by Ward, Abella
***
The island where my first death took place was smaller than I remembered. The years of being beaten by the sea had eaten away at the shore. I could see from one side to the other, and it was all bare rock. A group was gathered on the other side of the island as I landed and shifted my form from crow to human. Many of them were the one-eyed Fomorians that had tried to take me from the bus, but there were a handful that would have been indistinguishable from humans.
Two, in fact, were human.
I strode towards the group, not seeing Balor among them. Was this a trap? I stopped several feet away and focused on my parents. Their fear was a nameless bitterness on my tongue, and I almost flinched back from them.
"Are you hurt?" I asked.
Dad opened his mouth, but a voice interrupted him. "I did not harm them."
I turned to the man who spoke. He was tall, broad-shouldered with a handsome face. Both his eyes were a piercing green, but I recognized the taste of molasses rolling off him. I looked Balor up and down. "You look different."
"As do you, Macha."
"Nikki," I corrected automatically. "Now let my parents go."
Balor gestured at his minions, and they dragged Mom and Dad to their feet. I tried to remain immobile as they passed by me, but Mom suddenly stomped on the foot of her guard and elbowed him in the face. She threw her arms around me, her lemon overpowering my senses. I held her tightly, feeling like a little girl again afraid of monsters under my bed.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I love you. I love you."
The Fomorians dragged her back again. I stepped forward to protest, but they opened a portal and were gone before I could speak. My heart hammered. "Where did you take them?"
"Back to their home. I am a man of my word." Balor touched his chest and mocked a bow.
I steeled myself for what was to come and turned to him, raising my chin defiantly. "You've stolen yourself magic."
"Not stolen. Cultivated."
"Why are you even doing this?" I demanded, tossing my black hair and putting my hands on my hips. "Both the Fomorians and Tuatha Dé Danann are ended, why do you want to carry on the feud between us?"
"Our feud? No." Balor shook his head. "You were an honorable opponent, Macha. I bear no resentment to you or your people."
I didn't correct my name this time, a frown furrowing my brow.
"I can understand why you might think that I want to continue our battle from those millennia ago, but look around." Balor gestured in a wide circle around both of us.
There was something familiar in the shape of his jaw and cheekbones, but not reminiscent to the monster that killed me all those years ago. He saw me staring at him rather than at the desolated place that was once our battleground, and his hands dropped. A wry smile crossed his face.
"Wondering why I look so different?"
"Yes. I assume it's some sort of magical mask."
He shook his head. "Like you, I was killed. But my opponent did not kill me in a good battle, facing strength against strength. It was a human, invading the depths of the ocean. They have no business there. My people had already been driven off one home, we weren't going to lose another. But they brought the fire under the water. They killed me and destroyed my court. Imagine my surprise when I was born again as one of them."
"Fire under water… You were killed by a torpedo? And reincarnated again as a human?" How many more of our kind walked the human lands, thinking they just didn't fit? "Like me."
Balor nodded and stepped forward. "Yes. It took me several years to learn that as a human I could use magic and to teach the remnants of my people to use it. But our magic is still new, it's young, and no use against atomic bombs and machine guns. And that is why I need you."
I didn't like where this was going, but I kept my mouth shut. He brought me here for a reason, and I needed to know what it was.
"You are the only one who can reopen the gates to the Otherworld so that the Tuatha Dé Danann can return. Finvarra will lead the Daoine Sidhe to follow you, and with the Morrigan restored, we can join together, Tuatha and Fomorian, to drive back the foul humanity that took our rights to our lands and kingdoms all those years ago."
Chapter Eight
My eyes widened. Push back humanity and reclaim what was taken from us? Tuatha Dé Danann and the Fomorians, joining forces to wage war against the bombs and destruction of humankind? To reclaim a place to belong…The thought was tempting.
But we had had our chances, and we were selected for elimination.
