by Max Howell
“So Sydney it is – we will tell Murray to-night about going there.”
As they sat around the table that night, Faith left it up to Toch to break the news. “Murray,” he said in his deliberate, drawling manner, “your Mum and me have been talking about going to Sydney over the Christmas holidays. However, we know you have a great many friends at school, and we would not want to take you away from them if you did not want to go. What do you think?”
“What do I think, Dad? I would love to see where Mum was born, and I would love to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Luna Park and Taronga Park Zoo. You do not have to ask me twice, Dad.”
“Then it is all settled, son. We will be off to Sydney for the holidays! Bert Johnson has agreed to look after the house and farm for us while we are away. I will miss the horses in the big city, but a man can’t have everything in life, can he? By the way, we will all be able to get a little swimming in while we are there. I think I am now good enough to handle that Sydney surf. What do you think son?”
“Do not worry, Dad, I will keep an eye on you and Mum, and Mum, will you be happy to see your old home again?”
“Yes, Murray, I will, particularly with you and your father there.”
They were all excited as the big day approached. For weeks they had discussed what should and what should not be taken. The night before they left, Toch and the now ten-year-old Murray loaded Toch’s Holden, for they planned to reach Sydney in a day, and wanted to get an early start. The decision was to leave at 5 am, and go via the coastal route.
Murray could hardly sleep that night, he was so excited. He had heard so many stories about Sydney from his mother, and every book he could find in the school and the town library about Sydney he had devoured over the years. He was years ahead of his reading age, mainly because his mother had instilled in him a love for books, and he read in his every spare moment. There were many things he had read about that he wanted to see, but he decided to wait until he got to Sydney before he told his mother and father. He wanted to see Botany Bay, and Kernel, where there was a monument to the French Captain La Perouse, and he wanted to see the Domain, and Parramatta, and the Rocks area, and so many more places he had read about in the history books, and that most of the other kids at school knew little about. It was the trip of his life, and he tossed and turned all night, thinking of Captain Cook, and Governor Phillip, Governor Bligh and John Macarthur and the merino sheep … he would be in Sydney at last.
When they got in the car, at ten minutes to five, because everyone was so worked up, Toch called out, “Sydney - here we come!” and Faith hugged Murray as the car pulled out of their home. “See you in six weeks,” and they were soon on their way towards Casino, and then on to the coastal highway. Faith was more than well-prepared. There was coffee for Toch to keep him alert as he drove, and ham and cheese and cucumber sandwiches, cold sausage rolls, and lemonade for Mark and her.
Faith read stories to Murray as they wended their way to Sydney, mainly Australian short stories by Henry Lawson and ‘Banjo’ Paterson. “We are country people, Murray, and we should never forget it. The country is what makes Australia tick, and those two men, Henry Lawson and ‘Banjo’ Paterson, understood the country better than any other writers.” Even though he was a little young for some of the stories, Murray revelled in them, as his mother had a way of reading a story that made it interesting. He loved to listen to her as she read, and would often think how beautiful she was. He had never heard his mother and father ever say a cross word. He would often glance over at his father driving, and he always felt safe and confident with him.
As the towns rolled by, Faith would stop her story to explain what she knew about each place. She had obtained travel information from the Automobile Association, and that, coupled with her own readings, made each place more meaningful.
Every now and then Toch, and then Faith, would sing Australian songs. His father, in particular, surprised Murray. He could sing Australian bush songs by the hour, like:
‘The Dying Stockman’
A strapping young stockman lay dying,
A saddle supporting his head;
And his comrades around him were crying
As he leant on his elbow and said:
Wrap me up in my stockwhip and blanket
And bury me deep down below,
Where the dingoes and crows will not find me
In the shade where the coolibahs grow.
‘Wild Rover No More’
I’ve been a wild rover for many a year,
I’ve spent all my money in whiskey and beer,
And now I’ve returned with a flamin’ great score’
Never be called a wild rover no more.
No, no, never, never no more
Never, never again will I be
A wild rover no more.
‘Where the Dog Sits On the Tucker Box’
My Mabel waits for me underneath the bright blue sky,
Where the dog sits on the tucker box five miles from Gundagai.
I meet her every day and I know she’s dinki di,
Where the dog sits on the tucker box five miles from Gundagai.
‘The Old Bullock Dray’
So it’s roll up your bankets and let’s make a push!
I’ll take you up the country and show you the bush.
I’ll be bound you won’t get such a chance another day,
So come and take possession of the old bullock dray.
They tried to get Murray to sleep during the trip, but it was impossible. He seemed to get more awake as the journey progressed, and by the time the car reached Hornsby he was leaning forward in the back seat so he would not miss anything. Every town was important to him, and kept him awake, and he repeated the names as they passed them: Grafton, Coff’s Harbour, Nambucca Heads, Macksville, Crescent Head, Port Macquarie, Taree, Raymond Terrace, Newcastle, Swansea, The Entrance and Gosford.
