by Lee Kilraine
Although it would have been better if she’d never made love with Kaz because then she wouldn’t know what she’d be missing. Because when a man knows what he’s doing . . . wow. And oh boy did Kaz know what he was doing when it came to a woman’s body . . . and her needs . . . and desires . . . okay, that wasn’t helping. Snap out of it, Mira.
What had she been thinking? Sitting around here waiting for some scrap from Kaz? Heck, she’d been waiting for four days. Why wait for him to ask her to leave? She had a little pride left.
Boy oh boy, she had to be the slowest learner on the planet because seriously, how was it possible she’d once again misjudged and trusted the wrong man?
Trust me. I’m gay.
Trust me. I’m married.
Trust me. I’m going into the priesthood.
Trust me. I’m a crazy, psychotic, sociopathic Russian criminal who will stalk you and terrorize you and get you fired from four jobs until you’re broke and on the run.
Grrr. It was the darn story of her life. She stomped into the bathroom to pack up her toiletries and moved back to the bed, stuffing them into the bag.
What had it been with Kaz? Trust me. I’m—
Huh. Mira began pulling up those moments in her mind. Moments when Kaz had said she should trust him and he’d . . . he’d come through.
When he offered to help her through her concussion. You’re going to have to trust someone.
When he tried to help her avoid his mother’s meat loaf. You should have trusted me.
When offering help with her stalker. You can trust me.
When he taught her self-defense. You’ll get it. You will. Trust me.
When he promised to keep digging until he found a way to stop Ivan. Mira, you can trust me.
And, finally, maybe the most important of all . . . You’ve got to let go and trust yourself too. Trust your intuition. What does your gut say?
Mira’s gut was saying she’d been a colossal idiot.
Her gut said Kaz Cates was an honest, trustworthy man who cared about her. Maybe not love—not yet, at least—but she’d never know if she ran from him.
What had she just done out in the kitchen? That’s right. She’d let the words of Agent Jones, a complete stranger, put doubts about Kaz in her head. How lame was that? That was what happened when someone didn’t trust—fear and doubt slunk into the void. She hadn’t even seen the jerk’s badge.
For three weeks now Kaz had been asking her to trust him and she’d fought him every time. He hadn’t failed her yet.
She was going to take a flying leap of trust and he’d better darn well catch her. But either way—at least she’d know. Sólo se vive una vez. You only live once, Mira girl.
Grabbing the papers of account information she’d meticulously written out, she marched down the hall to Kaz’s office. After pounding on the door with three loud, assertive knocks, she blew right into the room to confront Kaz. He wasn’t alone, but if she waited until he was, she might lose her nerve.
One quick glance revealed Paxton, Quinn, and the “agent,” if he really was one, and Kaz, who was sitting on the front edge of his desk. She narrowed her eyes at them all, daring each one of them to mess with her. They looked amused instead of concerned. She decided to ignore them and turn her focus on Kaz.
Mira walked up to him and slapped the papers she’d written out down on the desk next to him. “This is to show I trust you.”
Kaz raised one eyebrow at her, glanced at the papers once before giving her his undivided attention again.
She backed up, putting some space between them so she could think. Because, darn it, his scent made her brain careen off in directions it shouldn’t. “Did I make a big mistake sleeping with you? Because I’ve made some huge mistakes in the past, but I’m done running from my mistakes. No more running when things get tough.
“Heck, Kaz, you’re the one who taught me to fight for myself, and damn it, I’ll even fight you if I have to.” She crossed her arms over her chest and jerked her chin at him. “So if you’re using me to impress your FBI friends and get your job back with them . . . or if you’re planning on stealing money from Crazy Ivan to put into your R & D or your computer gaming business, you can count me out as an accomplice.”
After the laughter in the room subsided, Kaz stood and narrowed the distance between them until only a few feet separated them. Close enough to see flecks in his brown eyes. He gave her a sexy smile, one that made her want to throw caution to the wind and give into anything he suggested.
“Of course we’re going to steal from Crazy Ivan, but I’ve been invited to by the FBI and we’ll have a few other federal agencies helping us.”
“I’m touched.” We’re? Us? Her heart warmed, knowing he saw her as an equal and was letting her help too. How did he know how important it was to have some small part in dealing with Ivan?
“When you said you used to work with the government, why the heck didn’t you mention you meant the FBI? If I’d known you had an in with them, I’d have suggested we take down Crazy Ivan on day one.” Mira glanced over at Agent Jones, frowned, and walked over to stand in front of the man. “Please tell me this guy isn’t your in with the FBI.”
“Mira, meet Agent Jones.”
“We met in the kitchen.” She stepped into Jones’s personal space and stared up into his eyes. “Let me see your badge.”
Jones took his time reaching into his jacket pocket and flashing his badge in her face with a small smirk he just couldn’t keep off his face.
“Thanks. You’re still an idiot. I was wondering, Agent Jones, how you feel about women learning self-defense?”
Slipping his ID back into his pocket, he shrugged. “I think it’s a good thing.”
“Awesome.” And then Mira kneed Agent Jones in the balls as hard as she could, surprising everyone—but especially Jones.
