“What made you think of the mountains for a vacation?” Beau asked.
Ethan turned his head to look at him. He shrugged. “Wanted something different. Something we’d never done before. I was talking to one of Hope’s sisters during the family reunion and she mentioned it.”
“This is nice,” he told him, leaning over and planting a chaste kiss on his lips.
“It is, huh?” Ethan turned back to look out the window.
“You’re bored out of your mind, aren’t you?” Beau asked with a chuckle.
“Absolutely. But I’m trying. This is what I wanted.” Ethan laughed.
“We could play a game,” Beau suggested, although for the life of him, he didn’t know what game they could play.
“Yeah? Because we do that so much.”
“Well, if you’re wanting something we do a lot of, there’s always…” Beau wiggled his eyebrows at Ethan.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“Yes, I am. Especially when it comes to you.”
“So you’ve said.”
Beau pulled Ethan closer. “Okay, so let’s talk then.”
“Okay.”
It took a lot to hide his surprise, but Beau somehow managed. Ethan agreeing to talk? That didn’t happen every day. Not sure if that was Ethan’s way of simply appeasing him, Beau waited for Ethan to look at him again.
Ethan did more than that. He turned, planting his head on his hand as he stared down at Beau. The look in his eyes was unreadable, but Beau knew whatever was about to come out of Ethan’s mouth was going to be important.
“I think I’m ready,” Ethan said softly.
Beau frowned. Ready? “For…?”
“A baby.”
All the air in Beau’s lungs dissipated and he felt light-headed. His stomach did some strange twisting thing and he fought the urge to laugh. Not because what Ethan said was absurd, either. Quite the opposite.
“A … baby?” Beau managed to choke out. “Really?”
Ethan’s smile lit up his entire face. “Yeah. I want to have a baby with you, Beau. I want to have a family. I see all the pictures of my brothers and their kids… I want those. I want to fill that picture frame we got my mother with all the ridiculousness we possibly can. Taking pictures of our kid all the time, annoying everyone around us because he … or she … will be the cutest kid in the room. That’s what I want.” Ethan swallowed hard. “With you.”
Unable to stop himself, Beau reached for Ethan, pulling him down and holding him close. He pressed his face against Ethan’s neck and… Yep. He cried.
Like a girl.
And he didn’t even care. His emotions churned inside him, and he couldn’t stop himself.
Although they’d talked about kids, Beau had often wondered if Ethan simply told him what he thought Beau wanted to hear, trying to placate him. He knew Ethan was scared. The man had been traumatized when he was a teenager. He’d learned to fear everyone and to hide who he was. Beau knew Ethan worried about whether or not their child would have to face the same types of bullies simply because he or she had two fathers.
“Is that what you want?” Ethan whispered against Beau’s ear. “Do you really want a family, Beau?”
Beau finally released Ethan and stared up at the man he loved. “More than anything. God, E. I… I love you. So damn much.”
Ethan smiled, but Beau could see tears forming in his eyes, too.
Part of him couldn’t believe this was happening. Although he’d hoped that Ethan would eventually come around to wanting kids, he truly hadn’t expected it to be this soon. They’d been married for almost two years, which seemed like a long time, but it didn’t feel that way. Every day with Ethan was a blessing, and Beau was content just to have another and another.
“You know it’s not an easy process, right?” Ethan said.
Beau studied his face for a moment. “I know. But, like your dad says, nothing that’s worth it usually is.”
Ethan’s smile lit up again. “You’re right. He does say that.”
“Is that why you’ve been secretive lately?”
Ethan glanced down at Beau’s chest. “Kind of.” A shy smile formed on Ethan’s face. “First it was this trip. I wanted it to really be a surprise for you. I wanted to have you to myself for a while. And yes, I wanted to tell you that I’m ready. So, I was looking up options.”
“Like adoption?”
