“Is someone gonna give me a hand with old Champ or what?” raged Nelly, kicking the ground.
Mrs Rabbit was still angry. She was stood with her arms crossed, tapping her feet, when Duke strode up. ”Whatever seems to be the trouble, Madam? I’ll tell you what the trouble is, there is no organization that is the trouble, what,” said Duke very sternly.
Mrs Rabbit quickly intervened. “Well, well, if it isn’t ‘better than the rest of us’. We don’t need you, go and get groomed, ha-ha-ha,” she quipped.
“Now, now, Mrs Rabbit, there’s no need for that; Duke didn’t cause this catastrophe,” said Lightning.
“No, I know he didn’t, old Champion the blunder horse did, and I still haven’t had an apology,” she yelled.
Champ, still dazed, looked at Mrs Rabbit and, with a silly grin, he muttered, “Erm, sorry, Mrs R.”
Duke intervened. “Yes, anyway, my delirious rabbit, I am over the grooming and retiring episode; I am very happy here.” He grinned. Lightning looked at Duke and gave him a warm smile.
At that moment, Mr Rabbit, looking quite flustered and scared, came towards his family and the horses at top speed. He stopped in front of them all, shaking. His stomach was going up and down very fast as he tried to control his heavy breathing. He was flapping his arms and pointing them in various directions.
“What is it, man? Speak up. We would not have had this in the guards, you know, quite improper, what,” said Duke, slowly pacing around Champ who was still half dazed. Duke blew a couple of balls of mist out of his snout as he took charge of the situation.
Mrs Rabbit ran up to her other half and patted his back with tremendous force. “Yes, what’s up, my lovely?” she smiled, patting his back even harder, which brought on a bout of coughing.
Champ was now on his feet again due to the organizational skills of Duke, who had managed to wedge his head under Champ’s neck, and with Nelly and Lightning taking charge of the rear end they had managed to work Champ up in a seesaw motion.
Mr Rabbit had now got his breath back, “Ooh dear, have you gone mad or what? My poor back,” he shouted.
Mrs Rabbit stared angrily at her husband and yelled, “Don’t you start on me, where have you been? And any —”
“Now, now, enough of that it’s not good for the children, you know, and anyway, my good man, what on earth is wrong?” interrupted Duke and earned himself a nasty look from Mrs Rabbit for doing so.
Mr Rabbit started flapping and waving his arms around again making himself look like a chicken with distemper. “Meat,” he yelled as he finally cleared his throat.
“Meat? We’ve already eaten, love,” said Nelly with a grin.
“And anyway we’re strict veggies,” murmured a dazed Champ.
“Yeah, grass, ya know what I mean, man?” chortled Nelly.
“Don’t be a dope,” joked Champ.
Mr Rabbit was getting really annoyed, especially with Nelly, Champ and his youngsters all giggling. “No, listen, they’re coming in the morning and —”
Mr Rabbit was rudely interrupted by Nelly, “Who’s coming? The aliens? Santa and his reindeer? Who?”
Mr Rabbit was jumping up and down with rage. “I’m trying to tell you,” he yelled, pulling hard on his ears.
“Do calm down, Mr Rabbit, you’ll hurt yourself,” said Lightning.
“I’ll hurt someone in a minute,” yelled Mr Rabbit as he started off on another fit of jumping up and down.
Mrs Rabbit rushed to her husband’s aid. “Please calm down, dear, or you’ll start off your asthma. Right, everyone, please listen or we’ll be here all night. Go on, dear,” she said.
Mr Rabbit gave his wife a look, he didn’t know whether to thank her or go mad. He rubbed his eyes and carried on with what he had been trying to say. “I was at the Tankards’ and I heard them say that…well…in…well…”
“Well, go on, man, out with it; nothing can shock me, what,” interrupted Duke with the others nodding their approval.
“Well, all right; in two days’ time the farmer and his son are…well…”
“Well, go on,” yelled an impatient Nelly.
Mr Rabbit glared at Nelly; he took a deep breath and yelled, “The Tankards are gonna butcher ya for meat — there done it,” he sighed and fell into a tired heap.
