So, the next day, when I would wake up and feel them, I’d recognize the recently dubbed Mimi, Victor, and Aphrodite and hopefully get distracted from the impending, important meeting by their personal names and the fantastic books they represent. It was working already.
But still, I had bats in my stomach; that’s not normal, at least not for me. Before Uriel, I was never worried or nervous about anything; I’d never known the bats, never had to get acquainted with them. Of course, with your whole future having been planned out for years, what surprises do you come across to get nervous or worried about in the first place? College had been my beacon in a very dark present existence. University was freedom and deliverance from an uninteresting and predictable small city where I had lived most of my life submitting to Mother and being bored senseless.
When Uriel walked into my English class on the first day of school, I had gotten my senses back. When my heart stopped beating, my spirit started living. It was like I was awake for the first time in years, like I had been sleepwalking and finally woken up- to a dream. I actually looked forward, not to something I had to wait a year and a half for, but to each and every day in between. How did one man change my whole out-look on life? What made him so imperative to my happiness?
And not only my happiness but all my emotions? He now affected my anger, agitation, sorrow, pride, despondency- not that he’s periodically the cause of these sentiments, though the dark period is the only example of when he instigated all of them at one time; it’s that he can counteract the negative qualities I try and fail to hide from him- as well as my more pleasant emotions such as elation, desire, excitement, jubilation, euphoria, and love.
And my reactions to these emotions were bizarre for my norm. Before Uriel, I never blushed, never had the bats, and never teared up in public- I can’t believe I practically cried in front of him today. He makes me feel like such a girl sometimes, in good ways and bad. But I absolutely detest crying in front of other people.
Being that as it is, it’s just my luck that I almost broke down, not once, but twice, all within ten minutes in front of him. Then again what other response could I muster other than one of weak sniveling when I’m faced with the fact that Uriel and I, in all likeliness, do not have a favorable future together? It was just good to know, for certain, that he does want one with me. But I’m no optimist; I know that we are anything but the average, conventional couple who could get married after college, have babies, and grow old together. If I was an optimist, I’d imagine that the visitor who I would meet the next day would have a solution to our every problem- that’d be simply perfect.
But I’m not an optimist.
And the other time I was perilously close to breaking down that day was when I thought of Elly. I immediately and intentionally put her in the back of my mind and shoved aside any feelings that my memories of her brought up whenever I was around other people because I didn’t trust myself not to have a meltdown, but here, in my bedroom, alone, I was not able to stop the thoughts of her.
Where is she?
Why hasn’t she turned from the scumbag creeper Amir yet and come home?
How can she not see that he’s evil?
How can she possibly stay with someone who claims to have a collection of Nephilim people to do whatever he wants?
That guy in the school’s parking lot on Thursday- Ira- was so blatantly villainous and depraved that Elly has to know that he and his “leader” are bad news, right?
How did she not see this coming?
...How did I not see this coming?
And there it was- the guilt and shame I had been desperately trying not to acknowledge for weeks.
I should have known. I should have noticed something over the summer that made it clear that she wasn’t right, that there was some part of her that could be twisted by a random stalker who compelled her to trust him, and then sleep with him, and then run off with him and be controlled by him. I should have realized the second I saw her walking painlessly without her brace over a month ago that there was something special about her, something not human.
It’s all my fault.
No, I can’t think like that. I’ve read about psychotic break downs before, and I couldn’t afford to slip into some self-hating state while my friend was out there somewhere being taken advantage of. I had to be there when Azra, Zev, Odeda, Uriel, and Dagan found her. Negative what ifs never help anyone. I would be strong and everything would be fine.
I started getting sleepy, but refused to look at the clock. I wanted to sleep; I needed sleep. And while negative what ifs aren’t helpful, positive what ifs ensure that I have pleasant dreams. So I drifted off into a happy world of what ifs and maybe somedays that I only dared to entertain in the privacy of my own bed and my own mind that began and ended with my angel.
♂ ♂ ♂ ♂ ♂
Sunday morning began the last day of November and I celebrated it by impatiently tapping my foot all through church, waiting for it to be over so I could get to Uriel’s house. On the way home, Mother gave me an absurdly long lecture about how bad-mannered I had been. I didn’t really hear what she was saying because, naturally, I was entirely distracted with more important thoughts.
I practically jumped out of the Lexus- which is the car Dad always drives to church- before it was in park. I raced up to my room and changed out of my stuffy clothes and into a pair of comfy jeans and a royal purple sweater. While scraping a brush through my mane, I heard a car outside. Crossing over to my window, I was surprised to see Uriel’s Escalade sitting by the curb. I guessed that meant I didn’t have to drive myself.
I shoved my feet into a pair of silver ballet flats and grabbed the closest jacket before skipping down the hallway, jumping down the stairs three at a time, and hopping through the front door before Uriel could make it to the recently-edited traditional chime. My parents had already been informed of my plan to spend the rest of the day with him, so I didn’t bother letting them know I was leaving. They wouldn’t even notice.