Chapter Twenty-nine
Jones doubled over with a guttural groan.
Kaz reached out and pulled Mira back against him away from the agent, who was at that very moment directing some very ugly words at Mira in between trying to catch his breath.
“Kaz, you’d better patch things up between you two because I like this woman.” Paxton winked at her.
Mira narrowed her eyes at Jones as she watched him writhe in pain. She had no sympathy for the man.
“You all saw that!” Still bent over, Jones glanced around the room, his face pale and his voice a bit reedy and thin. “I’m pressing charges. Assaulting a federal officer, and you’re all witnesses.”
“I didn’t see anything.” Shrugging, Kaz looked over at his brothers. “You two see anything?”
Quinn sat smiling. “Nope. Not a thing.”
Paxton had on his serious lawyer face. “Sorry, man. I must have blinked. I got your back next time, though.”
“Not that I haven’t felt like doing that myself, but what was that for?” Kaz took her hand in his.
“That idiot tried to make me think you were no better than Ivan, and possibly an informant inside the Russian mob. And hinted you were using me.”
“Stand up, Jonesy. I’ll knee you myself.” Kaz’s gaze slammed into the agent’s. “I don’t give a damn what you say about me, but you mess with Mira and you and I will take it outside.”
Quinn stood, grabbing Jones by the jacket sleeve and heading him out of the office. “Come on, Paxton. Let’s help Jones walk this off. We’ll be back in ten minutes.”
“We can stretch it to fifteen if you want to have sex on the desk, but after that we need to get back to work.”
“Zip it, Paxton, and stop hanging out with Tynan so much.” Quinn shut the door behind the three of them.
Mira stood in the quiet of the office, Kaz’s hand resting on the small of her back a huge comfort after the last few days with too much space between them.
Leading Mira over to the couch, he gently tugged her down next to him. They sat angled toward each other, their knees touching.
“We really do only have a
few minutes. The feds are wrapping this up tomorrow and I’m heading out tonight to watch it happen. Ask me anything you want to know.” He reached out, pushing a curl from her cheek. “Have I mentioned I have a weakness for redheads?”
“It’s auburn, and no, you haven’t. You didn’t dig the Elvis blue-black?” She tilted her head and looked at him through her lashes. She’d never felt shy around him before, but they were suddenly in new territory. “This is weird, right? I mean, first I played your game for six months before we met. Then we had virtual sex before the real deal. It’s like we know each other better online than we do in real life.”
“You know me, Mira.”
“I don’t know how a computer consultant and game developer has an in with a federal agency.”
“I worked for the Bureau right out of college. I quit four years ago.” He reached out, taking her hand in his. “I’m a computer security consultant. That was the total truth. I’m a hacker. The good kind. Governments and businesses pay me to attempt to hack their web sites, find the vulnerabilities in their systems, and help fix them. And sometimes I get involved or consult on catching cybercriminals. The game developing and research is a personal interest I do in my free time.”
“Okay. Okay, I can work with that.” Mira ran a hand through her hair, trying to gather her thoughts. “There’s so much I want to say and ask, but this ten-minute window is making it hard to think. I don’t know where to start.”
“I do. Let’s start here.” Kaz wrapped his hands around her face and kissed her. A deep, long, sweet, oh-so-sweet kiss that made thinking impossible.
She ran her hands along his stubbled jaw while she reveled in the feel and taste of his lips against hers. When she ran out of air and went light-headed she pulled back to catch her breath.
“I missed that. And you.” She couldn’t stop touching him. The last four days had felt like they’d been standing on opposite banks of an ever-widening river. She ran her hands over his chest, his tattooed forearm, down to his hand, where he turned his palm over and intertwined their fingers. “I’m going to be honest . . . thirty minutes ago I was packing my bag and getting ready to run again.”
His gaze latched onto hers, fierce in its intensity. “I’m glad you didn’t.”
“I don’t know exactly what we have, but I know we have something. Something with potential. Something beautiful I want to explore. How . . . how does that sound to you?”
“Like something I don’t deserve, but I’ll take it. Look, Mira, I could tell you I backed away trying to protect you—trying to do what was right for you—and that’s true . . .”
It had felt like he’d pulled the oxygen out of the atmosphere when he’d backed away. She shook her head and started to say being without him wasn’t right for her, but he stopped her.
He cupped her jaw with one hand, his eyes focused on her mouth as he brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, the lightest caress before his eyes lifted back up to hers. “But I was protecting myself. I’ve never been good at relationships. Never done deep very well. The idea of opening up to another person was always too big of a risk to take—until now.”
Oh wow. Her heart took off like a flock of sparrows. “So you’re saying yes? To us? To a relationship? To . . . ?”
“Yes to anything and everything. Yes to it all.” His eyes moved back and forth, carefully watching her reaction.
“The last four days have been horrible. And when you told me it was time to think about disappearing—you might as well have stomped on my heart.” A sob ripped from her throat.
“The very last thing I want to do is hurt you. It’s just the more I learned about Ivan, the more I wanted you as far away from him as possible. I want you safe, even if that means I can’t have you.”
