by Alexa Davis
This wasn’t good. Terror twisted and turned through my body with no sign of slowing whatsoever. I had woken up in an absolute state of panic, made worse by the fact that I knew it was justified. I had every reason to worry, and my body was taking full advantage of that. My lungs felt small, my chest tight, I had a tingling sensation trickling up and down my spine...
I didn’t think that Kyle was trying to torment me by waking up playing his new song, but he was having that effect on me nonetheless. I was acutely aware that I hadn’t yet written any lyrics for the song yet, despite the endless inspiration I should have had. And today we had to go into the studio to record.
What the hell am I going to do?
I sat bolt upright in my bed and chewed on my nails like crazy, fear racing through my body like there was no tomorrow. Why didn’t I have anything yet? What the hell was wrong with my brain? I’d had romance, I’d had a wonderful night of passion. There was no reason for my mind to be so frustratingly blank.
This was no good. I was only going to get myself totally worked up. I needed to go out and speak to Kyle before I made myself more of a mess. My legs shook so hard I wasn’t sure they’d support me as I made my way into the other room to get my reassurance.
“Morning, you okay?” Kyle smiled lazily, none of the fears that I had plaguing him one bit. It didn’t seem fair that I was the only one freaking out, but then again, why would he panic? He’d completed his part of the song! It was only me struggling.
“I don’t know.” I sat down beside him and flung my head into my hands, letting out a pathetic whimper as I did. “I’m still struggling to write this song, and now we have to go into the studio. I’m gonna make us both look like idiots if I don’t have anything to record. You know that, don’t you?”
“Oh, don’t be silly. Xander and Michael aren’t like that,” Kyle replied reassuringly. He wasn’t worried at all; it was crazy to me. “They’ll be understanding. There are probably other bits for us to record anyway, and I can get the music done. We can do it separately, like we’ve done before.” I nodded slowly, my body starting to calm down. Maybe Kyle was right, maybe this didn’t have to be so bad after all. “It’ll be okay, you’ll see.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” I breathed a little slower, Kyle having had his soothing effect on me once more. “Yeah, okay, maybe today I’ll be able to work it out a bit more.”
I patted his back and stood up to make some coffee, all the while my thoughts coming in a little more rationally. Maybe this wasn’t so bad; maybe I could sort this out somehow. Stranger things had happened!
“So…” Kyle turned back to the piano and played a little more, this time the keys sounded nice rather than terrifying. “How are things with you and Xander?”
I smirked to myself at the memory of Friday night, before that weird, squishy feeling about Saturday overtook me. How could I tell Xander without sounding like a crazy stalker that the first time I asked to meet with him was fake? I only did it because I wanted to spend more time with him. I had been intrigued and wanted to get to know him better. I’d justified it to myself by planning to ask questions about his company, on the pretense that I was there for company business, but I just wanted to hang out with him on a more personal level.
I’d gotten lucky – we’d managed to have a great day at the orphanage where the topic hadn’t come up until the end, where I’d managed to bypass it by playing it cool. But when he asked me in the car after our second day at the orphanage, I’d felt too idiotic to lie again. Then again, I couldn’t tell him the truth, either, not without freaking him out.
“Yeah, things are good,” I replied evasively, sliding into the kitchen. “He is a great guy. It’ll be good to see him today at the studio.”
“It’s going well, isn’t it?” Kyle sounded happy, which made me smile, but that was the exact reason I didn’t want to fail. I couldn’t let my brother down; he deserved all the good things that were happening to him. “I’m pleased. And, the money we’re making is amazing.”
I couldn’t deny it – the extra cash was great. It felt so incredible to not have to fight to pay every single bill. It was amazing to be able to pay them off without even thinking about it. “Yeah, I know. Soon we’ll be living the high life.”
But as I brought the coffee out, I could see that Kyle had an intensely thoughtful look on his face. “You know, it might be time to start thinking about moving out of this apartment, out of this area, now that we have more money. We could get somewhere a little bigger, nicer. If this takes off, who knows what we’ll be able to afford.”
“Really, you think?” Moving out of this crappy apartment was a pipe dream that I hadn’t even allowed myself to dare think of. “That would be so amazing, could you imagine it? Maybe I’ll start looking tomorrow.” God, a better living arrangement, what could be better than that? “Anyway, I’m going to get ready. Let’s get going in a minute.”
***
“Are you ready for this?” Kyle asked me as we neared the studio. “I don’t know about you, but I always get nervous going in. I know that we’ve done it a few times, but it still feels brand new to me.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I murmured, my heart racing in my chest. “It’s still a little crazy.”
But I wasn’t thinking about recording. I was recalling what Xander had told me at the orphanage. I just couldn’t believe he was a foster kid, too!
It made sense. It explained why he was at the fundraiser in the first place and why he donated so much money to the very worthy cause – he understood it just as I did. But I couldn’t work out why it had taken him so long to tell me. I’d told him about me and Kyle working our way through the system. Why hadn’t he just opened up then? Didn’t he trust me?