Uriel met me halfway up the walkway wearing a casual sweater that was the perfect shade of blue on him and a pair of dark jeans with sneakers.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” I asked unthinkingly. He had noticeable dark circles under his eyes but the discoloration didn’t take away from their blueness. They were shining with cerulean as their prominent color thanks to his sweater.
“Good day to you too, Keira.”
“Sorry.”
Uriel sighed. “I kept waking every half-hour.”
“You mean you didn’t have pleasant dreams of me while I had them of you?” I nudged him.
“I prefer reality to fictitious fantasies,” he said with a small smile as he wrapped his arm around my waist and we walked to his Cadillac.
Once we were in, I re-examined my angel. He looked utterly exhausted and more than a little apprehensive if I wasn’t mistaken. “This isn’t going to be as easy for me as yesterday was for you, is it?”
He turned his tired eyes on me. “I’m afraid it isn’t, but I don’t know for certain.”
I faced forward, choosing to focus on the surroundings of the car instead of Uriel, my rock, who was uncharacteristically uneasy. “It’ll be fine,” I said as much to myself as I did to him.
The ride was quiet and tense. I finally had to turn on the radio and crank up the music once I found a decent song in order to drown out the oppressive silence. I was almost in a really good mood by the time we arrived at my favorite house in the world- well, perhaps other than my grandma’s- but Uriel wasn’t quite as lofty as me. I put on a smile as he opened my door for me to get out of the car. Taking his hand, I walked up to the house and let myself in- they never locked the door, but I guess there isn’t a safer place to be than in a house full of noble super humans- as Uriel lagged as far behind as he could without letting go.
Azra was the first one to stand and greet me. In response, I toasted him with an imaginary cup and bellowed, “All hail King Ar
thur! Long live King Arthur!”
This earned me a rare, wide smile from the guild’s leader- I actually saw his teeth; they’re perfect, of course- as well as three frequently seen ones from Odeda, Zev, and Dagan, who were all still lounging in the living room to the right of where I stood. “Come on, Lancelot,” I said as I led Uriel to the open couch seats.
Azra sat down on the arm of Odeda’s chair, and all joking aside, asked me, “Keira, do you know what’s happening today and why?”
Wow. Cut right to the chase why don’t you? I licked my suddenly dry lips and repeated what I had been told as well as what I had inferred. “An important, male immortal is coming who can help or harm my chosen future… That’s all I know.”
Azra and Odeda nodded twin gestures.
More silence like the one from the car ride over fell upon the room.
I was nervous.
Uriel, at my side, was nervous.
The others were nervous.
Fan-freaking-tastic, I thought as it was made undeniably clear that I had not been overreacting when I’d thought this day would be crucial.
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” I pleaded, not able to withstand the charged silence a second longer.
“You’re meeting a member of the Hierarchy and he’s going to say yes or no to the relationship between you and Uriel,” Dagan answered.
“Thank you, Dagan. And now, what’s the worst that can happen if we don’t get his blessing?”
Every face in the room flinched simultaneously. Even Azra.
“Wow,” I breathed. “That bad?”
It was time for the leader to take over- since Uriel wasn’t saying a word. “The Hierarchy is made up of Old Ones- the ones who banished the pure-blood Watchers here. The Old Ones are much more powerful than Nephilim are because of their constant connection with the Old World. As Nephilim of the Light, we all answer to the Hierarchy.” Azra hesitated for a moment but then persevered, speaking significantly with each word separate from the other. “If our visitor today finds some insult or threat in your relationship, then he has the power to keep you and Uriel apart forever.”
It took a very long time for this to settle on me. It was unfathomable. It was unacceptable. This wasn’t some misunderstanding between Uriel and me where I could see him every day at school and know that somehow everything would work out- even if I had to yell at him. This was forever. Forever’s an impossible amount of time to be separated from your driving force in life, from your soul and your heart. Who or what could have the power to do something that monstrous?
“There’s something special about this visitor that I don’t know, isn’t there?”
Azra nodded reluctantly.
“What is it?”
“Uriel,” Azra addressed the immobile angel beside me. “Perhaps you should be the one to tell Keira.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my guy nod once.
“Alone,” Azra added as he stood. The others moved to follow, but Uriel stopped them with a raised hand.
He spoke, “You stay here. We can go to my room to talk.”
Everyone returned to how they were before. I looked at Uriel and saw that his face was solemn as he wordlessly stood and pulled me to my feet by our still-clasped hands. I could feel my face falling in response as we made our way up to his room. I didn’t have any of the nerves I had the first time that I’d entered his sanctum; I had been in this room on several occasions to help pick out a DVD from his collection we would watch either alone downstairs or with the rest of his family, and also to borrow books and CDs. The public library had nothing on Uriel’s accumulation of awesome novels.
