Virginia tried, but couldn’t take much of one. The air cut off in a sharp gasp of pain. She forced several shallow breaths instead.
“I’ll check that out next.” He dabbed the gauze again. “Where’s your mom now?”
“Drinking? I don’t know. Hopefully drinking peacefully, I guess. I moved back in with her a couple months ago, but she has a new boyfriend so I mostly stay out of their way.”
“Where did you live when you didn’t live with her?”
“A boyfriend’s. We aren’t together anymore.”
“What do you do for Hazard?”
“Pills and, when out of state, cigarettes. Or. I used to do that. I don’t know what’s ahead of me.”
“At pageants?” He sounded surprised.
She nodded, wishing it wasn’t so dark that she could see his eyes. “And at school.”
“Not a bad hustle. Not at all.” He put the gauze down and started rustling with another one. “So, what happened?”
“I don’t know.” She paused, pulling a long burst of night air into her nose. “I realized I wasn’t as valuable as I thought. He wasn’t going to . . . force me . . . but he . . .” She stared at the mountains shadowed under the moonlight. “He was going to wear me down. Break me and remake me into something I never planned to become.”
The wind gusted, catching the shorn and choppy ends of her hair and pushing them into her face. She winced as they brushed the edges of whatever was raw and open on her jaw.
He straightened. Gathering up the loose hair, he twisted the ends. And tucked them into the back of her tank top.
They immediately started slipping out, and shamefully, she wanted to cry that her hair was gone. But she just licked her lips. “Why are you alone?”
He shook his head, peeling off his gloves and pulling out a new pair. “Because I’m a sugar-frosted fucktard of the first order.” He sighed and brought another gauze pad to her face, dabbing something cool onto whatever stung. Probably from when she hit the floor, she realized. “I broke a few rules tonight. So we’re going to try and keep this quiet.”
He’d come for her without the protection of his brothers, without the patch on his back that made him something bigger than one man, and the realization of what he’d risked bloomed wide and expansive in her chest. Swallowing, Virginia stared into the sky and the hazy stardust shining into the valley. “Rules?” she choked out.
“What’s a line if you don’t cross it now and then?” He put down the gauze. “Take another deep breath.”
Virginia started a deep inhale and was cut short by a stab of pain in her ribs.
“Raise your arms.”
She did.
He stepped closer. “I’m going to check your ribs; is that all right?”
“Yes.”
“Just breathe normally.” Jason put his hands on her ribs, pushing gentle pressure through her shirt and the gloves he still wore. The moonlight slanted across his shoulders, shadowing his face.
She clenched her jaw.
“Take a deep breath.”
Inhaling as deeply as she could, she moved her hands to his shoulders, gripping tight as the pain hit her ribs. The wind died down and the wood thrushes began a midnight chorus, trilling clear and sharp under the oak limbs threading above their heads.
“Again.” He moved. His fingertips closed on her ribs. The weight of his big hands cinched together what felt ripped into shreds.
She clasped her hands behind his neck.
“Again,” he whispered, voice thicker.
She wanted to kiss him. To taste him. This shadow under the moon that had come for her. Her breath came faster, shallow against the pain. She swayed closer.
He abruptly pulled away. “Does Tourmaline know?”
Virginia blinked, longing stuffed into her throat and pain stabbing into her ribs with each unsteady breath. “Yes,” she croaked, and then remembered all her lies. “Not really.”
“She’s asking for you.” Jason peeled off the gloves. “I think your ribs are just bruised. If you want, I can take you to the emergency room.”
Her throat tightened. With Jason, she had a chance—a small chance, but a chance. With Tourmaline, however, there was nothing. Not if Tourmaline knew all Virginia had done.
“I’m okay.”
“You sure?”
Virginia nodded, easing herself off the tailgate.
“If it hurts real bad, you can gently wrap them. But don’t leave them wrapped long.” He stuffed the trash into a grocery bag, head still down. “They’ll heal better if you just leave them alone and take it easy.” He put the bag down and started piling things back into the first-aid container.
