by White, Karey
I picked at a thread on my jeans. “I don’t have him.”
Aleena looked surprised. “What are you talking about? He told me he was in love with you.”
“He did?”
“Well, he said he was in love with someone else. I’d have to be an idiot not to know who he was talking about.”
“He told me it’s too late. He’s gone. He moved to Kansas City.”
Aleena looked stunned. “Why would he give up someone like me if he wasn’t ready to sweep you off your feet?” She smiled and moved to the couch. I almost sobbed. We were going to be okay.
“Aleena, I’m not sure why anyone would give you up for anything.”
Aleena pulled her legs up under her and leaned toward me. “So what now?”
“I have no idea. Let me know if you come up with any brilliant ideas.”
“I’ll give it some thought. And Charlotte?”
“Yes?”
“I love you, but please don’t ever set me up again.”
I put up my hands in surrender. “Never again. I promise.”
Charlotte
It’s hard to explain the relief I felt at having finally cleared the air with Aleena. I still didn’t have the friend I’d had before. Maybe someday I’d be able to ask Aleena’s opinion on what I should do to solve the Angus problem, but right now our truce was too fresh, too fragile. Maybe we’d never get to a place where we’d be able to speak freely about dating in general and Angus in particular.
I turned on my computer when I arrived at the office one morning to find an email from Flynn mixed in with all the work emails.
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
TIME: 12:13 P.M.
RE: GREETINGS!
I’LL BE MIGHTY DISAPPOINTED IF I DON’T GET AN INVITE TO YOUR WEDDING. HOPE YOU’RE WELL. PERHAPS SKYPE WOULD BE IN ORDER? TOMORROW MORNING? (UNLESS YOU’RE TASTING WEDDING CAKES OR PICKING OUT FLOWERS, OF COURSE) –FLYNN
I smiled. Even though it meant having to confess the uncertainty of my future, I was excited to talk to Flynn. I was suddenly eager to hear his perspective.
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
TIME: 1:39 P.M.
RE: GREETINGS!
IF I EVER MARRY, YOU’LL DEFINITELY BE INVITED. THINGS DIDN’T GO ACCORDING TO PLAN, BUT I’M ADAPTING. SORT OF. SKYPE IS DEFINITELY IN ORDER. CAN’T WAIT.
CHARLOTTE
The computer signaled a call and I hurried into the living room. I settled into the corner of the couch as the call connected.
“Charlotte, how are ya?”
“Look at your face.” The stubble I was used to had turned into a full beard.
“Gettin’ ready for the winter.” Flynn ran his hand over his beard.
“You grow it out every year?”
“Got to keep those vicious north winds out.”
Flynn smiled and I melted. I had needed someone to talk to for so long. Why had I thought I couldn’t talk to Flynn? One minute in and I already knew he was exactly what I needed to help me figure out my life.
“It definitely looks warm. Is it already cold there?”
“Naw, but it’s right around the corner. Let’s not talk about the weather. Tell me what happened with you. Why are you having to adapt?”
I sighed. “Oh, Flynn. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. I had such a good plan, but it didn’t work.” I told him everything that had transpired with Angus when I returned home. It was embarrassing, but I even included the kiss goodbye. He asked a few questions, but mostly he listened and his eyes were kind and thoughtful. “And now he’s gone. He lives half a continent away and there’s nothing I can do to fix things.”
“Ah, Charlotte, I’m sorry. I thought you’d be gettin’ married about now.”
I laughed. “That would have been fast. But I certainly didn’t picture this mess when I came home.”
“What’re ya plannin’ to do?”
“I’ll wait. I love him.”
“Four years is a long time.”
“So long.”
“Sad Charlotte. Maybe you should come back to Stornoway while ya wait.”
“Don’t tempt me. That place is heaven. I was so sure of everything while I was there.”
“Ya weren’t sure of everything. You were just sure of yourself.”
I nodded. “I miss that. Right now I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.” Flynn ran his hand through his hair. “You wouldn’t want to give up your house again anyway.”
