by White, Karey
Several minutes passed. I was about to step back to the office when I saw her. She stopped at the hostess stand and said something to the girl working there. I smiled and waved when her eyes skimmed the room, but if she saw me, she pretended not to. A moment later, she walked out the front door. I should have followed her, but instead I sat there stunned as I watched her cross the street and head down the opposite sidewalk.
A few minutes later John brought me a plate of cashew chicken. “Did you talk to Aleena before she left?”
I swallowed hard. “No. She must have been in a hurry.”
“Really? She said she had to run an errand, but I thought she’d stop and say hi first.”
“It’s no problem. I’ll catch up with her another time.”
“Enjoy your meal.”
I tried to eat. I normally love the cashew chicken, but today I could barely choke down a few bites, and what I did eat, I didn’t taste. Would I ever have a chance to explain myself to Aleena?
I motioned for John. “Would you mind packing this up to go? I’ve got to get back to the office.”
“No problem.”
“And would you ask Aleena to call me when she has a minute?”
“Sure thing.”
Charlotte
July 9.
ME: HEY ANGUS.
It took nine minutes before my phone beeped with his response.
ANGUS: HI.
ME: HOW’S IT GOING?
Fourteen minutes later.
ANGUS: NOT TOO BAD.
ME: THAT’S GOOD. HAVE YOU SEEN WILL’S NEW DECK?
Yes, I was grasping at straws, but what could I do? Angus was leaving next month and I wanted to have some kind of contact with him. How could I get him to change his mind about loving me if I completely disappeared from his life?
Eleven minutes later.
ANGUS: I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS DOING A NEW DECK.
ME: THEY DECIDED IT WOULD BE THEIR SUMMER PROJECT. IT LOOKS GREAT. HE’S EVEN BUILDING A PERGOLA.
NINE MINUTES LATER.
ANGUS: NICE.
ME: WHO KNEW HOME OWNERSHIP WOULD MAKE WILL SUCH A HANDYMAN?
Sixteen minutes later.
ANGUS: I’LL HAVE TO STOP BY SOMETIME AND CHECK IT OUT.
ME: YEAH. WELL, I GUESS I’LL SEE YA LATER.
I checked my phone for the next hour, but Angus never responded.
July 17
ME: DID YOU SEE THE GIANTS GAME LAST NIGHT?
ANGUS: I HAVEN’T HAD TIME THIS SUMMER.
ME: OH, TOO BAD. LAST NIGHT WENT INTO EXTRA INNINGS. THE GIANTS WON 8-7 IN TWELVE INNINGS.
Twenty-two minutes later. But who’s counting?
ANGUS: SOUNDS EXCITING.
ME: I ONLY STARTED WATCHING IT IN THE EIGHTH INNING, BUT THE FINISH WAS GREAT.
Seventeen minutes later.
ANGUS: WHEN DID YOU START CARING ABOUT BASEBALL?
ME: I USUALLY DON’T, BUT MIA AND GRAHAM WERE WATCHING IT AND I KINDA GOT HOOKED AT THE END.
Twenty-six minutes later.
ANGUS: I’LL BET YOUR DAD ENJOYED IT.
ME: HE MISSED IT. THEY WENT OUT TO DINNER WITH THE PAULSON’S AND GOT HOME AS IT WAS ENDING. DAD WAS SERIOUSLY BUMMED.
Twelve minutes later.
ANGUS: THAT’S TOO BAD.
ME: YEAH. OF COURSE HE FORGOT TO RECORD IT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? BEST GAME OF THE YEAR AND ALL HE GETS ARE ESPN HIGHLIGHTS.
July 23
ME: WHEN DO YOU LEAVE FOR KANSAS CITY?
Nineteen minutes later.
ANGUS: AUGUST 11
ME: OH, THAT’S SO SOON.
TWO MINUTES LATER! I was thrilled with the response time.
ANGUS: I’M EXCITED TO GET ON MY WAY.
Oh. Not so thrilling after all.
ME: DON’T FORGET WE NEED TO GO OUT TO DINNER.
Twenty minutes later.
ANGUS: RIGHT.
