by Amber Garr
As soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back. This wasn’t a date. I wasn’t ready for that and I certainly didn’t want Garrick believing I thought it might be a date. Thankfully, he let it slide.
“Oh yeah. Salad. Girlie I know, but it has chicken, eggs, and bacon in it.”
“Ok, maybe you win some man points for the bacon.”
He gave me a full smile and I noticed his perfectly straight white teeth and two small dimples on each side. As quickly as I thought about his smile, I felt that prickly sensation on the back of my neck again. I dropped my sandwich and looked around the patio area.
“Leila, what’s wrong?”
Garrick scanned the area as well, and he reached across the table. But before he could touch me, I had a rush of sensation that shot me out of my chair. I turned toward the park before another slam caught my breath. It was like I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. My heart pounded and my palms moistened with sweat.
I could vaguely hear Garrick moving in my direction. I tried to slow my breathing and found that I could still shift my eyes. I looked past the man and his dog to the edge of the open park and the beginning of the wooded area. There…beside a tree, I saw him.
As soon as we made eye contact my air was cut off. Clawing at my throat, I fell to my knees. The wheezing only allowed me to take in shallow breaths of air. I caught one last glance of the tree before I fell completely forward on my hands and knees, but he was gone. I swear someone had been there. I swear I saw Jake in the park.
I still couldn’t breathe. It was one of my greatest fears, to suffocate. I tried to cough, and tried to speak but nothing happened. And then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the sensation was gone. I crumpled to the ground and inhaled several times. A spike of panic underlying a greater feeling of concern flowed through my body. There was a hint of fear in the sensation, but it was not my own. I quickly realized Garrick had his arm around my back, trying to get a response. He shook me.
“Leila. Leila! Are you okay? What happened?” His voice filled with anxiety. It took me a few tries to clear my throat and respond.
“You’re touching me,” I whispered.
“What?” He looked at me more sharply then. As soon as he saw his arm, he pulled away. “Sorry Leila. I didn’t think. Sorry.” He paused a moment trying to stop himself from comforting me again. “What happened?”
“I’m not sure. Can you help me up?”
I looked around, and to my dismay, a crowd had gathered. Great. How was I going to explain what happened when I had no idea myself? Garrick touched me one more time under the elbow to help me get to my feet. I felt his anxiety warm to one of relief. He quickly let go and I brushed off my knees.
“Does she need a doctor?” a concerned patron asked Garrick.
“Umm...” he looked at me and I shook my head. “No, she’s all right. Thank you. I’m going to take her home.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad fry or something.”
I tried to give the crowd a nonchalant smile. Garrick grabbed my purse, left some money on the table, and corralled me out the side gate toward the car before anyone could stop us. He helped me into the passenger seat, then jogged around the front to the driver side. As soon as he was in, we pulled away.
“What the hell was that? And don’t tell me it was a bad spud.” He drove a little fast, but I guess that was how he needed to deal.
“I have no idea.” I stopped him before he could protest. “Really. That’s never happened to me before. It was like being overwhelmed by a reading except I hadn’t touched anything. All I could feel was fear and panic, and then for a few moments I literally couldn’t breathe. It was similar to what I experienced when I touched Erin’s belongings, but this time it was so much stronger.”
I decided to leave out the part about me thinking I saw Jake in the park. I probably imagined it because of our earlier encounter.
“Maybe it was some kind of residual reading?” Garrick sounded calmer, but I could tell from his posture that he wasn’t totally convinced.
“Yeah, maybe.” I sighed and turned to look out the window. “Can you take me home? I feel exhausted now.”
“Yes. Of course.”
Garrick remained quiet the rest of the short drive to my condo. He promised to check in on me later as part of the compromise I didn’t need him to walk me upstairs.
I thanked him for helping me and went inside. Feeling weary, I decided a distraction might help take the edge off. I had no idea what happened today, so I tried to calm my brain by reading a little bit, working some, and cleaning.