They were soon at the approaches to Sydney Harbour Bridge, and Murray gasped as Sydney Harbour unfolded before his eyes. “There’s North Sydney there,” Faith said, “and that is Empire Pool. I went there many times as young girl, Murray, and watched Australia’s great champions swim. Australia was the best in the world then, Murray, the best in the world. And do you see that giant comic face, that is Luna Park. I will take you there one night so you can go on some rides. Taronga Park is way over there, and Manly is in the distance. Ahead of us you see Circular Quay. That is where all the boats used to come in to provision Sydney when it was a convict settlement. See that island? That is Pinchgut, where they used to put the worst prisoners. They could not escape, the sharks would get them. That green area? That is the Domain, which is where Government House is, and the Opera House and the Library. Macquarie Street runs along it now, named after Governor Macquarie, and it is where all the top surgeons have their offices. The Domain Baths are also there.. I also watched races there as a young girl. But look at the Harbour, Murray, it is the most beautiful in the world … nothing rivals Sydney Harbour … anywhere.”
She had to concentrate and direct Toch from then on, as he was unfamiliar with the twists and turns, but soon they were on their way towards Moore Park, and she pointed out Sydney Girls’ High, where she had gone to school, and the Sydney Cricket Ground, that Murray had heard so much about. In no time at all they pulled up outside the flat where Faith was brought up.
She immediately looked wistfully across the road to where Mark and she used to meet, and was pleased to see that the old horse trough was still there. Then she looked quickly along Church Street, which also held so many memories for her.
Her mother and father called out from the flat. They had been sitting near the window, waiting for them. Faith grabbed Murray by the hand, and ran up the stairs, with Toch following, and fell into her parents’ arms.
Murray and Toch joined in the general euphoria, and Faith’s mother straight away put on a cup of tea. Toch was given a cold beer and Murray a soft drink, and they each exchan
ged news of what they had been doing since their last meeting.
Faith excused herself for a moment, and went to the verandah room where she used to watch out for Mark when she was young. It was about twelve years ago, she thought, when she first saw him, and fell in love at first sight. She closed her eyes, and dreamed of him running around the corner on his training runs to Coogee Aquarium. God, how wonderful he looked and how much in love I was. The tears welled in her eyes as she viewed the familiar landscape, and the beautiful memories started flooding back. I love you still, Mark, I love you still, and always will … till I die. You will ever be my one and only true love.
She wiped the tears from her eyes and went back into the room with her family. Despite the summer weather, they all sat down to a hot meal: roast lamb, baked potatoes, beans and pumpkin, and the adults drank chablis.
As they raised their glasses to toast their reunion, Faith’s father said: “There are only three things in life worth worrying about - Christianity, Cricket and Chablis - and not necessarily in that order.” They all burst out laughing.
It had been a long drive, so they went to bed early. Toch and Faith slept in Faith’s old room - they put an extra bed in for them. The room still had the mementos of her childhood strewn around. There were her old school books, her dolls, and her Sydney Girls’ High banner pinned on the wall. Murray slept on the lounge on the verandah.
After they breakfasted on steak and eggs, Faith got Toch and Murray organised to go to Coogee Beach. Murray could hardly wait to get there, as his mother had filled his mind with stories of her childhood. She, however, insisted they all walk there, so they put on their swimsuits and shorts and sandals, and with their towels over their shoulders, walked out to Alison Road, went by Peter’s Corner, then by the barber shop where Mark’s father had worked, then past the Coach and Horses hotel. They walked down to Oswald Street, where Mark had lived when he was young, and were soon approaching the tennis courts where she had played as a child, then Coogee Oval, and finally they were at the beach.
Murray could not wait any longer as soon as he was on the sand. He threw down his towel, took off his shorts and sandals, and with a cry of joy ran towards the surf. In no time he was body surfing, catching the waves to the shore. Faith watched him with parental pride and love. She could see Mark in his every move.
Toch knew what Faith’s main mission was, so he looked after Murray while she excused herself to go for a walk. She ambled along the Coogee Beach promenade, looking towards Giles’ Baths, where she could see the men swimming in the rock pool. Then she crossed the road towards the Aquarium. Before she went in she stood by the palm tree where she had waited to catch a glimpse of Mark in the mornings. It was still there. It was at this spot that Mark first spoke to her. She felt her legs go weak, and a tremor swept through her body, as she remembered the day that he stopped in front of her. My God, she thought, if only I was that young girl again, and time had stood still. Maybe I was just an emotional, adolescent fool, but it was all so beautiful and wonderful.
She felt an increasing trepidation as she crossed the road to Coogee Aquarium, knowing what it was she had to do. What would Terry say, how would he react? She noticed her hands shaking as she entered the pool area, and after enquiring about Terry the attendant gestured her towards his office.
Faith knocked at the door, and heard Terry’s distinctive, rugged voice call out, “Come in!”
As she walked in, he looked at her in disbelief. Then he leapt to his feet, and she fell into his arms, weeping inconsolably. “Oh, Terry, Terry,” she cried, “I’ve missed you so. I’ll never, never forget those days … never.”
He calmed her down, and stepped back so he could look at her.
