by White, Karey
We dated for a couple of months, and then Taz said he needed to talk to me. We sat in a backstage room that looked like the inside of a garbage can. Taz strummed unhappy minor chords and refused to look at me. Quietly, he told me my sunny disposition was a drain on his creative energies, and everything he’d written since we met had been crap. I wasn’t inspiring his creativity.
Taz took a break from dating after that, which would explain the year that elapsed between our breakup and his wedding to a sad mime who performed at Fisherman’s Wharf. He must have found her silence stimulating. Or maybe it was the black tear painted on her white face.
Taz still holds the record for longest stretch of time between our last date and marriage to the next girl.
I love him a little bit for that.
“Mom, it’s been everyone. I’ve noticed the pattern. I just didn’t know other people had until I heard what they call me.”
“Mavis should sit Hannah down and teach her about kindness and manners.”
I laughed. “She’s a married woman now. It’s a little late for a time out. But thanks for always looking out for me.”
“It’s been everyone? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Those boys were fools. There must be someone very special out there for you.” Spoken like a true mother. “Maybe it will be Kyle.”
A girl could hope. “Maybe so.”
“Charlie, you don’t have to do this,” Gina said when she answered the door. She looked pale and gaunt.
“I want to. I’m so sorry you’ve been so sick. Have you lost weight?” Gina didn’t have a lot of weight she could afford to lose.
“I’ve lost eleven pounds since I got pregnant.”
“Is that okay? Are the doctors worried?”
Gina rubbed her nearly flat stomach. “The doctor says this little guy is taking everything he needs. It’s me that’s going without.”
“What a greedy little baby,” I said.
“Seriously. We’re going to have a talk about selfishness when he’s born.”
“Do you know it’s a boy?” I asked.
“No. For some reason, I always say he or him. Probably because that’s what Will does.” She spoke to her stomach. “Sorry if you’re a little girl.”
“I hope this doesn’t last much longer,” I said.
Gina laughed weakly. “Me too. The biggest worry right now is keeping me from becoming dehydrated.”
“Let’s get you resting. I’m going to change your sheets and clean your bathroom and kitchen. You’re going to either sleep or watch ridiculous daytime television while I’m here.”
Gina hugged me. “I owe you.”
“Remember that when you’re looking for someone to watch your baby. Aunt Charlotte gets to be first.”
“Do you want to stay for dinner? I can have Will pick up something on the way home.”
“Maybe another time. Kyle’s fixing Italian food for dinner tonight.”
“Ooh, he’s cooking for you. That’s always a good sign. I knew I wanted to marry Will the night he cooked seafood chowder and biscuits.” An unpleasant sound rumbled in Gina’s throat, and tears sprang to her eyes. “I can’t even talk about food without gagging.”
“You poor thing. Go watch something good on TV, and I’ll get started. Just don’t put it on The Food Network.”
The house was sparkling, and I was getting ready to leave when Will arrived home from work. “Charlie, you’re an angel,” he said.
“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately,” I said, remembering the embarrassing exchange with CJ in the grocery store.
“Gina says you have big dinner plans, so don’t feel like you have to hang around since I just got here.”
“Thanks.” I hugged them both. “I love you guys.”
I showered and dressed carefully for dinner. I wore a navy, cotton voile dress with embroidery and red, flat sandals. I still didn’t know what I was going to wear to the Mercy House fundraiser. I fired off a text, asking Mia if she could shop with me on Saturday.
Within seconds, she’d agreed with three smiley faces and four exclamation points. She clearly liked shopping more than I did.
I took a taxi to Sacramento Street in Pacific Heights. Kyle’s condo was on the top floor of an eleven story building. The yellow lobby with Victorian-style crown moldings and wainscot didn’t prepare me for the modern interior of his condo. I was surrounded by dark wood, glass, leather and stone. It was a classic bachelor’s home with nothing feminine in sight. The aroma of cooking food was wonderful.
“What smells so good?” I asked after Kyle kissed my cheek.
“Baked rigatoni with Italian sausage and peppers. It’s almost finished.”
“Good, ’cause I’m starving.”
“I made plenty.”
I followed Kyle into the kitchen—the spotless, white kitchen. There were white cabinets, white quartz countertops, and bright white lights.”
“Did you really make dinner, or did you order in and dump it in a baking dish?”
Kyle clutched his heart. “Oh, no. Why would you doubt my abilities?”
“Because look at this kitchen. It’s spotless. Is it possible to be this clean after cooking Italian?”
“All right. I shouldn’t have to prove anything to you when you’re showing so little faith in me, but come here.” He took my hand and guided me to the stainless steel dishwasher where he motioned for me to open it. “Satisfied?” He grinned at me as I looked at the pots and pans and dishes inside.
“Please forgive me for doubting you. It’s almost like you’re trying to impress me or something.”
“Is it working? Because that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”
“Oh yeah. A man who cooks and cleans up after himself is pretty impressive.”
“You’d better taste it before you get too carried away.”
“If it tastes anything like it smells, then you’re quite a catch.”
