by Dianne Drake
“But I didn’t mean to...well, you know. Come gawking. All I wanted to do was ask you to look in on Charlie for me.”
“Which I’ll be glad to do.” These were the words to which he departed and surprisingly, ten minutes later, Del got a short movie texted to her phone. It was Charlie, who was fast asleep, looking all innocent only the way a baby could. She texted Simon back to thank him, and saved the movie in case, well, she wasn’t sure why since she’d see her baby in another few hours. But she was so touched by the gesture she didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. And over the next hour, while Simon was at Lakeside checking in on various kids, she couldn’t count the number of times she replayed that ten seconds’ worth of video, thinking not only of Charlie but of Simon when she did.
* * *
“I’ve almost worn out the video,” Del said as Simon walked through the clinic’s front door. “Thank you so much for doing that for me.”
“No big deal,” he said. “I was there and it didn’t disturb Charlie, so what the hell? I decided one video was worth a thousand words.”
“Or more,” she said, standing up on her tiptoes and giving him a kiss on the cheek.
He blushed and backed away. No way was he going to become that involved with Del, so he wasn’t going to let it start even in the simple gestures. “What’s up next?” he asked uncomfortably.
“A couple cases of the croup, an advanced case of diaper rash and a general physical. Take your pick.”
“I’ll start with the diaper rash,” he said and grabbed up the chart and headed down to Exam Four. “Good afternoon,” he said on his way in the door. “I’m Dr. Michaels, and I understand someone here has a persistent case of diaper rash.”
“I’ve tried everything,” the mother said. She looked worn out. “And nothing works.”
“Well, take off Angela’s diaper and I’ll have a look.”
Outside in the hall, Del stood and watched the door behind which Simon was treating a baby. She sighed. No, she wasn’t in the mood to get involved with anyone, but another time, another place, and it might have been him. Except he seemed as uninterested as she did. So it was a no go all the way around. But he surely would have been a great dad for Charlie, if she’d been in the daddy-hunting business.
Except she wasn’t.
“Too bad,” she whispered as she walked away. Yep, too, too bad.
CHAPTER FIVE
IT WASN’T THAT she needed the company; wasn’t even so much that she wanted it. But when Simon asked her and Charlie out for dinner she found it hard to turn him down. He understood the restrictions, too. Home by seven thirty so she could go through her evening routine with her son. Bath time, bedtime story, a little song, then sit with him until he was fast asleep. It was a routine that really didn’t give her much time for a normal social life for herself, but that was fine and dandy with her. This was all she needed in her after-work hours. “I need to stop and pick up some diapers,” she told Simon, before he followed her home in his car so he could drive them on their date for three. “And some baby food, if you don’t mind waiting.”
“I’ll be glad to go with you—that way you won’t have so much to carry.”
“Would you?” she asked. “I’d appreciate that.” Suddenly, she found herself looking forward to their abbreviated evening together. It had been a long time since she’d had a real date and while this was not so traditional, it was real enough that she was excited to get out for a little while. Life with Charlie was fulfilling, but she did miss adult companionship outside of work sometimes. So they made a quick stop at the grocery store, then she took her car home and changed clothes, changed Charlie and was back out and ready to go in a matter of minutes. In the meantime, Simon had fixed the baby’s car seat in the backseat of his car just as if he knew what he was doing.
“Tell me about Boston,” she said as they entered the restaurant. “Did you like it?”
“I loved it. It’s such a historic town, so picturesque. And so expensive. I had to rent a parking space outside my town house that cost me fifty thousand a year. And I had to walk a block to get to it. By most standards that’s obscene but that was part of the charm living in a Boston town house.”
“That’s why I like Chicago. It may be large but it’s not inconvenient. And I love all the services and sights here. And the fact that in most areas you get parking to go along with your condo. It’s all included in the price of the unit.”
“I like that, too, and that’s one of the reasons why I came back. Home is where the heart is, and this is home to me.” The heart, and Amy.
“Do you ever miss Boston?”
“Some, but I miss Amy more.” He sighed. “And you?”
“I was in Indianapolis with Eric for a while before he was in medical school. During our last year of medical school I’d already decided I wanted my own life, no outside interference from anybody. Eric and I were actually estranged the last year we were together, only it was just easier to ignore it. But I’d started making plans for when he was gone, and having a baby was part of it. Charlie wasn’t an afterthought, but more like a sign of my independence.” She smiled wistfully as she gave him a bite of food. “He’s part of my liberation...the best part because I really did want him so badly, and my lack of relationship had nothing to do with it. And of course, the clock was also ticking.
“You’re not that old.”
“I didn’t want to be that old when I had him, either. So I made the decision and stuck by it.
“Good for you,” he said, picking up the baby spoon and giving Charlie another bite to eat.
It came so naturally to him, she thought. Just like the baby seat. It must have been looking after Amy. It was as if he was meant to have a child of his own. Of course maybe it was the pediatrician coming out in him, too.
