by Kate Aster
But that crap they tell you about men being able to compartmentalize is just that. It’s crap—something they write about in a bestseller and laugh all the way to the bank.
So even while I’m sitting at my desk taking care of the needs of my baby—which is essentially paying my portion of the mortgage—Annie is still on my mind, making me wish even more that I could pass off this business to someone else.
I have fantasies that some huge online rental conglomerate will call me up and say they want to snatch up my site and set me up for a very early retirement.
I’d say yes, by the way. I’d say it because of the same hatred for sitting behind a desk that drove me to sign away years of my life to the Army. I hate desks and come down with a fleeting case of restless legs syndrome every time I sit here. And that syndrome is amplified by the fact that there’s one other appendage on my body that’s even more restless, seeing as it didn’t get the activity it desired last night.
Because, let’s face it, Rosy Palm and her Five Sisters aren’t a suitable replacement for a girl who tastes like my best fantasy.
Half of last night, I was kicking myself because seriously, finger-fucking her on the beach was not my intention. But the heat of her—how that silky smooth path up her inner thigh sizzled under my touch—my hands couldn’t resist. And then when I felt how slick she was… well, hell, not making her come would have been cruel of me. Right?
Right?
At least that’s what I’m telling myself. Fact is, she hasn’t returned my text yet and it’s been sixteen minutes—not that I’m counting—and I’m hoping she doesn’t bail out on our plans tonight.
Only because I’ve already told Stella she’d be coming with us and she’s excited about that.
Because I’m only concerned about Stella.
Liar.
My phone buzzes on my desk and I reach for it before it even makes it halfway through the chime sequence.
It’s Annie. Thank God.
(For Stella, of course.)
“Six is fine,” she writes. “But are u sure u don’t want me to just meet u there?”
If I were my old self, I’d wait at least an hour before replying. Rule number six in the dating world is that you should never let a woman think you’re going to jump to reply to every text she sends you. You’d be creating a monster.
But I don’t wait.
“No. I can drop off Stella and my brothers will put her to bed. I’ll drive u back to your place in Kona.”
Where I can put you to bed, I want to add. But of course, I don’t. Hell, I don’t even know if that’s a sure thing. Even though she was thoroughly primed last night, women are fickle creatures, and I’ve learned to go with the flow.
“K. I’m in unit 101,” she replies, attaching Google directions of how to get to her apartment building.
When I hear the door open downstairs and the clang of keys hitting the counter, I head to the kitchen to see that my two sweat-covered brothers have returned from our condo’s gym.
“Hey guys.”
They glance over at me, and Dodger looks at his watch. “Stella’s at preschool already?”
“Yeah. I had to drop her off a little early because they’re doing a field trip.”
“Where to?”
“The seahorse farm.”
“Shit,” Fen curses shaking his head.
“What? What’s wrong?” My usual danger radar when it comes to all-things-Stella immediately fires off a ping.
“Nothing. But did you ever notice how her field trips are so much cooler than ours were when we were kids?”
I had noticed, though I don’t bother answering. She’s a great kid and if anyone deserves a dose of paradise in her childhood, it’s her.
I lean against the counter as they both chug their Gatorades. “Listen, I need a favor.”
They dart each other oh-shit expressions.
“What’s with the look?”
Dodger’s brow creases. “Last time you asked us for a favor, we wound up with a four-year-old roommate.”
“Yeah. Who’s coming to live with us now? The inn’s full, bro.”
“It’s nothing like that. I’m just taking Annie and Stella out to a luau tonight. And when I drop Stella off here afterward, I was wondering if you’d be okay watching her until morning.”
“And where the hell are you planning on sleeping?” Dodger crosses his arms in front of his chest like he’s my dad or something.
“At Annie’s,” I say, even though it’s painfully obvious.
“And she knows this?”
“No, she doesn’t know it. And I don’t know it either. But since I’ve got a kid to take care of, I wanted to clear it with you guys first, just in case.”
