by A. E. Murphy
“No,” I lie. He did, but not in a bad way. He needed me. I’ll never blame him for that. “Not in the slightest.”
“I’m sorry I ruined our day.”
“You didn’t. I’d say that that was a pretty amazing ending.” Then I look at the ground and frown. “You broke my penis.”
He looks at the lolly on the ground, throws his head back and laughs louder than I’ve ever heard from him. Then he kisses me, still laughing and still shaking with it. “Christ I love you Gwen, so damn much.”
“Does that mean I can have your boobs?”
He smiles down at me and shakes his head. “Not a chance.”
******
Nathan vanished into his office the past three nights. I was concerned for him. He’d help me get Dillan to bed and then go straight to his office, without eating or saying more than a few words to me. Considering what happened the other day, I thought maybe he was ashamed of his actions.
Ever since the first night that I stole his virtue, as he calls it, he hasn’t been able to keep his hands off me. Suddenly, after that almost violent session in his office, he’s barely touched me and has only come to bed once he knows I’m sleeping.
So naturally, I got concerned and walked in on him. So many thoughts flashed through my mind: porn, a woman via Skype, Facebook sluts, anything, but what I discovered was none of these things and was actually something so shocking and funny I can’t stop giggling about it whenever it flashes through my mind.
Nathan likes SpongeBob. He’s been watching it on his laptop in his office. He apparently finds it relaxing.
Although he has been avoiding me because he’s ashamed of how he reacted in his office the other day, the fact that he’s been ditching me for SpongeBob makes me quick to forgive him.
Let’s face it, how can anyone be mad at that? It’s SpongeBob. And it’s so not Nathan. Or maybe it’s always been Nathan and I’ve just never realised it.
The look on his face when I walked into his office frightened me to the very core. It was shock and fear. I never disturb him in his office, so he didn’t think to lock the door. When I saw his face, all of my fears were confirmed and I stomped over to his desk, pulled the laptop screen down towards me and stared at the screen.
“It’s not what it looks like!” He blurted as I watched the yellow sponge blow a bubble shaped like a flower. “It helps me relax.” I continued staring at the screen, trying to figure out what it was I was seeing. “Don’t you dare laugh!” Of course I laughed; I laughed so hard my hand that held my weight on the desk, slipped over the edge and I fell to the ground.
We made love on the floor that night.
The entire time I was still laughing.
Right now we’re on our way out, much to Nathan’s annoyance. My mum has come over and is babysitting. Nathan, Tommy, Sasha and I are heading out for drinks at our old local. Sasha seems to think it will help me heal. I disagree.
Mostly I’m just hoping the people who used to work there and frequent it, the ones who knew us and knew Caleb and I, no longer do. The last thing I want on a relaxing night is to be judged and questioned.
“Stacey is a bitch,” Sasha says to Tommy as we enter the taxi that has pulled up in our driveway.
“She’s not a…” Tommy, seeing the scowl, quickly changes his tune. “Yeah, she’s a total bitch.”
“You don’t even mean that!” Sasha slaps him upside the head.
“I do babe, honestly, she’s always a bitch. Especially when she served me dinner with such a polite smile on her face.”
“She wants you.”
Oh dear.
“Really?” He feigns enthusiasm, earning himself a slap on the arm.
Nathan sniggers in the front seat and I glare at his profile. He sees me out of the corner of his eye and immediately puts a stopper on his amusement.
“So, bitches, how’s it hanging?” Sasha asks, clearly bored of whatever the hell she was arguing about moments ago.
“Nathan’s cheating on me with SpongeBob.”
Nathan turns in the front seat and begins projecting the different ways he wants to murder me through his eyes. “Thanks Gwen.” I only smile cheekily in response.
“What?” Sasha and Tommy both ask at the same time.
“Gwen thought that to move from Swindon to here you’d require a Passport and a visa.” Nathan retorts.
My mouth drops open. “I thought you said Sweden!”