“Aye, but I would if ya came. Or ya could stay with mum. But your problems won’t be solved here.”
I groaned. “Enough about me. How are you? How is your mum?”
“Mum’s good. She keeps askin’ after ya.”
“Tell her I’m fine.”
“I will.”
“I really am fine. Did you finish the Crawford’s house?”
“Aye, it’s a pretty one. I told him if he ever decides to sell, I want first shot at it.”
“Did you take pictures?”
“I did.”
“You should send them to me.”
“I shoulda thought of that. Ya built the chimney, after all.”
“Not really. But I’d love to see it.”
We talked a little longer, but it was late there and I could tell Flynn was tired.
“You’re a brave lass, Charlotte. You’ll figure out what to do.”
“I hope so.” I paused. “Thank you for calling me, Flynn. You have no idea how much I needed this.”
“We’ve missed ya here.”
I swallowed. “I miss all of you, too. Please say hello to your mum and Jessie. Good night, Flynn.”
“Good morning, Charlotte.”
We were both smiling when we disconnected the call.
My phone rang before six the next morning. Who would call that early on a Sunday? I rubbed my bleary eyes and looked at the screen. The number was unfamiliar and a strange configuration. I almost shut it off, but on a hunch, I answered the call.
“Charlotte, it’s Flynn.”
“Flynn? Is everything okay?”
“Aye. I think we should talk. Turn on your computer and call me.”
Ten minutes later, Flynn appeared on the screen of my laptop.
“What’s going on?”
“I think you should move to Kansas City.”
I laughed. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t laugh. I’m not jokin’.”
“I can’t move to Kansas City. My job’s here. My family’s here. And I don’t think Angus would even want me to.”
“Ah, he’d say he doesn’t want ya to, but I’d wager that what he wants and what he says he wants are two different things.”
I shook my head. “You’re crazy. This is what you wanted me to call you for at this hour of the morning?”
“Aye. And hear me out. I’ve been chewin’ on this all day.”
I was touched that he’d been trying to figure out a way to help me, but this idea was insane. “I’m listening.”
“You say you’ll wait for him to come back.” I nodded. “What about him? You might be willing to wait for ten years, but what about Angus? He’ll be meeting new people. He won’t be waiting around. If ya want to cook a chicken, ya have to put him in while the water’s boilin’.”
I snickered. “I don’t even know what that means, Flynn.”
“Sure ya do. If ya wait ‘til the water’s all cooled down, good luck cooking the bird. Right now the water’s boilin’.”
“No it’s not. He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“That’s ’cause the water’s boilin’. If it weren’t, he’d talk to ya all day long. He’s just tryin’ not to get burned.”
There was an absurd and comforting logic to what he was saying. “Keep going.”
“There’s not much more to say. Move to Kansas City.”
“That’s easier said than done, Flynn.”
“Tell me this. What needs more attention? The things in San Francisco? Or the thing in Kansas City?”
I didn’t answer him. I didn’t know what to say.
“Charlotte, give him a grand gesture. Show ’im he’s more important than the things you’ve left behind.”
“Wow. I should never have answered the phone this morning.”
We laughed. “Think about it. It might work.”
“It might not. And then I’ll be two thousand miles away from my family and I’ll have given up the best job in the world and... It’s all so scary.”
“But you’re brave. And if it doesn’t work out, you can go back.”
“I thought you were my friend.”
Flynn didn’t say anything right away. He just smiled. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft. “I am.”
Charlotte
Flynn had stewed on my problem for a day. I stewed on it for a week, and the longer I did, the more convinced I became that Flynn was right. Everything he’d said rang true.
The problem was me. I was terrified.
To go to Kansas City, I’d have to give up my apartment and my job. I’d have to face family and friends who would surely think I’d lost my mind. Would my car even make it that far?
And what about Angus? He’d made it clear he was through with me. What would he do if he found out I was following him halfway across the country? I couldn’t imagine him being happy about it. Wasn’t this what you’d call putting all your eggs in one basket?
If I did this crazy thing, I’d be putting every one of my eggs in the Angus basket. Of course I was scared. Angus had already tossed that basket in the trash.
