by Patsy Whyte
"Lass, I'm not happy dropping you off here in the middle of the night, knocking on doors", he said.
"I'll be all right."
"Look at the state of the place."
I had to agree. The street was dimly lit with run down tenements rising either side from deep dark shadows. Some had their windows smashed in and others were boarded up. It made me feel uneasy.
"Look, I'll take you to the police station. They'll give you a bed for the night. I think it's best. They might be able to trace your parents' house in the morning."
The driver was right. I nodded in agreement. He drove me to Bell Street police station. After making sure I would be put up in a cell for the night, he wished me the best of luck in my search. I thanked him and he left, leaving me in the hands of the duty policeman who showed me to the cell and locked me in. The cell was small and bare except for a hard wooden bed with a thin mattress on top. It wasn't comfortable but at least I was safe. I fell asleep as soon as I lay down.
The same policeman appeared in the morning carrying a mug of hot steaming tea and a plate of porridge. I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything for more than 12 hours. He was friendly and cheery and told me he phoned up the Salvation Army and they had a place for me to stay. He said the taxi driver had also left £20 to help me until I got myself sorted out.
He handed me the money. It was a small fortune in those days. I felt overwhelmed by such kindness from a complete stranger. The policeman said he had come across my mum and dad before and advised me to leave well alone. It wasn't a good idea me going to see them. He pointed me in the direction of the Salvation Army hostel, which was just up the road from the station.
The first thing I noticed entering the large old fashioned three storey building was how neat and spotless everything was. It was modern looking and clinical, but the place lacked any homely touches. The shiny wooden floor was so clean you could eat your dinner off of it. Lists of rules jumped out at you from everywhere you looked.
I walked through to the dining room where a young mum was spoon feeding a small child. There were lots of homeless old ladies milling around, complaining amongst themselves about getting kicked out for the day. I felt sorry for them all. They filed past me out the building to wander the streets aimlessly until 5 o'clock. Only then would they be allowed inside again for some warmth and shelter.
My room was as neat and tidy as the rest of the hostel. I shared it with Jan, a chatty and friendly girl who was a little bit older than me. She invited me the next day to her boyfriend's flat, which was on the first floor of a tenement block in the Downfield area in the north of the city. Mick, her boyfriend, answered the door and we went inside.
They left me sitting alone in the living room while they disappeared into the bedroom. I couldn't help but hear the moans and groans and the squeaking of bedsprings as I sat there, in the quiet, feeling very embarrassed. I didn't expect anything like that. When the love making session was over, they both came through. Mick tried to make conversation with me.
I disliked him straight away. All my instincts told me he was trouble. Despite my feelings, I was friendly enough towards him so as not to offend Jan. After the two of them made arrangements to meet again the following day, they said goodbye and Jan and I made our way back to the Sally Ann.
Jan was really keen on her boyfriend and talked about him all night in the room. She kept on and on about me going back with her to his flat. Reluctantly, I agreed, just to shut her up so I could get some sleep. I was kind of glad I did after being thrown out of the hostel in the morning, along with the rest of the single mums and old dears. I didn't realise how long a day could be when you're wandering the streets with with nothing to do and nowhere to go.
Jan knew Dundee like the back of her hand. She took me on a guided tour, through streets busy with shoppers and traffic. It reminded me so much of Aberdeen. We headed to the Hilltown, an area on the edge of the city centre, and then walked all the way up to the top of the Law Hill, the highest point for miles around.
The city stretched out before us as we watched the steady progress of ships sailing in and out of the docks now far below. The road and rail bridges snaked across the River Tay to the Fife coast in the far distance. I wondered what it was like living there. It looked so pretty and inviting with the green fields all bathed in sunshine.
I caught Jan looking at her watch again. Then she nodded. It was time to go to her boyfriend's flat. So we made our way down the hill and headed towards Downfield, which was not too far away. I was glad to get there to rest my aching feet. Again I waited in the living room listening to another performance.
When they finished and came back through from the bedroom, Mick said he needed some air. He offered to walk us back to the hostel. I noticed he was very well dressed for someone who didn't work. His smart expensive Crombie wool coat hid a lean wiry frame. He didn't dress like most of the young men his age. His black hair was unfashionably short. He had high cheekbones and a thin, neatly trimmed moustache, and reminded me a little of the actor Clark Gable.
Mick also had a strong Dundonian accent. He asked me if I liked staying at the Sally Ann. When I told him I didn't, he said he knew a lady who could put me up. She was on her own and would be glad of the company, someone to talk to. What did I think? He could take me up to see her tonight. She was a good friend of his and it wouldn't be a problem. Jan butted in, rather annoyed.