He dropped my hand when we were in, and he closed the door softly behind us- something that he had never done before. But instead of the anticipating, tightening of my stomach, I felt dread sink into my bones. He looked so conflicted and perplexed that I felt I might not have recognized him as the person I’d spent the last few days with. “What happened to the happy, joking man I was with yesterday?” I hadn’t intended to say this thought out loud, but it escaped my filter nevertheless.
“I put off all introspectiveness until today; yesterday, I didn’t allow myself to consider in excess what was to come, but today, I cannot escape the truth.”
I waited silently, standing in the middle of Uriel’s room while he decided how to start his explanations.
When he couldn’t seem to make up his mind, I offered, “Why don’t you start at the beginning,” even though I had no idea what or where the beginning was.
“I guess the beginning’s as good a place to start as any…” I moved over to his bed and sat down on the dark silver comforter, anticipating a time-consuming story. Uriel remained standing a few yards from me. “This tale begins before I came into existence. As you know, beings from another world came to this one in hopes of finding freedom from their superiors- some say they were banished while others say they came willingly. What we might not have made clear is that the other world was infinitely better than this one; its land was unblemished, its animals were naturally tame and submissive, and its inhabitants were of the purest folk. Some imaginative mortals have called them angels, others elves, others monsters, and others many more names, but these beings do not label themselves so I don’t know what to properly describe them as.”
“Amir called you angels and demons.”
“Yes, well, that view helps Amir nurse his God-complex very nicely.”
“Angels works for me.” If Uriel was a descendant of them, then angels was the closest title I saw fit.
“Alright. The angels lived in harmony for an immeasurable amount of time, but some began having doubts and rebellious thoughts.” Uriel’s voice and expression turned disgusted, but it seemed, to me, personal in some way. Then again, I did know his father was one of those he was speaking of. “They gave in to their dark temptations and sought to live however they pleased. But the… archangels?... would not permit any vile acts on their domain.”
I recalled Mr. Pollard’s words about archangels. They’re the most powerful and most feared of angels.
“Once the rebel angels refused to be ruled over and the archangels realized their kin would not turn from their evil ways, the later banished the anarchists from their presence, not thinking at first, what the fallen ones could do to any other world. Once they did, they began damage control, but some afflictions were irreparable.”
Uriel paused and I saw in his eyes an ancient anguish that compelled me to comfort him in any way I could. But he continued so I remained seated. “I and my kind are the most pronounced of the irreparable afflictions. It wasn’t until Nephilim came into existence that this world’s morality began to worsen noticeably; before, the Original Watchers could only contaminate what little ground their limited numbers could cover- there were very few who dared oppose their fellow creatures’ nature. And even though they left their home-world to live lawlessly, the most powerful dark angels quickly became authoritative. But after a short time, most decided to scatter across the land on their own. This is where my personal history begins.
“My mother was a peasant in a small town in the center of the Middle East. She was good and kind, known in the village for her compassion. She was also beautiful and had uncommonly light hair for her race. Many of the men were interested in her hand in spite of her inferiority by birth, but when a stranger came to town, so unnaturally becoming, so outstanding and remarkable in all that he did, all the other men forsook their pursuit. This stranger, Shamsiêl, took to improving the small town and inevitably won over my mother through his seemingly good deeds. It appeared to the people of the town to be a perfect union, for the sweet and beautiful peasant to couple in matrimony with one who was thought of as a gift from God,” Uriel scoffed, his revulsion almost tangible. “It did not take long for the fallen one’s temperament to surface as he grew comfortable in his position in the town and greedy in new ambitions that were forming in his twisted mind. He wanted to
rule over more than the willingly offered village; he desired nations to dictate.
“By the time my mother realized what she had bound herself to, she was already swollen with child. Still, she feared for her unborn son’s safety because Shamsiêl would need a second in command and would never accept a mortal and never trust another Original Watcher. My mother ran one night while the monster was scouting a neighboring town. Of course, when he returned a few days later to their vacant quarters, Shamsiêl was enraged, not only because she had taken his heir but also his pride was wounded that his wife would dare flee from him, and immediately began hunting her. A week or so into her exodus, my mother went into premature labor due to the stress she was putting her body through. When I was born, the demon was almost upon her. She could see him in the distance and knew that her end was coming, for even if her husband did not slaughter her, she had a complication while delivering me and understood that she did not have much time to live. My mother thought it had all been a wasted effort, her flight from evil just to die and have her son raised by him without her there.
“Shamsiêl stopped a short distance away from my dying mother- about as far from me that you are now,” Uriel said, eyeing the space between where he stood and where I sat. “He took one more, slow step toward her as she thought all hope was lost… Then another appeared between them. My mother faded in and out of consciousness as the new immortal endeavored to persuade my father from his depraved behavior and present intentions and turn back to the Light. Shamsiêl would not listen and demanded the archangel- for that is what the prompting immortal was- step aside so he could rightfully punish his wife and take his only son home for the training he had planned for the next few decades.
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