I threw my phone onto the other side of the couch and concentrated on a television show about some people who were selling Pez dispensers they’d found in a storage unit. The obnoxious guy, who spit when he talked, kissed his girlfriend when he found out the Mr. Potato Head dispenser he had was worth over two-thousand dollars. I mean a full-on, makeout kiss. If he could have her, why couldn’t I have Angus?
July 30
ME: NEED ANY HELP PACKING?
Seventeen minutes later.
ANGUS: NO THANKS. I’VE GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
ME: ARE YOU RENTING A MOVING TRUCK?
Eleven minutes later.
ANGUS: NO. STORING MY THINGS AT DAD AND MOM’S.
ME: I GUESS YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND A FURNISHED APARTMENT.
Sixteen minutes later.
ME AGAIN: HAVE YOU ALREADY FOUND AN APARTMENT?
I was feeling a little pathetic and almost didn’t hit the send button.
Five minutes later.
ANGUS: THE SUPERVISING DOCTOR GAVE ME SOME RECOMMENDATIONS.
ME: THAT’S GOOD.
ME: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO? IT’S NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. :)
One minute later.
ANGUS: ACTUALLY IT IS.
ME: I KNOW. I WAS JUST KIDDING.
I’ve decided helium balloons were created as a sick joke on humanity. If you don’t believe me, watch someone try to load a balloon bouquet into the back seat of a Volkswagen bug on a windy, San Francisco day. It’s the stuff that belongs in Dumb and Dumber. The balloons were like trick candles. As soon as I pushed the last one in, another one would pop back out. I should have bought McKayla a bouquet of flowers to go with the soft, frog-covered blanket instead of a dozen temperamental, floating orbs. Come to think of it, balloons were a pretty lame choice. My newborn nephew wouldn’t care one whit about them, and now Connor and McKayla would have to worry about getting them home.
Traffic was heavy, and it took more than an hour to get to the hospital. I maneuvered the balloons into the elevator and punched the button for the fourth floor. The door of Room 433 was slightly ajar. I started to push it open when I heard Angus’s voice and froze.
“Thanks for having this little guy before I leave.”
“I did it all for you, Angus.” McKayla sounded happy.
Angus laughed and I realized it was a sound I hadn’t heard for months. It made me sad.
“He’s a beauty.” His voice changed as he talked to the baby. “But I guess since you’re a little man you might not want to be called a beauty, huh?”
“When do you leave?” Connor asked.
“Monday, bright and early.”
Monday? Monday wasn’t the eleventh. Monday was the sixth. And it was only three days from now. I sagged against the wall. I’d made no progress in my win-Angus-back campaign, and now he was leaving five days earlier than he’d told me.
“I’ve heard winters can be pretty rough there,” Connor said.
“It will be an adjustment, for sure. But getting a chance like this is too big to pass up. I’m lucky Dr. Fickland thought about me.”
“You must have impressed him,” McKayla said.
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. I hadn’t seen Angus since that awful day at his apartment. He looked good. You’d have thought I’d taken the stairs to the fourth floor as out of breath as I was. It struck me what a strange thing it was that I could spend nineteen years with no noticeable reaction to being around Angus and then suddenly a kiss could make every nerve ending aware of his presence.
“Congratulations!” I said, noticing a manic quality in my voice.
And then those devil balloons started mocking me. First one of the strings caught on the lever door handle, which disrupted the whole bundle of them and then one of them was stuck in the space by the door hinges. I tried to yank them into the room, but the ribbon on the one stuck in the gap snapped and it slowly rose to the ceiling. I felt conspicuous and silly as I wrangled the remaining balloons into a symmetrical bouquet.
“Here. Get these horrible things away from me,” I said, handing the ball
oons off to Connor.
McKayla and Connor were grinning and even Angus looked amused.
“They’re just balloons,” Connor said.
“No they’re not. They’re demon balloons and they hate me.”
“At least they’re adorable,” McKayla said.
“Let me see that sweet little guy,” I said, stepping closer to Angus, who was holding him. I leaned over and lifted the blanket farther away from the baby’s face. “Oh, you guys, he’s so cute.” His little cheeks were ruddy and chubby. Dark hair hugged his round head. I touched his cheek with the back of my finger and his lips started moving.
