Never Say Never

by Tina Leonard

  “Every marriage has its ups and downs.”

  Jill didn’t sound condemning at all. He glanced up, almost surprised at her quick defense of what he’d just told her. Her face, sweetly rounded in the flickering light, held an encouraging expression.

  “Yeah. Well, maybe ours had more than most. We both made mistakes. But it wasn’t destined to work.” He wasn’t about to say that Nina’s allure had quickly worn off with her constant demands for more, more. More of anything than he could provide. The dairy farm that had been in existence since his grandparents’ day was doing poorly; milk prices had bottomed out. When he’d taken over, he’d sold off the stock and carefully purchased high-quality beef stock. With a couple of good calving years, and taking on some select customers whose cattle he allowed to graze on his ranch, he’d begun to turn the ranch around.

  Apparently though, Nina had married him believing that money was no object once she married into the Reed family. They had plenty, of course, but he hadn’t wanted to foot huge shopping forays into Dallas while he was trying to trim costs at the ranch. One month Nina’s credit card bill had been the same as his feed bill for the cattle.

  To make matters worse for his new bride, all that working to salvage his family’s livelihood meant he hadn’t been home a lot. Nina was certain he’d been having an affair. Dustin snorted, knowing who had most likely planted that insidious seed into his wife’s brain. Once there, it had taken root, growing like the wildest Johnson grass.

  “The night Nina died, we’d had an argument,” he said quietly, staring into the fire as if any answers to what had gone wrong might be contained in the hot-burning coals. “We had the worst argument we’d ever had in our whole marriage. For the first time, I…”

  He cut off his words, unhappy to have to release his deepest, darkest demon. Risking a glance at Jill, he saw that she continued to give him her undivided, seemingly nonjudgmental attention. “Well, for the first time, I major league lost my temper. As much as I hate to say this, I’m amazed my nearest neighbor didn’t call the police. I didn’t know I could yell so loud.” He shook his head. “The only shouting I’d ever done before was at the cattle.”

  “You strike me as a fairly even-tempered person.”

  Jill’s eyes were warm, glowing with an understanding Dustin knew he didn’t deserve. He’d had no business letting his temper get away from him that night. It was no excuse to say that all the little things he’d tried to shrug off had festered and suddenly blown up—the infidelity accusation had rubbed him rawer than anything. All he knew was that he spent his life working his butt off so Nina could have a roof over her head and some nice clothes and a trip into Dallas every once in a while. To find that he’d been tried and damned in the court of infidelity had shook him to the core. He’d known Nina needed lots of attention; as the only child in Maxine and David’s family this meant she’d spent her life being catered to. But hell, she’d known what kind of man he was when she started cozying up to him He’d never had a reputation for being a woman chaser. He worked hard to succeed, to keep the ranch together that had provided housing and food for three generations of Reeds.

  Nina had admitted once that marrying him was a dream come true for her. She liked the sound of Nina Reed, Mrs. Dustin Reed. She’d liked having accounts all over town where she could purchase whatever her heart desired with only a signature on the bottom line. He got the bills.

  But none of this needed to be said in his defense. The cold, hard fact was that he was as much to blame in the marriage as Nina was. And he had lost his temper in a frightening way that night. It was as if she’d pushed all the right buttons and suddenly there was an atomic explosion.

  Damn it. Dustin closed his eyes, remembering Nina’s limp, lifeless body. The price had been much too high.

  “Dustin?”

  He glanced toward Jill, shaking his head. “I like to think I keep a cool head. Unfortunately, I upset my wife so badly she left in a killing thunderstorm. I basically signed away her life.”

  “Oh.” Jill was looking at him with those bottomless blue eyes of hers. Dustin felt shame wash over him. But at least it was out. Now she knew the truth, knew what she was up against.

  “Yeah. Oh,” he repeated her words softly. “That’s why the Copelands want Joey. They feel I murdered their daughter.”

  Jill had been lying on her back, but now she rolled to her side and propped her chin on her hand. She didn’t say anything, but he knew she was listening. As if she knew it didn’t matter what she said; nothing could be changed. But at least she listened.