“Well, there’s that. We could probably go that route, sure.” Ethan met his gaze again. “But Beau, I want…”
Beau waited, knowing that when Ethan was ready, he would tell him what was on his mind. For the life of him, he didn’t know what it was. Knowing Ethan, it would be something incredibly sweet—although Ethan would be the first to tell everyone that there wasn’t an ounce of “sweet” in his entire body.
He’d be wrong, too.
THERE WAS A lump in his throat that he couldn’t seem to swallow past. Earlier, when he’d been playing out in his head how he wanted this conversation to go, Ethan hadn’t considered he’d get choked up on the words. But here he was, staring down at the most incredible man in the world, wanting to tell him that…
“I want us to have your baby, Beau.”
Okay. So there. He’d gotten the words out.
“Mine?” Beau frowned. “I’m … uh…”
Ethan could practically see the wheels turning in his husband’s head. He let him toss that one around for a few seconds before he clarified.
“I was thinking we could get a surrogate. You know… Her egg, your sperm. Then we could have a baby Bennett running around. Or…” Ethan had found an article this morning, talking about a gay couple who had done something a little different. The idea was … intriguing.
“Or what?”
“Well, we could both donate sperm and … we could try for multiple babies at once. You know, two? I read that it’s been done. They’ve fertilized multiple eggs with both men’s sperm and… It’s not a perfect science, but it has happened.”
If Ethan didn’t know better, he would’ve sworn there was a flash of anguish in Beau’s eyes. Maybe he couldn’t have kids? Although, Ethan didn’t want to know how Beau would know that.
“If you don’t like that idea, I get it. I still think we should have your baby, though.”
Beau’s face was pale, but he didn’t say anything, which really worried him.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan finally asked when Beau didn’t seem to want to talk.
“I … uh…” Beau sat up, then turned to lean back against the couch.
Ethan continued to watch him, waiting.
Beau took a deep breath. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
Now Ethan sat up. “What? Why?”
Beau met his eyes, holding his stare. “I always thought if we went that route, we’d use your sperm.”
“Mine? Why?”
“Because… Fuck.”
Beau jumped to his feet and started for the bedroom before Ethan could get up from the floor. When he did, he heard the door to the bathroom shut, and none too gently. He went into the bedroom and stared at the solid wood door, completely baffled by what had just happened. Clearly he’d said something that bothered Beau, but what? Why was it a bad thing if Ethan wanted to have Beau’s son or daughter running around their house? Beau would make beautiful babies. Blond hair, brown eyes. Ethan could see them now.
Ten minutes passed before Ethan started to really worry. He rapped his knuckles on the door, then took a step back. When Beau emerged, he looked as though he’d pulled himself together.
“Talk to me, Beau.”
Beau shook his head. “I think we should use your sperm,” Beau said, his tone flat. “And if you don’t want to do that, we’ll adopt.”
Ethan didn’t know what to say. “What? Why? I don’t… Fuck, Beau. I don’t understand. I thought you wanted a baby.”
“I do,” Beau said adamantly, his voice loud, his eyes narrowing on Ethan’s face. “I just
don’t want my baby.”
The words came out with such force Ethan actually took a step back. His own frustration was growing, and he got louder, too, when he said, “What the fuck? I don’t get you, Beau. One minute—”
Ethan was cut off because Beau walked out of the room.
“Goddammit, Beau! Don’t fucking walk away from me.”
Beau didn’t say a word as he went to stand by the window. Ethan followed, ready to lay into him again when he saw Beau’s shoulders shaking. Was he…?
Ethan put his hand on Beau’s arm and turned him to face him. Sure as shit, tears were streaking down his face. “Oh, God, Beau. Shit. Don’t cry…” Ethan pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him. “What the hell was I thinking? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I thought…”
“I want a baby with you, E. I do.” Beau held him close, not looking at him. “I just don’t want any more Bennetts wandering around. You’ve met my father.”
Ethan forced Beau back, needing to look in his eyes. “Your father? What the hell? Are you not thinking straight?”
“I’m nothing like him, E.”
Exactly. “No, you’re not,” Ethan confirmed. “Not at all.”