Nelly and Lightning gulped, Champ went on another Grand National to distract himself, the Hedgehogs and the Rabbits gave each other horrified looks, while Duke stood there shaking, trying desperately to keep his pride intact, and was just about to join Champ in his race, but the sight of Mrs Rabbit tapping her stubby foot on the floor and hitting a rolling pin against the open palm of her stubby left hand stopped him. Duke flicked his mane from his eyes and got himself together.
The Rabbits were confused over the matter. “What does it all mean?” asked one of the twenty-three youngsters.
“It means we’ll be the property of some fast food place — or Findus,” muttered Nelly.
“Oh that’s horrible,” groaned Lightning, who then decided to go and talk to Duke. “It is okay to be scared, Duke, I am too, but I know a brave horse like you will figure something out,” she said with a kind smile.
Duke smiled back. “Thank you, Madam; it just sits a bit uneasy with one. After what I have done for my country to end up in a stew…but I agree, we have to think of something.”
At that moment Nelly trotted up to Duke and Lightning, flicking her head to try to get off the flies. “Well, me ode ’tators, why don’t we do something and stop Champ racing about again; he’s scared an’ all.”
Duke bravely stepped out in front of Champ and stood on his hind legs, loudly neighing and flicking his two front legs at Champ to stop him, which is exactly what it did. Champ came to a halt.
Nelly brushed up to Champ. “I know ya scared, me ode pal, I am too, but it will be fine I’m sure.” She looked to Duke for reassurance.
“I didn’t think you were scared, Nell. I like to run; you can forget your troubles that way,” said Champ.
“’Course I get scared from time to time, mucker; especially about being butchered! I would imagine that would hurt,” replied Nelly.
The four horses were now close together again. “It will be fine, my dears,” chirped Duke, with a fine, authoritative glow. And for the moment they were content.
Mr Rabbit, who was now completely calm and no longer tired, jumped up. “Well that’s life, at least we’re all right; what’s for tea?” Mr Rabbit froze; he started pulling his ears and jumping up and down yelling, “Aaahh, my house, what’s happened to my house?” But no one was listening.
*
That night, the four horses were lying down, all very quiet and feeling sorry for themselves. Lightning lifted her head and in a soft, scared voice murmured, “C-come o-on, we must be able to do something, hey, Duke?”
For once, Duke didn’t have an answer, but Champ did. “Yeah run, and run far,” he blurted.
“But where we gonna run to, Champ?” asked Nelly.
“Well, I don’t know, there must be somewhere, hey, Lightning?” Champ replied.
“Yes I suppose, but if we do run we will eventually be caught and then what?” she replied.
Duke lifted his head. “My dear comrades, running is not the answer,” he said.
“Then what is, your lordship?” asked Champ sarcastically.
“Look, Champ, he is one of us now; he is in the same boat. You should apologize for that comment,” snapped an angry Lightning, taking a swipe at Champ.
“You mean he is in the same field, not boat,” joked Champ.
“Champ, can we stop the jokes and focus on the task ahead? Duke is trying to help,” said Lightning.
Duke shook his head. He looked at Champ then Lightning and said, “Don’t worry, my dear, I’m —”
“I’m sorry, Duke,” interrupted Champ, sounding like he genuinely meant it.
Duke smiled at him and then they all smiled at each other, and for a moment they had forgotten
all about their dilemma.
A few minutes later a jubilant Duke yelled, “I’ve got it.”
“Well you didn’t get it off me,” joked Nelly.
Duke stood up, feeling very pleased with himself. Lightning stood up too and gave Duke a warm smile, and along with Nelly and Champ she waited to hear Duke’s idea.
The noble steed paced about for a couple of minutes before clearing his throat and turning to his now impatient friends. “As I see it, the only option we have got left is to help the Tankards.”
Nelly screwed up her face in confusion as she yelled, “What do you mean help them? Help them do what?”
“Simple, Madam, we help them by doing a good deed for them; prove our worth. It’s easy when one puts their mind to it, what,” Duke chirped, quite happy with himself.
Lightning was very pleased. “What a brilliant idea. You are quite cool, do you know that?” she said.
“Why, thank you, Madam; it just comes naturally.” Duke smiled.
Nelly was still confused. Champ jumped up. “It sounds fine, but do what exactly? What good deed?”
Lightning’s happy expression dropped and Duke shook his head. “Someone always has to spoil it,” he moaned.