"Why are you helping her? I'm you're girlfriend. You never help me", she said, in a raised voice.
They started arguing and I could only wonder why Mick wanted to help me and not her. Then he shouted she never was and never would be his girlfriend. She was nothing but a slut. I felt terrible, uncomfortable, embarrassed by the two of them, yet again. All I wanted to do was run away.
"You bastard!", she roared out, storming off down the road into the distance.
Mick watched her for a moment or two and then turned to me, saying, "Do you want to go and see my friend, or not?"
I couldn't believe his uncaring attitude. Jan no longer mattered. She was dumped without a thought. I wasn't sure whether to run after her or not. The argument completely unsettled me, reinforcing my initial instinct that Mick was someone to be wary of and not to be trusted. He was a user.
But what could I do? The little money I had was dwindling fast. I still had no job to go to so I would be on the street again, very soon. So I agreed to go with him to see what his friend was like. What harm could it do? If I didn't like her, I didn't have to stay with her.
Mick's friend didn't stay that far away. She lived on the first floor of a run down building which was converted into small flats. We climbed up a winding staircase and then knocked on a blue door. The lady who answered seemed to know Mick well. She invited us both inside. I waited in the living room while Mick spoke with her privately in the kitchen.
She returned a few minutes later and introduced herself as Gladys, saying any friend of Mick's was a friend of hers. She would be happy to put me up. I could stay as long as I wanted and could come and go as I pleased.
Gladys was a small thin woman, aged somewhere in her middle 40s, with long brown hair and thick framed glasses. I noticed she wore a wedding ring. But there were no tell tale signs of a husband anywhere to be seen in the flat. She had no airs or graces either. I picked up a hardness in her voice. There was also a hardness in the way she held herself. I knew life had been anything but kind.
Mick suddenly announced he had bits and pieces to do and so had to leave us. But before he left, he asked me if I would like to go out with him tomorrow night to see the sights of Dundee.
"What about Jan?", I said.
"What about her? We're finished. I'll be back here tomorrow for you, round about 7 o'clock."
He was out the door and away before I had a chance to think about it. Everything happened so quickly. I dreaded having to go to the hostel to pick up my belongings. Jan was bound to think I'd stolen Mick from her, but it wasn't true. I only needed
somewhere to stay. But I was afraid she wouldn't see it like that. When I went to the hostel a couple of hours later, she was nowhere to be seen. So I quickly threw my belongings into my case and left feeling rather guilty. I never saw her again.
Mick called for me at the appointed time. As we walked around the city centre, he pointed out all the places of interest. I enjoyed myself and began to think I'd judged him a bit too harshly. After he walked me back to Gladys's flat, he asked if he could take me out again the following afternoon.
We went to Camperdown Park, Dundee's largest public park. As we strolled among the trees, Mick told me he liked me from the first moment he saw me. I was shy and didn't know what to say, never having had a boyfriend before. It was a new experience.
Later on in the week, we walked to the top of the Law Hill and stood silently in the darkness, looking down over the city ablaze with thousands of lights. Mick moved closer to me, gently placing my hand in his before asking me to marry him. Although this was the most romantic of settings to propose to me, I was taken aback. I had no idea this was coming. There was only silence between us. He told me to think it over.
On the way back, Mick dropped another bombshell. Gladys's husband was in the jail for murder. He was a real hard man. Some guy crossed him so he went looking for him with an axe. He found him in a crowded pub and axed him to death in front of everyone.
"He's coming out of jail soon", warned Mick.
"Why didn't you tell me before?", I said, my voice rising in a panic.
"I didn't know he was getting out. I only found out myself", Mick tried to explain.
"No way I'm staying there with an axe murderer. Sounds like a real nutter."
"Calm down", he said. "I'll sort something out."
No matter how hard Mick tried to reassure me, I didn't calm down. Gladys was a nice lady and we got on well, but I'd never be able to sleep in my bed at night knowing he was in the next room.
"What am I going to do? Where am I going to live?", I shouted.
"I'll ask my gran. She'll put you up. Don't mention to Gladys I told you about her husband."
I said I wouldn't. Without realising it, I began to trust Mick. If he said he would sort things out, then things would be sorted out. The weight was lifted from my shoulders. There was no need to worry. I felt much calmer. No mention was made of his marriage proposal as he kissed me in front of Gladys's front door.