If the Tuatha and Fomorians were meant to rule the earth, we would be ruling it. And what would happen to the humans if the portals opened and the Tuatha came back? How many more would die? Of us and them both. They drove us away with arrows and swords, and now they had nuclear bombs. What use was any magic against such formidable weaponry? The toll on the Earth would be devastating. None of us would have a place to belong if we were all dead.
"Our time ended," I told Balor, shaking my head sadly. "Maybe there isn't a place for us anymore. We need to accept that. Find a new way to live."
Balor's eyes narrowed. "Let's think about this, Macha—"
"My name is Nikki."
For a moment, it seemed he was too stunned to act. His face twisted in fury soon enough. He lunged forward, hands grasping for my neck. I threw out both my hands, but only a weak mist seeped from my palms. The millennia I had spent repressing my magic was clearly showing. I had already tapped my strength by fleeing Finvarra, fighting the dragon, and getting myself here.
Balor stopped, jaw hanging loosely at he watched my feeble magical attack wither and die. I lowered my hands, heart pounding hard. I couldn't defeat him when I was still a full-powered Morrigan. There was no way I could survive him now. And he knew it.
"Being human has taken its toll on you. Will you still even be able to open the portal?"
"Probably not," I rasped out as he moved closer.
He shrugged and grinned. "We'll see. But if you refuse to help me, I'll just have to kill you again like I did before. And who knows, maybe this time you won't come back."
I'd never be able to explain to Mom and Dad what I was. I'd never be able to tell them how much I loved them, and that despite the strain in our relationship, I knew they always loved me. They would never know that. And Mom, she would blame herself for this. I couldn’t imagine how much worse her depression would get.
And Finvarra… he deserved more than me running away from him like I did. My heart ached, breaking at the thought of losing him again. When was the last time I told him that I loved him? Had I ever told him?
"Wait," I blurted as Balor reached for me, magic sparking over his fingertips. "Wait."
"Changing your mind?"
I shook my head. "But isn't it the honorable thing to let me say goodbye to my loved ones before you kill me? Especially since my magic is so weak, I'm basically helpless against you."
Balor tilted his head to one side, studying me. I held my breath. Honor among the Fomorians was different than among the Tuatha, and both groups were far different than humans.
"You want mercy, is that what you are saying?" he asked me.
Mercy was not something that our people had much experience with. "Perhaps that was what made humans so much stronger than us," I said slowly, "their ability to show mercy and compassion to each other. It strengthened their bonds. Us, all we ever did was tear each other apart."
The Fomorian king snorted. "Mercy has no place in war."
He reached for me again. I braced myself for death, praying it would be quick when a trumpet blast sounded overhead. We all turned to find a sky full of silver stars. My breath caught in my chest as they got closer. Sidhe, all of the dressed in silver armor, were flying through the air on gossamer wings towards us. Finvarra was at their head, twin daggers in his hands.
How had he found me? It didn't matter. As Balor cursed, I slipped from his grasp and called out to my lover. "Finvarra!"
The king made a beeline for us, eyes narrowed in concentration, lips pulled back in a fierce grimace.
"Rise, children of the sea!" Balor bellowed from behind me.
I whirled again; the waves crashing onto the shore took shape, one-eyed beings with leathery blue skin. Their arms ended in sharp blades, and as the sidhe drew nearer, these new creatures howled and stamped their feet. It was just like last time. There might not be as much room on the island now, but as long as Balor lived, they would keep coming. Hundreds and thousands of them to each one of our number. It would be a bloodbath.
"Kill them all," Balor ordered.
Finvarra shouted something to his army, but I couldn’t tell what he said. They flew up, forming a tight knot, then dropped down among Balor's army. The clash of steel and the shouts of frenzied warriors made the crow blossom in my chest again.
"Nikki," Finvarra breathed as he dropped beside me. "My soldiers will cut a path for your escape—"
"No," I snarled, snatching one of his daggers from him. "He won't stop hunting me unless he's dead."