Nathan shakes his head, smiling at the memory. “No you didn’t. You even said… ‘Swindon? You lived in Swindon for six months? Don’t you need a visa for that?’”
“Where the fuck is Swindon?” Sasha whispers to me. Tommy blinks and then he laughs, Nathan joining him.
“I have no idea,” I whisper back.
It’s weird being out with Nathan. I can see he’s not comfortable, but I can also see he’s trying for me. I begged him to come with me and, when he finally relented, he also let me know that he wouldn’t be happy doing it. So I gave him the puppy dog eyes, to which he relented again and said “Fine, I’ll pretend, just for you.”
Good enough.
By the time we get to the pub, I notice that he’s relaxed a lot more than he was when we left.
“This is going to be fun,” Sasha says, bouncing on the spot after climbing out of the taxi.
I disagree; something is bound to go wrong.
Nathan, after paying for the taxi, immediately pulls me into his side. At first I think it’s because of his discomfort, but then I realise it’s actually his possessiveness getting the better of him. I’m wondering what is making him so on edge and I’m about to ask, but Sasha interrupts me by yanking me towards our old corner booth.
Tugging myself free, I stop and stare at the worn, red, padded bench seat that curves around a large circular table. I can see him sat there, smiling with a pint of beer in one hand. My heart stops and my lungs constrict.
His soft brown eyes come to mine and he tips his beer at me.
I’m pinned on the spot, staring at him and the love that shines from him.
“Gwen?” Nathan asks as Sasha waves a hand in front of my face and says, “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“No.” I look at the now empty booth and smile slightly. “It’s okay, it was just…”
Sasha places her hand in mine and gives it a squeeze. “It’s okay; you don’t have to explain.”
Blowing out a long breath, I look to Nathan, whose sad eyes are on me. Stepping on my tiptoes, I press my lips to his and leave them there until my heart calms. When I pull back, his eyes are smiling and the back of his knuckles smooth over my cheek. We smile at each other, only slightly, but it’s enough.
“Sit, I’ll get you a drink,” Nathan whispers into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
“I’ve got these, mate,” Tommy announces. “You paid for the taxi.”
Nathan looks like he doesn’t know what to do and looks to me for help.
“Go and help him carry them back.”
He nods and follows Tommy to the bar.
Sasha leans into me and presses her temple against my shoulder. “It doesn’t look like anyone comes here anymore.”
“Life goes on apparently.” I press my temple to the top of her head and stare out across the almost empty room. So much has changed in the past year. Did I really expect any different?
“So,” she grins, our emotional moment gone, “what’s he like in bed?”
“Sasha!”
“I’m serious! I’ve always wanted to know. It’s the whole mysterious and broody thing.” She fans her face with her hand and swoons dramatically. “Makes you want to tame him… you know?”
I unfortunately do know, but I don’t say as much. “He’s good.”
“Just good?”
“I don’t want to talk about my sex life,” I hiss, turning away from her slightly.
She only laughs in response, a high pitched cackle that pierces my ears. “So you finally did it? I knew it!”
“Did what?” Tommy hands Sasha her drink as Nathan hands me mine and sits beside me.
“Nothing.” I slap my hand over Sasha’s mouth and turn to Nathan. “You’re not drinking?” I whisper in his ear when I notice his gloved hands are empty.
He shakes his head, glancing around. “I’m not much of a drinker.”
I already knew this, but everybody buys a drink when they go to a pub, be it a coke or an alcoholic beverage. “Do you want to share mine?”
“No thank you.” He folds his arms over his chest and leans back, his narrowed eyes on nothing in particular.
“Shall we play on the bandits?”
He glances at the flashing machine and gives me a look that says ‘Really?’
“Okay, okay,” I sigh, turning back to my friends.
It doesn’t take him long to pull me back to his side, but he still looks bored and annoyed. I think it’s mostly discomfort, though. He’s not a fan of crowds and never frequents the local pubs. I just need to get him out of his shell.
