by Alexa Davis
“You know they’re going to guess, and if they do, I’m going to be honest, okay? I’ve lived my whole life as an open book, so I hope you aren’t too attached to your privacy, because it ends tonight.” She held up her phone. “I’m going to look hot in that dress. Plan on seeing yourself on Instagram tonight, I promise to tag you.” She strolled off to the bedroom to grab our clothes, and I sat on the corner of the bed and held my head in my hands.
I had been good at covering my tracks, and even as close to getting caught as I’d come, I had managed to stay out of trouble. But if I was going to be living in the light cast by the her spotlight I was going to have to burn it all and never look back. I looked up and she was watching me.
“What’s wrong?” Her voice trembled a little and she looked scared, like I was going to start flipping furniture and screaming at her. What exactly was I thinking asking to be a part of her life before we really knew each other?
“I’m pretty private. I’m just getting used to the idea that I have to get rid of some of my identity, in exchange for a spotlight.”
“You know how I live. How can you be surprised?”
“I’m not surprised, C.J., I’m just letting it go. Don’t you think there will be anything you have to let go, and won’t you want me to be kind to you when you do?” Anger flashed across her face, fast and hot. It was gone so fast I almost thought I imagined it.
“Why do you have to let anything go?”
I scoffed.
“No, I’m serious. Why can’t you be Bruce Wayne?”
“Aside from the fact that my parents are alive and well, and I’m not that ridiculously wealthy?”
“Very funny. Wait. Are you wealthy?” The anger was long gone and she sat next to me on the bed, leaning against me and laying her head on my shoulder.
“No. I’m not. My parents are fiscally very healthy, ever since a very wise decision to sell some of their land and then a little parcel that we found was disgusting with oil, you know, the Texas way. I have a trust fund that I can touch when I’m twenty-four and, believe it or not, I’ve made myself invaluable in my home town as the resident computer genius, so I have money of my own.”
“It doesn’t change how I feel. It might change what I ask for for Christmas.” Her voice trailed off and I barked out a laugh. She was the most emotionally volatile person I had ever met. She strutted off to take a shower, and I tried to stop the room from spinning so I could stand up and join her.
I planned to keep it gentlemanly in the shower, but the moment I got in, she grabbed me and started stroking me while she leaned up for a kiss. I happily obliged, but carefully pried her hand off me and backed her under the water until she frowned at me.
“You do know we’re celebrating, right?” Shit. I’d flipped the switch again.
“I got a little out of hand last time. I’m trying to be a gentleman.”
She shook her head. “Well, stop. I don’t want you to be anything but you. If that means sometimes we get a little dirty, or if you want to take it slow, either is fine. Just don’t over think it. You’re fucking Bruce Wayne, remember? Party boy in the spotlight, super hacker in secret, and the only one who knows is your eternally loyal woman.” She thought for a minute. “Does that make me Vicki Lake, or Selina Kyle?”
I laughed and it rang out in the shower. “Selina Kyle, no question.” She breathed an exaggerated sigh of relief and wiped her forehead with the side of her hand. I stepped in and pushed up against her, cupping a hand around her breast and sliding my other hand behind her neck. I kissed her softly, then slid my tongue into her mouth and searched her for the answers I wanted. God, when my hands were on her skin, she was worth every mile that stood between her and home.
She finally pulled away from me, but clutched at my arms and held on like I was the only thing keeping her from slipping down the drain behind her. I soaped up her loofah and dragged it over her chest and stomach, soaping up her torso and her arms as she steadied herself. I wasn’t aiming for sex, and this time, she didn’t try to force my hand. I covered every inch of her from the neck down in thick, fragrant lather, then ran my hands over her as I rinsed her clean. Before I let her out of the water, I picked up and carefully washed each of her feet. When I stood, she was staring at me like I’d grown a third eye while she wasn’t looking.
Embarrassed, I started washing my hair and body without making eye contact with her at all. A minute later, I felt her hands on my back and shoulders, slick with lather, and she washed my back, never speaking to me, and she even made sure to scratch it good and hard before I rinsed off.
