by Max Howell
They drove from the Casino airport to the family property, and Murray took in the sights so familiar to him. “I did not realise how much I have missed all this, Mum. I just love it here. I cannot explain it, but the air smells different, my nostrils tingle with the scents that I have been brought up with. The trees, the birds, the flowers, the very ground.”
“I feel the same way about Randwick and Coogee, Murray. There is nothing like the sounds, the sights and the smells of your childhood. They will remain with you the rest of your life. It is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Oh, I am not. Yet Berkeley is beautiful, Mum, in a different way. There are gum trees there, but somehow they are not quite the same, and of course it is not as tranquil as here.”
“No big city is. But … but how is Mr Jamieson, your coach?”
“Didn’t you get my letter? Like I said, next to you and Dad, I have never met anyone like him. He has not lost too much of his Australian accent, either. You would love to meet him, Mum. He does not say much about his upbringing, where he lived and all that. It is as if it hurts him a bit to think about it. He is a bit of a loner, yet everyone loves him. All the team worship him and everyone says we even swim alike”
“I guess you should, you had the same coach.”
“Maybe, but it is uncanny. He has mentioned it and so have the team, our styles are remarkably similar. He gets in the water with us occasionally, and every time he does everyone comments on it.”
“As I said, Murray, you did have the same coach.”
“By the way, how is Terry?”
“He is here for the funeral, and he is staying at our place.”
“Oh, Mum, that is great of him to come up. He is quite a man.”
“Yes, he is. Maybe more than you know.”
“What do you mean by that Mum?”
“Nothing, Murray, just that he has been a great help.”
“Anyhow, I can hardly wait to see him. Mark asked me to give him a call while I was in Australia. He will be very pleased to know how Terry is.”
As they entered the main gate and drove up the tree-lined entrance Murray felt a lump in his throat. He loved the property, it had provided him with a wonderful childhood, one in which there was unlimited freedom and a minimum of stress. He craned his neck to get a glimpse of the house, and as he did he saw Terry standing on the spacious verandah and waving to him; and in the front of the house was the swimming pool, which held glorious memories for him. He felt sad as remembered his father learning to swim with him.
“It is good to be back, Mum, I am just sorry it had to be for this reason.”
“I understand, Murray.”
The car pulled up, and Terry came forward to meet them both. He embraced Murray. “Good to see you, son. You do not look a bit different.”
“You have not changed much either, Mr. Somerville.”
“Sorry about your Dad, Murray.”
“Yes, it is kind of ironic in a way. He was so confident on a horse. I will never forget the sight of him as he would ride off in the morning. That is how I would like to remember him, riding off as the sun rose.”
“We will all remember that, Murray,” Faith interjected. “Now let us go inside and have a cup of tea.”
“Sounds great, Mum. I do not know why, but the Yanks just cannot seem to be able to make tea. I swear it tastes different. They have those horrible tea-bags, and they dunk them, as they say, in the water. Just does not taste like your tea, Mum.”
While she went into the kitchen, Murray and Terry took a seat in the living room. “It is a beautiful place here, Murray, now I know what you used to rave about. It is certainly different to Sydney.”
“That it is for certain. There is just peace and quiet here. You have time to think, you can be measured and relaxed in your life.”
“The quiet is almost eerie. Believe it or not, it is the first time I have ever stayed in the country. Spent my whole life rattling around Randwick and Coogee. Know every building and street by heart. Can tell you stories about half the people who live there. The only time I ever left there was to watch you and Mark swim. By the way, how is my former pupil, now big-time American coach?”
“He is just fantastic, Mr Somerville. He asked me to call you, and he will not believe you came up for the funeral. Mum and I, by the way, appreciate you coming.”
“I sort of have a soft spot for you and your family, Murray, it is the least I can do. You and Mark were the best I ever saw. Now tell me about Mark, how is he?”
Faith came back in the room at the time, and listened with great interest. “As I was telling Mum, Mr Somerville, everyone worships him there. I have never heard a swimmer ever say a bad word about him. As the Yanks say, he has class. He has gone a bit grey judging by the photos you had of him at the Baths, but otherwise he keeps pretty trim and looks about the same to me. I live with him, as you know, and I certainly would not call him one of the world’s great cooks. Let us just put it this way, I will be very happy to have a meal or two at home while I am here. The thing I did not realise was how serious he is, not in daily matters, he is a lot of fun there. But in his work. He is a real scholar, always working on a book or a research paper. It is easy to study at his place because he is always hitting the books.”
“And is he happy, Murray?”
“Well, it depends what you call happy. He enjoys his work, and his research. He is completely absorbed in that. But, I would have to say he is a pretty lonely man. He never talks about it, but his friends do. He avoids deep attachments. I guess he was hurt pretty bad years ago by some girl in Australia. You must have known her, Mr Somerville, what was she like?”
“Well, it was a long time ago. But I can tell you this. She was an exceptional person, just like Mark. She was different.”
“But why did she leave him?”
“I have never been able to figure that out. She must have had some pretty good reasons, she was just that kind of person. They were both deeply in love. That is all I know.”