  “So.” He sighed deeply. “Because of that, and the fact that I’ve pretty much ignored Joey since Nina died, they filed for custody. On the grounds that I’m an unfit father.” He snorted. “An unfit human being.”

  “You’ve made great strides,” Jill said. “It was only a matter of time, and you’ve been getting the hang of it. Not every man becomes a great father just because a wet, sticky, yelling infant has been handed to him. It takes practice, for men and a lot of women, too.”

  He was warmed by her quick support on this issue. Actually, the charge that had hurt him the most was that he wasn’t a fit parent. As if Joey were neglected, unloved. He would take part of the blame for Nina’s death—he had lost his temper that night. As much as he would have liked to stop her from going out into the storm, she’d wanted to go home to her mother. She’d insisted on taking Joey. What could he have done—except what he hadn’t been able to, with his pride caught tightly inside him. He should have apologized. Should have said something.

  But he’d thought letting her go was the best thing to do. It had been a treacherous mistake.

  He did love his son. Unfortunately, with the suit filed before he’d gotten over the shock of his wife dying, Dustin had been stricken, unable to cope with the thought that now Joey was being torn from him. He hadn’t known what to do. Maxine was relentless in telling people in the town what a lousy father he was, what a dirty rotten husband he’d been.

  It had all taken a toll on him. He’d lain awake nights thinking about how he was going to explain all this to his son one day. Son, I love you, I honestly do, no matter what the court records say. But they said the Copelands were more fit to raise you…

  “You’ve helped me,” he finally said. “You’ve helped me unbend. I’ve been too afraid of letting go with Joey.”

  “He loves you,” she said softly. “He idolizes you. I’ve never seen a child love his daddy so much. What big boots he tries to fill.”

  Dustin felt tears stinging his eyes. “The whole thing just pisses me off so much. Have you ever listened to my boy stutter?”

  Jill nodded.

  “He didn’t until Nina died. I think sitting in that car, not knowing what the hell had happened, had an effect on something inside him. I don’t know what, and I haven’t taken him to a doctor because it’s just a crazy hunch I have. I keep thinking, he’s been through a trauma, he’ll outgrow the stuttering. But I can’t comfort him; I can’t take the time to say ‘slow down, son, I’m listening to every word you say’ because I know he could be taken away from me soon. So I try not to think about it.”

  “Oh, Dustin. You don’t have to tell me any of this. It doesn’t affect the way I feel about my employment.”

  He stared at her, unable to believe her words. “I have to tell you because you were trying to escape a hell of your own. And you ran right into mine. It wasn’t fair of me not to tell you that things were going to be difficult here at the ranch.”

  “I knew the job wasn’t going to be easy when I met my employer.”

  Jill’s sassy grin took the edge off her words. Dustin tried to tell himself she meant what she was saying. But still he wanted to make sure she understood.

  “Your employer is probably just going to get grouchier, right up until the day of the hearing. I might improve afterward. But if I lose Joey…”

  “If you lose Joey, you’ll file an appeal,” Jill interrupted.
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  “Yeah.” Dustin rubbed his chin. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Because you don’t want to lose him at all. And you shouldn’t. But if by any quirk of the justice system you do, it won’t be forever. You’re a deserving father.”

  “You think so?”

  “I think you deserve a little more time. Parenting is not something one learns like math. And Joey’s stutter is no different than the one I had as a child.”

  “Really?” Dustin couldn’t imagine beautiful, confident Jill stuttering.

  She laughed, the sound as heartwarming as the Christmas tree with its blinking lights glowing in the corner. “Yes, Dustin. I was the youngest child. It was difficult getting a word in edgewise. When you’re competing with three older siblings, you might want to talk fast, but your mouth will only go its own speed. At least that’s what the speech therapist told my parents.” She gave him a playful slap on the arm. “It’s normal, Dustin. He’ll probably grow out of it, particularly once you’re not under so much stress. And if he was traumatized, the two of you can go for some family counseling. My take-whatever-it’s-worth opinion is that you might try to relax and enjoy your son. He’s pretty cool.”

