That was what I used to ease the guilt. Knowing that I would be leaving soon and that I couldn’t tell her was tearing me apart. I needed to know she would be safe, and if she came with me, that wouldn’t happen. She turned away from the movie and looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for some kind of answer. I leaned down and kissed her, savoring the taste of strawberries on her lips.
“Is everything ok?” she asked as our kiss broke apart.
“Of course it is.” Another lie. One of many I’d been dishing out over the last week. Nothing was ok. My mom had left to go and find herself. Having your dead husband show up and then watching as he was sucked back into hell could have that kind of effect on you. It was even worse when the people who could help you get him back told you that they couldn’t help you. I knew exactly how she felt. I wanted him back too, and I wasn’t willing to take no for an answer.
April turned her head back toward the movie. I knew she didn’t believe me when I told her everything was fine. I just hoped when this was all over that we could still be together. Adam hadn’t left me with any real options. So I turned to someone that I couldn’t trust. The man who brought me to Adam in the first place. Stillman.
Since we returned from the battle to close the portal more information had come to light about Stillman. Now that Britta’s sister was safe, Adam decided to share with me some of his suspicions about how I ended up at the academy. He had the feeling that Stillman might have ordered my abduction, so he could become my savior. If that was true, and it probably was, then that meant Stillman or someone that worked for him killed my parents. Now I had to shove those feelings aside and make a deal with an enemy to get my father back.
It was hard to believe that Stillman was as bad of a person as he was. Without his intervention, I’d be living a normal life. Instead, he masterminded a plan that led to my adoptive parents’ deaths and my enrollment in school. What kind of man could even dream up a plan like that? Since that day, our school had turned into more of a full-time combat commitment. That was what happened when demons tried to take over the planet; all of us rallied together to stop them. So far we had thwarted their plans at every turn, but our luck wouldn’t hold out forever.
Pushing Adam to take the fight to the demons in their world hadn’t yielded any results. Our job was to protect humanity here, not to seek out fights in hell. That was all well and good unless you knew your father was alive and trapped there. How could he expect me to just forget about him? He asked the same thing of my mother, and she had left. My relationship with Adam had finally reached the breaking point, and that was when I turned to Britta for help.
She’d been in contact with Stillman on my behalf for over a week now. I was starting to grow impatient, but today she stopped me in the hall and said she had a package for me. As much as I wanted to focus on April and what could potentially be our last night together, I was anxious to get whatever it was. I’d be willing to do just about anything to get into hell. Crazy as it sounded, it was the only place I wanted to be.
April stayed focused on the movie, and I tried to keep the tension out of my body. I kept my fingers running through her soft hair and imagined what our life would be like together if I lived through whatever was coming next. Nothing was going to stop me from coming back home to her. What I was doing now was selfish, I knew it, but was there any other way to do it without risking her life? If there was, I just couldn’t see it.
When the knock sounded at the door, I tried not to jump to my feet and run. Slowly I helped April up into a sitting position. I kissed her forehead and walked to the door. Every step I took bounced with anticipation. April was watching me, and I knew she could tell that I wasn’t acting like myself. There was nothing I could do about it now.
Yanking open the door revealed just the person I wanted to see. Britta. She smiled at me, but it had a hard edge to it now. We had been romantically entangled for a while, and it hadn’t ended well. She had been spying on me for Stillman. Funnily enough, that was the exact reason that I needed to depend on her now. Since the breakup, she had made a few advances on me that had been ruthlessly shut down, and now that I was using her to get what I wanted, she felt slightly betrayed. I understood her feelings, but I couldn’t worry about them now.
She thrust a phone out, and I barely had time to grab it before she turned to leave.
“Thanks, Britta.”
She spun around and looked at me. “Trust me, I’m not doing you a favor. What you’re doing is crazy, and the worst part is that you know it and are still going through with it.”
“You’re right.”
“Damn right I am. He’ll call at seven.” She turned back around and stomped away.
I get it. She thought I was being stupid. She was probably right. No one had more experience in dealing with Stillman than Britta. At the same time, I wasn’t left with any other viable options. I needed to find a way into hell. Word around the Ascendancy was that Stillman had just the kind of connections that I needed to make that happen. I didn’t trust him; in fact, if I made it back, I’d set about finding out how much he had to do with my parents’ deaths. If he had any hand in ordering them killed to get me into the Ascendancy, then he was a dead man.
I tucked the phone into my pocket and turned around to find April standing behind me.
“Who was that?”
“Just Britta.”
“Well, what did just Britta want?”
“She was just reminding me that I had a session with Sarge tonight. I’ve been blowing him off lately, and he isn’t having it anymore.” April crossed her arms and looked at me. I could tell she didn’t believe a word I just said. “I have to meet him in the gym at six fifteen. I doubt I’ll be gone for more than an hour or two.”
“Maybe I’ll come and get some extra work in.”