Kyle pulled out a pan from the oven and carried it to a small dining room table. Two walls of windows surrounded the great room, where leather couches and chairs took up the bulk of the room, and the dining table took a smaller part. “This is beautiful.” I walked to the window and looked out at the bay. The panoramic view took in The Golden Gate Bridge and Alcatraz Island. “I think you might have the best view in the city.”
Kyle walked up behind me and put his arms around me. “The view is what sold this place. It’s smaller than I wanted, but these windows more than made up for it. And it still has two bedrooms, so it’s got a little room to grow.”
Did that mean something, or was Kyle speaking hypothetically? Oh, I wanted it to mean something. Kyle was so close to perfection, and he liked me. I felt like I was on a roller coaster, climbing higher and higher. Was Kyle going to take me for the ride of my life, or was the car going to come off the tracks and crash to the ground in a pile of twisted wreckage? I hadn’t felt this hopeful in a long, long time, and I’d discovered long ago that hope can keep you alive and feeling, but it also leaves you open and unprotected.
Kyle turned me to face him and kissed me. “Let’s eat. I’ve got some exciting things I want to tell you about.”
Either I was starving, because all I’d eaten since mid-morning was a small bag of Jelly Bellys, or Kyle was a world-class chef. It was probably a little of both.
We sat kitty-corner to each other so we both had a view of the city lights, as well as ourselves reflected against the dark windows. “So, you know my Dad’s been a senator for sixteen years, right?” Kyle said as we finished up our meal.
“I knew it was a long time, but I didn’t know how long.”
“His term will end in not quite two years, and he’s ready to do something else.”
“Is he running for president?” I asked. I was mostly joking. The thought of knowing someone who could possibly be president seemed outrageous.
“No. Not president. I think he’s considering running for governor,
though. He thinks he could clean up the mess California’s in. It wouldn’t be for a few years though. If he didn’t run for congress again, he’d finish up, and then he’d have two years until the governor’s race. So it’d give him time to put the campaign together. He always said he’d never run for one elected office while he was serving in another elected office. He doesn’t think that’s fair to the people who sent him to do a job.”
“That’s very responsible of him. I’ve always wondered about senators who are supposed to be in Washington, but running all over the country campaigning for something else.”
“Dad’s a good man. The thing he’s most worried about is leaving office with no good alternatives to replace him, so...” Kyle reached for my hand. “...that’s where I come in.”
I felt a tightening in my chest and a twisting in my stomach. Kyle was about to tell me something important, and suddenly I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. “I’m going to run for the office he’s vacating. We’ve been talking about it for years. I wasn’t sure if Dad would be ready to move on after this term, or if he’d want to do one more, but he’s decided if he wants to run for governor, now’s the time to start thinking about that. The governor’s ratings are terrible. Dad wants to capitalize on that. And I can capitalize on Dad’s high ratings. He’s got a lot of support, and he’s sure he can send most of that support my way. Devon—that’s his strategist—thinks I could keep most of Dad’s base and bring in a lot of younger people.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure what I was nodding about. I just knew I needed to respond somehow, and nodding was all I could muster until I had a chance to take it all in.
“Charlotte, I can tell you’re a little flustered.”
“Maybe a little. Surprised, I mean. I didn’t know you had political aspirations. I suppose I could have guessed. You’re a political family, and you’re a lot like your Dad. I just didn’t know.”
I stared at my hand. Kyle held it in both of his and traced circles around my knuckles with his thumbs. “I’m telling you this because I don’t want you to hear it somewhere else.” He dipped his head and dragged my eyes to his. “Dad and Mom are going to the Mercy House benefit. Devon thinks that would be a great setting to start putting myself front and center. Dad talked to Wyatt, and they’ve arranged for him to say a few words and then introduce me and have me say a few words. It’ll start to get the media talking about me, and Devon can work in little appearances here and there over the next six months or so that will prepare everyone for me to announce I’m running for Dad’s seat.”
I needed to respond. So far I’d given him nothing, and he needed to know I was hearing him at the very least. “That’s great. You’ll do a fabulous job. At the benefit and as a senator, I’m sure.”
“You’re still going with me, right? To the benefit?”
“Of course.”
“I can tell this is a lot to spring on you, and you need time for this to sink in. I’m telling you everything because...” Kyle slid his chair a little closer to mine and held my hand again. “I think you can probably tell I’m falling for you, Charlotte. And if this is going somewhere, which I think it is, this affects you as much as it does me.” One of his hands moved up and down my arm. He let out a little laugh. “Are you okay? You look scared to death.”
My stomach was a twisting and turning mess, but I didn’t know if it was because this was going somewhere or because of the bomb Kyle had just dropped. I tried to laugh but it sounded like more of a squeak. “I’m fine. This is a lot to think about?”
“What are you thinking?” His hand continued to move up and down my arm, and I found it comforting.
“Well, you’ve said a lot of things tonight. I guess my favorite is that you’re falling for me.”
Kyle laughed and kissed me. “I think that’s my favorite part too. Please tell me you’re okay with the rest. Mom’s been telling me for weeks that I needed to fill you in, but I’ve been afraid I’d scare you away.”