“You want to hold him?” Angus asked.
“Yes, but I don’t want to cut your turn short.”
“It’s okay. I’ve been holding him for a while.” I silently cursed the traffic that had kept me from arriving earlier.
Angus stood and motioned for me to take the rocking chair he’d been sitting in. I glanced around the room and was disappointed to see there were no empty chairs. I wanted him to stay for as long as possible.
“Thanks.” I settled into the chair and Angus carefully passed the baby into my arms. The backs of his hands brushed my arms as he pulled them out from under the precious little bundle, and something seized at my heart. Suddenly I felt like crying. No, that’s not quite right. I was crying. A tear slipped down my cheek and I shrugged my shoulder up to wipe it away with my shirt. I looked down at my wonderful nephew and another tear fell. And then another.
“Charlotte, are you okay?” McKayla asked quietly.
“I’m fine. He’s just so perfect.”
“I know.”
Connor stood and slid his chair next to mine. “Here, Angus. I promised McKayla I’d go get her chocolate.”
“You can’t handle the emotion in the room.” McKayla laughed and reached her hand toward Connor. He took her hand and then kissed her.
“Do you want chocolate or not?”
“Go. Please go.”
“I should probably go, too.” Angus took a step toward the door.
“No, no. You should stay and keep the girls company for a little longer.”
“Sit down, Angus.” McKayla’s voice was firm. “We have to soak up enough Angus time to last us a while.”
I could have kissed Connor and McKayla.
Angus sat in the chair Connor had put right beside mine.
“I think he’s trying to open his eyes,” I said, and instinctively Angus leaned closer to look at him. I could feel the heat of his arm next to mine. I turned the baby a little so Angus could better see his face. “Have you picked a name?”
“We’ve picked a first name, but we have different ideas about the middle name.”
“What are they?”
“His first name is Simon.”
“I love it.”
“I like Wendell for the middle name.”
“Ah, after Grandpa.”
“That’s the problem. Connor wants to use his grandpa’s name. Ellis.”
“Simon Wendell Ward. Simon Ellis Ward.” Angus tried out both names. “That’s tough. They both sound good.”
I peeked under the little blue hat at the silky, dark hair. “I guess you need to have another boy.”
“Give me a few days to recover, please.” For the first time, I noticed a weariness behind McKayla’s excitement.
“You look amazing,” I said. “I can’t believe you had a baby today.”
“Thanks.”
“Has anyone else been here yet?”
“Dad and Mom were here earlier. Will and Gina are coming later tonight. Connor’s mom and dad won’t be here ’til tomorrow.”
We talked for another half hour before Angus shifted in his seat.
“I should get going. I’m glad I got to meet Simon before I leave.”
“Me too,” McKayla said. “Thanks for driving over.”
Angus leaned over and gave McKayla a hug. She gave me a stern look over his shoulder.
“I know you’ve got to head back, too, Charlotte, so this is probably a good time for me to try to feed him.”
I wasn’t eager to hand Simon over, but I understood what McKayla was doing. Angus looked a little trapped, but I didn’t care.
“I love him already,” I said as I carefully handed him to his mother and then hugged McKayla over the top of him.
“Thanks for coming, you two. Have a safe trip, Angus.”
We walked in silence to the elevator. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Only eight days until you leave.” I kept my eyes anchored on the changing numbers above the door, pretending I didn’t know he was leaving sooner than he’d told me.
“Actually, I’m leaving Monday.”
“You are?”
“I had to pay rent for the whole month of August, so I decided I might as well go a little earlier and get settled in before I get so busy.”
“Oh. That makes sense.”
The elevator doors opened and a man with a bundle of perfectly behaved balloons stepped off.
“You haven’t forgotten dinner, I hope.” I pushed the button for the lobby.
“Charlotte, I just—”
“No, Angus.” I hoped my voice didn’t sound as desperate as I felt. “Please don’t say you can’t.” He didn’t say anything. “Please.”
Angus sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Tomorrow night?”