I could see that Finvarra would have liked to throw me over his shoulder and fly off, but there wasn't any time to continue arguing. Two Fomorians came at us from behind while Balor thrust his hand into the earth. Cracks formed around his fist. I spun out of the Fomorians' range while Finvarra lithely leaped behind them. He stabbed one in the back and when the other turned to face him, I darted in and cut its throat.
Both of us charged Balor as he drew a sword from the ground. I stumbled against Finvarra, recognizing the blade. I remembered it thrusting through my body and I couldn't breathe.
"Come and die again," the Fomorian king taunted.
"You are the only one who dies today," Finvarra seethed, leaping between us.
Balor swung his sword at Finvarra's head, but the sidhe dodged the blow; he got in close enough to stab at Balor. The Fomorian spun away at surprising speed. His hand flashed green, and a bolt of magic struck Finvarra straight in the chest. He stumbled back, gasping, and Balor swung his sword up.
"No!" I shouted, throwing myself into the fray. My dagger bit Balor's side. He roared and swung around, his elbow driving into my face. Pain blinded me as I heard my nose crunch. Wet, leathery hands wrapped around my throat from behind.
Finvarra vaulted from where he was, bringing the dagger down just beyond my ear. A squelching noise was followed by my clothes suddenly drenched in water. The creature had dissolved back into the sea. I gasped noisily, trying to regain my footing, as Balor charged us again. A sidhe jumped in his way, only for his blade to pierce through her body.
I planted my feet in the ground, gripping my dagger. The crow beat against my chest, but I couldn't trust my magic. I didn't have the control I used to. Finvarra fanned out from my side, coming in at Balor on his left. When the Fomorian deflected his blow, I jumped in again. Balor grunted as my dagger skittered over his arm. Blood blossomed, but he hardly seemed to notice.
"After I am done with you, I will open the gates to the otherworld," he vowed. "A human sacrifice should do it… perhaps a woman that has a trace of magic in her from giving birth to one of the Morrigan."
Mom.
Later, I wasn't sure what I did. All I knew was that a well of fury and hatred rose in me, and all my energy was focused on destroying Balor. Finvarra may have shouted something, but all I remembered was dropping my dagger and spreading my arms. Balor lunged for me, his sword driving towards my heart, but a fountain of black burst from the ground between us. He stumbled back, terror coming over his face. The black mist spread over the island. Cries and fear and pain echoed across the ocean, and the Fomorians stumbled about blindly, attacking each other and the sidhe alike. Finvarra called for a retreat, and the sidhe took wing, hovering over the battlefield.
Balor stumbled back from me, terror lighting his face. I stomped my foot, pulling my arms towards my chest then pushing them out again. A blast of wind burst from my palms and knocked him off his feet. Another had him rolling in the white waves off the shore.
"This ends now," I whispered.
Black spots swayed over my vision, the magic dancing haphazardly through my body. I threw another blast towards him, and my knees buckled. I fell to the ground, my mists around me sinking back into the earth.
The Sidhe dropped in among the Fomorians again. Their swords sliced through them easily, but more were emerging from the sea.
Finvarra faced Balor now, matching him blow for blow. Both had lost their weapons. I picked up my fallen dagger, but I could feel my magic still draining from my body, and I didn't have the strength to lift the weapon. Balor sunk his fist into Finvarra's stomach and threw him into the midst of newly-born Fomorians, then advanced on me.
"We could have been great together," the Fomorian king said, snatching his sword from the soaked earth.
Two sidhe tried to face him, but there were quickly cut down. He drove the sword towards my chest. I managed to get the dagger up, deflecting the blade at the last second. It cut through my shoulder. Balor lifted the sword again–and something slashed across his throat. Blood splattered from the wound as he staggered around. Finvarra stood behind him, dagger in hand, and finished him off. As the massive body fell to the earth, his army disappeared in bursts of water.
Finvarra caught me as I collapsed, utterly spent. He pressed his lips to my mouth and I drank in the taste of him. "You're going to be okay," he promised. "You're going to be okay."