“I just don’t believe it - when you walked in it was as if a ghost had appeared. You sort of disappeared, vanished into the wilderness. I know you went to the country, but that is about all I know. You’re … you’re more beautiful than you ever were, Faith. You always looked like a little girl, an angel, to my mind … now you are a woman and it suits you.”
“You look just fine too, Terry.”
“Well, the hair is getting thinner, the bones are creaking more, the kids I teach are getting more obnoxious … so I guess I am ageing. But Faith, what are you doing here? and where in the hell have you been?”
“Terry, it has taken a lot of courage to come here and talk to you.”
“I think I can appreciate that, Faith.”
“Before I state the reason I am here, I have a favour to ask, Terry.”
“For you, Faith, anything. My association with you and Mark was the high-point of my life.”
“I feel the same, Terry. What I have to ask of you is that you never reveal this meeting, to anyone, and what I am about to tell you. I have to swear you to secrecy.”
“You have my word, Faith.”
“That’s good enough for me, Terry. Now … where do I start?”
“Wherever you like.”
“I do not want to go over all the details, or I will burst into tears just like I did when I first saw you, as only my parents and my husband know the true story.”
“Just tell me as much as you want to.”
Terry watched her closely. He could see her anguish, and wondered just what story was about to unfold. She had changed so little, he thought, other than becoming more of a woman. She still had that innocent face … it was a haunting quality that he had never forgotten.
“Well,” she said, drawing in her breath, “you know I went up country for a supposed holiday some time after Mark left for America?”
“Yes, that I remember only too well.”
“I … I was pregnant, Terry. I was pregnant … to Mark!” She started to cry, and he put his arms around her.
“You were what?” he said incredulously. “You were what?”
“I was pregnant, Terry … that is the reason I left.”
“My God, I knew there was something … I always knew there was something else. But why didn’t you tell me? I’d have helped … and Mark, he would have been back in an instant.”
“I of all people know that you would have done all that you could, and that Mark would have flown back. That is why I left here and told nobody.”
“I just don’t understand, Faith. It does not make any sense.”
“Can’t you see, Terry? Mark would have come back all right, and married me … but can’t you see? Everything that he worked for would have been lost … all his hopes and his dreams.”
“But you were everything to him, Faith. In all my life I have never seen two people as much in love as you two. It was something you read about … I will never forget the love in your eyes.”
“I have never changed, Terry. I love him as much now, maybe more, than I ever did.”
“My God, Faith … you mean you kept it all from him because you did not want to interfere with his career?”
“Yes … that is it. It is as simple as that. I just could not have lived with myself if I thought that he lost everything because of me.”
Terry took a deep breath. So that was it! That was her secret! In her own mind, she had sacrificed her own happiness for his future.
“I have to be honest, Faith. I don’t think you were right. You should have told Mark.”
“It’s too late now to argue about right and wrong. I did what I thought was right at the time … for Mark, not myself.”
“Knowing you, I can now see it all. Only you could have made that decision, and stuck by it. When you set your mind on something nothing could ever change your mind. Besides, as you say, there is no point in arguing what should or should not have happened … it’s all over! But you got married, didn’t you? That is what I heard.”
“Yes, I did, Terry. To a very wonderful man, who knows the story, who knows Mark is the father of my baby. He offered to marry me because he knew of my dilemma. You see, Terry, Mark was threatening to come back to Australia to find out what had gone wrong. Then he would have
found out the real reason, that I was pregnant. So I took up this man’s offer, and I married.”
“Whew!” exclaimed Terry. “I can hardly believe it. As I said, I cannot agree and will never agree with what you did, but now at least I understand. I strangely feel better knowing, because the whole thing has completely perplexed me ever since it happened. You know how I resisted you and Mark at first, but I loved you both deeply, as if you were my own son and daughter. When you disappeared I just could not reconcile what happened.”
“The man who offered to marry me had lost his own wife, and he agreed to bring up my son as his own … and … and we didn’t live as man and wife. That was the only arrangement I would agree with.”
“I see, I see it all.”
“And your child? Did you say a boy?”
“A boy … Murray. I named him after Murray Rose. I would like to have called him Mark, but then my little secret might have really come out. Murray’s almost ten now.”
“Ten? My God, has it been that long?”
“Yes, it has been and now that Mark has his doctorate, and has accepted a position at the University of California, and I see by the paper has been made an American citizen, I have felt I could come to see you, and tell you my story.”
“Well, well, well. I am in a state of shock, I must admit it. I had no idea of anything like this. But, like I said, I feel relieved to know, and your secret is safe with me.”
“Thanks, Terry, but there is more to it than just this.”
“What more can there be?”
“There is the boy, Terry. That is why I’m here. It is Murray.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Well, ever since he was born I had him in the water. He is a natural, Terry, just like his father. Wait until you see him in the water. You will think it is Mark. We have him in a swim club near his home, and we built a pool for him on our property. He has been cleaning up the Age-Group championships in the country championships. He has gone as far as he can with our country coaching. I would like him to be like his father.”
“There is no way he can be like his father. You of all people know that, and his swimming future cannot be a thing in your mind. It is what is in his mind that is important. Motivation is ninety percent of it. That is what his father had, and you and I know that.”