Lightning was now becoming less convinced about Duke’s plan. “You’re right, they do, but it is a good question though, Duke.”
Nelly swallowed some hay and mumbled, “Aye, and, chomp-chomp-chomp, where’s the answer, Dukey ode boy?”
Duke looked at his puzzled friends. “Well, it is up to us to think of something; and, Madam, do you have to eat like that? It is positively common one would say; chew, girl, chew. Goodnight,” Duke snapped, fed up of Nelly’s rudeness and negativity. He then went to settle himself down to sleep.
The others bedded down for the night, thinking of a plan, and all was still on this quiet night. In fact, the only noise that could be heard was Mr Rabbit’s moaning and groaning and the continuous banging as he repaired his roof.
*
When the morning arrived, Duke and Lightning woke up both thinking of a plan. Their thoughts were quickly disturbed, however, by Nelly and Champ, who were already putting their help the Tankards plan (or as Nelly called it: ‘stop us becoming dog food plan’) into action. Duke and Lightning trotted over to the bewildered Rabbit and Hedgehog families who were glued to the spot watching the morning’s activities.
“No, no, Nelly, that piece over there!” shouted Champ.
“Sorry, me ode mucker, here ya are,” Nelly replied as she pushed the wood to Champ using her front hooves; Champ then knocked it into place with a good, hard blow of his powerful hind legs. Together they had started building a pile of wood into a shed.
Lightning looked at Mrs Rabbit, who just shrugged her shoulders. “Morning, Mr Rabbit, what on earth are those two rascals up to?” asked Lightning.
“Beats me; it’s a pity Champ wasn’t feeling this handy yesterday,” Mr Rabbit groaned, still mad from having his house rearranged.
The rabbits and the hedgehogs laughed. Duke and Lightning looked at each other in confusion before Duke trotted up to the would-be carpenters. “I say, what on earth are you doing? Are you going mad?” he snapped.
Nelly spun round. “At least we’re doing summat, hey, Champ?” she snapped back.
“Aye, all your bright ideas and it’s me and Nell doing all the work,” Champ replied.
“But, my dears, you don’t understand,” said Duke.
“Oh, we understand all right, you’re bone idle,” stormed Nelly.
Lightning strode up to try to give Duke some backup; plus, the constant laughing and barracking of the rabbits and hedgehogs was driving her mad. “Nelly, Champ, will you please listen to what Duke is trying to say?” snapped Lightning.
“Oh, we might have known you’d take your precious Dukey Wukey’s side; why don’t you just get married?” heckled Champ in his sarcastic tone.
Duke and Lightning’s eyes met and they exchanged warm smiles. At that moment in time, Duke felt like he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the universe apart from stood with Lightning. If he had a choice of becoming the Queen’s lead horse again or to be stood in a field with Lightning; the latter would win hands down. Unbeknownst to Duke, Lightning’s thoughts echoed his as she stared at him, wishing she would never be apart from him.
Duke coughed and, straightening his shoulders, he snapped out of his daydream of him and Lightning cuddled up in their cosy barn for two. He caught sight of everyone coldly staring at him for his response and said, “Enough of that. Now listen, you can’t build that because —”
“Because of what, my dear Duke?” interrupted Champ rudely.
Duke was about to speak again when Mr Rabbit went past on his way to the Tankards’. “I don’t know why you two are bothering with that,” he said, giggling.
“Why’s that, Mr Rabbit? Have you got some better wood?” asked Champ.
“No…Farmer Tankard knocked it down last week; it’s gonna be firewood, toodle-loo.” Laughing to himself, Mr Rabbit set off on his merry way.
Duke was relieved. “Thank you, Mr Rabbit, stifling good show,” he yelled after him.
Nelly and Champ were seething. Champ was just about to take part in another Grand National, to deal with his disappointment, when he caught the dead eye from Mrs Rabbit. She watched him scrape his left hoof along the ground, his bushy tail going like windscreen wipers, and he blew a mist of air from his snout. All traits of Champ’s racing technique, familiar to Mrs Rabbit.
“Thanks for telling us! And any road where were me and Champ when he knocked it down?” stormed Nelly.
“Don’t come that, what do you think we were trying to do? And I think you were in the barn with the vets,” replied Lightning.