When we went inside, Mick asked Gladys if he could stay the night because it was so late. She said he could, but he'd have to sleep on the settee. I was a little surprised at that but happy enough because I still felt a bit unsettled after learning about Gladys's husband. With Mick there, everything would be fine.
I told Gladys I was leaving in the morning to stay with Mick's gran and I thanked her for putting up with me and helping me out. She said she was sorry to see me go and would miss my company. When I told her I'd pop back and see her whenever I could, she was much happier. After sorting Mick out with some blankets and a spare pillow, Gladys went to bed. I talked with Mick for a few minutes more and then went through to my bedroom to sleep.
Suddenly, I was aware of Mick standing over me in the darkness of the room, shaking me awake, telling me not to be frightened. I didn't know what was happening and just lay there in the bed, petrified, unable to move a muscle. He undressed himself and then climbed on top of me, pressing his body hard against mine. I couldn't move or do anything. He was too strong. It was all over in a couple of minutes. He said nothing as he left the room. I felt dirty and angry and used.
It was late in the morning when I awoke. I went through into the living room to find Mick was nowhere to be seen. Gladys had already put the blankets and pillow away and noticed how down I looked.
"What's wrong with you?", she finally asked. "I don't know what happened to Mick. He was gone when I got up this morning."
She asked me if I wanted some tomato soup and placed a bowl on the table for me, but I had no appetite. I stirred the contents around and around with my spoon, gazing into the bowl, saying nothing.
Gladys piped up, "What's the matter? Cheer up. Things can't be that bad!"
"They are", I said.
She looked at me with a concerned, kindly expression and I blurted out everything.
"Were you a virgin, Pat?"
"Yes", I said.
She was furious.
"What he did was wrong. He had no right to do what he did", she said.
The conversation was suddenly interrupted by Mick walking through the front door, smiling, acting as if nothing was wrong. But before he could take another step, I hurled the bowl at him, splattering his coat in tomato soup. He just stood there, rooted to the spot, with his mouth wide open and a stunned expression on his face.
"What have I done?"
"I hate you!", I cried out, with as much venom as I could muster.
He spoke softly, trying to calm me down.
"Is it about last night?"
"Yes, you know it is", I said.
"She's every right to be upset. What you did was wrong", said Gladys. "But maybe it's best if I leave you two to sort it out."
With that, she got up from the table and went to her bedroom.
"Look Pat, I'm marrying you. I love you. I honestly didn't think you'd mind", said Mick, trying his hardest to apologise. "I'll never do that again without asking. I promise."
He kept on and on, saying sorry and begged me for another chance. I felt I had no option given the situation I was in. He was the only person looking out for me. I believed he really did love me, so I forgave him. He took me to his gran's place which turned out to be the same flat in Downfield where I first met him. I was under the mistaken impression it was his flat. Mick noticed the puzzled look on my face.
"It's my gran's flat. I live here with her", he explained. "And so does my granddad and uncle."
Mick told me they were all normally out during the day. His uncle worked on the buses and his granddad in a factory. His gran was usually out visiting her buddies or at the bingo. Now I understood why Jan had been so conscious of the time whenever she came up for a visit. That was why they wasted no time in getting down to business.
I met Mick's gran when she returned home from the afternoon bingo session, complaining it was all a waste of money. She was a small woman with a sharp tongue and put me in mind of a tiny ant, always scurrying here, there and everywhere. At every opportunity, she lashed out at everyone and everything, threatening to take an overdose if she wasn't getting the attention from us she thought she deserved. Mick looked at me and chuckled at the horrified expression on my face.
"Don't worry, she's always saying that. She never does. It's only for effect. You'll get used to her."
Mick's gran was a strange woman who could also be very kind at times. Often, she offered to do my washing for me. Every Sunday morning, she made us a Dundee special, a strange concoction of mince with baked beans mixed through it. It tasted delicious and was very filling.
But whenever we could, we preferred to avoid her as much as possible. So we went out to the pub, or to the cinema, or to meet Mick's friends. The flat became more of a place to eat and sleep. We were happy together and didn't argue very much. I was still looking for a job but Mick told me not to worry about it. He always seemed to have enough money to pay his gran for our digs and to take me out every evening. I never questioned where he got the money to pay for it all.
One evening, after returning home from the cinema, Mick's uncle and gran and granddad were sitting up waiting for us. They looked rather serious. Mick's uncle was a tall thin man who was balding on top. He told us it was time we started to think about moving out and getting a flat of our own. The flat was too overcrowded with five people living in it.