Well, that was one way to find out if I was full of shit. “Babe, you know the healers said to take it easy during this week. Next week we can go and get a workout in every night. Ok?”
She gave me the eye, knowing damn well that something didn’t fit, but finally turned around and headed back to the couch. She patted the seat next to her, and I snuggled right in. I pulled her close to me again, just needing to be touching some part of her. I hated to have to do this behind her back, but I had to keep her safe. I leaned in and kissed her cheek and then shifted so she could lie back down on my lap.
I EARNED a few more wayward looks as I left for the gym. I couldn’t blame her; I was being shady as hell, and she knew it. Who knew what April was thinking seeing Britta stop by for a moment and then I left a few hours later without her. It didn’t look good, that was for sure. I couldn’t wait until the day came when I could tell her everything, but today wasn’t that day.
The gym was mostly deserted when I got there. I said hi to a few people and started to do some light stretching. I had to make it look good. If April did any follow up, I wanted her to know that I had actually been here. When I was done stretching, I did some light upper body weights and then headed to the elliptical.
I plugged my earbuds into the phone Stillman had given me, and I waited. Every step seemed to take a lifetime, but finally the phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Jackson, it’s good to hear your voice again.”
“I wish I could say the same.” The line remained silent for a moment. I felt the anger boiling up inside of me. I needed to find a way to control it. As much as I hated this bastard, I needed him.
“Was I wrong to assume that you were the one who requested this meeting?”
“No. I did need to speak with you, but there are some things that have come to light since the last time I saw you that are making me question if this is still the right thing to do.”
“Such as?”
He said it so smoothly, as if he didn’t know or didn’t care. I hated this man, but he held the key to freeing my father. Maybe one of these days I would be able to help John get his revenge. “Let’s start with the
fact that you had my parents killed.” I wasn’t sure if he had, but now was the time to find out the truth.
“That was an unfortunate situation. I can assure you that my instructions bore no such direct orders. It was the folly of an overzealous employee. I can assure you that he has been dealt with.”
“I’m sure that that will provide some comfort to my dead parents.”
“The past has a way of shaping who we become, but it rarely pays to dwell on it. All we can do is move forward and try to do better.”
Did he really think that telling me he had dealt with the situation was enough to make me forget what happened? And what was with all this forget about the past and sing kumbaya together bullshit he was trying to sell me right now? This had been a bad idea from the start. It was time for me to end the call.
Before I could say anything, Stillman continued. “It seems as if we have gotten off topic. Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it for you, no questions asked. I owe you that much.”
Damn, he was good, cold as ice, and smooth as a baby’s backside. No wonder Adam had kept him around all these years. Using him to infiltrate the Council hadn’t worked out too well for Adam, though. I had to keep telling myself whatever he said was a lie, and no matter how much I wanted to, I could never trust this man. He had systematically betrayed everyone I cared about. “Fine, but we need to meet in person.”
“Jackson, I’m not sure that is a great idea for either of us.”
I didn’t really care what he thought about it. There was no way I was going to tell him that I needed his help to get to hell over the phone. If he hung up and walked away, then there was no one left for me to turn to. I needed him to say yes. He fucking owed me that much and more.
“We meet in person. You grant me this one favor, and we can call the debt between us square.” God, it hurt to say those words. Nothing would ever be all right between us. He had taken something from me that could never be returned. It didn’t matter what kind of flowery words he used to place the responsibility for their deaths on someone else. It was his order, and therefore his fault. It might not be now, but one of these days, he would have to pay for that crime.
“Fine, but it will be at a place of my choosing. I will send someone to collect you if you can get out of where you are now.”
“I can, but I’m going to need some help. I need your assurance that no matter what, whoever is with me doesn’t get hurt.”
“You have my word.”
I knew how much that was worth. How could I consider putting one of my friend’s lives at risk just to meet this snake in the grass? It just didn’t seem like a good tradeoff. Maybe there was a way I could get Marcus to open a gate for me and stay behind. I would have to try. There was no way I wanted him tangled up in any of this.
“Then I will see you tomorrow.”
“Text me the location and the time, and I will be there.”
He started to talk, but I hung up the phone. We had already discussed everything that needed to be said. This wasn’t a negotiation. He was going to do this for me, or he was going to be in for a world of pain he hadn’t expected.
I set the elliptical for another hour and kicked up the resistance. Just spending a few minutes on the phone with that guy made me feel like I needed an hour-long shower and a giant scrub brush. The worst part about what I was doing now was that it made me more like him than I cared to admit. Lying to the people I loved. Keeping them in the dark so I could get what I wanted. That wasn’t who I wanted to be, but it was who I needed to be right now. Now all I had to do was find a way to get Marcus to help me tomorrow.
WHEN I GOT BACK to our apartment, April was already in bed. It was early for her to be in bed, but she had to be exhausted from her physical therapy. I had showered at the gym, which wasn’t like me, but I was hoping to just sneak in and be able to read or something until she fell asleep. I guess now that wouldn’t be a problem.