“Well, it’s nice being on my own. I was a mess at first, right after the breakup, and I almost gave in a couple times when he begged me to take him back. He promised to change. But he had habits that don’t change so easily, like those other women in his life. And after all those years I found out he didn’t even want children. He knew I did. I’d talked about it, told him I couldn’t wait until we started to have our family, and he always said one day we would. Then I caught him cheating, and who wants to bring a child into that situation?”
“You knew he was cheating?”
“I suspected for a while, but I was afraid to confront him because I didn’t want to know. That was me with my ‘head buried in the sand’ phase. Once I pulled it out, though, I discovered just how much was out there that I’d missed, and how much I was going to miss if I continued to hold on to him. My baby being the biggest thing. I wanted one so badly...” She brushed a tear from her eye. “So, did your ex cheat on you?” she asked him.
He shook his head. “She was faithful as far as I know. Just bored because she didn’t bargain on a doctor keeping a doctor’s hours. And back in Boston I worked pediatrics in the ER, which kept me pretty busy most of the time. So when she started complaining, I took a job in a clinic, but I still had long hours as I was the director and I didn’t get the eight-to-five job she thought I’d get. Then there were my on call hours, hospital rounds...it was a busy job and she simply got tired of sitting around waiting for me to come home. So one day I came home to divorce papers and that’s all there was.”
“Did you love her?”
“I loved the idea of her, but I fell out of love with her because of all her nagging. I had a job to do and she never could understand that I was busy. So, after the divorce, she remarried someone who could give her all the attention she needed.”
“You sound bitter.”
“Maybe I am. She certainly surprised me without any kind of warning. Married one day and on my way to a divorce the next. It was a shock, to say the least.”
“I’ll bet it was,” De
l said, noticing that Charlie was nodding off. “And on that note, I think we need to call it a night.” Too bad, too, as she was enjoying herself with Simon. It was good getting to know a little more about him, and telling him about her. Although there was still something she couldn’t put her finger on. Something deeper in Simon that he wasn’t talking about. About Amy? About the deep pain he went through when he lost her? She could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. Sense it in the way he wrung his hands as he looked as if he were a million miles away.
Still, in spite of it all, she liked him. He was a good doctor, which was where it started, and good with Charlie, too, which, for her, was where it all ended. Right now she was simply too frightened to get involved again. It didn’t mean she never would, but not now. Not until she worked it around her head that she had it in her to trust completely another man. Not just for her sake now, but for Charlie’s, too. He counted in all this. In fact, he counted in a big way.
* * *
“Why don’t you bring Charlie and come to my place tonight?” he asked on their next day off together. “I’m a fair to good cook and I can make something Charlie will like.”
“You really don’t mind me bringing Charlie?” She wasn’t sure why she was on the verge of accepting, but she was. Maybe it was because she enjoyed his company, or just needed an adult social situation. But she was tipped toward accepting.
“Not at all. He’s a cute kid. Good manners for six months.”
“We’d love to come.” Well, there she’d done it. Gone and accepted.
Which left her in the same spot as she’d been in before. Getting involved where she didn’t belong.
Simon smiled, but he also sighed. Maybe it wasn’t what he really needed, either, wasn’t where he needed to be. But they were growing closer and she liked him. So what did a little dinner again among friends matter anyway? It wasn’t as if this were a date, and she wasn’t going to let this turn into anything but two friends having dinner together. That much was for sure. Nothing but dinner. End of story. Yet she worried about that, too. So why did she worry so much?
* * *
“Why did I do this, Charlie?” she asked as she got the infant ready for his night out. “I invited him, which is bad enough, but then I accepted his invitation, which was even worse. I like the man, but not in the way I should be dating him. Or doing something that could vaguely be construed as a date.”
One bad long-term relationship was enough to make her swear off all relationships for quite some time and concentrate on the only man in her life she truly loved—Charlie.
“Momma’s going to get this right,” she told her son, who was busy playing with a stuffed teddy bear as she tried to dress him. “I promise you, I’m not going to do anything stupid like get involved with Simon. You’d like him and, as a matter of fact, I like him, too, but now’s not the right time for that. And I’m not sure if or when there’s going to be a right time.”
However, who said they couldn’t be friends? She’d settle for that and be very happy with the outcome, as she didn’t have that many friends on which to count—thanks to Eric, who had been so controlling she’d lost contact with most of her friends from medical school—and she felt as if she could count on Simon. But men always wanted to take it to the next level, and she surely wasn’t ready for that. No way, no how.
“Your momma just wants an adult friendship,” she said to Charlie, who’d tossed his teddy to the end of his crib and started squiggling around trying to get it. “Which you’ll probably never understand since you’re going to grow up to be a man. But the truth is, it’s not always about sex. Sometimes it’s about a close relationship that can include everything that goes along with a good friendship and nothing more. I like Simon that way.”
