"Hey, I'm not that bad!"
I link my arm with Kent's, and he bends down a fraction, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I close my eyes, taking a breath.
"Really?" I say. "I'll ask Max and see what he thinks."
"No, you won't. Everything I've done with other women is in the past."
Leaning my head on his shoulder, I reply, "I know. I'm only messing around. I don't want to know about the other women. Not any of them."
Not even Freya anymore. I hate what that bitch did to him. And I hate that, after he revealed his past betrayal, I still couldn't reveal mine. It wasn't the right time. But we're getting closer, and things are moving forward, actually steaming forward, and I don't want to keep it from him anymore.
After this weekend, I will have to open up. Whatever it does to me to go back there, I have to. Kent deserves the truth. I just have no idea how I'll be able to re-close that wound once it's been ripped open again.
I lost everything, including myself, when it all blew up, and I'm terrified of starting that process again. I've worked so hard. It's exhausted me to rebuild my life.
It's different now.
"What happens next then?" I ask Kent as we walk ... somewhere.
"Well, next, we go out and do something. When we were young, it was theme parks and zoos. Actually, to be fair, it's still that, but Mum has something different planned for your birthday."
"Yeah?"
He nods. "Cocktail class."
"Well, the sound of that does not suck. I'm going to learn how to make cocktails?"
"Yep." He rolls his eyes. "We all are."
"Awesome."
The dark look he gives me shows he doesn't think it's very awesome, but who cares? Because today isn't about him. What better way to spend your birthday than with lots of cocktails?
"After that, I've told her she's done, and I'm stealing you."
My tough guy who takes no shit still listens to his mum. If he had his way, we would probably be in bed.
"What are we doing when you've stolen me?"
Arching an eyebrow, he grins. "Oh, I couldn't possibly tell you that."
"No fair."
"Never said I was going to play fair."
"Can you give me a clue?"
"You'll need a change of clothes for two nights. No pyjamas. We're sleeping naked."
We're going away together?
"You can't leave it there. Where are we going?" It's not the Maldives. That's too far for just two nights.
He stops us in the middle of the street, his family still walking ahead.
Pressing his forehead to mine, he whispers, "Somewhere romantic where I can have you all to myself for a whole two days."
"I love the sound of that."
"Me, too. Today is proving to be rather ... crowded."
"No, it's been lovely. Kent, your family is great."
His eyebrow lifts. "Hmm. They're meddling."
"They love you. You're lucky."
Wincing, he holds me close. "I'm sorry. Have you heard from your parents?"
"They don't even have my number. It's fine. Believe me, I'm better off without them."
"I'm still sorry."
"Don't be. Just be really nice to me this weekend."
Laughing, he presses a soft kiss to my lips. "Oh, I plan to."
After cocktail-making, which was awesome, Kent's family insisted on walking us both back to mine after we left the bar in the city, so I could pack, but Kent made them promise to leave immediately. I love his family, but I'm ready to be alone with him, too.
I'm going to tell him about Simon and my family in the week, so I want to soak up every moment of perfection with him before things get messy for me, before I have to tear open my heart again.
Kent squeezes my arm and grins down at me. He's looking forward to being alone, too. Heidi is ahead of us with her parents, and Kent and I are behind. Freddy and Brooke have already gone home.
We turn the corner, and my building comes into view.
My heart stops, and my feet plant.
Simon turns around and spots me.
No.
Shit, I can't breathe.
No, not now!
"What's wrong?" Kent asks.
His family hears and turns around.
"Sav," Simon calls.
No, no, no.
I'm free-falling. The floor whips away, and I plummet into darkness.
"Savannah, what's going on? Who is he?" Kent presses.
Simon is walking toward me.
Kent tugs my arm, so I'm facing him. "Savannah!"
"Hey, get off her," Simon orders.
My back stiffens, catapulting me back to a reality I hoped would never happen. "Shut up, Simon!" I snap, clenching my trembling hands.