I tossed my bag on the ground by the closet and crawled into bed, trying not to move it as much as possible.
“You showered at the gym?”
Shit, she was awake. “Yep, no one else was there.” I leaned over to give her a kiss, and she rolled onto her side away from me. Oh man, I was in it deep now. She had to be thinking that something was going on between Britta and me, and there was no real way to assure her that something wasn’t going on without telling her my plan. Her safety was more important than what she thought about me.
“You know I love you, right?” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She jerked her shoulder away from my touch. Ok, so maybe I was past the doghouse stage of being in trouble. “I just need you to know that I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you.”
She sighed. “Then tell me what is going on.”
“I can’t.”
“Then the last thing you said was bullshit.”
I rolled over so I was facing away from her. I couldn’t leave it like this, but I couldn’t tell her what she wanted to know. I loved this woman with everything I had, and I knew she felt the same way, but I couldn’t risk her. She was the one thing that would keep me going, the one thing that could pull me back home if everything went wrong. I had to do whatever it took to free my father, but April was my balance to those horrific acts. The only thing that would give me the freedom to complete my mission was knowing she was safe.
I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn’t be coming anytime soon.
CHAPTER 4
JACKSON
April was gone when I woke up. She must have headed off to her physical therapy session early. At least that was what I told myself to feel better about last night. Who could blame her for thinking I was doing something wrong? I was; it just wasn’t what she thought it was.
I stuffed all of my combat gear into a backpack and got dressed in some street clothes. For me, that meant jeans and a T-shirt. Lacing up my boots, I gave the room one last look. It would be the last time I saw this place for a while. Should I leave a note for April to tell her what I’d done, or was that too risky? If she found it too soon, she might be able to stop me.
Screw it. I penned a couple lines on a piece of paper, wrote I love you on it, and tucked it under her pillow. Hopefully she wouldn’t come home and take a nap. As long as she didn’t find it before tonight, I’d be home free. Now all I had to do was track down Marcus and I was good to go.
I found Marcus in the cafeteria surrounded by a few girls. He waved me over to join him. As I settled in, the girls said their goodbyes and left. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to mess up your chances.”
“Are you kidding me? You might have just saved me from getting torn apart,” he said with a grin.
Ok, so now I was a little confused. “What are you talking about? All of them looked as if they were in love with you.”
“Bro, that’s the problem. If I would have said yes to any one of them, the other three girls would have ripped my eyes out.”
So now I was starting to understand his dilemma. Something like that had never happened to me before, so it wasn’t easy to put myself in his place. I went from kind of pining over Alby to being with Britta and then April. I never would have entertained the possibility of having four women fighting over me. It didn’t seem like something as crazy as that was remotely possible for me. I’d spent a good chunk of my prime dating time either pushing people away or being in a relationship.
“Well, now that I’ve bought you some time, maybe you can help me out.”
His eyes lit up like he knew we were about to break the rules. I wasn’t that obvious, was I? I kinda felt like I had a pretty good track record of staying in line. But the look on his face told me that maybe that wasn’t the case. He knew something interesting was happening. I could tell he was excited about the possibilities.
“Want to go on a little field trip?”
“Hell yeah, as long as you tell me what inspired this little outing.”
I frowned. How much should I tell him? He was my best friend, but if
he knew what I had planned, he would insist on coming, and I didn’t want that. I put my chances of coming back alive at about fifty-fifty, and that was probably being generous. So I decided to go with the easy excuse.
“I want to pick up a few things for April, and we can grab lunch.”
“I thought that might be the case.” His eyes were still sparkling.
“What does that mean?”
“Oh, nothing. Except that I received an early visit from a pretty tenacious little redhead who had a few pointed questions for me.”
Fuck. “Sorry about that.”
He slugged me in the shoulder and stood up, gesturing for me to follow him. “I don’t know what you’re hiding from her, but I know for a fact you’re not back with Britta. So why don’t you just tell her what is going on?”
I looked down at my shoes as we walked, not wanting to look my best friend in the eye while I lied to him. “I just have a few things to sort out. Seeing my dad like that, it kinda messed me up a little.” That was close enough to the truth that it wouldn’t seem too out of place.
Marcus wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze. “Jackson, that’s what we are here for, bro. We’re like family. There isn’t anything that you can’t tell us. All April wants to do is help.
Wasn’t that the truth. I knew Marcus would want to help too, and that was the problem. Shit, even Britta wanted to help, but she was concerned enough about what I was doing to almost turn down my request. “I know man. I just need a little more time to process it on my own first.”
“Well, then, let’s get the hell out of here!” He ran in front of me, turned around, and jogged backward with a big ass grin on his face. “Where are we going to spend some money?”
The Rising Darkness (Ascendancy Legacy 5) Page 3