Feeling very low, the four horses walked slowly to the water trough, desperately thinking of a plan B. As they were drinking Champ snapped out of his low ebb. “Hang on a minute, we’ve already done him a good deed, but he soon forgot about that,” yelled an excited Champ.
Duke rushed up to Champ, “When? I cannot remember.”
“Oh, it was before you came here; remember, Nell?” Champ chirped.
Nelly and Lightning stood thinking. “Ah yeah, I remember, ode Mr Lastpenny, ha-ha, it was a good laugh that was,” said Nelly with a grin and Lightning chortled.
“Mr Lastpenny, what are you going on about, man?” asked a confused Duke.
“Well, what it was, Farmer Tankard had fallen behind on his taxes so Mr Lastpenny (the taxman) came out to put the squeeze on him. Farmer Tankard then led him up to our field and ran away shouting that he’d treat us if we ate the taxman, ha-ha,” laughed Champ.
Duke, who was totally astonished, murmured, “Y-you did-didn’t eat him d-did you?”
“No, he wouldn’t let us; people are miserable like that, ain’t they? Mind ya, he shot out of here like his rear end were on fire, ha-ha,” bellowed Nelly.
“Aye, he’d have made a good horse; he cleared two hedges without even touching the ground,” snorted Champ with Nelly and Lightning laughing alongside him.
“Mind ya, it was the rabbit and hedgehog youngsters that I felt sorry for; they was upset,” said Nelly.
“Why was that?” asked Duke. “Did they think the taxman was going to close down Tankard Meadow?”
“Hey? No. They was really looking forward to seein’ Mr Lastpenny get eaten,” said Nelly with a grin.
Duke opened his mouth, gulped and shook his head. “So did Farmer Tankard treat you for getting rid of the cad?”
“No, did he ’eck as like,” snarled Nelly.
“Yeah, that’s what we mean, we’re wasting our time,” intervened Champ, feeling gutted again.
A couple of hours later, after taking it in turns trudging up to the fly-ridden water trough for a sip of water, Nelly and Champ were still feeling sorry for themselves, but Duke was determined not to give up so he and Lightning had started putting together a plan B. As he thought hard, Duke stood as still as a concret
e block, the only movement was his tail swishing from side to side as he stared at the empty field next to them, which also belonged to Farmer Tankard. All of a sudden, his ears pricked up and he smiled to himself as he noticed all of the scrap wood and a couple of scrap cars in the corner of their own field. He remembered that he once heard the farmer saying to his son that they would have to clear the rubbish onto another field. Duke grinned because he believed that he had finally cracked plan B.
“Come on, my dear Lightning; I, Duke, have saved us, what. Get Nelly and Champ,” he ordered, unable to stop grinning.
“What’s the plan then, Duke?” asked Champ, slowly walking towards them after having another sip of water from the dirty trough.
“Simple, my dear fellow, we move all the rubbish onto the unused field; it would save the Tankards from doing it. That bounder, Mr Rabbit, said he heard the Tankards saying they needed it for some other use,” he replied.
Smiling, they all went to work, dragging all the rubbish onto the next field through the two missing panels of fencing (another job waiting to be done by Farmer Tankard). Mrs Rabbit and Mrs Hedgehog were dumbfounded, but their youngsters were getting in on the act and giving the horses a hand.
Mrs Hedgehog and Mrs Rabbit stood next to each other and watched Plan B in action. “Lovely day; how are you, Mrs Rabbit — Spike Junior, watch what you are doing with that hammer — sorry, love.”
“It’s all right, love; kids, eh? I’m okay thanks, ooh sorry — Felicity Rabbit put down that saw this instant.”
Mrs Hedgehog put her spiky head in her hands as Spike Junior and Champ attempted to pull some wood apart. “What are those donkeys doing anyway, Mrs Rabbit?”
Mrs Rabbit was standing, cross faced, with hands on hips as all of her twenty-three youngsters were banging and pulling at the scrap to help the horses move it all. “Well, Lord Snooty — Duke — thinks if they clear up the field they’ll not end up, well, chopped up so to speak.”
“Oh, they do get some ideas — I’m gonna throttle our Spike if he don’t put down that ruddy hammer.”
Mrs Rabbit nodded her head in agreement. “Like I say, kids. Anyway, how are you coping these days, Mrs Hedgehog?”
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