Fen snorts. “How responsible of you.”
“Thanks,” I say, mirroring his sarcasm.
“No.” Dodger’s response is so simple, so direct, it leaves me no recourse but to whine.
“Come on, man.”
He splays his fingers out in the air in front of him. “Let me get this straight. You get a kid. You get a babysitter for her. Now you want to leave the kid with us so you can fuck the babysitter.”
Putting it that way, it does sound a little shitty. “Yeah,” I say cautiously as Fen bursts out laughing.
“So I repeat. No. No way.”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re just saying that because you want Annie for yourself.”
Amusement lights Fen’s eyes. “He’s got you there.”
Dodger takes a last swig of his Gatorade and tosses it into the recycle bin. “Yeah. Maybe I do think I’d be better for her than you. I see you go through women like they’re latex gloves.”
Fen cackles. “Something only a doctor would say.”
“You know it’s true, though. And Annie isn’t some one-night stand. She’s… a sweet girl,” Dodger adds, his strange pause making me raise an eyebrow in his direction.
“She’s off limits.” I warn him off.
Dodger raises his hands. “Off limits. Right. At least for now. Till you figure out she’s too good for your sorry ass.”
I take it as a threat, and suppress the urge to plant my fist in his face—even playfully. Besides, I’m struck by a wave of curiosity. “Why do you like her?”
“You mean other than that she’s cute, has her head screwed on right, and likes kids?” His brow hikes up an inch on his face, as if no other reason is even necessary. “She lets Stella win at Chutes and Ladders.”
“What?” Fen and I ask in unison.
“I’ve watched her play it with Stella. A couple times when they’d finish up a game just after I get home, you know? And she always lets her win.”
“Didn’t know that was the true measure of a woman,” I ponder.
“Me neither,” Fen agrees.
“Well, it’s refreshing, you know? After the way we were brought up. Hell, no one ever let us win. We had to prove ourselves. Like we were Dad’s only chance to prove that our branch of the family tree wasn’t—I don’t know—made up of a bunch of morons, I guess. Dad was always kicking himself for selling Uncle Jake his shares of JLS when Grandpa died. And he looked to us like we were supposed to excel somehow, surpass our cousins, make a big name for ourselves so that he didn’t feel like such a failure.”
Leaning against the counter, I take in the image of my oldest brother.
His eyes meet mine, then move to Fen’s. “What? Didn’t you guys feel that?”
“Not as much as you, apparently.” Fen shrugs, then turns his attention to me. “Look, I’ll watch Stella.”
“You will?” Dodger and I both ask.
“Yeah. Stella’s an easy keeper. But I get first dibs on your kayak for two weeks.” He considers thoughtfully a moment. “And I get it regardless of whether or not you come home tonight.”
Damn. I love my clear kayak and was hoping to take Annie on it one day while Stella is in preschool. But if I know Fen, he’ll be using it every minute he’s not at work. �
�Deal,” I say reluctantly.
We grip fists in that way brothers do before he grins at me slyly. “Dude, your bargaining skills suck. I would have done it for one week with the kayak.”
I smile back. “And I would have given it to you for three.”
Chapter 14
~ ANNIE ~
“Reason #1: It’s unprofessional.”
“Reason #2: U might lose a valuable source of income.”
“Reason #3: U don’t know him well enough to tell him the truth.”
The trouble with having a best friend clear on the other side of the planet is that advice you desperately need appears on your phone at the most inopportune moments.
Like now. I frown, remembering the texts that came in just before Cam and I loaded Stella into his SUV to go to the luau.
It’s not Sam’s fault. She’s only following my instructions. Since that first glorious hormone flux I experienced in Cam’s presence, I reminded her of all the reasons I can’t get involved with someone I work for and told her to share them with me if things started to get messy.
Yet with so many time zones between us, maybe I should have tattooed those reasons on my arm. Then maybe I would have turned down Cam’s invitation for tonight.
