by Selena Kitt
Tilly was crying now, really crying. Beast had told her Liv had done exactly that, but some part of her hadn’t wanted to believe it. Or maybe she was still in denial. But hearing her mother confess it made it very real, and suddenly, horribly painful. All those letters she’d written, begging him to come home to her, to his unborn son, that he had refused. Liv had been behind every one.
Swallowing, Tilly continued to read. It was like torturing herself, reading the words, but she couldn’t help it. She was reading her own life, as it had unfolded, as Liv forced her up here onto the third floor and Tilly pretended Beast would come home, would rescue her from the hell her life had become since his departure. Liv had made her plans while Tilly made hers, both of them working toward opposite ends, but Tilly’s plan of escape had been foiled, and Liv’s had come to fruition.
And Liv apologized again—and then again—for taking Miles away from her daughter, a fact that Tilly would never get over, even if she had forgiven her for it. Tilly took a shuddery breath, not knowing if she could turn to the last page, to finish this confession. What purpose would it serve, to rehash the past now? She had lived through it, and now they were trying as best they could to move on, so their little family could have some sort of future together.
I want you to know, I never once regretted having you, Mathilda. I was very young when you were born—almost as young as you were, when you gave birth to my grandson. But I loved you from the start, and I have never stopped.
I told you earlier in this letter that I was lucky enough to have two great loves in my life. One of those was your stepfather, who was taken from me far too soon. The other, Mathilda, was your father.
Tilly dropped the letter as if it had burned her. She stared at the pages, aghast. Liv was going to finally talk about Tilly’s father? She could scarcely believe it. In spite of Tilly’s persistent questions as a child, Liv always refused to talk about him. Until Liv met and married Conrad, Tilly and Frankie had joked that they were sure Tilly had been an immaculate conception.
I know what it’s like to fall into a forbidden love. I know how hard it is, when social conventions say you shouldn’t be together, but your heart tells a different story. Your father, John, was that man for me. He was my first real love, and the more my parents told me I couldn’t be with him, the more I defied their wishes.
Her breath caught and she stared at the letter, trying to picture her mother as a defiant young woman, determined to be with a man her parents didn’t want their daughter associated with. Liv? Olivia Garrett had defied the rules?
When my parents found out I was pregnant, and I told them I was going to tell my older college professor that I was carrying his child, so he would marry me and we could live happily ever after… that was the end of my dream of a life with John. I didn’t know he was married. I didn’t know he had another family. I didn’t know, for years, that was the case. All I knew was that my parents had pulled their very long, money-laden strings and had him fired. John was gone before I could ever tell him about you.
Tilly remembered her maternal grandfather, the way he had spanked her after she’d defied his wishes. She knew he’d done it to protect her—because he was afraid. So it had been with his daughter, she realized, thinking of a young Liv, pregnant and in love with a married man who already had a family. The scandal wouldn’t have been quite as great as Tilly falling in love with her own stepbrother, perhaps. But it would have rocked their world.
I never thought of you as a mistake, Mathilda. I loved John, and I know he loved me, too. I think what my parents did was wrong—but I understand why they did it. They wanted to protect me, to keep me from making an even bigger mistake, and perhaps in the end, they accomplished that. We’ll never know, now.
I do know that John is divorced and has never remarried. He’s still teaching, now at Boston University. I recently had a conversation with him, and I hope you don’t mind, but I told him about you for the first time. He was thrilled to hear from me, and to hear about you. You have his permission to contact him at any time, if you’re interested. I’ll leave that up to you.
What? Tilly gasped out loud. To find out she had a father was shocking enough. That he was still alive and interested in pursuing a relationship? It was almost too much to take in.
I don’t expect you to accept what I did, just as I could never accept what was done to split John and me apart. But I hope you can understand, now, a little better, why I acted, how I acted. I was only motivated by love, by my instinct to protect you. Sometimes we pass things on to our children without realizing. Instead of keeping you from making my mistakes, I ended up repeating the same mistakes my parents made. It’s a horrible irony that I can’t help but feel is a lesson I was meant to learn in this life. Perhaps, now that I’ve learned it, you’ll never have to repeat anything like it with your own sweet boy.
Tilly nodded silently in agreement. She knew, no matter what Miles wanted to do with his life, she would never deny it to him. Crying openly, now, Tilly saw she was almost finished with the letter, and that broke her heart. These were the last words her mother would ever say to her.
When I met your stepfather, I thought I’d never find love again, but I was wrong. I was blessed to have the time I had with him. I felt as if the universe had given me another chance, and when he was taken from me, it felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under me once again. I was bitter and angry about it for a long time, but now, Mathilda, I think maybe there was another reason that Conrad came into our life. Not just for me, so I could have a husband and you a father, however briefly, but because, without him, we wouldn’t have his son.