  Dustin grinned. “Yeah. It’s kind of weird having my miniature around.”

  “Well, Joey at least lets his hair down every once in a while,” she teased.

  “Hey, I’m letting my hair down now, aren’t I?”

  “I think you’ve been trying to scare me off. Except for what happened today, you should know I don’t scare too easy.”

  The smile slipped from Dustin’s face. “Speaking of that, Jill…”

  Swiftly, she sat up, laying a finger against his lips. “Let’s not talk about it. Let’s not talk about anything serious anymore. You should just zone out in front of the fire.”

  He caught her finger, and then her hand it in his. “Who can loosen up around here? All we need now is a resident ghost to stir up trouble.”

  “I think you have all the trouble you can handle.”

  Jill pulled at her hand, but he wouldn’t let her get away. With a start, he’d just realized how near this woman was. How very near this gorgeous, deeply understanding woman had become to his heart. Dustin tugged her, and incredibly, she moved closer without resistance.

  “I might be in the mood for a little more trouble,” he told her.

  “You’ll find it with me,” Jill said softly. “It’s a mistake to make a pass at your employee.”

  “I’ll allow you to file a complaint.” He knew he might regret it later, but for now, the thought of kissing Jill was pushing his common sense from his mind. Ever so gently, he pressed his lips to hers.

  Her mouth moved under his, seeking, a deeper fusing, and Dustin felt sparks ignite inside him. “Jill,” he whispered against her mouth hoarsely.

  “I haven’t filed my complaint yet. Keep going,” she said, easing up against him.

  At that moment, Dustin knew that the comfort Jill was offering he wanted, desperately. He wanted to give and take and forget about everything that had happened today. Carefully, he pressed his body against hers, nudging her onto her back without ever taking his lips from hers. He sought her warmth, feeling fire leap through him as he felt her daintier body underneath his. There was power in the feeling of Jill bonded to him.

  His jeans rasped against hers. Jill moaned, reaching up to tangle her hands in his hair. Pressing small kisses down her neck, Dustin breathed in the wonderful fragrance that was Jill, all soft and delicate.

  The swell of her breasts was womanly and enticing; Dustin pressed a kiss against each swell before returning to Jill’s lips.

  Her eyes were closed, but her hands had moved slowly down his back to his buttocks. She slipped her hands inside his jeans to rub the skin. Dustin thought he might die from desire. Somewhere a faint shred of decency called to him, urging him to remember that this woman deserved his protection.

  “Jill.”

  Her eyes snapped open. “I haven’t cried ‘uncle’.” But she knew by the look in his eyes that he’d remembered. Dustin had remembered who she was and why she was in his home. The fact that she had prayed the most delirious kiss she’d ever experienced would never end didn’t matter. Even as she’d moved closer to him, she’d known that kissing Dustin was a thing of the moment. Later, they would no doubt tell themselves it had happened on a strange and tragic day when events had whirled out of control; they had both merely reached out to find an anchor in the storm. And they had found each other.

  But Jill was realistic enough to know that the moment was all they would share. Still, she hated that it had ended. She had never felt anything like this before. The way Dustin had kissed her had fulfilled some basic needs and one private fantasy.

  He pulled away though she could see the fire still simmering in his dark eyes. Jill sighed, knowing it was for the best, and told herself to be happy for the magic she had experienced. This wondrous man wanted her. She’d always wondered if he was attracted to her. After learning that Carl—who’d insisted they should “wait” until they got married—was sleeping with anything that had permed blonde hair and three-inch red fingernails, Jill wondered why he hadn’t been attracted to her. Something inside her worried that she lacked the necessary sexual allure to make a man want to kill to jump into her bed.

  Dustin Reed had blown that worry clean away. With the length of his body pressing against her, she’d been able to feel his desire. She turned him on. Something very female inside her was pleased that it was the handsome, thoroughly masculine cowboy who still had one leg twined inside hers who thought she was sexy.