I nearly forgot about our double “not date” tonight. I really wanted to cancel, but knew Sara would kill me. Or at least drive me mad until I wanted to die. So I managed to fill my day with mundane activities until it was time to go out.
I decided to utilize the valet service instead of trying to fight with everybody and his mother for downtown parking on a Saturday night. I could have taken a cab, but decided that my car was my safety net. Since I was already feeling a little uneasy about the lunch and my spasm this afternoon, I wanted to have a quick escape plan in case anything happened again.
Garrick had indeed called to check on me while I was getting ready. I told him I was fine about three thousand times before he made me promise to call him if I had another attack. I didn’t think I’d be seeing Jake tonight, so I felt comfortable making that promise.
Sara sent me a text saying they were inside waiting at the bar. I stepped through the double wooden doors covered with intricate carvings of bamboo and birds. The bar sat off to the left overlooking the main seating area in a sunken room bordered by an indoor stream. Clear glass covered the water and I felt shaky passing over it. Hundreds of brightly colored koi swam underneath, oblivious to the crowd above. I wondered what they think about as they made their laps.
I turned back toward the bar area in time to see Sara jump off her stool and make a beeline straight for me. She was petite with jet black hair cut into a short style right beneath her chin. Her perfect makeup and bright red mini-dress flattered her physique.
“Leila, Leila, Leila!” She pummeled me with an awkward hug even though in her really high heels, we were closer to the same height. She held me still so that her back faced the bar and no one could see her talking to me. I glanced past her to see Ben shrug his shoulders and laughed as though to say he couldn’t do anything about her. Next to him was another man, who I assumed was the new friend. I found myself appreciating the first impression. Sara shook me and pulled my focus back to her.
“Okay. I know I said this wasn’t a set-up…” I gave her a glare. “…and it’s not. I swear! But Leila…he’s gorgeous! His name is Conner and he’s really nice, and totally H-O-T!” She was acting like a school girl who discovered her first crush. “He’s a lawyer and he just moved to Baltimore a few weeks ago. His law office shares the other half of the building with Ben’s insurance agency and that’s how they met. As far as I know, he’s never been married, doesn’t have any kids, and loves long walks on the beach in the moonlight.” I gave her another look. “All right, I don’t know about that last part, but please try to keep your mind open. At least let yourself enjoy the conversation and don’t corpse out on me, okay?”
I didn’t need my gift to see how sincerely excited she was. I promised to do my best to enjoy the evening as she started dragging me toward the bar.
“By the way, nice outfit. Super sex-ay.”
I wore a sleeveless royal blue A-line dress with my favorite pair of strappy heels, and a simple single pendent sapphire necklace. I curled my normally straight hair for a change, and felt like I looked nice. Apparently, Conner thought so as well if his gaze reflected anything.
“Conner, this is Leila. Leila Marx. And Leila, this is Conner Hoffman.” Sara beamed with excitement.
Conner’s eyes travelled quickly over my body giving me a sensation I hadn’t felt in a while. He stood to properly greet me and
held out his hand. Slightly over six feet tall, he had dark thick hair a little longer than I would normally prefer, and piercing blue eyes. His skin appeared tan and smooth in the restaurant lighting and he gave me a full grin that reached his eyes.
“Leila, it is very nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much, but to see you in person is truly a delight.” He grabbed my hand and gently kissed the back of it. Great. A gorgeous cheeseball. I shot a quick glance at Ben who stood as he spoke, raising his hands.
“I didn’t tell him anything. I’m going to grab our table.”
He leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the cheek before walking to the hostess station. Sara bounced on her heels, barely able to contain herself.
In the brief moment Conner and I made physical contact, I didn’t get a reading off him. I’d learned how to shield, particularly with my closest friends, but I was actually trying to get a vision from him. Before I could analyze any further, Ben came back with the hostess and led us to our seats.
Once we settled and the wine was ordered, the conversation picked up again. “So Conner, did I hear a slight accent earlier?” I asked.