Nodding, Tilly reached for more Kleenex, wiping her face as she finished.
I’ve seen the way Conrad looks at you. I know how much he truly loves you and what he’s willing to sacrifice for that love. I was afraid of that love, when I first saw it between you, and I tried to end it. But it’s stronger than me, Mathilda. And it’s bigger than both of you. Trust me when I tell you that the kind of love you have for one another doesn’t come along in a person’s life very often, if at all. It’s worth protecting, worth fighting for. And you are strong, Mathilda. Much stronger than I ever gave you credit for.
Fight for him. Fight for yourself. For your son.
I want you to have the happy family I never had.
The one I dreamed of once.
I want all your dreams to come true.
I love you, Mathilda.
-Mother
At the bottom of the letter was the name and address of Tilly’s biological father.
Another of Tilly’s many tears fell on the letter, smudging the words, and she wiped at it, not wanting them ruined. These words were precious to her, more than she could have said.
Tilly hadn’t noticed that Beast had come out of the bathroom and was now standing beside her, towel around his waist. He took the letter from her hand and began to read it himself as Tilly pulled more Kleenex out of the box, blowing her nose.
Beast sat down beside her, putting an arm gently around her as he continued to read. She watched him, re-reading over his shoulder, watching his face, his reactions. Finally, he set the letter aside and turned to pull her fully into his arms.
“Are these happy tears, or sad tears?” he asked, leaning in to kiss them away
“Yes!” she sobbed, laughing through her tears and throwing her arms around him.
It was Saturday and the park was full of children and families. Beast and Tilly walked hand in hand, finding Miles on the monkey bars swinging just like a monkey himself.
As Beast and Tilly approached, he dropped off the bars and ran up to the two of them, circling and flapping his arms, pretending to be a bird—a Pterodactyl, he announced.
Beast lunged at and grabbed him, lifting the giggling Miles up to sit him on his shoulders.
“Daddeeee!” Miles howled, delighted, and Tilly couldn’t help smiling. The sound of Miles calling Beast “Daddy” was still music to he
r ears.
“Where’s Aunt Meg?” asked Tilly.
Miles pointed to a bench not far away where Meg and Kate were holding hands and talking.
Hand in hand, Beast and Tilly approached them, Miles still on Beast’s shoulders. When Beast put him down, he ran to Meg and Kate to tell them about his exploits on the monkey bars, and had they seen him? Of course they had, said Kate, who straightened his collar and brushed a leaf out of his hair.
The revelations of the morning’s secrets had left Tilly emotionally drained, yet strangely peaceful. More so than she’d been since her mother has passed. And she felt the same energy from Beast. Things felt even lighter now that they’d both read their letters from Liv.
Because of course, Tilly’s mother had written him, too. Inside Beast’s copy of her will was an envelope for him. There had been no new secrets revealed in it—thankfully, because Tilly didn’t think she could handle anymore—but Liv had given him the location and combination to the safe where he would find his father’s gun.
Tilly had paled when she found out, but Beast had put his arms around her immediately, reassuring her that he didn’t want it for anything grotesque or macabre. Liv’s fears for Beast that summer hadn’t been far off, Beast confessed to Tilly. He’d been in a very dark place when he’d come back from Afghanistan.
“But then I found my sunshine,” he’d told her. “You’ve been lighting my way ever since.”
Still, Tilly had made Beast promise he would never, ever use it to hurt himself, made him say the words before she let him go retrieve the gun.
And when he’d wrapped her in his arms and reassured her, “Baby, I will never leave this world as long as you’re in it,” her fears had finally been put to rest.
“Is that…?” Tilly gave a little squeal of delight as she saw what her Aunt Meg was holding on a leash. “That’s a puppy! Oh my God, Beast, they got a puppy!”
Tilly let go of his hand and ran to kneel down and pet the little tan and white boxer sitting, panting, at her aunt’s feet.
“Oh you are such a sweet boy,” Tilly cooed, giggling when the puppy jumped up to lick her face.
“Girl,” Miles corrected, pointing to the puppy’s pink collar.
Miles started talking about the puppy and their exploits so far. Apparently, she loved getting into mischief, and had already knocked over some groceries and torn up the bags like they were deadly enemies, chased birds, and she loved to bark. Miles told Tilly that she’d barked at Miles, his dinosaur collection, and even at nothing at all.
“Oh Beast, look at her face!” Tilly cried, turning the puppy so he could see.
Beast smiled indulgently.
“A puppy’s a great idea,” Tilly said softly to her Aunt Meg, offering her a gentle smile. “I’m jealous, honestly. She’s so cute. I want one, too.”