“I think that’s the best back scratch I’ve ever received.” I admitted when we were sharing the large bathroom rug and toweling off.
“My pleasure. So, do you need a rundown of my friends, or do you want to be surprised?”
I knew I was in uncharted territory if LA was anything like the movies made it out to be. “Nah, I’ll take the surprise. I mean, they’re your friends, they can’t be too scary, right?”
She kissed me and patted my rump. “Good answer, Cowboy.”
I dressed in the living room, while C.J. dressed in the converted bedroom. There was an alcove created by the exterior shape of the building, and I stashed my stuff there, using a chair from her dining set to hang pants and my button-down shirts on.
I slid the dark, slim fit jeans over my hips and threaded my belt through the loops, thinking about what I could talk C.J. into using it for later. The tee shirt was dark enough that it wouldn’t show sweat easily, and thin and soft enough that it was super comfortable, even though I hadn’t washed it yet. I shoved my feet into my boots. It wasn’t very LA of me, but I needed a little piece of home with me, grounding me, because I could see how easily who I was could be lost in the shadow of who I was with now.
Chapter Nineteen
Carina
I was more nervous about dinner than Jackson seemed to be. Being from Texas and being from a family of nearly all men, I wasn’t sure how he’d do with the almost all-female group of friends I’d cultivated since I’d quit modelling full time, moved to Los Angeles from New York and tried to broaden my prospects. Television and movies had been a bust, apparently taking my clothes off wasn’t the same as acting. Gaming was paying the bills, but I couldn’t expect that to be a lengthy career. My friends had come from every part of the gaming and entertainment world and as females, we’d bonded together over the sexual harassment, misogyny, and under-representation that was a huge part of the industry for us.
He seemed to sense my apprehension and took my hand before we walked into the restaurant. The warm pressure of his fingers on mine somehow slowed my heart beat to a less breakneck speed, and kept me calm, at least until I saw Shelby and Liz both staring at us from the far side of the table.
“Uh oh, they see us.” I breathed as the hostess escorted us through the maze of tables.
“Why is that an uh oh?”
“Because I think at least one of them is already imagining you naked.” His hand tightened on mine and I realized he’d taken my hand to make him feel better, not me. It made me smile that he’d sought the same comfort from me, that I’d sought from him. Maybe we could work things out to be awesome between us. I squeezed his hand back and we reached the table.
Shelby’s boyfriend, Nick, jumped up to shake Jackson’s hand, and Shelby slid out of the booth so we could sit in the back and she would still be next to Nick, which put Jackson either hip to hip with Cassidy’s girlfriend, Liz, or on the other side, with Shelby. I weighed the options and decided Liz was far less intimidating than Shelby, and Jackson would have safer conversation with the two girls, than with my lovely, overprotective friend or her slightly crazy boyfriend. I motioned Jackson to slide in first, and as soon as I was all the way in next to him, I put my hand on his thigh, hoping the contact would settle the butterflies in my stomach.
Jackson, for his part, was admirable. He talked easily with Cassidy about programming and game devel
oping, and I was doubly glad I’d sat them together. I had totally forgotten that Cassidy had recently started a business as a consultant working with big-name developers as she streamlined their businesses and worked to bring new talent into their companies.
Unusually quiet, Shelby sat and watched from Nick’s side. I finally leaned over and asked her what she was thinking, but all I got from her was a noncommittal shrug and a thoughtful look. I asked Jackson to order for us both, meaning I wanted a Diet Coke and for him to eat something, and went to the restroom. I had just pulled the lip gloss out of my clutch, when Shelby entered behind me, and leaned against the sink with her arms folded, watching me.
“What is it, Shelby?” I asked as I wiped a smear from the edge of my lips.
“What have you done, C.J.? The last time you had that look in your eye, you ended up in Vegas, and very nearly married, if memory serves.”
