“I don’t know yet,” I replied. “It’s too soon to make any plans.”
“You’re twenty-one years old, Alexa,” my mom said. “You should have made your future plans a long time ago. You’re lucky we’ve supported your silly college dream for this long.”
My dad looked away. I could tell he didn’t agree. He was always proud of me for getting into Princeton, and wanted me to do my own thing.
“We just want you to be happy, Alexa,” she continued. “You deserve to have a nice man to take care of you.”
At this, Sebastian reached under the table and rested his hand on my thigh. I flinched. I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I didn’t push his hand away.
“If you want,” my dad said carefully, “you can come work for my company. I need someone to help run charity events. It’s not a full-time job, you’d only have to work a few times a month.”
“Thanks for the offer,” I said. “But you know that I want to be a teacher. I’ve worked very hard to get good grades in my major. This is what I want to do.”
“What does a teacher even make?” my mom said, raising her voice.
Luckily, the waiter came back at that moment with our drinks. Everyone paused to take a long sip.
“Sebastian,” my dad quickly changed the subject. “How is law school going?”
“It’s going very well. In another year, I’ll join the firm, and a few years after that, I hope to be made partner.”
“Wow, that’s very impressive,” my mom gushed. “Don’t you think so, Alexa?”
“Yes, very impressive,” I mimicked my mom, who glared at me from across the table.
The waiter returned and asked for our orders. My mom got a salad, dressing on the side. My father ordered the sea bass and Sebastian ordered a steak and baked potato.
I quickly scanned the menu and found what I was looking for—Spaghetti Bolognese with extra cheese on top.
When the food arrived, I dug in as if I hadn’t eaten in days. I could see my mom studying me from behind forkfuls of her salad. It made me feel uneasy, like she knew something that I didn’t.
Sebastian hardly touched his food at all. I felt uncomfortable being here, so he must have felt ten times worse. He kept looking over at me, and then he would quickly look away. Finally, he slammed his fork down on the table. I was so startled that I nearly choked on a noodle.
“Alexa,” he said, grabbing my hand. “I can’t wait any longer. I need to tell you something.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Yes?”
“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever had the pleasure to know. I think about you every day, and I hope you think about me, too. I’m going to be very successful, very soon, and I know I can give you everything you want and need. We could build a beautiful family together.”
I looked over at my dad. His head was bowed and his jaw was clenched. Next, I looked at my mom. She was dabbing at the tears in her eyes and had a wide smile on her face. Then I looked back at Sebastian. He was slightly sweaty and had a nervous smile.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I replied, truthfully.
“While I was at law school,” he said. “I realized that I would never find a girl as perfect as you. You are beautiful, elegant, and intelligent. You will make a wonderful wife and mother.”
This creeped me out. I figured he was still into me, but I wasn’t expecting a declaration of undying love, or whatever this was. I was trying to figure out how to shut this down in the nicest way possible.
Ew, get away from me was probably not my best option. Maybe I could say, I’m very flattered, Sebastian, but I don’t think of you that way. Let’s remain friends. Yeah, that was good.
“I’m very flatter—“ I started when he pushed himself back from the table and got down on one knee.
“Alexa,” he said, his hands and voice shaking, as he pried open a box, revealing a massive solitaire diamond engagement ring. “Please marry me and give us the future we both deserve.”
Almost everything was perfect. The restaurant was beautiful, with enormous crystal chandeliers and soft strings music playing. The ring was absolutely beautiful and had to have cost a small fortune. But the man was all wrong.
“Not you,” I murmured.
“Alexa!” my mom scolded.
“How dare you!” I said to everyone at the table.
We all sat quietly in shock. I was angry at my dad for not trying to stop this, and at the very least, not warning me. I was furious at my mom for setting this up. I was angry, but also felt a little sorry for Sebastian. How was he so delusional to think that I would say yes?
My mom has done a great number of things to upset me in my life. I can forgive her for the smaller things, like not letting me play sports. Or making me go to mother-daughter society luncheons that were incredibly boring.
I can even forgive her for all of the cruel things she’s said to me about my education and my passion for teaching. But this was unforgivable. She put me in a terribly awkward position and tried to change the whole trajectory of my life, without taking into account what I actually wanted.
I stood up quickly and immediately felt dizzy.
“I need to get some air,” I said breathlessly.
I walked briskly to the door, past staring customers and waiters. I pushed open the doors and felt the chill of the night air on my body. I pulled off my strappy heels and I started running. I didn’t know where I was running, but in that moment, I felt free.
Martin
“Martin,” Reg called. “The guys in Room 305 are having some people over. Are you coming?”
“I don’t think so. I’m not really in the mood.”
“There will be girls there. And beer. Two of your favorite things.”
“I think I’m going to go for a run,” I said. “Maybe I’ll meet up with you guys later.”