Rationally, I knew that it wasn’t always a topic people liked to discuss. Because of the family complications that landed kids in care and the way they’re often looked at while growing up, it was easy to become ashamed of where we’d come from... But surely Xander knew that I wasn’t the judgmental type. Even if I hadn’t gone through it all myself, I would never be that way.
I was going to have to get him to open up more to me at some point, when the time was right.
“Anyway, let’s go in.”
As soon as we got inside, Xander found us and instantly got dragged into a deep conversation with Kyle about the music. I was glad of the distraction, of the moment alone to adjust my own thoughts, because I felt so afraid to admit that I still had nothing to sing.
Luckily, just as Xander turned around to face me, to bring me into the conversation, I burst into a very unexpected round of coughing. I was extremely annoyed to be showing any signs of illness again. But at the same time, it was well timed because it meant that I could blame my need to record separately on my voice not being totally up to scratch.
“Sorry, I’m only here to observe today,” I managed through the coughs. “The stupid virus has come back again. I hope that’s not too much of a problem.”
“No, not at all, as long as you’re okay?” I nodded in a way that I hoped was convincing. “You can come and sit in the recording booth with me, see where all the magic happens.”
“Sounds great, thank you.”
***
I had an interesting day in the sound booth with Xander. I learned a whole lot, and I got to see just how incredible Kyle was from a new perspective. He brought the whole studio to life with his music; he was the most talented person I knew.
Okay, so I still wasn’t any further along with my lyric writing, but it didn’t feel like a wasted day. I got to be near to Xander, and that overshadowed everything else.
“So, when are you going to let me take you out again?” He grinned happily at me, just as we were packing up to finish recording. “You won’t make me wait until the weekend, will you?”
How could I resist that? He had my heart bubbling with excitement, my emotions spilling over the edge. He wanted to spend time with me, he enjoyed my c
ompany as much as I did his, and it felt incredible. It couldn’t even be just to get me into bed, either, because he’d already done that. Twice. Maybe his feelings ran as deep as mine did.
“How about Thursday?” I burst out before I could say anything crazy. “Are you free Thursday night?”
“I am for you.” He looked me up and down, his eyes fiery with desire. I felt like he might kiss me there and then, if it wasn’t so unprofessional. Of course, we’d crossed over that line before, but there hadn’t been anyone else in the building when that happened.
“That sounds great; do you want to text me or make plans now?” My voice sounded a little hollow, but that was only because his thumb was rubbing circles on my hip and it was making me feel that powerful electricity all over again. The spark between us was off the charts!
“I want to do both,” he whispered, desire lacing his tone. I had a deep need for him to pulsate within me, which was frustrating because there wasn’t any way that we could act on it now. “I want to pick you up at eight, to do whatever the hell you want, but I want you to text me all week long, too.”
I nodded sharply, getting the distinct impression that the messages we would be sending one another would be for our eyes only. “Okay, sounds good.”
“Are you ready to go?” Kyle burst into the room, shattering the magic of the moment. Xander’s hand dropped away from me as if he’d been electrocuted, and I immediately missed him. His touch made me feel whole, and without him, I was cold and lonely.
“Sure, let’s go.” I nodded at Kyle, but I wasn’t listening to his words. “See you later, Xander.”
But as we walked away, I shot one long, lingering look back to Xander, my heart racing painfully in my chest. If it was later in the day, and he didn’t have more clients coming in to record, if I wasn’t aware that Michael was around somewhere, I might suggest that Kyle go by himself. I might angle for a repeat performance of the other night, but I couldn’t. Much as I wanted to, I had to be smart.
I was just going to have to wait, however hard that would be. Thursday wasn’t that far away now, was it?
Chapter 25 – Xander (Monday)
As soon as Lila left the studio, taking my heart with her, I turned on my heels and went to the office to face the awful job that I’d been putting off all morning long: I was going to have to face Michael.
I knew that he had been stewing in there all morning, no doubt getting himself incredibly worked up the entire time. It was safe to say that this wasn’t going to be fun!
I wasn’t in the mood for an argument, but I had no doubt that was where things would be headed. Michael and his hot head always went in that direction when things didn’t go his way. Still, this was one area he would have to let it go. I knew what I wanted and was utterly determined to get it.
I steeled myself up for a second before pushing the door open to see his red face staring back at me. I clapped my hands together and tried to keep my face happy. I was determined to keep upbeat, whatever his mood was. “Let’s get this sorted out, shall we? Show me the paperwork, and we’ll work out a way to get this all fixed.”
“Will you stop it?” he growled, rolling his eyes in an exaggerated manner at me. “Do you have any idea what’s even going on in this company? Is your head permanently in the clouds? Have you not noticed any of the warnings that things are going under?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I shot back through gritted teeth. I was still determined to remain happy, but he was making it very difficult. Why was he being so damn pessimistic? There was no way things were that bad.
“I know exactly what goes on in this place; please don’t try to undermine me. Okay, maybe things haven’t been as good as in recent years, but that’s picking up. I’m working on it, you know that.”
“What, with Lila and Kyle?”
His snippy tone had me riled up. He had been just as into that plan as me when we first got going. Maybe he was jealous of how well I connected with her, maybe he didn’t like the fact that I’d broken the fraternizing with the clients rule, whereas he never had. Well, that was just tough. Lila meant more to me than a hook up, and I wasn’t willing to throw her to one side no matter what Michael thought.