“But what if I bring a kid into the world and they are? I—”
“That’s not the way it works,” Ethan told him, cupping Beau’s face and forcing him to look in his eyes. “You are not your father. And you’re right, you are nothing like him. Nothing. And our kids would be nothing like him, either. That whole bigoted, hateful thing he’s got going on… That’s not hereditary. They won’t be around him to see that.”
Beau’s eyes lowered. “My kid won’t get to meet his grandparents.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Beau.” Ethan backed away.
“It wasn’t a question,” Beau stated, catching Ethan’s eye again. “It’s a statement, E. I’m saying my parents won’t be allowed to see our son or daughter because I won’t allow it.”
Oh.
Shit.
Ethan knew that Beau hadn’t gotten the closure he needed with his parents. Ben and Arlene Bennett refused to accept that Beau was gay. They believed Ethan was the devil and he’d seduced Beau. On more than one occasion, Ben had even asked their pastor if he’d exorcise Beau’s demons. Needless to say, it made church awkward from time to time.
“Look,” Ethan said, taking a deep breath. “We’ll talk about this more. Not now, though. I honestly didn’t mean to ruin our vacation.”
Beau took a step closer. “You didn’t ruin anything, E. You’ve managed to make me the happiest man on the planet, just being mine. And having a family with you… I know I’ve got a lot to deal with, and you’re right, we need to talk more. We can even do that now. I just—”
Ethan put his finger over Beau’s lips, silencing him. “We’ll table this for now. I still want to have a family with you.” He forced a smile. “I think we need to let that sink in first. Then…” Ethan leaned in and pressed his lips to Beau’s. “We can work out the logistics later.”
Beau nodded, resting his forehead against Ethan’s.
“I love you, E. I hope you don’t think I’m crazy.”
“I love you, too,” Ethan whispered, chuckling. “Despite the crazy.”
It was only funny because everyone knew Beau was the level-headed one. If anyone was crazy, it was definitely Ethan.
Chapter Nine
“WE HAVE TO be at the airport soon, Beau,” Ethan announced. “Which means we have to hit the road to drive there. It took us two hours the first time.”
Beau lifted his head from his pillow and glanced across the room, trying to locate the man who owned the voice. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to get out of bed.” Ethan disappeared into the bathroom.
It was clear by the sound of things being moved around that Ethan was packing. Beau had offered to pack last night, but they’d decided to spend the evening in the hot tub. Although, this time, Ethan had made Beau hold out for sex. Both then and when they’d crawled into bed.
“I’m not going to the airport,” Beau announced, watching the bathroom door.
Ethan stuck his head out. “What?”
“Not until you come over here,” Beau tacked on. “Since I know you’re not gonna let me join the mile-high club, we’re gonna have to settle this right here.”
Ethan stepped into the bedroom, hands on his hips. “Settle what?”
Beau didn’t move, didn’t say anything more. He waited for Ethan to come over, which he did. The man was sometimes very predictable, especially when it came to having sex. Ethan often accused Beau of being insatiable, but they both knew it went both ways.
When Ethan approached the bed, Beau looked up into his eyes, trying to hold back his smile. He then moved the blanket off of him, letting Ethan see for himself just how hot the man made him. Beau reached down and grabbed his dick.
Ethan’s eyes followed the movement, and sure enough, he was now fully focused on the way Beau was slowly stroking himself.
“I need your mouth,” Beau told him. “Right now.”
“Right now, huh?” Ethan met his gaze. “Or what? You’re gonna die from not enough oral pleasure?”
“Don’t joke about something like that,” Beau deadpanned. “I hear it can happen. Don’t let me be a victim.”
Ethan laughed, which made Beau laugh, too. He couldn’t help himself.
“Come on, E. Just a little … lick.”
“And then what? I lick you once and you’ll get dressed so we can go?”
Beau shook his head. “You lick me once, then I’ll roll over and you can fuck me the way I know you want to.”
Ethan’s blue-gray eyes flared with heat.
Yep, Beau had definitely hit his mark.