My heart broke a little at his response. He didn’t sound happy at all. He sounded like someone ready to plow through an unpleasant task to get it over with. My pride wanted to tell him to forget the whole thing, but I didn’t. How could I change his mind if I didn’t see him?
“Tomorrow’s great,” I said with enough enthusiasm for both of us.
“Luigi’s?”
“No way. Neither of us need therapy.” That was a lie. “Let’s go somewhere different. Since you’re leaving, let me surprise you. It’ll be fun.”
“I’ll drive. I don’t feel like contorting myself into your car.” Angus smiled. It was so lovely, I felt a clutch in my stomach.
We stepped out into the angled, evening sunshine and hesitated on the sidewalk. “Where’s your car?” Angus asked.
“It’s over there.”
“Do you want me to walk you?”
“That’s okay, it’s still light.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I needed to take advantage of every minute I had with him.
“All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
Angus didn’t move when I started walking away. I crossed the road and found my car in the visitor parking lot. I glanced back to see which way Angus had gone, but he was still standing there watching me. It wasn’t until I waved that he turned and walked away.
Angus
Charles was killing me. Whole hours could pass without her popping into my mind, but sitting beside her in the hospital, little Simon in her arms, had been agony. It wasn’t easy to be reminded of what we’d never have. And now she’d roped me into a pointless dinner that I had no idea how to handle. She’d looked so hopeful and eager when she’d suggested we go somewhere new. If we hadn’t been friends for so long, I’d have told her no. I’d have said goodbye there on the sidewalk in front of the hospital.
“You ready?” I said into my cell phone. I was parked at the curb in front of her apartment.
“Yes. I’ll be right down.”
Less than a minute later, there was Charles. She looked amazing. Really gorgeous. I’d never seen the light blue dress she was wearing and I hated that she’d probably gone out and bought it just for tonight. I needed her not to try to impress me. I couldn’t allow her to draw me in again.
Six months ago, I’d have been psyched to see her wanting to look good for me. Six months ago I’d been hers for the taking. Now I was leaving for four years, and no matter how obvious it was that she’d be a willing participant in a long-distance relationship, there was no way I was going there. C
harles had never demonstrated that she had staying power.
That probably wasn’t fair. She’d dated a few punks along the way and I couldn’t blame her that they hadn’t worked out. But lately I’d started to think maybe she was partly at fault. Kyle would have married her, but she broke it off with him. I didn’t know everything that had happened in Scotland, but I was pretty sure Chuck was the reason it hadn’t gone anywhere. And then there was me. If she really wanted love and marriage and all the things she claimed she was looking for, I’d been here all along. Sure, she’d had her heart broken several times, but she’d also done her share of damage. Maybe it wasn’t always the guys’ fault. Maybe Charles had issues I’d overlooked because I was in love with her. I certainly had no evidence that she could make a four-year, long-distance relationship work, and I had too much to worry about to set myself up for a bigger disappointment down the road. This guy was moving on. This next four years was about getting over Charles so I could create a life with someone who wouldn’t rip my heart into chunks the way she had.
She smiled and turned to lock her front door.
I looked away. No way was she going to do it to me again, no matter how great she looked, no matter how pretty her eyes were. I just had to get through the evening and then I’d be on my way. I couldn’t let her overtake my life and my thoughts again.
“Hey,” I said after I leaned across the car and opened the door for her.
Charles smiled. “I hope you’re hungry.”
“I am. Where are we going, boss?”
She looked proud of herself. “I got reservations at Cashmere.”
“Charles, no.” Cashmere was way too expensive. I didn’t want her to spend so much on a futile evening.
“What? You’re going far away for a long time. This is your going away dinner. I want it to be nice.”
“We’ll go Dutch,” I said, even though I knew I couldn’t afford it.
“No we won’t. I invited you, and this is my treat.” She was blushing a little.
Part of me wanted to reassure her, to tell her I’d feel more comfortable at Luigi’s or even McDonalds, but I didn’t want to argue with her. And I recognized the stubborn look on her face. It was the same look she’d had when Will and I had told her she couldn’t play football with us in junior high. She’d insisted she could and had tackled Will so hard she’d knocked the wind out of him.