Tommy notices Nathan’s lack of participation and quickly engages him in a not so thrilling conversation about money, business and politics. Fortunately they agree on most things and when Tommy winks at me, I know Nathan has won his stamp of approval. Not that it’s needed. My friends vanished from my life for who knows how long. They don’t get to judge me or pick and choose my partners with me.
“Shots!” Sasha squeals.
I look to Nathan. He shakes his head and gives me a different look this time. It’s one that says ‘No.’
Bugger.
“But…”
“You almost killed yourself last time,” he complains, a beautiful frown on his face. “Take it steady tonight.”
Sigh. “Fine. But you’re doing the dishes tomorrow as apology.”
He snorts and mutters, “Yeah right.”
“Aww.” Sasha smiles, leaning into Tommy as she wipes an invisible tear from under her eye. “It’s like you’re married already.”
I tense in response and give her a wide eyed stare. I can’t believe she just said that.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Overall the night went pretty well. It’s nice being able to see ourselves in a normal setting. We’re so used to being cooped up together in one house with no visitors other than the housekeeper. It’s going to be tough suddenly trying to be together in the real world.
I know that if I gave Nathan the chance, he’d whisk me back to the village in a heartbeat and keep me there for as long as he wants me. But that’s not me. As much as I loved being there with him, even through the bad times, I need to be in the real world. I need to be around real people, with a real job of my own.
We get home just after eleven and I’m feeling a light buzz. I’m actually kind of glad that I didn’t drink more. I’m not a huge fan of drinking. It always seems like a good idea at the time, until it no longer is.
“Did you have fun?” My mum yawns and stretches on the couch. Dillan is across her chest, his fist tucked against his pudgy cheek.
“It was actually really boring.” I shrug. “Until Sasha fell over the bar stool and accidentally threw her drinks at some poor bloke sitting with his friends.”
Nathan shudders. “It was horrendous. Why anybody goes to a pub for fun is beyond me.”
“Nathan,” I laugh, arching a brow. “You don’t do anything for fun. Your idea of fun is SpongeBob in a dark…” His hand covers my mouth, but this only makes me laugh harder.
Shaking her head, she sits up, being careful not to wake the baby.
“I’ll take him; don’t trust her sobriety,” Nathan states, pointing at me with his thumb. He steps over to my mum and reaches his hands out as she manoeuvres Dillan into a safe position to transfer him in. “Come to Daddy.”
The room stills; none of us breathe. Nathan takes Dillan, but his eyes close as if he can’t believe what he just let slip. When they open, he keeps them down and moves past me without uttering a word.
“Close your mouth, Gwen, or are you catching flies?” Mum stands and stretches again. She must see the look of total horror on my face as she tells me, “He is raising him and he has always been there. In my opinion, he’s earned that title.”
“But it’s not something we’ve spoken about.”
She shrugs. “It’s up to you.” Kissing my cheek, she smiles and pulls me to the door. “Lock up the house.”
I nod, still totally dazed from what was just said.
Holy crap!
Suddenly bed seems so daunting. Or bed with Nathan seems so daunting.
Tamping down my nerves, I begin to ascend the stairs, switching off the light as I go.
As expected, I find Nathan in the nursery and stand in the doorway watching him for a moment. His defined arm muscles bulge as he grips the side of Dillan’s cot. His shoulders tense and flex as his head hangs low and his back expands with each deep breath.
I open my mouth, but then close it again along with my eyes. I have no idea what to say. It’s not even something I’ve thought about.
Mum is right; he does deserve the title, but he has already taken Caleb’s place in a sense. It almost doesn’t seem fair that he gets Dillan as well. Or am I being stupid?
“Come to bed,” I say softly and begin moving towards him. “Come on, we’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”
He sighs and turns to face me. “Is it really that terrible that I want to be his father?”