She reached for his hand, but he kept putting things into the trash. “Jason,” she murmured.
The question weighed on her chest, suffocating her worse than the constriction in her ribs. What was she worth to him that he’d taken this risk? “You didn’t have to do this.” She wanted to say she was sorry, but the words felt flat and dull and like nothing they needed to be.
“I know,” he said without turning. Said with control.
Her hand slipped, barely gripping his wrist, but she didn’t move, staring beyond him, beyond the moonlit field into the pitch-black horizon. The sun was going to rise soon, but it was hard to imagine what kind of day it would bring. “Please tell me why?” she cried, horrified to hear the breaks in her voice.
Jason took her wrist and gently pulled out of her grasp. “You’re someone Tourmaline cares about. She was afraid for your safety.”
Because of Tourmaline? “That’s all?”
“That’s all,” he said.
She remembered his mouth. How he tasted of something sweet and sharp and deep. How he’d held her so gently and kissed her so intently. She crossed her arms and looked away, swallowing until her throat felt clear. “How much longer do you think we need to stay here?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how badly he wanted to punish you.” He shut the truck door and pulled out a smoke. “And how much of a risk he’s willing to take by going after me.”
The birds called to each other, and the honeysuckle breeze played with the ends of Virginia’s hair. “Mind sharing?” she asked.
The moon was on his face now, and his eyes flickered up to her as he dragged in a breath. The sharpness cutting even in the dim, blue light. Pulling the smoke out, he handed it over.
She took as deep a breath she could, grateful for the steadying buzz.
“I’ll leave some pain meds for you.”
She nodded and exhaled, staring at the glowing ember. “Thank you.”
He didn’t say anything.
If she had more than a yawning black longing in the space of her chest, she’d have thought something like she would love him forever for coming for her. For this one moment—in which she hadn’t asked, hadn’t deserved, and he’d risked it all for her anyway—meant the world, and the universe, and all she could imagine of goodness being in existence, and if he had whispered that he was God, she would have worshipped him for eternity. Turning, she offered the smoke.
He reached.
She pulled it away.
His gaze came to her. Confused.
Taking a quick step, she pushed into his chest. Into his mouth. Holding the smoke clear of their bodies.
Despite what he’d said a minute ago, his mouth opened, hungrily. That same sharp, sweet taste. That same overpowering headiness. She could get used to its shock.
His warm hands opened on the outside of her thighs, pulling her hips snug against him.
She put her hand to the side of his face, grabbing the scruff of his beard just in case he moved away. When he moved back, she nipped at his bottom lip.
Some noise escaped his chest and his arms wrapped low over her ass, cinching her tighter, higher into his body. He pulled away and buried his face in her neck, wrestling—she could feel it. Not wanting to want her. Even as his warm mouth opened on her throat, his grip was loosening.
She gently bit at his earlobe, his earring cool on her tongue. But she’d slid down just far enough to cut into her ribs. Wincing, she tried to push herself back up.
But the pain had broken the rush between them.
He gripped her hips and set her down. Away from him. Exhaling, he nabbed the still glowing cigarette out of her fingers and dragged in a deep breath. A shaking breath, she saw with satisfaction.
“Too late, Jason,” she whispered. “I see you.” Just in case he thought she might forget about him when he wasn’t there. Just in case he thought she’d forget what he had done.
His eyes flickered up, pinching the cigarette between his fingers and exhaling a long wispy cloud. “Stop looking.”
She wouldn’t. He’d come for her and now she was his, whether he wanted her or not. She was going to help Tourmaline, if Tourmaline would take her help. Lifting her chin to the dark tide of mountains, she took a deep breath against the pain.
And above all, she was going to make Hazard pay.
Reality stayed suspended in the tumult of summer wind until Cash stopped the bike in her driveway.
Using his shoulders, Tourmaline pushed up and off the bike. Her fingers trembled as she took the helmet off and handed it back.