I wasn’t sure where to start. Should I tell my parents first? I pictured making the rounds, first to Dad and Mom’s, then Will and Gina’s and McKayla and Connor’s. The conversations I imagined taking place during those visits were enough to add an extra two or three days to my consideration.
I’d been working at my desk most of the morning when I realized I had no idea what I’d been sketching. My subconscious obviously knew I was supposed to be painting a giraffe for a mug, because it looked pretty good, but I couldn’t remember a single brush stroke. My mind scampered all over the place—to my conversation with Flynn, to my parents, to cute little Emily and sweet Simon who would hardly know me if I left.
But mostly my mind traveled to Kansas City, a place I’d never been. My best friend was there. The man I loved. I missed him. I missed the easiness of our conversations and the way we could count on each other. I missed his smile and his teasing. I even missed the awful nicknames. My birthday had given me something else to miss. I missed Angus’s kiss. I missed his strong arms.
The thought that I might have lost everything about Angus fired me up and I made my decision.
Suddenly my chair was a black, Angus-less hole and I bolted up with such fervor to escape it, I nearly knocked it over behind me. I took a deep breath and walked with determination to Jayne’s office.
“Hi, Charlotte.”
I stepped inside, closed the door and sat in the chair opposite her. She looked concerned and I glanced around the room to avoid eye contact. “I’ve never told you how much I like your office.” I ran my hand over the chrome arm of the chair. “It just looks like it belongs to someone artistic, you know? I mean, who but an artist would have chartreuse chairs? Who but an artist would even know what chartreuse is?”
“Thanks?” She said the word slowly. “Did you close the door so we could speak freely about my color choices?”
I laughed, and Jayne smiled, though she still looked worried.
“No. I just thought I should mention it before I leave.”
Jayne’s face morphed from confusion to panic. “Leave?”
“Jayne, I have to move. To Kansas City.”
“What are you talking about? What’s in Kansas City?”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. A reassuring calm settled over me. I knew that would probably pass and I’d be faced with my own sense of panic, but I would use the peace I felt at the moment to get as much done as I could.
“Angus is there. He’s finishing his residency in Kansas City, and... well, I want to be where he is.”
“The Angus that’s like your brother? The one you eat out with after you break up? Kyle’s fiancé’s ex? Him?”
I nodded. “Him.”
I spent the next several minutes bringing Jayne up to speed.
“I was right then. Something has been bothering you.”
“Yes. But I wasn’t ready to say anything. I didn’t think I could do anything about it, so why moan? But now I know I can. And I am.”
“What about work? What will you do there?”
“I hope I can find something. I’ve got a little money saved. I don’t really know what I’ll do, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll wait tables if I have to or clean hotel rooms. I just know I need to go.” Now that I’d made this decision, I was even more grateful that Flynn had insisted I stay at his house and save the money I would have spent on a hotel when I traveled to Scotland.
Jayne collapsed back in her chair. I gave her some time for it to sink in.
“I hate for you to go, but I guess I understand.” She was quiet again. “Let’s talk in the morning. Maybe you’ll have changed your mind.”
I shook my head. “I won’t have. I’m sorry . . .”
Jayne put up her hand to stop me. “I can’t think about this right now. Let’s talk in the morning.”
I wanted to say more, but the look on Jayne’s face stopped me.
When I got back to my office, I sent a group text to my family.
ME: WHEN’S THE SOONEST EVERYONE CAN MEET AT DAD AND MOM’S?
MCKAYLA: WHY?
GINA: IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
My phone rang at the same time that a text from Will flashed on the screen. I glanced at it before I answered the phone.
WILL: I GET OFF AT 5:30 EVERY NIGHT. DO WE HAVE ANYTHING THIS WEEK, GINA?
I answered the phone.
“Charlotte?” It was Mom.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need to tell the family something and I wanted to do it all at the same time. And not over the phone.”
“What is it?” Mom sounded equal parts concerned and curious.
I smiled. “It’s okay, Mom. You don’t need to worry.”