"What the hell is going on? Who the fuck are you?" Kent shouts at Simon.
"I'm Sav's guy."
I glare at him. "No, he's not. He's nothing. Get out of here, Simon. I don't ever want to see you again."
"I'm not going anywhere until we sort this out."
"Hey!" Kent snaps. "She said get out of here, so fuck off."
Kent's dad holds his arm up, trying to calm him down. Kent's face is red, and the way he's glaring at Simon makes me nervous.
My heart falls to the floor. My old world and my new world weren't ever supposed to meet. They don't work together, like gin and Coke.
"You don't know what you're talking about, mate, so back off," Simon says.
"Stop it!" I shout. God, we have a crowd watching now. "Simon, go. There's nothing you can ever say to me to make me stop hating you. I want nothing to do with you."
"Don't say that. We all miss you. Your parents are still devastated. What happened was a mistake, Sav."
Kent tenses beside me.
Fuck.
Please go, Simon, please.
"A mistake? You were sleeping with my sister for six months before I found out, and you're trying to claim it was a mistake!"
"Can we go somewhere and talk?" he asks.
"No." I almost laugh. He's insane. "Leave!"
"You need to go right now," Kent says, taking a step closer to Simon. His dad is right there, ready to stop Kent if he tries to punch Simon or something.
"This isn't over," Simon says, turning around. He walks back down the street, leaving my life splitting apart.
Kent turns to me, eyes wide, chest puffed. He doesn't look like he's breathing.
Tears sting my eyes. What have I done? I should have dealt with this properly.
"Kent, I'm sorry," I whisper.
He doesn't like lies. Not after Freya and what she did to him. He opened up and told me everything, and I kept my mouth shut.
"He's your ex. The one who was nothing?"
My heart rips. "Yes."
"Jesus," he seethes, turning his body away from me.
"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but ..."
"But what, Savannah?" he snaps, spinning back.
Judy steps in. "Let's go inside and talk. The street is no place for this."
"I'm not going anywhere. She lied. We're done, Savannah." Kent starts to walk away, and his dad follows him, calling his name.
He's walking away from me.
His back is hunched. He's angry, defeated, and betrayed.
I did that to him. This is all my fault, and I have no idea what to do or how to fix it.
I look desperately between Judy and Heidi, unable to move. Someone, do something! Stop him!
I'm just standing here, like a frozen idiot, while the best thing I've ever had walks away. My heart shatters as he walks around the corner and out of sight.
Pressing my hand against the searing pain in my chest, I take a ragged breath.
Think, Savannah.
Heidi steps in front of me. "Dad will talk to him. You need to let him cool off before you try."
I know that. He's not in the mood right now. It's just happened, and he's going to be obsessing over the lie. I have to give him t
ime, but, God, I don't want to. I want to chase him down and beg for forgiveness.
"Let's go inside. I have questions."
Of course she does. This time, I'm not going to be able to talk my way around them either. Everything is out in the open. Well, almost everything.
"Come on, darling," Judy says, wrapping her arm around my back.
I look up at her. "You're shaking."
She smiles. "That's you."
"Oh."
I'm shaking.
We slowly climb the stairs. Each one feels like it's taller than the last. Heidi takes my keys from my bag and lets us into my flat.
"Take a seat," Judy says, leading me to the sofa.
I drop down, and that's when I feel a tear roll down my cheek. "I didn't mean to lie. I swear, I didn't."
"Why did you? There's no shame in being cheated on," Judy asks.
Dropping my eyes, I reply, "I couldn't talk about it. Hurts too much." But I'm going to have to tell them now.
Heidi leans closer to me. "Because he cheated with your sister?"
"Not just that, but because ..." I take a breath as pain slices through my chest. "Because I found out about their affair while I was in the hospital, m-miscarrying our baby."
"Oh my God," Judy whispers, scooting closer and wrapping me tightly in her arms. She lays her head against mine, like she's trying to take the pain away.