Holding his breath, Beau watched as Ethan leaned over. Beau stopped stroking himself, holding his dick still so Ethan’s wicked tongue could glide over the head.
“Oh, yeah,” Beau hissed. “One more time.”
Ethan licked him again.
“Please. Just one more time.”
This time Ethan smiled as he licked him again and again and again.
“Oh, fuck…” Beau released his cock when Ethan sucked him fully into the furnace of his mouth.
Gripping the sheet beneath him, he watched his husband as he received one of the most amazing blow jobs he’d ever had.
“Oh, yeah… Fuck, E…” Beau didn’t reach for Ethan, not wanting him to stop. It felt too good.
Of course, Ethan being Ethan, he quickly shed his clothes and joined Beau on the bed. He knelt between Beau’s legs, sucking him while he forced Beau’s legs up. When Beau finally caught on to what his intention was—because come on, the pleasure was making his brain a little foggy—he pulled his knees up into his chest and was awarded when Ethan drifted lower, sucking Beau’s balls into his mouth, laving him with his tongue.
“Oh, fuck … yeah … E… That’s…”
A finger teased his asshole, and Beau dropped his head, closing his eyes as he was assaulted by exquisite sensations. He could so easily come like this, with Ethan’s mouth on him, his fist jerking him, his finger fucking his ass. He could, but he wouldn’t because he wanted Ethan to fuck him first.
“E… If you keep that up… Oh, fuck yessss…” He was close. Too close. “Fuck me, E. I’m begging you, baby. Slide your dick in my ass and fuck me like you need me.”
And to prove how much he wanted it, Beau tossed the tube of lubrication he’d had hidden beneath his pillow.
“Turn over,” Ethan instructed, snatching the lube and sitting up on his knees.
Beau managed to turn over, going up on his knees with Ethan still behind him. He waited, his body humming with anticipation.
“Not gonna be easy,” Ethan warned.
“Don’t want easy,” Beau told him. “Want you. Now.”
Ethan always said he wasn’t going to be easy and it was mostly true. Expect for when he was preparing Beau. H
e was always thorough, always mindful that if he was too rough, he could hurt him. Not that Beau would’ve complained. He loved when Ethan lost control.
But right now, the waiting was torture. “Fuck. Me.”
Beau felt the head of Ethan’s cock nudging his asshole, and he relaxed as much as he could. When Ethan pushed forward, Beau thrust back, forcing Ethan inside in one spine-tingling rush.
“Oh, fuck…” Beau took a deep breath, the pain mixing with pleasure almost instantly.
Ethan’s hands gripped Beau’s hips, holding him still as he began to fuck him roughly, driving into him hard and fast. It was perfection and Beau held out, refusing to come until Ethan did. He was so damn close, biting his lower lip to keep from going over the edge.
“Tight… So tight, Beau. Goddamn… I’m gonna come in your ass… Can’t … stop.”
Beau held still, rocking back against Ethan as his husband slammed into him over and over again. And when Ethan jerked, his hands gripping Beau’s hips tighter, he let himself go.
“Oh, yeah! Coming, E… Fuck, baby…”
Ethan fell on top of him, sweating and panting, but Beau didn’t mind. He simply lay there, completely sated. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long.
“Ouch!” Beau groaned when Ethan bit his shoulder. It was actually quite stimulating, but he knew Ethan had been trying to get his attention.
“We gotta go. You’ve got five minutes to shower and to pack.”
Beau chuckled. “Baby, I packed last night and I only need three minutes to shower.”
BY THE TIME they got home, Ethan was exhausted. They’d spent the majority of the day traveling—first driving back to Denver, then waiting a full three hours at the airport because their flight was delayed, the three-hour flight, then another half-hour drive from Austin to Coyote Ridge—and the time difference had only made it worse. Because they were both starving, they’d stopped by Mama’s Diner for dinner on the way from the airport. Ethan didn’t make a habit out of going out, but he was too damned tired to cook, so he’d given in to Beau’s pleading.
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