“I feel safe when I’m standing next to you.” She reached out a shaking hand, running her fingers over his lips. He grasped her hand, placing a kiss in her palm that pooled warm, honeyed heat low in her stomach.
“That’s what changed my mind. If we don’t get Ivan locked up tight, it would be illogical to send you off to fend for yourself when I’m a damn computer expert.” His gaze locked onto hers, and the warmth in his brown eyes melted her heart. “Maybe it’s selfish, but I like you in my life. In my house and even better when you’re in my bed.”
Her lips slid into a slow smile because those were three of her favorite places to be. “I like that too. A lot.”
Kaz leaned forward and kissed her. A hot, scorching kiss sealing their undefined alliance. He pulled back and they both needed a moment to catch their breath. “I want to talk about this in depth with you, but how about we take Ivan out of the picture first?”
Mira’s breath escaped on a sigh and she smiled into Kaz’s serious brown eyes. “I think that’s an excellent idea.”
“Good. So we’re clear. You and I have decided we have a future together and we still have two minutes left.” Kaz’s eyes went from serious to melted-chocolate hot in an instant. “Not enough time for sex on my desk, but if you’ll settle for a hot two-minute kiss, I’ll give you a rain check.”
“Done. Do you have your glasses in your pocket?”
He frowned, patted the front pocket of his shirt, and pulled out his glasses. “Apparently. Why?”
“Because I’ve had this fantasy ever since the first time I saw you wearing them . . .”
“A fantasy with me and my glasses?” He looked confused but put the glasses on anyway.
Oooh yeeeeaah. She bit her lip as she looked at the hot nerd in front of her. Her hot nerd.
She launched herself at Kaz, toppling him back onto the couch, and proceeded to fog up his glasses for the next two minutes.
Chapter Thirty
The next morning while Kaz was off with the organized crime task force, Mira was busy searching the internet for jobs in the local area. A CPA job, thank you, thank you very much—ha! Still made her giggle—because once Kaz and the other federal and local agents did their thing, worrying about Ivan would be a thing of the past.
Excitement shot through her body at the idea of being back doing the job she loved. But what really made her light-headed with happiness was knowing she and Kaz had plans to make. For a future together. For the first time in a long time, things were looking up.
And then the phone rang and she knew there would come a time in the future when she’d look back on how she’d handled this moment and be very upset with herself. But in the present moment she freaked out. The call came on Kaz’s home phone. On the other end was a computerized voice—a text-to-phone message—from Ivan.
<305-555-5375 Text your cell phone number or Mrs. Johnson at the library gets hurt. Ivan>
Darkness crowded out the edges of her vision and she tumbled into a free fall as if someone had pulled the floor out from under her. She set down the phone and backed away, nausea roiling up her throat. The most obvious way he’d know Mrs. Johnson from the library was if he was there. Damn, damn, damn. Grabbing up her cell phone from where she’d been sitting on the couch, she texted Ivan her disposable cell phone number. Her fingers shook so much she almost dropped it. The phone vibrated in her hand with his immediate response.
Oh he had her attention all right. He was darn sure going to get hers because there was no way she was going to let him hurt that sweet old lady. Or anyone in Climax. Totally innocent people who had befriended her when she’d most needed it. No. Not going to happen. If Ivan was going to mess up someone’s life, it would have to be hers, because it was downright wrong to drag anyone else into her messed-up life. Regret sat like a rock in her stomach that she’d ever asked Kaz for help and brought Ivan into the lives of these perfectly nice people.
Think, Mira, think. Kaz was off with the task force—which was
exactly where Ivan was supposed to be. Dios, she wished Kaz were here. She paced, trying to calm down and think logically. Who else could she call? Delaney’s husband Quinn? He was a cop. He’d have a gun, right? She wasn’t willing to drag anyone else within spitting distance of Ivan. Okay, that would work. She took two steps toward the kitchen to use the landline to place the call when her phone vibrated again.
Crap. Grabbing her car keys, she flew out of the house and drove into town. It was the longest five minutes of her life, but she finally pulled up to the curb in front of the library.
She closed her eyes and ran every self-defense tactic through her mind. She checked her phone to make sure she was ready to record their conversation. Legal or not, she wanted their conversation captured on tape. Ivan was a slick, slippery bastard and he probably figured she would still fall for every damn trick he played her with.
After one quick prayer, she dragged in a fortifying breath and exited her car. She took the first steps toward the library’s front doors, shaking with each one, when someone called her name. She glanced down the sidewalk to see Delaney waddling toward her. No. Talk about bad timing. She spun her head away and picked up her pace.
“Mira! Don’t you dare ignore me! I’ve got a question for you about my taxes.”
Taxes? What? That threw off her stride just enough for Delaney to catch up. “This is no place for a pregnant woman. No matter how fast you can move.”
“I know, right?” She grinned as she linked arms with her. “Relax, I’m not due for another week.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist you leave right now. Go away, Delaney.”
“Not going to happen. I just saw that good-looking Russian dude from TV walk into the library and I’m not letting you go in there on your own. Besides, Barbara followed him in, and even though I’d love to let her have at the Russian dude, she might start World War Three, so if you’re going in, I’m going in.”