“You think they’re going to save things? Well, what if they don’t? What’s your plan then? Maybe you think that they’re good, but the rest of the world might not.”
“You like them, too.” I wasn’t about to take this lying down. “You were all for it not so long ago.”
“I didn’t know how bad things were then!” Yep, he was yelling at me, this was not going to end well. “I didn’t realize quite how bad our finances were.”
“I have money.” I shrugged, giving him the obvious solution. “It’ll be fine.”
“You do not want to sink more of your money into this place. It’s starting to become a dead end, so unless you want to end up living back on the streets, I wouldn’t bother.”
My blood was boiling. I could barely stand it anymore. Maybe I was wrong to bring Michael into this; maybe I should never have given him so much power. He certainly wasn’t the best at keeping his temper in check, which wasn’t the most professional way to behave. “That is none of your business. What I do with my company is nothing to do with you. I think what I need to do is speak to the accountant myself.”
“It’s quite simple. We need to get rid of people. And personally, I would start with that smartass douchebag Aiden.”
Okay, maybe he had a point with that one, I wasn’t much enthused about Aiden myself, but I hadn’t started this studio just to trim the fat when things got hard. I did it for love of music, and I wanted that to drive me forward. “No one is going anywhere until I’ve tried to sort things out myself.”
“Kyle, then.” I could spot a twinkle in his eye – one that I sensed was just there to rile me up. He knew for a fact that would make things incredibly awkward for me, and that it was also the opposite of what I wanted, which felt like the very reason he was saying it. “He’s just the piano player; we can get that without him. It’s Lila who has the real talent.”
“Don’t be such an asshole,” I growled, slamming my fists down on the table in anger. “You know as well as I do that Kyle’s talented. I am not letting you make these sorts of decisions. You’re acting with your hot head, and I don’t run a company in that way. I make cool, calm rational choices, which is what brought the studio to the place it is right now.”
“What? Failing!” Michael sneered, moving his body closer to mine in what I could only assume he thought was an intimidating gesture. “If you didn’t have me on board, things would never have had any success. I made you, I made this record label, and you’ve flushed it all down the toilet.”
My breaths were coming in ragged and sharp. I was trying so desperately hard not to freak out. I didn’t want to sink down to Michael’s level, but he was doing his best to get a reaction from me.
Then his hands slammed down on my shoulders just a little too hard, and I lost my shit. “Get out,” I snapped, flinging his arms away from me. “You cannot be here acting like an asshole.”
“But you—”
“Just get the fuck out!” Luckily, Michael seemed to sense I wasn’t fucking around anymore. He gave me one look, saw my set jaw and grim expression, and turned on his heels to stalk out.
I slumped onto the seat, sadness consuming me. I hated falling out with Michael, but because we were like brothers, it happened a lot. Not like this, though; this felt different. I rubbed my forehead hard, trying desperately to make the awfulness leave me, but it wasn’t going anywhere. I needed to fix this. I needed to sort this out before it got out of hand.
I jumped up and raced out into the hallway, wanting to catch Michael to sort this out before he left, but as I flung the door open, it was a different face looking back at me. A pair of eyes filled with the knowledge that I didn’t want her to know.
“Lila,” I whispered, wishing that I could take that whole convers
ation back. I didn’t even need to ask to know what she’d heard, it was too much already. “What are you doing here?”
“I... I’m so sorry,” she gasped, her breaths coming out in little pants. “I just came back to... to say sorry properly. I didn’t mean to overhear. I think maybe I better go.”
She went to turn, but I grabbed hold of her shoulders to bring her back to me. I couldn’t lose Lila and Michael all in one day. “No, please stay with me,” I pleaded. “Please don’t go when things are like this.”
“But...” She glanced from side to side, as if she was desperately looking for an escape route, before accepting that she was going to have to have this conversation with me, however awkward it was.
“Okay, look I don’t want to be the reason your studio goes under.” She shrugged as if she wasn’t bothered by the whole thing, but I could see her tears shining in her eyes. “If you need to get rid of people, then I volunteer to go. I don’t want—”
“I am not letting you go anywhere,” I insisted, bringing her closer to me. I could feel the warmth of her body next to mine, making my insides thaw a little. Things just didn’t feel so bad when she was by my side. “Did you not hear me? Michael is not in charge here. Just because he thinks that he can throw his weight around here doesn’t mean that he can.”
She followed me into the office, but I could tell that she still had a whole lot of questions. “But what if he’s right? What if you do need to make cutbacks? I would much rather you get rid of me than Kyle. This has been his dream far longer than it’s been mine. I can just go back to work at the diner. I mean, I appreciate you sticking up for us, but I can’t make things difficult for you.”
I sat down and pulled her onto my lap, smiling. “I have already told you, you and Kyle are not going anywhere. Don’t worry about the business side of things. That’s up to me.”
“Okay, well, this is probably already obvious to you, but I would just prefer to clarify that I can’t do this without my brother. I need him. I’m happy for him to do it without me, but I can’t do it the other way around.”