary or his personal assistant or something. I didn’t think it was meant to come across as such, but it was still kind of annoying.
“No, baby. You’re my woman. You’ve got nothing to do with my business, and just because people in this town have known me all my life and know that we’re together, doesn’t mean they get to encroach on your life or my business. It won’t happen again. I’ll call them and make that clear.”
“Okay, honey. But my point was that it kinda freaked me out in the sense that it freaked me out. But instead of losing it and running off to Timbuktu in a panic, I called in reinforcements. What I’m saying is, I gave you me and I’m sticking with that, even though I might still be a little nervous about what all that means.” I thought he would be happy I was this straight forward about my feelings instead of retreating into my head, seeing as this was all very new to me. Actually, I had hoped he would be proud of me and was a little disappointed that he still sounded tense.
“I get that, baby, but what you should have done is call me, not Macy, to
discuss what made you nervous in the first place, so I can have a mind to that and protect you from it. I’m your man. It’s my job to make you feel safe. Always. Anywhere. Not just with me, but with anything. I don’t know what’s going on, I can’t do that and I’m not liking that.” The way he put it made total sense, but it hadn’t occurred to me to look at it that way.
“Oh,” I said as the realization hit me that Cal took his role as my protector very seriously. I had known that of course, but I hadn’t realized that he would take it to these kinds of extremes. On the one hand, it made me feel good that he wanted me to feel secure and comfortable, but on the other hand, it also seemed very controlling and my experience with controlling boyfriends wasn’t good.
“Baby,” he called when I was silent for a while. “It’s not that I think you can’t take care of yourself or that I want to take over every aspect of your life. I know you can and you know I love that you have the kind of attitude to take care of things like that. But you’re mine, and I’ve told you before, I take care of what’s mine. That includes making sure that people don’t take advantage of you in trying to get to me. That shit is not happening and they should know better than to try. So tomorrow first thing, I’ll make those calls and make sure that message is understood.”
Okay, that sounded better. He was right of course. People shouldn’t come to me to get to him, especially not when it was about his business. I wouldn’t like it, either, if it was the other way around, if someone approached him with something about my business. That would piss me off. Not just because my business was my business and not Cal’s, but because I wouldn’t want him bothered by something that he couldn’t do anything about anyway and therefore encroaching on his personal life. So I knew where he was coming from.
“Okay, I get that.”