Although, who was she kidding? He was her type, at least physically. In fact, she’d picked out a man with Simon’s features to father her child... She liked her men dark, with broad shoulders and green eyes, which fit Simon to a T. A trait she noticed over and over throughout the evening.
“Your cooking’s very good,” she said as she ate her Chinese stir-fry. “I hope I can teach Charlie to cook when he’s older. There’s always something appealing about a man who can cook.”
“I’m not that good, but I do have a few specialties, so after you’ve been here four or five times you’re going to have to settle for reruns or eat some of my more dubious dishes.”
Was he implying four or five more invitations? Suddenly, that gave her very cold feet as it sounded like a dating relationship to her. And just after she’d convinced herself she could be friends with him. Del sighed. What was she getting herself into? “You do realize I don’t date, don’t you?” she said, being brutally honest with him lest he got ideas about the two of them.
“Neither do I, so that makes us even,” Simon replied, then took a bite of the chicken in the stir-fry. “Haven’t since my divorce and I don’t intend to for a good long time, at least not in the dating sense. It’s too rough getting involved then uninvolved.”
“So we’re OK with this, whatever it is?”
He chewed, then swallowed. “A few meals here and there, maybe a walk in the park... I am if you are. I’m thirty-six and one marriage at my age is enough. I’ve still got the battle scars to prove it.”
“I have some of those myself.” She laughed. “So we’re both at the same points in our lives, it seems.”
“Friendship. No dating. That sounds about right to me.”
“But can that work?” she asked. “Because I honestly don’t know. I’ve never been in this position before.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” he answered. “We’ll try it until we know one way or another.”
“And no one gets hurt?”
“No one gets hurt.”
In an ideal world that could work, but she knew they weren’t living in an ideal world. They’d both had bad breakups and were gun-shy. Neither one wanted permanence. Well, she’d see. She’d just see what happened. Nothing ventured...
* * *
The evening hung on nicely. They ate, Charlie dozed off, and Del and Simon talked about various medical issues, including FAS. Then all too soon it was over and it was time to take Charlie home and put him to bed.
“Let me walk you,” Simon offered. “It’s not that far and it is dark outside now.”
“I’d appreciate that,” she said as she slipped Charlie into his coat and hat.
“It’s hard to imagine how close we live and yet we’ve never bumped into each other on the street.”
“I haven’t gone out much,” she said. “My whole life’s been tied up with taking care of Charlie. It hasn’t been easy doing it alone so I don’t get out too much.” She shrugged. “I’m not complaining. Just telling you the facts. Single parenting is difficult and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. So if I passed you on the street, nine times out of ten I’d be preoccupied with Charlie and wouldn’t even see you.” She smiled. “That’s just the way it goes.”
“I suppose it is. But since I’m not a parent...”
“You’d make a great father,” she said, slipping her hand into his. “To any child.” As they walked in sync, she could hear him sigh.
“The problem is the one I want to be a parent to isn’t available to me.”
She stopped and held onto him. “You’ll work it out. One way or another you’ll work it out. I have all the confidence in the world in you, Simon. You’re meant to be that little girl’s daddy and it will happen.”
“All the confidence in the world?”
“Since I’ve gotten to know you better I do. You’re a strong man and a caring one and it will happen for you one of these days. I’m sure of it.”
“I’m glad we get along now. You’re the strong one, Del. And you say the right words—the words I
need to hear to give me hope.”
She started to walk again, her hand still in his. “We can be strong in this together for each other. I need someone there to be strong for Charlie and me, and you need someone there strong for you and Amy.”
“Equal in strength,” he said.
“And needy in a way. It’s nice to have someone to rely on.”
“You’ll make a great parent to your own child one day,” she said as she put Charlie in the baby carriage. “When the right woman comes along...”
“You didn’t wait,” he said to her.
“Biologically, men can produce children much longer than women can. And my time was running out. Besides, I always wanted a child. Eric promised me we’d have one when the time was right, but there was never a right time for him because then he backed out on his promise when he found someone else. So I just decided to do it on my own. No fuss, no muss, no bother. Have my baby by myself and skip all that came in between like the role of the father. Made it easy that way. At least for me.”
“But what will you tell Charlie someday?”
“The truth. When he’s old enough to understand it.”
“Don’t you think that will hurt him?” he asked as they strolled down the street in the direction of Del’s condo.
“Not if I do it the right way. He’ll understand that he was my choice and not my obligation.”
“You’re sure of that?”
“If I raise my child the right way, I am. I’ll just let him know he was a wanted child and not an accident.”
“I hope that works out for you,” he said as they stopped in front of her condo. “But you’re a great mom, so I suppose it will.”
“Thanks for the compliment. But I’ll admit, I’ve thought about that more than once. It’s not going to be easy telling him.”
“You’ll do the right thing when the time comes, Del. Anyone who loves her child as much as you do is bound to.”
“Thanks again.” She reached up and placed a tender kiss on his cheek. “Maybe you’ll find the right woman soon and we can raise our kids together.”