"I was only nineteen. We didn't plan to get pregnant, but the pill didn't work one month. I found out when I was seven weeks pregnant, and I was petrified. It took me two weeks to get used to it, and I started to believe that I could do it, you know. I was young and didn't know anything, but I would learn how to be a good mum. I think I even started to get excited, but two days later, I woke up, haemorrhaging blood."
The words, my story, bleed from every pore, screaming as I reveal the most heartbreaking thing I've been through. I can't believe how fast everything pours from my mouth, but if I can make them understand, then Kent has to.
"Hon, I'm so sorry," Heidi says, taking my hand.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel it slide and curl under my jaw. "Simon wasn't over that night. He said he was working late. I shouted for my mum, and she took me to the hospital. We all tried to call Simon, but his phone was off. My sister wasn't answering either. A friend of Simon's, who we'd rung to try to get ahold of him, came to the hospital. He told me he wouldn't cover for him anymore, and he told me where they both were."
Judy shakes her head against mine. "I can't believe it."
"They were at a hotel. While I was losing my baby, my boyfriend was sleeping with my sister." My hands curl into fists, and I cross my arms, pressing them into my chest. My baby died, and they weren't there.
"I hate them both," Heidi says.
"Yeah, me, too," I reply with a ragged breath. "My parents were so angry with Isla to begin with, but it didn't take them long to want to forget it all had happened. I couldn't do it. I couldn't go back to the way things were. Simon and Isla kept seeing each other, and my parents said nothing."
There was no way I could be around them. They were both a reminder of the miscarriage. I was so young, and I had no idea how to grieve for a baby.
"And that's why you're estranged from them," Heidi says.
"Yeah. They ruined everything, I lost so much, but I was the one who ended up getting blamed for the family rift."
Heidi shakes her head. "I cannot believe they took her side."
"I need to speak to Kent."
Judy grimaces. "Darling, I don't think that's a good idea yet. Give him an hour. Let his dad talk to him first."
I turn my head, and she moves back a fraction. "He hates me. I have to fix that. I have to try."
"He's angry. He loves you. Since Freya fucked him over, he's been obsessed with total disclosure. It's the one breaking point he has. Right now, he's just going to be pissed off that you lied, and until he calms down, he won't see reason," Heidi says.
I turn to her. "But I can explain to him."
"Savannah, he's not going to listen yet. Trust us, we've seen him when he's like this. He shuts down cold and won't hear anything. You had very good reasons not to want to talk about your past, but until he's chilled the hell out, he's not going to hear what you're saying. Don't do that to yourself. When you explain, he needs to be in a place to understand."
"How am I supposed to wait for that?" I rasp, dipping my head as the tears flow more freely.
How am I supposed to wait for him when missing him hurts so much that I can't breathe?
I curl into Judy and sob until my throat is raw.
30
Kent
I shove my front door open so hard, it slams back against the wall. My heart is racing a million miles an hour, pumping adrenaline around my body like it's blood.
Fuck it! Fuck every-fucking-thing!
Dad's arm shoots out, catching the door on the rebound. It could have fallen off, and I wouldn't have cared. Storming through to the kitchen, I head to the alcohol cupboard.
"Kent, you need to calm down," Dad orders.
I can't fucking calm down!
Grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniel's, I unscrew the lid and drink from the bottle. "Fuck!" I bellow, slamming it down on the counter. My knuckles turn white as I grip the neck of the bottle in my fist.
"Do you feel better now?" he asks.
"No, I fucking don't. She lied to me. How the hell did I not see it?"
"There's a reason, son. The guy, Simon, slept with her sister."
"And that's a reason to run away from home, pretend you don't have an ex, any siblings, or a relationship with your parents?"
He shrugs. "I don't know the details, and that's why you should let her explain before you do this. We all have our reasons for doing certain things, Kent. At least allow Savannah to give you hers."