“Hey.” He grabbed at her fingers before they slipped away.
She couldn’t help but come back to him, back to the place where it was nothing but him and the road, and the roar of wind and horsepower. A smile tugged across her face. “Yeah?”
“You’re going to keep me company tonight, right?”
Yes. But annoyance flashed and she tilted her head. She was tired of this teasing. This looking and acting as if he were going to kiss her, though he never did. “I don’t know. I might need a little something. Some incentive. It does mean I’d be up late.”
He laughed.
She stepped closer. Whatever lay ahead could wait while she lingered in this moment. For this moment, she was safe with Cash. For this moment, with him, she could be bold and fearless and free, and the paper girl was just a thought, not a destiny. She pulled her leg up and slid across his lap, managing somehow with magic to do it effortlessly.
He was surprised. He shifted his weight on the bike, his boots scraping the ground. But the surprise lasted half a second. He dropped the helmet to put both hands on her waist, and it bounced off the ground and rolled away in a show of complete disregard for anything else.
She smiled.
She was still smiling when his mouth found hers. Hot and eager. He bunched the skirt of her dress in his fists, wrists sliding up her thighs as he gripped the fabric around her waist, pulling her snug against him. The kiss was nothing but the sweet night and the moonlight. It was an open road and fast wind.
And it was perfect until he pulled away and whispered into her lips, “I have to go.”
She bit her lip and waited, breathing.
His hands pulled away, achingly, spread wide to gather up the pieces of her on the way from her waist to her knees.
She leaned back. Breathing hard. Heart fluttering.
He offered his hand.
A second more and she took his hand and crawled off the bike, this time not effortlessly. This time her legs trembled and her body buzzed as if she were a hive and dripping with summer honey. This time she stumbled in the driveway and he put his hand on her hip to steady her. “Got it?”
She took a deep breath and tried not to look at the house. “I’m good.”
“You’ll be around?” He grinned.
She laughed, big and loud and terribly unfiltered. Putting her hands on her waist, she tried to calm down. “Yep.” She nodded. “I’ll be around.”
But as soon as his taillights disappeared from view her phone lit with a text from an unknown number.
Have V.
Jason? He’d never texted her before.
She texted back. Bring her to me. She’s mine. I don’t want the club dealing with her.
You sure?
Yes. Virginia would pay for her treachery.
It was four in the morning by the time Jason showed up with Virginia, hauling Tourmaline out from under the covers where she’d been texting Cash for the last few hours.
“Delivery,” Jason drawled, gently pushing Virginia toward the step when Tourmaline opened the door.
Virginia’s eyes flickered up to Tourmaline’s. Her hair was all whacked off as if someone had gone at it with a weed cutter, and the bugs circled her head in the porch light. She didn’t really look at Tourmaline, but glared at Tourmaline’s chin. Everything about her looked wracked and ruined.
“Where did you find her?” Tourmaline met Jason’s eyes in the porch light. She would not be lied to.
“On her back, getting the shit kicked out of her for some manner of ill-doing.” He eyed Virginia in a way that pulled Tourmaline up short. Equal parts careful indifference and something Tourmaline could only label as adoration. Jason liked her.
Virginia’s chin went up in the silence; she didn’t see his expression.
Jason’s gaze flickered back to Tourmaline. “I haven’t told your dad.”
“He probably won’t know if no one tells him,” Tourmaline said, her stomach alive and trembling the way it had that afternoon. It seemed to her that seeing Jason as the man he was to everyone else had changed something between them, balanced the power somehow. Now she knew she could speak to him in a certain way and he would listen. He would listen without ever considering why he was listening.
“I’m not really an advocate for that, but . . .” Jason shrugged.
“This isn’t his problem. I’ll deal with it.” She nodded as if he had already agreed, tucking her hair back behind her ear.
Jason’s forehead pinched, but he nodded.
Tourmaline dropped her gaze to Virginia.
Virginia looked at her feet.