Meg and Kate exchanged a knowing glance.
“But Mommy,” Miles cried, throwing his arms around TIlly neck. “She’s all ours! Auntie Meg brought her just for us. Daddy said it was okay.”
He grinned up at Beast who rolled his eyes but couldn’t help grinning back.
“You did?” Tilly whispered, the puppy licking her cheek enthusiastically, pawing Tilly’s chest. She looked to Beast, then to Miles. “He did?”
“It’s Daddy’s first surprise, Mommy,” Miles whispered—although his whisper was quite loud and not really a secret.
“Miles,” Beast warned and Miles pressed his lips together, shaking his head, looking so much like his father, Tilly had to laugh.
“She’s ours?” Tilly looked up at Beast, her eyes filling with tears.
It wasn’t just the puppy—of course, he knew she’d always wanted one—but it was Miles, too. She realized, it was the first time he’d called her “Mommy,” not “MommyTiwwy.” Not just once, but twice. And he’d not said, “MommyMeg”—he’d said Auntie Meg.
“Meg and Kate were getting one,” Beast explained, looking both sheepish and incredibly proud at the same time. “A friend of theirs breeds them. So I thought you and Miles would like one, too. I asked them to bring her to the park today to meet you.”
“I get to take her home?” Squealing like a little girl, Tilly picked the puppy up as she stood, kissing and hugging it and twirling around. “I get to take her home!”
“Yes.” Beast laughed. “As long as I get to take you home.”
Beast put his arms around Tilly and the dog, and Miles wrapped his little arms around the legs of his parents, looking up at them.
“What are you going to call her, Mommy?” Miles inquired, and Tilly’s eyes teared up again when he called her that.
“Bucatini,” said Tilly, inspired, and Beast cracked up.
“What’s a Bucatini?” Miles wrinkled his nose in confusion.
“It’s a kind of noodle,” Tilly told him, smiling at Beast.
“I like noodles,” Miles said. “We could call her noodle! Daddy, when are you going to give Mommy the second surprise?”
“Second surprise?” Tilly shook her head, burying her face in Bucatini’s soft fur. “What could be better than this?”
“Well, I think Beast is going to finally solve the mystery of the missing ring for us,” Kate teased, leaning back and putting an arm around Meg’s shoulder.
“What?” Tilly looked between the two women, then at Beast, puzzled. “Ring? What ring?”
“Right.” Beast actually flushed. “I almost forgot in all this canine excitement.”
When Beast went down on one knee in front of the park bench, Tilly almost dropped the puppy. She was glad there was a bench, because her knees wouldn’t hold her when she saw her mother’s heirloom ring appear when Beast opened the little blue velvet box.
“She gave it to me, just before…” Beast swallowed, looking up to meet Tilly’s eyes.
The sight of this big man on one knee, looking like he wasn’t quite sure what she might say, brought tears to her eyes.
“She told me she wanted you to have it. If you’ll have me,” Beast said, clearing his throat. “Will you?”
How could he doubt it, even for a minute?
Tilly handed the puppy to Miles, who was standing beside them, grinning, watching the whole thing unfold with great interest. Then she threw her arms around Beast’s neck and kissed him first in reply. He chuckled, taking her whole body as she threw it at him, letting her bowl him over onto the grass next to the bench, rolling so she was on top of him, covering his face in kisses and tears.
“Wait, wait,” Beast protested as Miles piled on, too, along with the puppy, who circled around and started licking all their faces as if trying to decide which one tasted better. “Is that a yes? I didn’t hear a yes…”
“Yes!” Tilly giggled, then her eyes went wide. “The ring! Where’s the ring? Did you—”
“Right here.” Beast held up the box, sliding the ring out and slipping it onto Tilly’s trembling finger. She still couldn’t quite believe it—and her first thought was, I have to call Frankie!
“This makes you officially mine,” Beast murmured.
“Yay!” Miles cheered, rolling with the puppy on the grass beside them, and even Meg and Kate were smiling, watching from the bench.
“Until I get you a collar,” Beast whispered into Tilly’s ear and she shivered in delight, remembering her dream about Beast coming home, meeting him at the airport.
The pink collar, the one that had said Tilly. She hadn’t understood it, not then, but she did now.
Liv had said, no more secrets, and as Tilly kissed her future husband, feeling his big hands moving over her as if they had a mind of their own, she thought that was definitely a good, general rule for their little happy family from now on.
But, she thought, smiling as Beast sat up with her straddling his lap right there in the middle of the park, hearing complete strangers clapping and cheering, having overheard Beast’s proposal and Tilly’s acceptance—maybe there were one or two things they’d keep secret.
Things the
two of them would keep, just for themselves.
There was certainly nothing wrong with that.
The End
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