I tighten my grip, my heart ripping to shreds. "I don't want to hear her reasons for shit. I told her all about Freya, everything that happened, and how it changed who I was. Fucking hell, I held nothing back. That was the time for her to tell me."
"Maybe she wasn't ready yet. You told her about Freya in your time. You should at least grant her the chance to do the same."
"Why the fuck are you taking her side?"
"Son, I'm taking your side. You love this girl, but if you're not careful, you're going to ruin the best thing that's happened to you."
"I'm going to ruin it? I'm not the one who lied!"
He raises his hands. "Give her the benefit of the doubt. Please, don't do anything rash that you'll regret later."
"I thought she was different." I swig. "Fuck me, I was going to propose."
Dad's eyes widen.
"Yeah. If that bastard hadn't turned up, I could have been engaged to the liar next weekend."
"Kent, watch what you say."
"I'm not going to regret calling her a liar, Dad."
"Yes, you are."
Sighing, I close my eyes and then take another swig. Fuck me, this is a new pain I haven't experienced before.
"I didn't know you were planning on proposing," he says after a long stretch of silence.
"Yeah, well, I was."
I know we haven't been together long, but that doesn't matter to me. Savannah is everything. She's all I see, all I feel, all I want.
Now, I'm back to being burned and alone.
Fucking bitch.
"I'm sorry, Kent."
I look away and swig. The liquor burns so good on the way down.
"I love her," I whisper. "It's nothing like it was with Freya."
Dad steps closer and opens a cupboard. He takes two tumblers out and puts them down on the counter. "I know you love her, and I know it's different. That's why you can't let the same thing happen again. Freya and Savannah are nothing alike. She must have been severely damaged by this guy and her sister's betrayal to not want to talk about it."
"I don't care."
He takes the bottle from my hand, prying it from my cur
led fingers, and pours two small measures. "You will care when you've calmed down."
"I'm going to need more than that," I say, taking a deep breath that feels like knives are digging in my chest.
He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and then shakes his head. He pours a little more into my glass and hands it over. "What's the plan now, Kent?" he asks.
"Move on."
Tilting his head, he gives me a look that makes my heart die. He knows it's not going to be that simple either. I would love to press a button or flip a switch and turn off my feelings for her. If I could stop being in love with her right now, I would.
But I can't, so I have to feel agony until my heart repairs.
Fucking great.
"Do you not think you should speak to her?"
"I will have to eventually. Some of her stuff is here."
Her shit is all over my house, and I'm trying really fucking hard not to look at any of it.
"I'll rephrase, Kent. Do you think you should talk to her about what just happened? She deserves the opportunity to explain, and you deserve the explanation."
"She doesn't deserve anything, and I don't want it."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is!"
"It won't be when you've calmed down."
I've had enough of his input now. "Why are you still here, Dad?"
"Why do you think, son?"
Growling, I walk away. There's nothing he can say or do to make this better, so I don't know why he's trying. She lied and then lied some more. She knew I couldn't take lies after Freya.
Savannah fucked this up all on her own.
"Fuck!" I bellow and drop to the sofa. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I love her. Resting my elbows on my knees, I tug my hair.
I take a deep breath.
She's still here. A lot of her stuff is in my apartment. She even has house things all over the place. Fucking little hair slides that seem to multiply are littering my bathroom along with the coconut shampoo that brought me to my knees, her face powder, and clothes. She has flowers in a vase on the dining table that I just want to throw out the window. My apartment needed softening apparently.
God, how stupid was I for letting her in to every part of my life?
The sofa cushion beside me caves. Dad has sat down. I don't look up though because I don't want to see his expression. He'll probably look at me with pity. Or he'll tell me to go back there and speak to her, and I can't deal with either of those right now.
"It's going to be okay, Kent."
I laugh despite there being nothing funny here. "No, it's not. I'm not going to get over her as fast."
"I understand that."
Dropping my arms, I sit back and stare ahead. "She lied about everything. Do you think the fucker has been in contact with her?"
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