It made sense to me—what he’d said to me last night—that he isn’t really my boss. His friend Lancaster is.
But it’s not Lancaster who answers the door when I arrive to babysit Stella. It’s also not Lancaster who sends my heart to my throat every time he writes my last name on a check or turns on the TV or is sitting at his computer only a few taps away from finding out the truth about me.
And if Cam finds out the truth, it’s not Lancaster who will tell me that he’s found a new babysitter, one who’s not considered to be America’s Top Homewrecker.
Yet it made sense at the time—only because just after the best orgasm of my life he could have told me that he was a shape-changing alien from outer space and I would have gone along with it.
My phone chimes again in the car as we drive to the luau and I switch it to vibrate only. Then, I feel another text come in when we arrive at the hotel, another one of the megaresorts like the Queen K that dot the west coast of Hawai‘i.
And again, I sense the vibration inside my purse as we eat a Polynesian-style feast of kalua pork and panko-encrusted fish.
So I turn the damn thing off completely.
I can say it’s because the show is about to start. But it’s really because I just can’t bear to see any more of my reasons I shouldn’t have sex with Cam.
I know how I want this evening to end.
That’s why I shaved my legs, my armpits, and even managed a nice landing strip that points just to where I want him the most. That’s what girls my age do. I have to remind myself these things sometimes after being a live-in nanny for so long and only managing to get sex when all the stars align on my days off.
And lately, that’s been a rare cosmic occurrence.
I know how I want this evening to end… which is why my body feels hot in places it simply shouldn’t when I’m walking out of the luau three hours later with an exhausted four-year-old.
But I’ve got this smoking hot former Ranger at my side.
He spares me a glance as he snaps her into her child seat.
Stella reaches up to touch his lei. “Why doesn’t yours have flowers?” she asks him, playing with the ti leaves that are draped over his neck.
“The girls get the flowers like yours and mine,” I tell her, lifting the plumeria blossoms to my nose and taking a long, intoxicating sniff. “The ones for the boys are sometimes made from leaves like your Uncle Cam’s. Or kukui nuts.”
“I’m glad I’m a girl,” she answers stoically.
“Me, too,” I agree.
Cam sends me a knowing look. “I’m glad you’re a girl too, Stella. And you, too, Annie,” he adds, sending me a hungry, sidelong look that makes my entire body blush.
Fen greets us at the door after the short drive home. “Hey, kiddo. How about I get you to bed while Uncle Cam drives Annie home?”
“Will you make helicopter noises when you read A is for Aircraft?”
“Of course,” he says, giving his brother an odd look and mumbling the words, “The kayak is mine,” as if it’s some kind of code.
Such a strange concept—brotherhood—I decide.
I get a hug from Stella before we head back to Cam’s car. And then, in those brief seconds after he’s shut my car door and is headed to the driver’s side, I do what I shouldn’t do if I want to get laid. I check my phone again. I scroll down three of the newest ones before my eyes rest on the last text from Sam.
“Reason #7: If he finds out about u after u have sex with him, it will look very, very, very bad.”
Damn her. When I gave her my list of reasons, I didn’t include the word very three times. I’m sure of it.
“U told me to remind u. Don’t hate me,” she adds.
No. I can’t hate her. I can hate myself. Because right now, I don’t care about Reason #1, or #2, or any of the others. And I sure as hell don’t give a crap about #7 just because I’m so tired of feeling like I’m carrying around the burden of someone else’s wrongdoings.
“This is really nice of you to drive me home,” I tell him as he searches for a parking space near my building.
“Anything to get you alone.”
He spots one about a half-block from my apartment and, facing the ocean, I can see the most glorious moon I’ve seen in my life. It’s huge and bright and reflects in the Pacific just like you might see on a postcard.
“Wow. Did you arrange for that moon to greet us when we arrived?” I ask.