He smiled and set down his wine glass. “Aye. I do have a wee bit of Scottish in my family history,” he answered in full dialect. “I spent some time there when I was a young lad. I guess I have a watered-down version of the accent now.”
“Ooh, an accent!” Sara beamed across to me. I gave her a kick under the table, and thought I saw Conner grin.
“Hey, I can have an accent too,” Ben said in one of the worst imitation British accents I’ve ever heard. We all laughed at his lame attempt and Sara told him that he didn’t need to impress her anymore. They’d been together since college, and although a bit painful, it was nice to see them happy. Conner caught me staring at the couple, and I quickly turned my head back to the bread and helped myself to a piece.
“Bread at a sushi place?” Conner asked me as Sara and Ben continued their private conversation.
“Well, I don’t really like rice, so I need something other than the raw fish and miso soup. A girl’s got to eat, you know.” That won me another grin as he grabbed a slice of bread too.
“Well then. Here’s to a rice-less evening.” He knocked his bread against mine and we both took a bite.
“Yes, cheers.” I felt comfortable and realized how nice it was to be out of the house enjoying some time away from everything.
The rest of the evening progressed nicely. We all shared a large boat of rolls and sashimi. Conner removed some of his pieces of fish from the rice balls and put them on my plate with a smile. I ate my fish bites and bread and appreciated the effort he made to make sure I enjoyed myself.
By the time dessert was served, we’d finished two bottles of wine and one flask of sake. I only had two drinks, as did Conner, so I think it was Sara who’d indulged the most.
“I know that this is a little short notice…” Ben tried to get Sara and the rest of us to focus on him. “But my company has some extra tickets to the Raven’s game tomorrow afternoon. I think it would be nice for the four of us to go. They’re pretty decent seats and they are going to kick some Steelers’ ass.”
I saw Ben glance at me with uncertainty on his face. He didn’t want to push me into another double date. I looked across the table at Sara who leaned against Ben’s shoulder. She pleaded to me with her eyes.
“Well, I would love to go!” Conner broke the uncomfortable silent exchange between us.
I smiled at him and added, “Sure, that sounds like fun.”
He nodded in my direction and I could sense the rise of hope in Sara and Ben thinking that they’d done a good job. I laughed to myself and finished off my glass of wine. Why not? This evening wasn’t going too bad. I found that if I kept my mind open, I could have a good time.
We agreed to carpool to the game to save on parking and to spend some time observing the tailgating parties. Ben and Sara would meet Conner at the office and pick me up on the way downtown. We said our goodbyes and Conner stayed with us until I got my car from the valet. Sara mimicked a phone in her hand and mouthed the words “Call me” as I got in the driver’s side. I was still smiling as I drove away.
Later that night, I had another dream. Not the recurring one with Russ, but one so real and vivid I was equally disoriented. In my dream I saw Jake again. He stood at what appeared to be the point of a large group of people in long cloaks. I couldn’t hear him, but I could see his mouth moving as he stared directly into my eyes.
He was still surrounded by darkness, only this time it encompassed all of the cloaked figures. In the distance, I heard someone calling my name. But I couldn’t move. I wasn’t choking, yet I was frozen to the ground. I couldn’t tell where I was standing. A bright light flashed between Jake and me and I was thrown backward into a soft body. I turned to see Garrick lying in a pool of blood. Someone pulled me up and wrapped their arms around me, telling me it will all be okay and not to look at him. I recognized Conner’s slight accent, but before I could speak, I woke up.
I didn’t need Freud to tell me that my subconscious was full of men tonight.
Five
On schedule, my chariot arrived. Sara, Ben, and Conner pulled up to the front entrance of my condo in Ben’s SUV. The windows were down and they were all singing along to a really old, and horrible 80’s tune. I laughed to myself as Conner got out of the passenger side to open the back door for me.
“So we meet again, Leila.” He gave a half bow as he opened the door like a chauffeur.
“So we do, Conner.”