“But what happened to her?”
“I do not know, Murray, she just disappeared. But she must have had her reasons.”
“Well, whatever they were, they must have been something. Because he has obviously never been the same since.”
Faith interrupted, her heart heavy from the discussion. “Tea is ready, you two.” And in a few moments she brought in tea, scones, strawberry jam and cream.
“Mum,” said Murray, “they just cannot match this in America.”
“Well, it is not much, but it is the best I can do.”
That afternoon Murray decided to go for a ride, mounting Rocket, the same horse that Toch was killed on. Despite his mother’s remonstrances, he took the horse out. “Look Mum, Dad loved the horse, and I do not doubt the horse loved him. Somehow I think horses are more human than we think. Dad would think that Rocket would be sad, so I would like to take him out to let him know that we do not blame him.”
“I understand now, Murray. Take Rocket out. I think it is a very good idea.”
Soon he had saddled Rocket, and rode away from the house. Faith turned to Terry. “He does not look like Toch on a horse, Toch looked as if he and the horse were sculptured together. Toch was long and lean, Murray is more squat and solid, but he rides the horse well too. He is confident with the horse, just like Toch.”
Terry looked at her a moment and drew in his breath. “Well, Faith, maybe it is not the time to say this, but what are you going to do now?”
“What do you mean, Terry?” she replied suspiciously.
“You know what I mean, do not fence around with your old friend. Murray is gone, there is just you and I here. I am tired of fencing around. I want to know what you are going to do now?”
“Oh, Terry, for heaven’s sake. To-morrow Toch is buried, I have hardly even had time to think. What do you want me to say?”
“You know what I want you to say. I want you to stop this bloody nonsense and rush over to Mark and tell him
you love him and how bloody silly you were, just like I have always told you.”
“Oh, Terry,” she said, and the tears started to come, “you of all people know how much I love Mark. But what can I do? Toch is being buried tomorrow, and Murray believes he was his father. Do you seriously think I can run to Mark, no matter how much I want to, and destroy Murray’s life and beliefs? Do you really think I can do that?”
“Damn it, Faith. You are always thinking about others. What about yourself and Mark for a change? How about you two for a change?”
“Terry, I want Mark more than ever. But what can I do?”
“Run to him, Faith, run to him! He loves you, you love him, damn the rest! You have both earned it, you stupid young fools.”
“But what about Murray?”
“Murray, what about Murray? You just saw him, riding the same horse that killed Toch. He is tough, just like you and Mark. Treat him like an adult. You underestimate him. You have got to keep in mind who the parents were, two bloody fools if you ask me, two bloody fools. But both tough, just like the son.”
“You know, Terry, if I did not love you so much I would really tell you to mind your own business. You really are incorrigible, always were too, and you are certainly not improving with age.”
Terry smiled, “You have not answered my question, young lady.”
“I know I have not. Toch is dead, and Mark is divorced. There is only one stumbling block, and that is Murray, surely even you can see that, Terry. The man he believes to be his father has just died, he loved and respected him. Do you believe I should tell him now, and run off to Mark? God knows, Terry, it is what I would like to do, but all my common sense tells me that I just cannot, not now, not at this time. It would be unfeeling, and it could damage Murray forever. I have waited a long time for Mark, I can wait a little longer. Maybe I want too much, but I want Murray as well as Mark. I do not want to lose either one. I love them both, in different ways. Now is not the time, Terry, it is not the time.”
Terry took her in his arms. “I know, and I reluctantly agree. It is just that you two are my favourites, and I want to see you both together again.”
Faith sighed. “So do I, Terry, so do I. But not just now, it is not the time.”
The following day, the funeral was held on the property, and the grave was dug near the tree where the accident occurred. Terry, Faith and Murray stood together as the casket was lowered into the ground. The grave-site was surrounded by about fifty of Toch’s and Faith’s friends from the town and surrounding properties. The minister spoke a few words over the grave. “We are gathered here to-day on a very sad occasion, and our heart goes out to Mrs Christensen and her son Murray, who has flown back from the United States for his father’s funeral. It is, indeed, a sad home-coming for him. Toch Christensen was a man among men, respected and loved by all. Who was his enemy? Who did he argue with? Who did he ever criticise? No, he was a gentle man, beloved by all, quiet and confident, and he provided strength to all those around him. He epitomised truth, honesty, constancy. He was, indeed, a man among men.
“Toch came to us from Denmark, but it was as if he were born to this land. He loved the smell of the soil, the sights and sounds of his property. There was nothing he enjoyed more than mounting his horse and surveying his land. Who could ever forget the sight of him on a horse? He was a born horseman, more at home in the saddle than he ever was at a dinner party. It is a tragedy that his death would have come from a thing he did so well. Only the Good Lord knows what happened on that fateful day, when Toch Christensen was taken from us in the prime of his life.
“Toch Christensen will be sorely missed by his many friends, but particularly by his wife and son. The only consolation in their time of grief and in the future is the memory of the man, the quality of his behaviour, the way he lived, the manner with which he listened to others and dispensed advice when asked, the way he helped others. They can draw strength from this adversity, knowing that Toch himself would have handled a similar situation with such strength.