“Yes, it does, and that’s not a mistake I intend to make twice. We’re not getting married, Shelby. I mean, I don’t know if we’ll ever get married, but that’s definitely not a conversation we’re having yet.” I turned to her and grinned. “The sex is pretty hot though. I mean, that alone would be worth marrying a guy built like that for, right?” I watched her face as she struggled to control her words.
“So, sex is a good reason to get married?”
“I’m kidding Shelby. I mean, not about the sex, it’s fantastic. Jackson is a great guy. He’s the real deal.”
“Has he fallen for you yet?” I glared at her reflection in the mirror, and she avoided my stare, taking out her compact and repairing nonexistent flaws.
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on, C.J. You know guys always fall in love with you in no time at all.”
“Yeah, and if you haven’t noticed, they tend to fall out of love pretty quickly too.” My stomach clenched. I’d been with three different guys, publicly, in the previous three years. No sooner did we’d decide we were meant to be, then I ruined it. Every damn time.
“Getting chased off isn’t the same as falling out of love, Sweetie. I’ve run into one of your exes after the fact. He was still stupid in love with you. He just truly believed he was the worst mistake you’d ever made.” She sighed. “There’s something, I don’t know… solid about this guy. I’m not telling you to marry him, but, if anyone was going to stick around, it would be him. Just don’t make him wish he hadn’t, if you can help it.”
I threw my lipstick back in my little purse and shut with a snap. “Damn. You don’t pull your punches, do you?” I tried to storm off, but she grabbed my arm.
“I love you enough to be direct. Besides, you’ll have forgiven me by the time I do your make-up tomorrow. You love me.” She let go and I walked off without another word. But, by the time I’d reached our table, and saw Jackson laughing at something Cassidy had said, while Liz rolled her eyes at her girlfriend and even Nick was leaning forward with a grin on his face, my anger had cooled from searing heat, to the discomfort of realizing she was right.
Jackson was a tech prodigy, but he was from that hardy stock I remembered from my youth. The men that put on their boots and their hats and took pride in their work, their homes, and their people. Jackson took pride in me. I wasn’t just a fuckable girl to him. I was his people. I blinked away the sudden tears that burned the backs of my eyelids, and as if he knew I was thinking about him, my guy glanced up and looked right in my direction, worry flashing across his face before I smiled and he returned it with a grin.
I worked my way back behind the table again, playing with Jackson’s hand in his lap. I regretted leaving home, where we’d be in comfortable clothes, just hanging out. Meanwhile, Jackson kept the table in stitches, exaggerating his accent and telling them stories that he’d shared with me, about skinny dipping in the muddy shallows of the lake and learning about leeches the hard way, and the first time he was thrown form a horse badly enough to break something. I tuned in to the stories laughing as hard as I had the first time I heard them.
“So, imagine me, ten years old, my britches caught up on a big ol’ fence post, screaming for help while this bull charges the fence from the other side, slamming his head into the post so hard I swing and bounce on the other side of it, my feet dangling off the ground.” Jackson was mid-story when Shelby returned, and he paused as she sat down.
“Please finish. Sorry for the interruption.” She said quietly, gesturing with her hands for him to continue. He grinned and nodded, and I wondered if he’d stopped to be polite, or for dramatic effect.
“Well, there I am, bouncing around, wishing for once that my shorts would tear, when I see my older brother come running across the field, full tilt. He grabs me, yanks me right out of the shorts, and runs away with me over his shoulder like a bale of hay, in nothing but my little white underoos, and my tee shirt.” The entire table erupted in laughter at the picture and Jackson paused again until it died down. “They refused to let me take the shorts down. It took two years for there to be a wind high enough to dislodge those stupid things. But, I tell you, I have never been back inside that pasture, not in almost fourteen years.” He scratched the back of his neck and shook his head. “Stupid, fucking crazy-ass bull.” The pure venom in his voice started another round of laughter, and it took a few minutes before any of us could talk again.
“Oh, my Lord. I thought I had funny stories to share, but everything I laugh about now, seems to be stuff I was once arrested for.” Liz sighed, still wiping tears of laughter from the corners of her eyes. “I’m glad we have a little good clean fun in the group now. We need it.” Cassidy raised her glass in agreement, and Nick and Shelby followed suite. I grinned up at Jackson, who looked happy, and a little overwhelmed.