I smiled at him and noticed how handsome he really was in the daylight. He had on jeans and a long sleeved shirt under a team jersey. His hair was mostly covered with a ball cap, but I could still see hints of dark curls sticking out from underneath. He returned my smile, tipped his hat, and closed my door as I climbed in the back with Sara. Why do girls always get stuck in the back?
If Sara drank too much the night before, I couldn’t tell now. “Hey chica! Here, I brought you a jersey too. I didn’t think you had one, and I found this store where they make normal sized ones that girls can fit into.”
She thrust the purple and black jersey into my hands. It wasn’t too bad, and it was large enough that I was able to pull it over top of what I was already wearing.
“Okay, I guess I’m good to go as long as you turn down this hideous music.” I looked at Ben in the rearview mirror.
“No way, Leila! We have to get in the mood. What’s a better way than a little AC/DC?” He turned it up even louder and played the drums on the steering wheel. “Right, bro?” he asked Conner while starting an air guitar solo. Conner laughed and then joined in like a dueling banjo twin.
“They’ve been at it the whole ride over. I made him promise we get the radio on the way home.” Sara leaned forward and gave Ben a quick kiss on the cheek and with that, we were off to the game.
The traffic was miserable as it always is downtown on a game day. We spent some time in the parking area marveling at the tailgaters and their elaborate setups. Sometimes I wondered if they even watched the game. I think the tailgating itself was a competitive sport, and it seemed as though there were a few who took it that seriously.
Ben’s tickets were in fact good ones. We were halfway up the stadium right at the fifty yard line. While the pre-game shenanigans were going on, the guys went on a food and beer run. Sara quickly used that time to hound me about Conner.
“So, what do you think of him so far?” She practically jumped in my lap, waiting for me to answer.
“Relax. He’s nice, I guess.”
“I guess? How about he’s awesome and super cute on top of that. You know, I think he might be into you too. He was asking Ben some questions about you last night.” I arched an eyebrow. “Nothing serious. Just things about your job and stuff.”
I looked around the stadium at the gathering crowd. I wondered if Ben and Sara told him about Russ. Although it was certainly not a topic I wished to
discuss, a part of me kind of hoped he already knew. I think it’s easier that way. When you have to tell people that someone died, the first thing they do is apologize. I’ve never understood that reaction. Unless they were actually at fault, there is nothing for them to be sorry for. And once they say it you have to acknowledge their statement with a “Thank You” or “It’s okay”. I’d rather avoid that all together. It’s always too awkward and uncomfortable. Something pushed against my shoulder and I jumped back into the present.
“Hey. Earth to Leila. Where are you? Thinking about Conner?”
“No, not exactly.” Sara’s eyes beamed with excitement. “Not in the way you’re hoping. I’m not ready to date, Sara. Why don’t we take it one day at a time and I’ll try to enjoy each step on my own terms.” As I said this, I realized that’s exactly what I wanted to do.
While we waited for the guys to return, Sara asked me about my books and the police case with a few sexual innuendos about Detective Pearson thrown in as well. She was in her late twenties and still managed to act like an infatuated tween gushing over her newfound interest in boys.
All I could do was laugh. I don’t remember being like that. Not even during the teenage years when kids were drowning in hormones and exploration. Sure, I had crushes. But I guess I never felt the need to “test the waters” so to speak. Sara was pretty much the exact opposite of me. No fear, no shame, and she was never afraid to try something new. I wondered if I could be more like her. I understood better than anyone that your life could be over in an instant, so maybe I needed to let go a little and venture outside of my comfort zone. Yeah, I’d try to do that.
“Ah, the cabana boys return.” Sara reached across two people on the outside of the row to grab a hot dog and beer from Conner. She ignored their dirty looks as she shuffled Conner to my right and directed Ben to her left with the girls in the middle. It was a rather subtle move for Sara, but obvious to everyone else. However, the game soon began and we were all too involved in the spectacle for there to be any awkwardness. By the end of the game, Sara had finished her drinks and was feeling quite bubbly while we waited for the crowd to thin. Leaning across my lap, she hit Conner in the thigh.