I knew that wasn’t entirely true.
“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“Of course I am. When the family is together.”
“Oh, all right. I hope everyone can come tonight. I’d better go so I can encourage everyone.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, honey.”
Two texts were waiting when I hung up.
GINA: WE WERE GOING TO MY SISTER’S FOR DINNER ON FRIDAY, BUT OTHER THAN THAT WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING. CHARLOTTE, ARE YOU COMING ALONE? WINK WINK
MCKAYLA: CONNOR? ANY CONFLICTS?
Mom wasted no time sending a text to the group.
MOM: IF YOU CAN ALL COME TONIGHT, DAD AND I WILL ORDER PIZZA.
ME: I’LL BE ALONE.
WILL: WE CAN COME TONIGHT.
MCKAYLA: I CALLED CONNOR AND WE CAN COME TONIGHT.
MOM: GREAT! WE’LL ORDER PIZZA ABOUT 7. DOES THAT WORK FOR EVERYONE? CHARLOTTE? CAN YOU MAKE IT TONIGHT?
ME: HAHA. YES, I CAN. SEVEN IS GOOD.
MCKAYLA: THIS BETTER BE GOOD OR WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED.
WILL: SORRY WE’RE SUCH A SLACKER FAMILY AND YOU’RE HAVING TO STAGE YOUR OWN INTERVENTION, CHUCK.
ME: YEAH, THANKS A LOT GUYS.
WILL: FOR THE RECORD, I’VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR HOUSEWIVES OF ESCONDIDO ADDICTION.
ME: EW.
MCKAYLA: HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS ISN’T AN INTERVENTION FOR YOU, WILL?
GINA: SHHH. YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM.
WILL: ON SECOND THOUGHT, I’M NO
T SURE WE CAN MAKE IT. REMEMBER THAT THING WE HAVE TONIGHT, GINA?
GINA: NICE TRY, WILL. SEE YOU ALL TONIGHT.
MCKAYLA: I’VE BEEN CRAVING SOME CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES, SO I’LL MAKE SOME THIS AFTERNOON.
CONNOR: SAVE ME SOME DOUGH.
MCKAYLA: SO NOW YOU JOIN THE CONVERSATION. I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED COOKIE DOUGH A LONG TIME AGO.
CONNOR: SORRY. I WAS WORKING. BUT I’M EXCITED FOR AN INTERVENTION.
ME: THANKS EVERYONE. SEE YOU ALL TONIGHT.
I spent my lunch hour at my computer, taking a crash course on Kansas City. According to the chamber of commerce, it was a vibrant city with flourishing suburban communities and lovely tree-lined streets. A downtown plaza boasted the highest-rated Christmas light display in the country and the cost of living was significantly less than the Bay area. That was good news.
The few minutes I spent looking at rental properties showed plenty of options, ranging from large and jam-packed with amenities to basic and pretty affordable. Without a waiting job, the less expensive options were definitely at the top of my list. I saved a couple of the more affordable ones to my favorites so I could make some phone calls in the next few days.
The last few minutes of my lunch were spent looking for graphic design jobs. I was glad I needed to get back to work. The thought of leaving my dream job and starting somewhere new made my heart hurt and I didn’t want to disintegrate into a pile of sadness and tears. Today, when I was about to face my entire family, I had to be focused and determined. There was no place for indecision and weakness.
The afternoon flew by. I couldn’t leave the Sunset Safari Wild Animal Park mid-project. The couple of other campaigns I had coming up weren’t started yet and could easily be taken on by someone else, but I was about half finished with Sunset Safari, and now that I had made my decision, I wanted to make the move as soon as possible, before my courage faltered.
My Volkswagen Bug hummed and rattled as I took the onramp to I-80 toward Fairfield, and it occurred to me that my cute, little car was a concern. Didn’t Kansas City get a lot of snow? Oh man. I was headed to a cold climate right before winter and I had never been a fan of freezing temperatures. I’ve only driven in the snow twice in my life and one of those times I’d lost control and slid hard into a curb.