“Well, shoot, Son. I would’ve held off on introducing you to them if I’d realized they’d like you better than me.” I winked and hugged his arm. It felt good to not be the odd man out with the couples anymore. Even better that Jackson fit in so well with my weird crowd. I looked around the table, and any irritation with Shelby for being honest and calling me out melted away. This time, I didn’t want to chase anyone away. These people were my family, and watching them laugh and drink like we’d all been friends since the beginning, I made a silent wish that we could hold on to that moment, and never change.
Chapter Twenty
Jackson
The restaurant was fun, and I liked C.J.’s friends, especially Liz and Cassidy. I was happy that I didn’t have to admit to anyone that I’d never met a lesbian before, and since no one asked, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Cassidy worked in mobile gaming, and she consulted with some of the biggest names in the industry. Liz was a writer for the big sports games, and she had a repertoire of stories about the athletes and celebrities whose voices were used for those games that made my sides hurt from laughing so hard. I was having such a good time, that it was a disappointment when the time came to pay the check and head out to the clubs.
C.J. kept to her word and didn’t eat or drink anything except diet soda, so I knew I had a designated driver for the night. Maybe if I hadn’t, I would have been more careful with my own drinking, and better avoided the trouble I found when one of C.J.’s famous friends saw us and invited us up to the VIP lounge.
At first, I was amazed when our little group walked past the line that wrapped around the corner of the building and the bouncer let us right in, without blinking. Even then, I felt his eyes on me, like he knew I didn’t fit it with the rest of them, but he let me through with C.J. on my arm, and aside from a grimace in my direction, he said nothing. The music was the requisite DJ spun techno-remixes of older hip hop and rhythm and blues, loud enough to burn right through my eardrums and into my head. I listened to all kinds of music, but what people were gyrating to on the dance floor was some sort of bastardization of every known type of music, mixed up and mashed together for the benefit of the mostly naked girls dancing in the cages.
We stood with the crush of people l
ined up three deep at the bar for drinks, and waited for a bartender to take notice of the bills Shelby was waving at her, when a large man dressed in unrelieved black leather from his jacket to the shirt underneath and his pants approached us and started talking to C.J. I saw him point up to the VIP lounge that overlooked the dancefloor, and she nodded and grabbed Shelby’s arm. She directed us away from the bar and we gathered around her so she could shout to us over the music.
“We’ve been invited to the VIP section. There’s a guy up there having his birthday party. I worked with him on a few music videos, and he wants us to come celebrate with him. Do you want to go?” I was the only one who hesitated to agree, but she didn’t seem to notice, and I found myself following her through the maze of bodies to a door manned by yet another leather-clad meat head. He opened the door without being asked, and we walked up the stairs like we belonged there. I glanced at the others, and realized I was the only one for whom this was a first.
“Perks of being on C.J.’s friend’s list?” I leaned over and asked Nick as quietly as I could over the music, which was still almost uncomfortably loud, even behind the glass that separated the suite from the rest of the club.
“Pretty much,” he replied. “I’m still getting used to it, and Shelby and I have been together for almost two years. Just roll with it. It does get easier.” He chuckled and smacked me on the shoulder in a gesture of solidarity, before finding himself a perch on the outskirts of the party, and settling in with a flute of champagne he’d snagged from the large table in the middle of the room.
C.J. made her way over to a skinny white kid in a hoodie and skinny jeans, and air-kissed both sides of his face, before he pulled her into a hug. I felt a hand on my arm, and glanced down at Cassidy, who was watching me and stroking my arm in a way that I realized had nothing to do with flirtation.
“I have a few brothers of my own, Jackson. I know that look. I promise, it means nothing. C.J. doesn’t find that little dickwad the least bit attractive, and although it might feel good to punch him in the face initially, I guarantee it isn’t worth the beating you will end up taking if you do it.”