“Is it about Alexa?” Reg asked.
“It’s nothing. Really,” I added when Reg gave me a quizzical look. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Suit yourself.”
I laced up my running shoes and pulled a jacket over my head. Working out released a lot of stress, and was the best way I knew of for how to deal with my problems.
Some days I just ran for miles, without caring where I was going. By the time I got home, I would have either worked out my problems, or are just too tired to care about them anymore.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I was still pretty upset with Alexa. She had given me a sliver of hope that she was into me, and then immediately destroyed it.
Maybe it would have been different if she would have let me down gently. Or if my friends hadn’t been telling me for weeks that she was into me. People who like you generally don’t respond to acts of kindness with silence.
I had only made it a few blocks from my dorm when I heard a female voice call after me. The first time I heard it, I thought it was in my head. After the second time, I knew it was real. I stopped, squinting to see the figure running toward me.
It was Alexa. She was panting, running with her shoes in her hand. She stopped when she got to me and bent over, breathing hard.
“You’re not going to throw up on me again, are you?” I asked.
“Shut up,” she snapped. “I’m not in the mood for this.”
I saw fat tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked rough. The bottoms of her feet were filthy, her hair was wild and frizzy, and her face was red and sweaty. She was wearing some kind of boxy looking dress that was not her usual style. Despite all of this, I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I think this was the worst night of my life,” she sobbed.
“Do you want to come back to my place?” I asked. “It’s just three blocks from here. We can get you cleaned up, have a drink and talk about what happened.”
She nodded her head. I was surprised that she agreed to come back to my place, after spending the whole week ignor
ing me. Just like that, my anger had quickly dissolved and I was letting her come into my home.
Apparently, I was powerless against her.
We got to my dorm and she made a beeline to my bathroom. I quickly picked up the dirty clothes off my floor and sprayed some air freshener. Maybe she wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t cleaned in weeks. I was glad the apartment was empty. I would tell Reg about it, but now wasn’t the time to answer his questions. I needed to be alone with her for once.
Alexa opened the door and wiped her eyes again. Her hair was braided back and her blackened feet were scrubbed clean. I gave her a glass of water and she sat down on my bed. I didn’t know if it was okay to sit next to her, so I sat at my desk and turned my chair toward her.
She took a sip from her glass. “Thanks,” she said. “But do you have something a little stronger?”
I nodded and came back with a bottle of soda and some vodka.
“Better,” she said quietly.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I asked. I wasn’t great at talking about feelings, especially with girls.
She took a deep breath and told me everything. She started with her parents and described Sebastian to me. I didn’t even know the guy and I wanted to punch him in the face. She told me about how unsupportive her mom was and how her dad didn’t do anything to stop her. Then she told me about what happened at the restaurant. I couldn’t believe it. My family was messed up, but I knew that no one would ever try to arrange a marriage for me.
I felt really bad for her. I also felt guilty for thinking that I knew her. I always just assumed that her life was perfect. She had straight As in all of her classes, was the captain of the cheerleading team, and had all the money she could ever want. I thought her life was perfect. I was wrong.
When she finished telling her story, the only thing I could think to say was, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she said.
“That this happened to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”
“Thanks,” she said, a small smile appeared on her pink lips. “Come here,” she said, motioning me over the bed.
I sat down on the bed next to her. She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder. She smelled so sweet.
“I feel like I should apologize to you,” she said. “I never thanked you for taking care of me the night of the game. You could have left me there, but you didn’t. I just want you to know that I really appreciate it.”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” I started. “Why did you ignore my texts and sit in the back of the classroom?”
“I don’t know, I was embarrassed and just wanted to forget all about it. I didn’t want you to make fun of me.”
“I’m capable of having serious discussions,” I interjected.
“I’m sure you are,” she said. “I have yet to see it, though.”
We laughed, her head still resting on my shoulder. I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her in a little closer. She didn’t flinch. Nice.
“For what it’s worth,” I said, “I had a really good time with you at the party.”
“I think I did too, until the last few drinks happened,” she groaned.
“Even dancing with Donny?”
“You saw that?”
“Everyone saw that. You were dancing like a mad woman,” I chuckled.
“I like to dance,” she said defensively. “He was so sweaty, though. Why was he that sweaty?”
“Donny doesn’t pull a lot of hot chicks. He was probably nervous.”
We both laughed at this. It was so nice, just getting to talk like two friends. No trying to one-up each other, just talking.
“Did I -” she started. “Did I say anything to you while I was blackout drunk?”
“Not really, besides the fact that I’m apparently an asshole, but nice. So which is it?”
She gave me a coy smile. “Nice, I think. But I’m still not completely convinced.”
I couldn’t help but stroke her hair. It always looked so soft and smooth. I gently pressed my lips to the top of her head. She lifted her head and looked me straight in the eyes. Then suddenly, her lips were on mine and it took every ounce of restraint I had not to pull her in closer.