“He is laid to rest in the soil that he loved. He would have liked that. Though far from his native Denmark, it was this land that held his heart. May his soul rest in peace.”
CHAPTER 15.
FAITH’S ILLNESS
Murray returned to Berkeley soon afterwards to live with Mark, and Faith hired the son of a local farmer to take over the administration of her property. Toch was well insured, the property was paid off, and there was money Toch’s family had left him, so that she would have no future financial problems.
What occupied her thoughts now was Mark and Murray. She wanted desperately to fly to Mark, and take him in her arms, and endeavour to make up for all the lost time, but she was constantly weighing in her mind how it could be told to Murray, and its impact on him.
There was another factor that delayed her decision. She had not felt well since Toch’s death. At first she attributed it to the stress of what had happened, and the dilemma over what she should do in the future. There was a dull ache in her stomach, which persisted over a period of time.
She went to the local doctor, who after examining her offered the opinion that it was nervous exhaustion, and he prescribed a simple medication for her, and suggested she take a vacation. She went to Sydney. Her father was now dead, but her mother was still alive, and it gave her the opportunity to visit with her.
While in Sydney the pains persisted, and she was referred to a Macquarie Street specialist, who after giving her a thorough medical examination with a blood analysis decided she should go to the Royal Hospital for Women in Paddington to have a laparoscopy, in which two minute incisions were made, one near the navel and the other at the bikini line, and the surgeon uses microscopy to examine the body internally. The operation, though it required a full anaesthetic, was simple, but the doctor insisted that she remain in the hospital while all the test results were analysed. He informed her he had taken a biopsy, and it would take three to four days before the results were known.
Faith’s nervousness increased as the days passed. The only visitors she had were Terry and her mother, who reassured her, but in her heart she instinctively knew that something serious was wrong, particularly when pain medication in the form of oral morphine was given her daily and it had little effect. When she was moved to a private room she felt a sense of both alarm and fear, and all sorts of conjecture clouded her mind. What if I have cancer, she thought, what will I do then?
The fateful moment at last came, and she knew the worst as soon as the doctor walked into her room. It showed on his face. He sat down on the bed and held her hand. Looking straight into her eyes, he said quietly, “Mrs Christensen, I have some very bad news for you. I believe in being completely honest and straight-forward with my patients, and I am sorry to say that you have cancer. The biopsy shows that you have a rare form that is particularly virulent, that is generally confined to young children. As soon as I did the laporoscopy I could see the extent of the cancer, but I had to be certain about the exact kind.” He paused and took a deep breath. “It is so deeply ingrained in your system that I simply could not recommend any operative procedures, or radium or chemotherapy. I … I’m sorry to tell you this, Mrs Christensen, but the simple fact is your cancer is too far advanced for any significant treatment.”
Faith’s eyes glazed over. “I … I appreciate you being so frank. You are saying nothing can be done?”
“Not exactly. We can give you pain killers, morphine in your case, and we will gradually increase the dosage. But that is about all.”
“How … how long do I have to live?”
He held her hand tightly. “I would estimate, based on similar cases, that you would only have three months, maybe four!”
The blood seemed to drain out of her body, and she then felt a chill go through her. “Just three or four months? As little as that?”
“Of course it is just an opinion, and miracles do happen. But based on my experience I would plan on abou
t that length of time.”
Faith was too stunned to cry. Three to four months to live! That is all I have, it is so unfair, so grossly unfair, and what now about Mark, and Murray! I have so little time, so very little time.
“Do … do I have to stay in hospital?”
“No, certainly not during the next two months. The medication can be prescribed and taken by yourself. You live in the country, don’t you?”
“Yes, near Casino.”
“And is there a doctor nearby?”
“Just a few miles away.”
“I can give him all the necessary instructions. It is entirely possible that you can spend all the time at your home. Being in the environment you are familiar with might be the best therapy. Is there someone who can look after you?”
“My mother is too old, but she will want to come. I have a son studying in America. It will be an interruption of his schooling, but I will have him come back.”
“I think that would be best.”
“Doctor, one other thing. Could I go to America?”
“Do you mean for treatment?”
“No, to see my son there. I have always wanted to see America, and obviously this would be my last chance.”
“Ordinarily I would advise against it, but I can see by your reaction to what I have told you that you are not a normal patient. I do not see why you could not go, and I can supply you with all the necessary medication. However if you do decide I do not think I would suggest you should be away for more than a month. We will have to increase your medication after that time, and you should then have almost daily surveillance by a doctor.”
“Then I will do it! I will go to America! A month! It will have to be a lifetime. A month will be just fine. Thanks for being so honest with me, doctor.”
“I am just so sorry I had to be the bearer of such news. In medicine there are moments when we can perform glorious feats and save lives, there are other times when we feel helpless, when all our medical skills and knowledge are of no use.”
“I understand. I will leave for overseas as soon as I can. Would you be so kind as to make out the necessary prescriptions, and I will leave the address of my doctor in Casino so you can write him.”