“No,” I admit. “But it’s a complicated situation. I think that until things are set in stone, we shouldn’t do labels.”
“Set in stone?” A nervous smile shines at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I move around him, lean over the bars of the cot and press my lips to Dillan’s forehead. “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
He wraps his arms around me. “You do know I’m not going anywhere right? I’d be a fool to leave now, not when I finally have everything I’ve wanted, including things I didn’t even realise I wanted.” He looks over to the cot while speaking the last words.
“Me too.” I smile, letting his words soak into my skin and warm me from my very core.
“I’ve been neglecting you as of late,” he whispers. “And for that I apologise. I was worried… after the last time, I thought I’d hurt you.”
He didn’t. He definitely didn’t. “If you’d hurt me, I would’ve said.”
We walk arm in arm to the bedroom, where I collapse on the bed face first. Nathan chuckles and I feel his hands at the waistband of my jeans. He slowly peels them over my arse and down my legs, before folding them and placing them inside of the laundry basket. Yes, he folds them first. I still have to clarify this with myself, yet I never fully understand it.
I fold my arms beneath my cheek and wait as he kisses the small of my back, making me shiver involuntarily, followed by a giggle.
“I don’t know why, but this just brought back a memory of when I used to play Lego as a small child.”
Blink. “Lego?”
“Yes. I used build little houses and then have my Godzilla doll knock them down.”
“That’s typical boy behaviour. I’m sure we’ll see a lot of that from Dillan. I’m not sure how I feel about my arse reminding you of Lego.” I smile into my arms and squeal when his hand connects with my soft globes. “What was that for?”
“I felt like it,” he chuckles and does it again, making me flip over and glare at him. The slaps weren’t hard, but they’ve left an after sting I don’t much care for. “Anyway, I remember building this castle out of six thousand pieces. It was brilliant. It took me days, possibly weeks; at the age of eight you don’t have much regard for time.”
At eight I was playing with Barbies and dancing around my room in a fairy costume.
“What happened to it?”
He grins and smoothes his hands back over my soft globes once more, before giving them a gentle squeeze. “I took it apart.”
“Why?”
“
And then I built an even better one.”
“I feel like there’s a moral to this story.” I hear something drop on the ground and, when I feel his bare hands on my skin, I realize it’s his gloves.
“There’s not a moral, more like a realisation.” He slides up my back until his face is an inch from my ear and his body is completely covering mine. It’s hard to breathe, but in the most amazing way. “You’re my Lego castle.”
Umm… “I’m not sure I understand.”
“I’d work hard building it, placing the pieces perfectly until they formed rooms, and then I put them together and added a few towers and a roof. Next I’d sit back and admire my work, break it, and then do it all over again. It was the only time I was happy, the only time I felt like I was a normal boy.” Chest pain. “The result never got boring; it always amazed me.” More chest pains at the thought of a young brown haired boy, so sad and alone and in pain, finding joy in a Lego castle that he’d spent days building. “It helped me be young; it helped make me forget that I was in the house that brought me so much pain and misery. It’s strange that when you’re young, you don’t associate pain and sadness with the person inflicting it. You tend to blame it on the area, or a nearby object.”
“Like me with rats. I doubt I’ll ever go camping again.”
“Exactly. Anyway…” He gives the shell of my ear a gentle bite and rolls to the side, keeping his leg tangled between mine as he props himself up on his elbow. “Whenever I get the chance to undress you…”
“Which is quite often as of late, not including the past few nights.”
He continues talking as if I hadn’t have spoken. “The result is better each time. You amaze me.” I let out a soft sigh when his fingers begin tickling my back with a barely there touch. “And every moment I spend with you, I forget all of the bad things. You’re my Lego castle.”
“The Eighteen rated version,” I snigger, earning me another slap on my arse.
“And the sex… I feel like I’ve been dead for twenty five years.”
“Twenty five?” I ask, confused. “You had a birthday?”
He winces. “No.”