“I wish I could say I did.” He unsnaps his seatbelt. “Because I’d do just about anything for you.” Leaning toward me, he brushes his hand against my cheek. I angle my face to taste him as he covers my mouth with his.
It stuns me what his kiss does to me, making desire swell inside me like a bubble of liquid glass under the breath of an expert glassblower. I feel hot and breakable and like I might shatter.
His touch is light, even tentative at first. Then he retreats barely an inch, making my body ache for more. I murmur a soft plea before I feel him again, his lips finally melding to mine the way I desire. His hands slide against my cheeks, then threading into my hair possessively, angling my chin so that I can taste him fully when his tongue dips into me.
One hand diverts downward, the soft sweep of it against my side scorching my nerve endings, making my breath quicken. He touches my back, pulling me closer as he unclips my seat belt. I moan against him when I feel the pad of his thumb flick gently against my nipple as he pulls the seat belt from my chest.
He accepts my moan as the invitation it was intended to be, and kneads a breast. My muscles turn to putty, relaxing into his grasp even as my core simmers inside me. I savor the feel of his cleanly shaven face against me, the sound of his breath so close to me, and fill my lungs with a whiff of his aftershave… just as the vague new car scent in his SUV jostles free an emotion I’m trying to hide.
No, no. Not now.
Fueled by an intoxicating moon, I’m devoured by him, my body responding—heat against heat—even as my soul seems outside of myself, unable to stay in the moment.
Pulling me closer, I’m overpowered by him, my hands going limp as I drape my arms over his shoulders, trying to savor, just savor. My fingers dig into the thick muscles of his back, as though I’m clawing myself back to a reality that I desperately need.
I block out the faint sound of a car door slam down the block, a familiar sound to me—one that takes me back to a moment I’ve buried. Until all I can hear in my brain is an echo from my past.
“I’m not paying you that kind of money to just take care of my kids.”
Someone’s headlights sweep across the interior of his car and then leave us again in near darkness, just dark enough for me to momentarily forget where I am and who I’m with. A gasp escapes
me as my spine straightens.
“Are you okay, baby?”
Damn him for noticing.
“I’m fine,” I barely get the words out. I want this, I remind myself. But there’s a sheen of sweat on my chest and my heart is thundering behind my ribcage.
Fight or flight—just like Cam mentioned last night. Only with me, it’s always flight.
“I just need to get out of this car.” I grab the door handle and tug myself out, sucking in a breath of salty air as though I had been drowning in the ocean.
The car. It was just being in the car that did it. I’ll be fine now, I tell myself.
I stride to my apartment building on wobbly knees, as he catches up to me.
“What happened back there, Annie?”
“Nothing.” Yeah, right. Like he’s going to buy that. “I just don’t like doing that in cars, I guess. Makes me feel like I’m a teenager and sneaking out past curfew,” I add, trying to add some levity even though my head is spinning. I push the door to my building before he can even open it for me.
“Do you want to come inside?” I ask as I let him follow me down the hall, trying feebly to act as if nothing just happened back there.
“Uh, do you want me to?”
Only then do I realize how screwed up I must look to him, my hands shaking, my voice quivering. I stop in the middle of my hallway and dare to meet his eyes. “Yes.”
Yes. Don’t ask for more than that. Just come in and let’s forget this happened. Take me back to the blissful state I was in on that beach last night. Where there are no memories. Where there is no reason.
His mouth is open slightly as he seems to consider. “Annie, I don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“I don’t know what I’m comfortable with anymore, Cam.” My voice cracks as I say it, because those words weren’t supposed to slip out. Dammit, this is not the way I wanted to end this night.
“Hey.” At my door, he reaches for me and eases me close and it makes my heart snap in two.
I memorize the feel of it because something in me says this is the last time I’ll experience him against me like this.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured, Annie. You told me before you were uncomfortable with this. I should have listened.” He whispers it, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, and letting his cheek rest gently against mine.