“I won’t lie. It’s pretty scary. I’ve never imagined anything like this. But if I’m being honest, I’m falling for you, too. So if this is part of the package, I guess I’d better get my head wrapped around it.”
Kyle stood and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held on. I needed to be strong and supportive, but right now I needed his strength and support. “You’re amazing, Charlotte. I finally feel like I can breathe.”
“Well, that makes one of us.” I wasn’t sure if I’d ever take a normal breath again.
Kyle hugged me, rocking gently back and forth. I could tell he was relieved and happy, so I boxed up my shock and fear and pushed it to the back of my mind. There would be plenty of time to pull it out and examine the change my life had taken tonight. For now, I’d be happy that Kyle was happy.
And he was falling for me.
I had no idea what to wear to the Mercy House benefit. My ignorance was magnified by the knowledge that now I was dressing not just for a benefit, but for an event in which my date would be speaking and hinting at an upcoming political campaign.
Mia’s style was fun and flirty, but I could tell by the first stop on Saturday that she wasn’t equipped to help me dress for this sort of occasion.
“What about something like this?” she asked, holding up a hot pink babydoll dress that would hit her just above the knee, but would be scandalously short on me.
I shook my head. “First of all, you have to take my height into account. Secondly, I think I need to go pretty conservative. I’d rather not look like a cheap prostitute at my first fundraiser.”
“Cheap prostitute worked for Julia Roberts.”
“That was fiction.” I sighed. “Oh Mia, how am I going to do this? I’ve never wanted people to notice me. I don’t know if I can pull this off.”
Mia waived me off like I was crazy. “You’ll be fine.”
“But he’s going into politics. And we’re not talking small, local stuff.”
“He hasn’t won anything yet,” Mia said. “And he hasn’t asked you to marry him, so there’s no guarantee this will affect you in any way.” My face must have fallen the way my heart just had, because Mia instantly looked sorry and walked around the rack of clothes to hug me. “I wasn’t meaning he wouldn’t want to marry you. If he’s smart, he will. I mean, don’t worry so much about som ething that hasn’t happened. Yet.”
“You’re right. But I feel like this might be different, and I know it doesn’t even make sense, but it seems like I lost something, and I didn’t even have it yet.”
Mia looked confused. “Come again?”
I sighed. “Almost since we started dating, I’ve pictured how a future with Kyle would be. I pictured a nice house—”
“A very nice house,” Mia interrupted, still browsing through the formal dresses.
“A husband with a secure and comfortable job—”
“Who makes a boatload of money.”
I rolled my eyes. “And a normal family.”
“Normal if the Kennedys are normal.”
“You’re not helping me,” I said.
“Sorry.” Mia didn’t look sorry.
“Now I have to completely re-think that future. I have to imagine public appearances and standing behind Kyle while he gives speeches, and either moving my family clear across the country or staying here and being a single parent part of the year.”
“Seriously, Charlotte, you’re thinking way too hard. Just take it a day at a time. And if at any point, you don’t want the future in front of you, leave.”
“That’s not even realistic. You don’t just leave if you love someone.”
Mia froze and looked at me over the rack. “You love Kyle?”
I turned away and started moving dresses around on a rack, even though I wasn‘t really looking at any of them. Suddenly, Mia’s hand was on mine, stopping my hands from their pointless task. “You love him?”
I shrugged.
“Does he love you?”
> “He hasn’t said it, but I think he might.”
“Well, that changes everything.”
“I know. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’m falling in love with Kyle, and I saw a future I liked. Then he cooks me delicious food and drops a bomb that completely changes everything. And it scares me. I’m not sure I like this alternate universe. And I’m not sure I’ll be any good at it.”
“Kyle must think you’ll be fine. If he’s known this was the path he was going to take, don’t you think he’d have stopped dating you if he didn’t think you could handle it? Give yourself some credit.”
I sighed. “Look at me. I don’t even know what to wear to a stupid party. And no offense, but you’re proving to be no help at all.”
“This is definitely not my area of expertise.” Mia held up another dress. “Hot little numbers for a night on the town? That I can handle. I know how to dress you so a guy can’t take his eyes off you, but I’m not sure what you should wear if the eyes of the world are going to be on you.”
I groaned.
“Call his mom. You said she was nice. Call her. Ask her what you should wear. She’s been doing this for a long time. It would probably make her feel good to know you were seeking out her help.”
Mia surprised me. She’d never been particularly good at admitting her own weaknesses—not that being unsure what I should wear to a benefit was actually a weakness—but even more than that, she was making a pretty calculated suggestion. I was used to Mia flying by the seat of her pants.
I texted Kyle and within minutes had Roberta’s phone number. We found a little couch by one of the dressing rooms. “What do I say?”
“Ask her what you should wear.”
My hands shook as I dialed her number.
“Hello. Is this Roberta?”
“Yes.”
“Hi. This is Charlotte.”
“How are you, dear?” Her voice was loaded with concern.
“I’m fine.” I sighed. “I think. I’m not sure what kind of dress I should be looking for. For the benefit, I mean.”
“Of course. So you’re going to come?”