“If you want, I’ll get her truck out tomorrow and tow it to the conscript’s to fix. Just text me. Your decision.” Jason spun for his waiting truck, leaving Virginia’s fate in her hands.
Tourmaline stood stunned for a split second, marveling at what had just happened. It had worked. She folded her arms and leaned against the door. “You lied to me.”
“We made a deal.”
“Under false pretenses.” Not to mention she’d thought they were beyond a deal. That they were friends.
“I didn’t know you would be someone I could trust,” Virginia argued.
“It’s impossible to trust other people when you aren’t trustworthy in the slightest.”
Virginia lifted her chin and her tone turned to ice. “What do you want me to tell you? Everyone looks the same. How am I supposed to know the difference between an enemy and a friend when I have nothing but enemies?”
Tourmaline tightened her fists. “And drugs?”
Virginia dropped her head. “I can’t apologize for doing what I needed to do. But I am so sorry about your mom.”
“Yeah, great,” Tourmaline choked out.
Virginia’s gaze flickered to hers. Pleading and shadowed in the light. “My mom is an alcoholic. I know what that feels like, but I did it anyway. I’m so sorry.” She said it softly. With nothing extra. No excuses or ornamentation. Just the words, quietly spoken.
Tourmaline bit her cheek and looked into the shadowed trees and bushes starting to glow with the heat of the coming day. She’d almost rather Virginia go back to being defensive. She was angry at Virginia’s treachery, but also at herself for believing.
But punishing Virginia felt too close to punishing herself. Tourmaline thought of Virginia’s wrist slipping out of her grip as the man pulled her away. And Tourmaline thought of shaking her mother’s shoulders against a burgundy velvet seat. Remembering the desperation. The panic. How nothing could get beyond the guilt of having betrayed a person you loved. And suddenly she remembered her wrists slipping free of the CO’s cuffs and the door that had opened in the concrete wall. She remembered that Hayes had, in the end, not
filed a report, though she should have. Forgiveness came from places you didn’t expect.
The thrushes began their melancholy songs, eh-oh-lay, eh-oh-lay, under the leaves in the dark garden behind the house. Tourmaline turned off the outside light and closed the door, settling down on the step in the cool, dewy morning air. The sky was fading from blackest night to pink charcoal. She propped her elbows on her knees and rubbed her eyes. It’d been a long night. She loathed to say the words. But there were no other words to say. “All right. I fucking forgive you.”
Virginia just stared as if Tourmaline had pulled out a gun; she blinked, looking panicked. There wasn’t much relief in her expression, only fear.
The moment Tourmaline recognized the fear, she knew she’d done the right thing. “Did you eat?” she asked in a softer tone.
Virginia’s shoulders sagged and she opened her mouth as if to say something, but all that came out was crying.
The funny thing about forgiveness was that it could only be passed along.
Virginia couldn’t shake the feeling that, at any second, Jason and Tourmaline would turn around seething with fire and brimstone. She told Tourmaline the whole truth, allowed it to pour out in a desperate attempt to bring the final blow upon her instead of waiting for it to surprise her. But the sun rose and the day dawned, and all Tourmaline did was stand, brush off her ass, and hug her/drag her inside.
They ate stretched on the couch, legs stacked across the cushions and plates on their stomachs. All the windows were open, to catch the breezes and air out their panic.
“Do you know what the Wardens do? Like, what they really do?” Virginia asked, sopping up the last bit of syrup with her pancake.
“I don’t. Do you?” Tourmaline asked.
Virginia shook her head.
“But they do something. There’s something we don’t know,” Tourmaline said.
Virginia nodded. “Definitely.”
“It’s not drugs, right?”
Virginia was surprised by the hesitation in Tourmaline’s voice. “No. No way. I mean, I’d be shocked by that,” Virginia said.
Tourmaline fell silent.
“Is that your mom in the hall? The picture of the woman in the leather jacket with roses on it?” Virginia asked, not looking at Tourmaline.
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