  It was best to let Dustin off the hook. Before he felt responsible for kissing her, she needed to let him know she understood what had happened.

  So she smiled. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  Completely feigning her nonchalance, Jill untangled herself from Dustin and leaned back on her elbows the way she had been previously. “For comforting me. For making me feel better. I think I can actually go upstairs and sleep now.”

  Lie. It was killing her to leave him on the blanket. He was staring at her like she was nuts. Jill forced herself to her feet.

  He caught at her jeans. “Jill, don’t just thank me and walk away. I don’t want us to feel bad about what happened.”

  “Of course not. It’s perfectly natural for two human beings to reach out in a crisis. I’m glad we could be there for each other.”

  His brows furrowed at her words. “You’re not upset? You won’t worry that it will happen again?”

  Jill’s heart sank a little. “No. I won’t worry that it will happen again.” She had known in the beginning it was a dream that might only come true once. “Good night, Dustin.”

  He sat up and turned to look into the fire. “Good night, Jill.”

  It didn’t feel right, leaving him sitting there alone.” His back looked broad and strong outlined by the yellow light of the fire. He might be strong, but he was still alone.

  Jill forced herself to turn away. Reluctantly, she went upstairs, knowing she was doing the right thing.

  Chapter Twelve

  Dustin awakened to the sound of pounding on the front door. He’d spent an uncomfortable night in front of the fireplace, which was now letting in drafts of cold air. Cursing to himself, he got up to open the door.

  “I should have known it’d be you. You’re going to have to get your own eggs and sausage out of the kitchen. I’m not cooking, and nobody else is awake,” Dustin grumbled at Marsh.

  “Breakfast sounds good, but actually I need to talk to you. You look like hell. Didn’t you sleep last night?”

  Dustin scrubbed a hand over the prickly growth on his chin. Lord, he needed a shave and a shower. “No. Orange juice?”

  Marsh glanced into the parlor as he walked by it. Dustin knew he hadn’t missed the blankets on the floor. He went into the kitchen, mentally bracing himself for Marsh’s question.

 
“Heat go out upstairs or something?”

  “No,” Dustin growled. “I spent the night in front of the fire because I thought it was a cool thing to do.”

  “Hm.” He looked at Dustin closely. “Why do you have pink lipstick on your mouth?”

  “Because my lips were chapped.” Frowning at Marsh, he reached up in the general area he thought the lipstick might be and rubbed hard. Trouble was, he’d kissed Jill pretty thoroughly. The lipstick could be anywhere.

  “You’re not really wearing lip prints this morning,” Marsh said jovially.

  Dustin cursed.

  “It was just a hunch I had. I suspected your sour mood might have less to do with sleeping in front of the fire than having a rock in your underwear all night.”

  Dustin slammed a palm on the counter. “Are you finished?”

  Marsh sat down at the table, propping his boots up. “Nah. Cook, while I talk.”

  “I’m not your wife,” he grumbled. But he tossed the orange juice container at Marsh and started hunting in the refrigerator for eggs.

  “I hope to hell not. My wife’s gotta be pretty.” Marsh poured himself some juice, then got up to set another glass out, which he placed at Dustin’s seat. “Okay. I went to check out the girl at the bakery early this morning, figuring a bakery opens extremely early or who’s gonna feed folks? So she might be fixing biscuits or something.”

  “That’s why you’re on my porch before my rooster’s had a chance to crow? You couldn’t get breakfast anywhere else.”

  “Foul, foul,” Marsh said, shaking his head. “Mrs. Vickery says the girl isn’t coming back. There was a message on her machine this morning.”

  “I assume you’re going to her house.”

  “I would, if Mrs. Vickery had known where she lived. Unfortunately, she was paying the girl under the table.” Marsh clicked his tongue. “Good, upstanding Mrs. Vickery. It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it?”

  Dustin cracked an egg into the pan, feeling his temper sizzling along with the egg white. “Now what, damn it?”

  “We’ll see. We’ll have to keep a close eye on things. Meantime, I’ll check out some other folks who might know where this girl lives.”