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I shouldn’t have left you."
"You were frightened and overwhelmed."
I touched his lips. "But I never told you."
A wave of black rolled over my vision. The power of the Morrigan was too powerful for this mortal body. If I didn't sever my connection again, it would kill me. I struggled to focus on Finvarra again. If I was going to die again, he needed to know something before I was gone.
"I love you," I whispered. "I love you, Finvarra."
He kissed me again, and the world faded away.
Chapter Nine
My cell phone woke me up. Cracking my eyelids open took great effort as I patted my nightstand, looking for the phone. I held it to my ear and yawned.
"Hello?"
"Nikki! It's about time you answered." Lajila's voice came over the line. "I've been trying to get hold of you for days. What are you up to that's keeping you from talking to your best friend?"
I blinked, trying to think. Everything came rushing back and I choked a minute. How was I still alive? For that matter, how long had I been asleep? Where was I now? I swallowed hard. What did I tell my friend? "I've been busy." I yawned again. "Lajila, I just woke up… I'll have to call you back."
"Okay, sleepyhead." Her voice was light, completely unaware of what had nearly happened to the world. "Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up and looked around. I was in my room, in my home. The air tasted of so many different flavors I couldn’t tell the mood of the house. I did, however, smell Finvarra's ocean-adventure scent in the mix. It gave me the bravery to get out of bed and head downstairs, though my stomach twisted itself into knots. How were my parents going to react to me now that they knew the truth? Would they still want to be my parents?
Mom and Dad sat at the kitchen table, arms wrapped around each other, while Finvarra sat on the other side. His voice was a low murmur, too low for me to understand him. A plate of brownies sat between them. I took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. Mom's gaze flickered to me, and she leaped to her feet. But then she froze, staring me as though I was a stranger. Dad slowly stood, looking at me with the same expression.
"Hi," I said awkwardly. "Are those fudge brownies?"
Mom nodded. "Yes. I was hoping they were still your favorite."
I plucked one from the plate and bit into it. The chocolatey flavor exploded on my tongue and I couldn't help moaning in delight. When I reached for a second while still chewing the first, Mom burst into tears. I jumped, startled. What had I done wr
ong? She raced around the table and threw her arms around me.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry."
Dad hugged me as well. My gaze darted to Finvarra, eyes wide. He smiled softly at me and got to his feet. "I'll wait outside."
There was so much crying going on in here that I wanted to go with him. Even though they were both hugging me, the worst case scenario flashed through my mind. They were crying and apologizing because they didn't want me around anymore and felt guilty. They were going to kick me out. They were going to say that now they knew what I really was. They couldn’t love me anymore.
"I'm sorry I never loved you enough, Nikki." Mom pulled back and wiped her eyes. "All this time I was mourning a child that I had all along. I won't blame you if you never forgive me."
I squeezed her hand. "Of course I forgive you, Mom. This is all so strange and difficult to wrap my mind around, but I'm still the girl you raised. I'm still your daughter."
Mom stroked my cheek with the back of her hand. "I never realized how much I was neglecting you until I thought I might lose you."
"That goes for both of us," Dad said, his voice thick. "We love you, Nikki."
I embraced them both again, relief breaking over me like waves on the shore. Things had changed between us, of course they had, but now we could at least set things back on the right course. Despite my thousands of years' worth of memories, I still needed them. Telling them about my relationship with Finvarra could wait until things were a little more stable, though.
Speaking of him…
"I need to go talk to Finvarra," I said, extracting myself from my parents' embraces. "I just want to make sure he doesn't go running away before I can… figure things out. I'll be back in a few minutes."
I grabbed another brownie before I headed outside. At first, I was afraid Finvarra had left since I didn't see him. But after dashing down the road, I found him in the playground where we first met… at least, in this lifetime. I brushed my hair behind my ear as I walked up to him. He sat on the swing, long legs stretched out before him, a satisfied smile on his face.