I wanted to put my hands on every square inch of her body, but I didn’t want to scare her away. When we pulled apart we were both silent, just staring into each other’s eyes.
Without warning, my door sprung open.
“What’s going on in here?” Donny yelled.
“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled back.
“Reg said you guys had another case of beer in here.”
“Why didn’t you look in the fridge? Shut the door and get out of here,” I said.
“Hey, Alexa,” Donny sneered. She looked like she wanted to disappear. “You better be careful, Martin. She’s a crazy one. She can do things in bed that you’ve never even heard of.”
“Nothing that I already haven’t done with your mom, Donny,” I retorted. With that, he left, slamming the door behind him.
“I’m really sorry about that,” I said. “That guy is a dick and is probably just jealous that no girl has ever been in his room.”
“I should go,” she said, gathering her shoes and purse.
“Do you want to come back later tonight?” I asked hopefully.
“I just need to be alone for a while, I think. I’ll text you sometime, though.”
I walked her to the door. She wordlessly kissed me on the cheek, and walked back to her building.
I wondered if this meant there was something going on between us, or if we just had a bad habit of being together during vulnerable times. I didn’t feel like going to the party anymore. I texted Reg and told him that I was going to bed and would talk to him in the morning.
Alexa
I put my key in the door, hoping that no one would be home. I didn’t think that I had the mental energy to explain the night’s events again. When I opened the door, Sasha was sitting at the kitchen table, leafing through a magazine and eating a bowl of ice cream.
“Hey, how did it go?” she asked cheerfully.
I broke down. I thought I did a pretty good job keeping in the tears until now.
“Remember when you said it wouldn’t be that bad?” I cried. “It was so much worse than I could have even imagined.”
She shut her magazine. “What the hell happened?” she asked.
By this time, I had the story down and told her about everything from how awful my mom was being to how odd and humiliating it was to be proposed to in a restaurant full of people.
As my story progressed, her jaw dropped lower and lower. By the time I told her about running out of the restaurant, both of her hands were covering her mouth and her eyebrows were nearly to her hairline.
“Have you talked to your parents since you left the restaurant?” she asked.
I didn’t even think about the fact that they might call. I checked my phone. There were three missed calls from my mom. She must have called while I was with Martin.
“I’m afraid to call them back,” I said.
“Maybe they’ll apologize for putting you in such a bad position,” Sasha suggested.
“That’s not going to happen,” I said with a hollow laugh. “I’m more worried that they’re going to disown me.”
“Don’t be dramatic. They’ve got some messed up priorities, but they love you.”
“You don’t know my parents. My mom was the one who found my Princeton acceptance letter. She threatened to completely cut me off. No more money, no more coming home. I was lucky that my dad managed to talk her out of it. I’m afraid he won’t be able to this time.”
“Cut you off for not agreeing to get married to some jabroni you don’t even like?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m thinking about opening a separate bank account just so I can survive. My parents have never let me get a job. I don’t have any work experience, so how will I survive if I ca
n’t even get a part-time job?”
“We’ll worry about that, if that time ever comes,” Sasha said reassuringly. “At least your tuition is paid, so you have somewhere to live for the rest of the year.”
“Yeah, I guess we’ll see what happens.”
I dried my eyes on my sleeves and helped myself to a bite of Sasha’s ice cream. Even if my parents abandoned me, I would still have good friends like Sasha around.
“So do you think that Sebastian is done with you now?” Sasha asked.
“I would hope so, but it’s hard to say. Law student or not, I think Sebastian is incredibly stupid,” I giggled.
“Seriously,” Sasha said. “Take a hint, Seb! Is he good looking at least? Like what’s he like compared to someone like, I don’t know, Martin?”
“Martin!” I exclaimed. “I almost forgot to tell you about the second part of my night.”
I explained how I ran into Martin and how I went back to his dorm to talk. Sasha loved this story. When I finished telling her, she let out a squeal.
“You kissed?” she practically shouted. “How was it?”
“It was…nice. It was really, really nice.” I couldn’t help but break out into a smile.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” she demanded.
“I don’t know about love,” I said hesitantly.
“But?”
“But I like him. A lot.”
Sasha let out a dramatic sigh. “Was that so hard to admit?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve liked him for ages. Why are you only now realizing it?”
“I don’t know,” I paused. I wasn’t even sure if I knew the answer to that. “Because he was always so rude to me. You know I’m not the type to chase after boys. I don’t want something I can’t have.”
“Are you kidding me?” Sasha said. “That’s the best part—the chase.”
“This was too much drama for me to handle though. If you dated a football player, I bet your parents would be pleased. Mine would disown me.”
“Yet again, I don’t understand your world,” she said.
Dirty Indiscretions: A Dark Mafia Romance Page 18